How do you fit everything in? Can't even keep up with the washing :(

[Tatat]

Things just too manic! I work 34 hours a week over 4 days (8.30 til 5.30 with a half hour lunch). How do you manage to keep on top of things- not necessarily housework as I've got past the stage of caring with that but other things that should be done, eg going to the gym or having a life

Up at 6.30... leave house at 7.30... drop DS (2) off at nursery at 8... dash to work (normally 10-15 mins late!)... work through lunch most days so don't even get a chance to pop to shops to get bread/milk /other essentials... mad dash through traffic to get to DS by 6... home by 6.45... ds in bed by 7.30... tidy away his toys unload dishwasher from last night... tidy away breakfast things that have lain there since the morning... prepare dinner eat dinner (prob about 9 oclock)... tidy away dinner things... put on dishwasher

By this time its about 9.30 and I can't rouse myself to do anything else, so although the bare essentials (food) are covered, the things that fall outside this category (eg having the aforementioned life) just don't get a look in.
I only see my precious little man for about 2.5 hours a day and most of that is hardly quality time as we are in the car, and at the end of a long day at nursery he's a tired (but happy) chappy so I would feel cruel and selfish to keep him awake for longer just so I can feel like a better mum.

The remaining 3 days a week are spent trying desperately to be a good wife & mum, clean the house/get food shopping done/ remind DH that I exist /attack washing mountain in bedroom that is so large and heavy it now has a gravitational pull all of its own and draws any clean clothing in the house towards it, just so that I can start all over again on Monday morning

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Surely there's got to be more to life than this? (please please tell me there is!)

I've got abox thing.
Don't understand it.
Am shit with stuff like that.
Will they repeat it do you think?
Dh home on Sat-he'll sort it out.
I have no energy,wot with working so hard an' all.

lol
You make me laugh Sal!

It's either tv or MN for me,and MN is so much more companiable,seeming as i am on my own every sodding night.

I know.
I really have to control myself when dh comes home!

hi all,

Haven't really posted on here before, read lots but not added much, but I really want to say that Xenia truly puts across a point of view that is incredibly true - I used to read her posts with a 'it's all right for her' attitude, but the more I read the more I see how right she is - having the life you want when older is all about the dreams and goals we set when we are young - and the commitment to carrying them out.

How many of us truly give our daughters the vision to have a career as important as her husband's so she can have these choices and the flexibility later?

yes, it's great to be able to be at home with the litle ones,but this often comes at a price - and yes , i know this suits many, but please lets not knock Xenia for putting across such an inspiring and different vision.

i know i've not put this across well - but its 2.30 in the morning!

The single mothers and benefits thread makes the same point - that some (not all) stay at home parents on benefits might be saying it's for the good of the teenager they are home but often it's because the parent can't break away and indeed the teenager might benefit from some benign neglect and need to be independent.

Some women enjoy being dependent on a man, less successful in the working world and know their relationship is so good they would never divorce and love being at home with children, will enuoy being home with teenagers and will cope well with the 30 years of empty nest once the children have gone. Others might prefer to have a few hard years of working full time with small children because of the long term gains they get from that in their future working life. It's a planning thing. Plenty of men run off with younger women and disappear abroad or give up work. So in some ways not working is risking your children's financial security. Of course for me I just don't like an example to young people that women serve and wash and clean and provide sex and men earn money and operate in the business world.

True Xenia, my mother (aged 60) has a few friends who like her stayyed at home and raised the children while hubby went to work. Children are now grown up, hubby has run off with a younger woman, they are now left in their late 50's alone , and trying now to find work to pay for their pensions. Absolutley rotten scenario. I really believe you have to have some insurance, even if you are not at work now, make sure you keep your options open.

It DOES get easier - honest

At first you feel tired, guilty for working, slow at work cos you've had a break etc etc. Routines take time to adapt.

Can your DH help more with one or two set chores that can become his?

As the kids get older they learn to help bit by bit - just by putting things away even.

I found it hardest when they were small & at nursery / childminders. When youngest went to school I dropped hours to school hours and saved money on childcare. Now they are at secondary & I am just changing jobs (after 22 years!) to slightly more hours, a bit further away, but will be home before youngest every day. I AM flad that I kept my hand in with part time work as makes it easier to increase & change hours as kids get older.

Hang on in there!

Agree with Mill,that it gets easier. My oldest is 22. There was no harder stage of my life than the children being under 5. I can see it now with my brother who has 2 under 5s and my sister did until this year. It just is really hard work whether you are at home or not and it seems endless at the time but it's just the blink of an eye in terms of your working life. Better not say what someone said to us in a meeting yesterday - reason his friend at 77 works so hard and looks so good his friend told him .... having a wife half his age less 6 years. May be we need more full time working 77 year old fit women whose second husbands are 32. I will start the trend.

Sheraz - "green eyed monster"? Thank you, patronising, but no. You have no idea of my own circumstances, I was commenting on how terribly arrogant Xenia's post was in the context of the thread.

I suspect most women do not want to be "dependent on a man" as you put it, Xenia, but let's remember that this is FINANCIALLY dependent and certainly not acting as some sort of whore and skivvy as you imply. My premise is that children come first and the world is changing in a way that doesn't seem to reflect that - more dependence on paid work, women conveniently joining men at work rather than people evaluating how work can be balanced with life in the wider sense.

