Pregnant while on mat leave- apparently I "have some nerve"

[thiskittenbarks]

Coming to end of my year of Mat leave and will be going back 3 days p/w. Have recently found out I am pregnant again. Wonderful news and couldn't be happier. Brought baby to see my parents this weekend and told them we are (fingers crossed) expecting no2. They are pleased but when discussing going back to work etc my mum dropped in that I "have some nerve" do go back from mat leave pregnant. Is it really that bad? Surely lots of people do it? I want to be prepared for telling work as I'm now not sure if I am telling them something terrible and shocking. My boss was actually pretty unpleasant to me while I was pregnant (just rude comments and questioning the regularity of antenatal appts etc) so I am fully prepared for that again - but I would like to know if I'm actually being crazy or unreasonable.
My mum was then questioning me about what work can do and whether they have to give me mat leave for this baby or if they can get out of it on account me be just being on mat leave. She's in her 70s and I know things were unfortunately different for her generation. But she's made me doubt whether I will even get mat leave, which I know is stupid.

[dobbyclub]

I genuinely don't understand how having two mat leaves close together rather than far apart with all the judging attitudes that apparently manifest themselves in the workplace is 'getting maximum benefit' ? In some instances surely it allows the same cover person to remain in post for the whole period rather than having to recruit two separately?

There is a minimum amount of notice to give for mat leave (I think 15 weeks before baby is due) which applies to all employees whether on mat leave or not.

If the "system" offered you a pay rise would you expect your employer to be pissed off if you took it, even if it was within your rights?

[GummyGoddess]

So what's the solution in an accidental pregnancy on maternity, abortion or leaving the job?

When I went on maternity I was explicitly told by hr that if I wasn't coming back that I should leave it as late as possible to tell her so I get all the pay for maternity that I can.

[Babbitywabbit]

Dobby- I've already given a couple of examples of how multiple maternity leaves close together are more disruptive. A high turnover of staff in a short period is often destabilising, and it's also hard to recruit good quality staff when all you can offer is a temporary contract. In roles where people need training up, it's even more difficult. Few employers can afford the additional expense of keeping the same cover staff on while the postholder returns for a few months, so they can use the same person for both Maternity leaves. They're paying two people for one job.

I'm not suggesting there are simple solutions. And we're all in agreement that the OP is legally within her rights.

I'm just pointing out the other side of the coin. Employers aren't all selfish uncaring bastards... many of them are parents themselves and just want to run an effective business keeping employees and clients happy.

I've worked a big part of my career in schools which are usually cash strapped so have seen first hand how pupils ultimately suffer if there's a high turnover of staff in a short period, and also if the school ends up having to employ 2 people on full pay simultaneously. The last school I was in gave up on trying to recruit maternity cover only up until July, because (understandably) most decent teachers weren't prepared to bust a gut working all year getting kids through courses only to be ditched when the postholder returned 2 days before the summer holiday. The governors accepted that they'd have to pay the cover and the postholder full pay for the summer in order to get a decent teacher.

Obviously the impact may not be so great in every job. But it's naive to think it doesn't have an impact. Other people have mentioned colleagues being burdened with extra workload if it's not possible to find skilled cover too. It's not simply a case of employers choosing to be difficult about it- it puts them in a tough position if someone is (legally) taking multiple leave with very short periods of actively working in between

[Viviennemary]

I suppose you have to do what's best for you and of course you are within your rights. But if I was your employer or colleague I'd be irritated especially if you don't have any intention of going back. But I'd do the same in your position. But don't be surprised to get disapproval.

[Aderyn17]

Clients may be tolerant of their accounts being handed over to a temp for one mat leave but two in quick succession impacts upon their own business, if they are reliant upon a specialist skill set that a temp cannot replicate.

In a job like teaching, how many people would honestly be happy with their dc going through GCSEs or A Levels with a series of supply teachers because their child's assigned teacher took 2 mat leaves during their course? I wouldn't.

If you take a job, you are kind of obliged imo to be there and actually do it

[Alisvolatpropiis]

You are not obliged to prioritise your employers needs completely and utterly above your own. Nor should you be.

[Babbitywabbit]

No one has said you should.

We're just pointing out that multiple absence in a short space of time may impact negatively on employer and/or colleagues and that you can't expect them not to feel pissed off, even though the employer should never show that's how they feel

[thiskittenbarks]

I don't teach children guys so no one is losing out on my teaching skills. The company I work for is big, has money and has a long line of qualified people queuing up to work there. It's just badly organised and is happy to put a lot of extra stain on staff - I know this as I have been on the receiving end of this strain many times. But I have to say I never thought "gosh I wish Julie wasn't such a bitch for having babies" or anything like that. It's just the way it is.
I'm a bit shocked by some of the comments here as some imply women shouldn' have such good maternity rights and protections. But thanks for commenting anyway as it's good to get a taste of what is no doubt to come when I tell work!

