Pregnant while on mat leave- apparently I "have some nerve"

[thiskittenbarks]

Coming to end of my year of Mat leave and will be going back 3 days p/w. Have recently found out I am pregnant again. Wonderful news and couldn't be happier. Brought baby to see my parents this weekend and told them we are (fingers crossed) expecting no2. They are pleased but when discussing going back to work etc my mum dropped in that I "have some nerve" do go back from mat leave pregnant. Is it really that bad? Surely lots of people do it? I want to be prepared for telling work as I'm now not sure if I am telling them something terrible and shocking. My boss was actually pretty unpleasant to me while I was pregnant (just rude comments and questioning the regularity of antenatal appts etc) so I am fully prepared for that again - but I would like to know if I'm actually being crazy or unreasonable.
My mum was then questioning me about what work can do and whether they have to give me mat leave for this baby or if they can get out of it on account me be just being on mat leave. She's in her 70s and I know things were unfortunately different for her generation. But she's made me doubt whether I will even get mat leave, which I know is stupid.

[dobbyclub]

I also got pg the first month I tried, so I know full well it happens. I also then ttc for over a year before finding secondary fertility issues.

Yes, you are just as likely (i.e. not very) to get pg any month of the year. The likelihood is that you will not.

Most people don't have fertility issues and most don't have miscarriages. You still haven't pointed to any of the statistics you are using to make this claim. It's a notoriously difficult thing to measure, so I would be really interested if you could state your source please.

The point you refuse to concede is that a huge, huge number of people do have such issues. Even if it's 45% of people, i.e. not the majority, that is a lot of people who are not able to 'decide when to have babies'.

[Aderyn17]

Lollipop, everyone has a right to their opinion - not necessarily to share it or discriminate against a pg employee, but certainly the right to feel annoyed if thry've hired someone to do a job and that person takes the best part of two years out, resulting in increased workloads/costs.

[dobbyclub]

I actually planned my first DC around my colleague's mat leave i.e. for when she returned, so as not to disrupt the team. She then moved roles immediately so I soon realised trying to plan family around employment was stupid.
Employers can 'take the piss' (or have unforeseen things happen) just as much as employees.

[Aderyn17]

Dobby, I cba to trawl the internet providing for statistics for you. Iirc 1 in 4 pg end in miscarriage, meaning 3 out of 4 don't. It's not relevant anyway, unless you already know that you are prone to them.

[scottishdiem]

Congrats on your pregnancy and just tell your employer to get it over with to be honest. Use your rights.

Since your employer is large enough then they dont really have much to complain about. Very small firms can face a bit of pressure when losing staff for up to two years out of almost three. Also, depending on the industry, there is the issue of relevance and pay related to experience. Being at home for that length of sime does help create a pay gap when pay is based on client contact/training and proven levels of experience.

[dobbyclub]

Aderyn it was the fertility issues stat I was (genuinely) interested in. I wasn't asking you to find anything new, I assumed you actually got your claim from somewhere as you were arguing based on it as if it was common knowledge. I'm not going to argue with you any more as I think I've made my point but perhaps consider that your assumptions about the ease of planning pregnancies aren't as clear cut as you think.

[FuzzyOwl]

This website gives you an idea of fertility issues and how long it takes the average woman to conceive depending upon her age and also her miscarriage risk. According to this for every 30 year old who gets pregnant in her first month of trying, nine don't. www.countdowntopregnancy.com/tools/age_fertility_calculator.php

[FuzzyOwl]

^not 30, but every 35 year old.

[AccrualIntentions]

Who the fuck are these people who can just "choose" when to get pregnant?

Your employer can feel frustration - it would not be ok for them to express this to you. Congratulations on your pregnancy

[Aderyn17]

I think it is common knowledge that most people get pg without needing fertility treatment and it seems to me to be common sense that if you start trying for a baby while on mat leave, there's a good chance you'll be pg again by the time you go back to work.
Now I get that if you have known fertility issues then waiting might not be wise. But where there is no problem, I wouldn't feel right taking two leaves in quick succession.

[Aderyn17]

Isn't that the point of contraception? So you can choose when to get pg or not.

[SpareChangeDownTheSofa]

I actually know someone who planned their second DC for the end of their mat leave. They got pregnant and ended up working for a little while then going back on mat leave straight away. Everyone was so happy and told her she was so clever.

I just remember being like

[Justanotherusername99]

Many people get pregnant without any form of intervention (presumably 6 out of every 7), but that certainly doesn't mean they fall pregnant quickly/within a year of having their first baby. If you factor in many people not having regular sex in the months after giving birth (as many women have physical injuries and probably aren't really feeling at their sexiest!!!), plus many women breastfeeding (which can act as a contraceptive in certain circumstances), I really don't think it's that "easy" for people to fall pregnant while on mat leave, even for those with normal levels of fertility.

