How do you fit everything in? Can't even keep up with the washing :(

[Tatat]

Things just too manic! I work 34 hours a week over 4 days (8.30 til 5.30 with a half hour lunch). How do you manage to keep on top of things- not necessarily housework as I've got past the stage of caring with that but other things that should be done, eg going to the gym or having a life

Up at 6.30... leave house at 7.30... drop DS (2) off at nursery at 8... dash to work (normally 10-15 mins late!)... work through lunch most days so don't even get a chance to pop to shops to get bread/milk /other essentials... mad dash through traffic to get to DS by 6... home by 6.45... ds in bed by 7.30... tidy away his toys unload dishwasher from last night... tidy away breakfast things that have lain there since the morning... prepare dinner eat dinner (prob about 9 oclock)... tidy away dinner things... put on dishwasher

By this time its about 9.30 and I can't rouse myself to do anything else, so although the bare essentials (food) are covered, the things that fall outside this category (eg having the aforementioned life) just don't get a look in.
I only see my precious little man for about 2.5 hours a day and most of that is hardly quality time as we are in the car, and at the end of a long day at nursery he's a tired (but happy) chappy so I would feel cruel and selfish to keep him awake for longer just so I can feel like a better mum.

The remaining 3 days a week are spent trying desperately to be a good wife & mum, clean the house/get food shopping done/ remind DH that I exist /attack washing mountain in bedroom that is so large and heavy it now has a gravitational pull all of its own and draws any clean clothing in the house towards it, just so that I can start all over again on Monday morning

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Surely there's got to be more to life than this? (please please tell me there is!)

After a year of working part-time and having 3 children I gave up work for this reason - if I wasn't at work I was doing the washing or shopping!

i work ft. No my house isn't as immaculate as my friends who are SAHM and i do have a washing mountain. But it is dh's washing mountain. . Also do online shopping. Can your dh take on more chores or do one of the nursery runs.
My dc are now 4 and 8 ,so it does get easier. Is reducing your hours not an option.

You need your dh to help out more - or if he works ridiculous hours then I would suggest reducing your hours/have a cleaner/leave work if they are an option.

if there is more to life - will you let me know i'm becoming seriously depressed, you work for money to enable a lifestyle.

well i aint got al ifestyle so why do i work?

i used to get by becuae my job actually helped people change their lives and get new experiences.

now i haven't got that - whats the fucking point?

custardo you sound very - hugs

I work 3 days a week most of the time but sometimes 4 days a week. I work to a routine plus DH does a lot too.

WRT to food, I cook and freeze so I tend not to cook on the days I work other than steaming veg whilst DTS (nearly 3yo) are bathed. The bulk cooking is done on my days off (usually one afternoon). I keep it simple so if I have chicken, I make a curry and chicken cacciatore. If mince, mince for cottage pie or bolognese sauce or keema curry. If shoulder of lamb, curry lamb and irish stew or lamb hotpot. Alternatively, if having fish, salmon can be baked whilst we are bathing boys.

Washing and ironing is done on my days off and I only wash and iron twice a week. DH is responsible for keeping cloakroom and bathroom clean and tidy. We both tidy kitchen each night and we both tidy living room with help of twins as it is usually their toys scattered about. I vacuum whole house at weekend. Dusting is done as and when required.

On the day I work, I get up at 5.45 am to do tummy exercises and press ups and I do my DVDs first thing in the morning before I get my boys up on my days off plus I go to the gym once a week after leaving work early. At weekends, I go running about 7.30am before boys are up.

A routine gives you more time for other things. I've just made new curtains for the living room, plus I read a lot.

tatat, your commuting time seems long. 45 mins from getting DS at nursery to getting home. Could you not get childcare nearer your home or work? Also could your DH do either the pick up or drop off? Online shopping is a good idea - especially if you order while at work even if this is in your lunchbreak. Also on days I am not working I cook double quantities and just warm something up for the days I am working.

Even if you're home 7 days a week with very small children you often as little free time, though. It's not necssarily easier. It's just a tiny stage of your life you get through and suddenly you'll be 45 like me with 3 children at university and may be glad you had carried on with your work.