I'm not trying to "bleed the system dry"....I just got pregnant a lot quicker than expected and I'm not going to abort a baby to save my employer the inconvenience of me not being there.

[Babbitywabbit]

I wouldn't be thinking you were a bitch if I were one of your colleagues. I'd be complaining to management that your absence was having a negative impact on me, and that my rights are as important as yours. But of course as I've explained, it may not be a simple situation for management to overcome if recruiting skilled workers for short, non-secure contracts, is problematic.

Or on the other hand, maybe management could sort things better and your absence need have no noticeable impact on anybody. You don't sound enamoured of your job as you're planning to leave anyway. Just don't expect everyone to be thrilled at how you're doing it.

Btw it's totally OTT to start talking about abortion. You're the only person to even think like that on here

[oldlaundbooth]

Good for you OP, it's your family and your life.

It might make things a pita for other people but at the end of the day you should be past giving a shit tbh. Because no-one else does, least of all an employer!.

I've been screwed over twice being pregnant, bosses being vindictive, made redundant.

[Battyoldbat]

Meh, I was 6 months pregnant when I went back after my first maternity leave. We had no idea I'd get pregnant again so quickly. It worked pretty well, I went back in and did a discrete project which had needed doing for ages and they continued the maternity cover arrangements from before. I went back after baby 2, never had a negative comment from anyone.

[Battyoldbat]

Also, it pisses me off that women have to inevitably be embarrassed or whatever by having babies - I'm pretty sure if we could share the job with men we would. But we can't and if we want the population to continue then women should be supported.

[FuzzyOwl]

I don't see the problem. If you are planning on having two children I really don't see why having them in quick succession is worse for an employer than leaving a year or so gap. Surely, if anything, when it is sooner your employer then has the opportunity to keep your maternity cover on for another year and find you a suitable alternative role (assuming you were off for over six months).

[FuzzyOwl]

And congratulations on your pregnancy, OP.

[Smartiepants87]

Ignore the spiteful posters I worked in my last job for 4 years and in that time I had two maternity leave. On my final leave due to circumstances I was unable to return to my job. I wanted to extent my family further and it was more cost effective having my family closer together than leave larger age gaps.

[ChanandlerBongsNeighbour]

A colleague of mine took 9 years to fall pregnant with her first child, therefore did not use birth control after giving birth as she assumed she would struggle to conceive again. She returned from 1 year mat leave four months pregnant! (Much to all our delight as we had witnessed her heartbreak at her previous struggles). Management weren't thrilled but behaved correctly, as they should!

[HoppityHopHop]

I'm actually hoping to have my second baby conceived before I go back to work, and if that happens then I think I will not go back if I can scrape by. We are made to procreate and that's what I want to concentrate on in my life, not some crappy job and the bosses feelings about it.

At the end of the day you need to see what your lifestyle would be like going back vs not with money etc and what you want from life

[GummyGoddess]

I'm terrified of returning after reading all the replies. The morning after pill failed and I'm going to be returning 3 months pregnant and I'm so worried and this really a increased the anxiety I'm feeling as well as worrying about baby being affected by the pill.

We wanted another one but not this soon, we were hoping maybe the end of next year and I was thinking even that might be a bit quick.

I have no idea what else I can do and I know the company are going to gossip about me behind my back and I am dreading it.

[Starlight2345]

Congratulations OP..

Yes employer might be pissed off..

Morally..To take maternity leave for 2 children???? I have never heard anything like it.

[thiskittenbarks]

Gummy - so sorry this has made you worry. Sending luck and love. I'm sure it will be fine. I hope your employer is nice to you. My direct boss was really nasty to me during my last pregnancy so I can't say I'm not expecting it this time. She had a reputation for it. I'm just going to grit my teeth, and get on with my job (I hope!).

[thiskittenbarks]

And thanks for comments people! Good to have a verity of viewpoints

[GummyGoddess]

It's not your fault, I'd been convincing myself that my colleagues wouldn't mind but now I will suspect them of thinking I'm taking the piss no matter what they say.

Hopefully your boss will have found a distraction so you aren't a target this time, mine kept saying how she only took 6 weeks when she had her baby, etc so I'm sure she'll be on top form when I let her know.

[Yogagirl123]

Many congrats OP.

[WhatWouldGenghisDo]

Come on people, there's nothing unreasonable about wanting to have 2 kids and keep working.

Seriously

[Ttbb]

I think that it really depends on the workplace and your position and also how you arrange things. If it's a large company that won't particularly suffer from your absence then it shouldn't be a problem but if you have an important position or work is a relatively small business or for some other reason know that holding your position open is disruptive to business then it is a bit unreasonable not to give your the employer the option to hire a permanent replacement on the understanding that you will return to a different role (which seems to be what you have done).