[fakenamefornow]

I went back to work six months pregnant after my first lot of mat leave. I would have gone back six months pregnant again after my second lot of mat leave but thought it would be taking the piss so handed in my notice. Plus, I couldn't afford childcare for three very young children. My boss was fine about all my mat leave although I'm sure it was a massive pain. Sorry, not helpful.

[GummyGoddess]

Aderyn17

See my above post, contraception does fail, even when you use two different types at once in conjunction with breastfeeding. Although baby is unplanned, they are not unwanted so I see no reason to end my wanted pregnancy, even if the timing isn't great.

As I'm not going to be running around the office telling everyone I didn't do it on purpose as it is none of their business, they are going to assume I'm taking the piss, have a poor work ethic and setting women back apparently. If I'm lucky they'll only say this behind my back.

[Aderyn17]

Who said anything about ending your pg Gummy?
Read my posts. I'm well aware that accidents happen and everyone just has to get on with it.

[lollipop7]

@Aderyn17

Lollipop, everyone has a right to their opinion - not necessarily to share it or discriminate against a pg employee, but certainly the right to feel annoyed if thry've hired someone to do a job and that person takes the best part of two years out, resulting in increased workloads/costs.

Yes but they don't have any rights to gripe about it in the workplace. That would be an offence under Employment Law.

So you're still technically incorrect.
And frankly, in relation to this point and your patronising comments vis a vis (not always so reliable) contraception you yourself have - to quote the OP's mother - "a bit of a nerve"

[Aderyn17]

Lollipop my post above says they have no right to state their opinion or discriminate in the workplace so I really am not sure what you are going on about.

As for the rest, the OP started a thread which invites opinions. This is mine and could well be shared by her employer and colleagues whether they say so or not.

[ShotsFired]

I'm afraid I'd be another one of the employers who would remain completely professional wrt maternity rights for the employee, but I would be privately pissed off with the situation too. If I were OP's manager and had not had to hire extra people to cover her work thus far, then I would probably be looking at the necessity of her role full stop - I could certainly use that headcount/budget elsewhere!

Our work lives and our private lives are not connected. They overlap, but they aren't linked and employers are not socially or morally responsible for employees, and vice versa. We exchange money for labour.

It also makes me relieved that hopefully by the time I am next looking to move jobs, my age will preclude the need for the charade of making it obvious without saying (or sometimes by actually saying) that I won't be taking maternity leave, ever.

[GummyGoddess]

Aderyn you stated about contraception being used to choose when to be pregnant or not. Mine failed and the only other way for me to choose would be ending the pregnancy.

[Aderyn17]

I also said accidents happen and everyone just has to get on with it.
Nowhere have I said that if your contraception fails, you should have an abortion.

[wiltingfast]

It's perfectly acceptable. What does it matter in reality to your employer whether there's a small gap or a large one? It will involve the same amount of time out.

It's v common in my profession as women tend to have their babies late so have them v quickly once they start.

As for all the managers being pissed off on here they are being wildly unreasonable. Babies aren't some luxury we can all do without. It's a business overhead just like vacation. Get over it folks.

[lollipop7]

@Aderyn17

Lollipop my post above says they have no right to state their opinion or discriminate in the workplace so I really am not sure what you are going on about.

As for the rest, the OP started a thread which invites opinions. This is mine and could well be shared by her employer and colleagues whether they say so or not.

My point is exactly the same as when I first picked you up on your notion of rights: you are still attempting to legitimise what is essentially grudge holding in the workplace and ergo this is still a form of discrimination.

If a woman being on maternity leave then almost straight away commencing another such period of leave has such a detrimental impact upon the workload of other colleagues, staff morale, work life balance, blah blah blah then that it the responsibility of the EMPLOYER and not the woman on maternity leave to deal with this in all its manifestations. That includes effectively managing and snuffing out their " right to feel annoyed" - to quote you - at the reproductive status of another colleague.

You are perfectly entitled to your opinion. I am perfectly entitled to explore and challenge it so I am.

[KanyeWesticle]

It's entirely legal and morally above board. It's inconvenient for them but your family is far more important. If they are professional they won't show any irritation.

[guilty100]

It sounds like your mother is unhelpfully vocalising her anxieties about your work in your presence! As someone with a parent who seems unable to help doing this, it can be very undermining but is best ignored if you possibly can.

As PPs have said, this is a legal right and your work aren't allowed to say a word about it. If they want a new generation of employees so they can continue their business beyond one generation, this is something they have to put up with.