How we managed when I was 26, 3 children under 5 and us both working full time....it was certainly hard. We took it in turns to be home first (we had nanny who came to the house each day as that is cheaper with 3 children). So never let your own work go before a man's and marry men who appreciate that. Secondly my husband did as much if not more than I did domestically. This is why part time working is an awful option for many women because their husbands then think they have time to do more things so you get lumbered. If your work is as crucial to the family and as important and revered as your husband's then you can ensure an easier life. It's all in the A level grades and career choices at the end of the day.

I come to work early so that I can leave early. I have only started doing this recently now that DS is in Y1 and getting more homework/after school activities.

So I get myself up and ready and then the DCs get up at 7. I wash and dress them - well dress DD and supervise DS and leave the house at 7.20. I make sure that clothes are out the night before right down to hairclips/bobbles for DD. Then I buy toast at work for my breakfast. This means I can be home by 5.30.

i work evenings, dh works days. i look after dd when dh is at work, dh looks after dd when i'm at work. while dd is asleep we do chores. so dh does more than me because i only get nap times, he gets her full night sleep IYSWIM. works very well for us. he does washing, ironing, dishwasher, washing up. i do house cleaning and food shopping (online). our house is pretty small, so cleaning only takes maybe an hour and a half top to bottom a week, plus mop downstairs every day during lunch time nap.

carreer choice. now theres an oxymoron.

Work can be huge fun. Many people in the UK choose a career and enjoy their choice.

Another way to look at things is perhaps we are here to labour and there is no God given right to X hours a day sitting with our feet up on a sofa and compared to most parents' lives in many countries we have it all so very easy.

here is my working day (my dd is 16 months old). I work five days a week.

6:30 - I get up and have a bath
6:50 - DH gets DD up and baths her and gets her ready, then himself
7:15 - leave the house to drop dd at the CM
7:30 - leave CM's house
8:00 - at work
5:00 - pick up DD from CM
5:15 - home
6:00 - tea
7:00 - dd in bed
8:00 - I'll spend 1/2 hr tidying up MAXIMUM, just putting dd's toys away / wash on / wash pots / sweep up etc and then the evening is my own. Granted I end up studying for college so I dont get time for the gym etc.

On Tues/Thurs I go to college so DH looks after dd and I get home at nine, straighten up the house etc.

Weekends - we tend to do a lot of visiting to relatives so the house remains fairly tidy!

I know that DD gets a good home cooked dinner at the CM's so DH & I eat a "dinner" at lunch at work, and so tea can be quick foods like stir fry, spag bol (doesn't take too long) etc. Sometimes her tea will be sliced meats with salad items / veggies with fruit / youghurt so if we're having a late tea, at least she has eaten.

We do online shopping. If time is precious then shop at Sainsbury's who do a 1 hr delivery slot, if not then use those 2 hour windows to do house work.

I clean the bathroom on a Sat morning after we have all had a bath and on a Wed evening. I put washing in on Friday nights and then Sat morning. We iron clothes as we need them (for me and DH) but I will spend an hour ironing all DD's clothes in one go. Helps if you have somewhere to hide the ironing pile!

Every few Saturdays my dd will go to her grandparents for three hours so we can go out to the cinema or something.

It does get easier.

Been reading a similar thread by TearingMyHairOut over in Parenting, seems from reading your replies here that I am not alone either!

I think I am searching for the holy grail of the working mother, routine & organisation and if I get that, I hope that miraculously everything else will be fine. But I have a nagging suspicion that this will be like looking for the end of the ranbow, always just a little bit further away...

Custardo, chin up chuck hopefully your hormones are having a blip like mine which is making you feel extra narked today, (I am PMT ridden) if not and you really mean it when you say that you think you're getting properly depressed about it PLEASE PLEASE seek some help

I think you have to try systems out and see how it goes. And things will evolve as your DC(s) grow up.

Speedymama well done on fitting everything in!

Xenia- I don't necessarily want time to put my feet up (although I can't deny they would be nice) what I really struggle with is things that must be done but I just don't get the time to do. Maybe I am just a lazy sort who should really do more chores instead of going to bed when I'm tired, this wouldn't actually surprise me

With difficulty. I used to be doing housework until 21:00 in the evening and then all the washing and cooking at the weekend. We are lucky enough to have a spare room so now have an au pair which has made a huge difference. I would highly recommend it if you can go down this route...