Have we really seen the effects of all this outsourcing of childcare yet?

I would say it was always so. Women have always worked, in fields, in forests and often left children often with an older sibling, a relative or many others. Women and men working is nothing new. In the 1500s children would be sent to a wet nurse for 5 years! This suggestion that we used to have some kind of golden age with mummy in a neat white apron as housewife waiting eagerly for her husband to come home in some kind of 60s nirvana of perfect childhood is just a myth. Others can look after children where parents don't perfectly well just like we usually trust teachers to look after children once they are of school age.

I don't see why both parents working hard isn't putting children first. It is not as simple as two parents on income support devoting all their time to their children on a one to one basis is always better for the child.

Well said, Xenia.

FWIW

I agree to an extent Xenia, that's an interesting comparison you make about times gone by and a good point. However, in the context of modern society (which is rather different after all) there is evidence to suggest that parental care is very important particularly during the early years. I feel cautious about opinions which do not value home-centred care very highly and yet attribute a great deal of importance to paid work. There is a lot of very boring, low paid work as well as highly paid work which is of questionable value... But then I guess that's simply a matter of opinion.

Essentially I believe choice is a good thing, but surely must be set within a context of putting children, families and people generally first rather than profit. (To simplify the purpose of work somewhat).

Agree about getting DH to help out more. Firstly think about changing your work hours. I work from 07h30 until 16h00, Dh, picks me up from work and we pick up DS, who is also dropped off by DH in the mornings. I cook when I get home, get DS ready for bath, feed him, get his school bag ready and lay out our clothes for the next day, all before 19h30. Oh and then clean the dishes somewhere in there also. I leave the washing for a friday. And I somehow manage to get it all hung somewhere close to midnight, but it's done. And agree about the routine. Do you absolutely have to work?

Hi,
In the first 3 weeks of DD1's life, a good day is when i managed to get out of my pajamas and had a shower.

She is now 3 years old and i DS is 11 months. A good week for me is if i managed to fit in a 30 minute bath to soak away my stress and read a hello magazine without DD sitting on the loo jabbering away (lovely, but nice to not a bath at least once a week on my own) or DS trying to hurl himself down the stairs.

I work full time and have a live in nanny - and DH and I make sure we spend as much time with them as possible when we get home.

I'm sure it gets better - i am now able to shower everyday!

You'll be surprised what you can do when you don't have much time. I have just given up work and am getting less done around the house now than I did when I was working!

That old phrase 'if you want something done, ask a busy person' is perfectly true!

Walnut, as long as it's not the sexist model where surprise surprise guess whose needs and life always comes last - the woman. If men and women sit down and say I'll do the first 6 months maternity leave, you the next 6 months patenrity leave because was a couple want a parent not someone who is not blood related at home and then we;ll decide who has the best long term career prospects or we'll both work part time, then fine. But if there's some assumption that a penis means you're the one who gets the fun bits of parenthood but none of the drudge then not fine in my world... mind you I'm divorced so I'm not the best person to write about relationships.

I know this sounds really anal, but, I've done myself a household file with loads of stuff that could be needed etc so it is handy

Things like

Stuff in cupboard
Stuff in freezer (so meals can be prepared, though I'm going to try a meal planner)

An emergency contact no list

List for the weekend, showing breakfast club, ballet, after school clubs etc so it can be seen at a glance

List of takeaways (My benefit only, honestly

Also because Its soon going to be dd2's birthday, I'm not going to have as much time to arrange it so I've got party planners, guest lists etc

Lists for birthdays/anniveraries in that month.

It's all very simply but handy and if DH doesn't understand it, he needs to go back to school

omg..have 8 weeks left of mat leave...am feeling very worried about fitting it all in
especailly as i am v. anal about tidy house

Lol Xenia! Oh, don't get me wrong, I totally see your point and at the risk of sounding totally twee, I am proudly feminist on all matters (of course that doesn't signify one-view-fits-all but you get my sentiment) - plus my dh certainly does not put himself / career first, I know a lot probably do.

I guess if I'm honest I just struggle with the divide between rich and poor - well, not even poor as such, but just average Jo(anne). You want a good career, you want to do the best for your family, but how do you achieve that when essentially everything revolves around money? The career has to be REALLY good (£ wise) to buy options (like quality childcare) and EVEN BETTER if one of you (presuming couple) wants to take "time off" with the kids. It's endless.

In an effort to bring this thread back to its original intention.....Tatat - I find it really is all about being organised and trying to do small bits everyday. I work f/t and DH away most of the week - he is responsible for on line food shopping and all the cooking (inc. batch cooking @ weekends for DD2 nursery & stuff for the week). I do the washing load every day > tumble dry > fold etc, load/unload dishwasher etc all incredibly incedibly boring & thankless but does keep it down. Sort school & nursery bags night before so the mornings are quicker. Cleaner once a week so I know that the place is basically clean & I keep on top of the general 'tidying up' that ensues with 2 dd's and a dh who acts like the eternal student incredibly untidy. Tea for me is usually cheese and crackers 'won't cook & can't be arsed to cook'..oh and the odd glass of vino.......

No intention to wander off the thread, it just happens sometimes.

But to keep in the spirit, Tatat I think your life sounds pretty normal and it's this level of constant rush that's making me head off to pastures new for a quieter life. Sorry, as it turns out, I'm still being unhelpful so will slink off.