Bozza, we thought about moving my son to a closer nursery but it would mean that I wouldn't be able to get back from work in time to collect him- and my husband works further away which is why I do the pick up drop off as otherwise he would be really late for work.

I think I probably do need to get him to do more around the house so that I can stop feeling guilty about not being able to do everything.

And I would love to reduce my hours further but my boss and my finances won't hear of it

Although if we do have another child at some point I think that it will become a necessity to do less paid work. I would reduce my hours in a flash if I could but DH is not keen either, rather I was out earning money!

Tatat, you become incredibly, organised or you live in perpetual chaos.
Order as much as you can at the internet, so that you are not wasting time doing the boring shopping stuff.
Remember that you are married & should be sharing the parenting load & the domestic drudgery load.
Don't try and be superwoman. If you can buy in a bit of help, it is worth it.
If you can't get your DH to help a bit.
Going to the gym & having a life are luxuries that you may have to let slide a bit until you are less knackered! Although, it kind of depends on what keeps you sane.

I gave up and am currently looking for an aupair!

TT, I've been observing my siblings whose children are a bit younger than mine and I just think it's the same for everyone whether you work or not. When you ahve under 5s your life is completely taken over. It's hard even to get a shower never mind tidy cupboards. Eventually when my oldest was nearly 10 we could afford a cleaner 2 mornings a week which did help.Nowadays I have a very easy system which I expect is hard to replicate. Really well paid work I can often do from home. Twins private school at end of road - takes 3 minutes to walk. Nanny do to school collection. Housekeeper here every morning so I put on dishwasher every day before she comes. She does the washing and ironing. Also I always tidy up all the time and wherever I am. Never go upstairs without taking some things up that belong up there - constant battle for clear surfaces.

All I can say now daughter 1 is 22 is I am so glad I always worked full time and how things are now is so so directly related to that.

On washing we always did it every day but with 5 children you have to. Our system when we had someone to help with it which was not most of the years, was put on washer and dishwasher when we left the house leaving it to be emptied and dealt with by the cleaner. Most people can't afford that luxury because they aren't working in jobs with a high hourly rate.

helpful xenia, yes, get someone to do it for you!

a little practical tip for washing that helps me get through it all is to use the quick cycle if you have one, mine is 30mins then a quick spin and hang out or tumble.

also to have a really good and foolproof system of washing helps me.

I have foldaway crate-type box things by the side of the washer, take out the last load
stick the dirties in the machine, hang out or tumble the last load, and with another foldaway box thing I dump the dry stuff in the spare room to await folding and putting away.

this takes about 5 mins if hanging out, 2 mins if tumbling.

but if I don't do the whole process in one go, then I get a backlog and it takes forever to catch up!

my best tip is organisation get a trip to ikea and buy lots of handy helpful houshold things to make it easy to set up housework systems

oh feck I sound like anthea....

I will shut up.

my advice.. just don't do it... do what needs doing and try not to worry about the rest is how I live

Have a cleaner
Make sure your dh/p pulls their weight (my sh drops and collects one child, I do the other and he does pull his weight)
shop online
walk/exercise at lunchtime

though the lovely flylady is mocked I do find her system for sorting things out very good

one big thing is the load of washing a day

it was a big hassle to start with but now I don't notice it; I put a load in when I get up, hang it up on the airer before I go out, and fold yesterday's up

it takes less than ten minutes and after a month or so it's a habit, not a hassle, and certainly better than trying to do 7 loads on a weekend

since I started doing flylady I feel to do a lot less housework; I do it all in little 10 minute bursts rather than all in one blast - like you I used to feel like I was spending all my non-work days doing it - i know what it feels like to finish at 9.30 every night but I think finishing at 9.45 every night and having nothing to do of a weekend is a better trade-off

certainly worth checking it out if you can face wading through the American claptrap (and I don't go on the flylady thread on mn because they all do too much )

certainly do the online shop thing - I think if you get an Asda credit card you get the delivery free