Feel like I am being pushed out of my job..advice and help needed!

[joesy43]

I have been in my job for 27 years. I work in a team which is myself providing admin support to lawyers. In July I had a few words with a junior who had discussed with others that it was inappropriate I had read out an email from another to my boss where I was mentioned. After asking her why she felt it was as it was about me and that I monitored his emails so I would see this, she said in case he got to hear about it.

The following week I received a call from HR asking me to ring them and when I did they said allegations had been made against me..they were as mentioned above and what that was about, alleging I had called another PA my boss' girlfriend and was reading out their emails. I explained about the email being about me and I denied saying 'girlfriend' and that I read emails between myself and the PA and not between my boss and her. A few days after this I was asked to do a vc between myself, boss and HR as they were in different offices. My boss basically interrogated me and raised other allegations one being discussing another PA booking travel? I defended myself as best I could and days later an email was sent stating he was not taking it further, no action was to be taken but if more allegations came to light action may be taken. I did not see him until about 3 weeks later and from then he says morning and goodbye and any requests for work were emailed or handwritten and left on my keyboard. We also had a girl who left and another on temp contract who I was very friendly with and both at their leaving interviews said how bad atmosphere is, no communication and an us and them attitude.

Last week I had my mid year review. When I entered the room, the HR girl was there also?..they started by saying there were issues that needed resolved and a bad atmosphere. I seemed to be very unhappy etc and then the knives were out..I was reactive not proactive..I needed to be looking at travel a month ahead and see what needed booked. I had booked a hotel the week before that was 25 mins away from event. I said I google mapped it and it said 15 mins..that I was leaving her stuff and she was having to do the admin when she had enough to do (this is a lie). The HR girl had the cheek to insult me when she asked if I needed to sit down with another PA to see what I should be doing! So it was left we will come back in a few weeks to see if there are improvements! Prior to this, my actual review was beg of year and in all sections I got valued performer. Needless to say I left the room, went downstairs, a colleague spoke to me, I broke down badly, he went to get the HR girl and she took me to a room and I said I felt I was picked on badly and needed to go home.

I have been signed off for stress/depression. My husband has told me he doesn't want me to go back. I am sick with worry, have lost weight, knots in my stomach, not eating, really bad anxiety. I need some HR advice and other please..thank you

I want out of law altogether I think something completely different..new field, new.challenge..I don't know what sites to look up for this kind of work..

Can I also say I find quiet unassuming people are not the type boss' take to..they prefer outgoing confident types..in one of teams the PAs are treated very well indeed like lunches, nights out, allowed.to leave early..they are very loud and get on well with the bosses..my team is the total opposite

joesy, that's such a generalisation! How do you know all bosses like outgoing confident types? If the boss is more of an unassuming type him/herself then a PA who is in their face all the time is not going to work. I've worked for two engineering firms where this has been the case. Both lovely guys with a great sense of humour. I know for a fact that one couldn't stand one of the other PAs because of her overly ball busting attitude.

I suppose then I mean the outgoing confident type never seem to have any problems in my workplace....you are right an in your face person isn't always ideal..I guess my lack of confidence has me feeling this way

I think the best thing you can do is stop focusing on others and start thinking about yourself. You're a committed and loyal member of staff. You keep your head down and get on with things. It sounds to me like you have lots of positive qualities an employer would look for.

What else are you good at and what can you bring to the table? Start listing all your positive traits and skills and start to feel good about yourself.

Think of it like this... Take a £50 note and screw it up, thrown it on the floor and tread it into the mud. Now, pick it up and unfold it. How much is it worth? Still 50 quid.... Whatever has happened to you, you are still worth the same. Don't undervalue yourself.

Another self help quote from my vast library....

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I agree that it sounds like you have blown it a bit out of proportion in your head. What you describe sounds quite mild, as things go regarding employment relations in businesses. However, the most difficult part of this is your manager's attitude towards you - coldness, leaving notes, not communicating properly. It's creating a horrible atmosphere and could wear down your confidence and make you paranoid (if you let it).

If they have a narcissist personality, as you say, it can be difficult to bounce back from. If they feel 'wronged' by you in some way then they may hold a grudge. One way, is to get back into their good books in some way, or just completely ignore the coldness and be direct, in a polite smiley way when you communicate with them - this makes it very hard for someone to continue with their frostiness. Don't show you are affected by it by avoiding them.

Personally, I hate the ideas that one person in authority can make others' lives a misery by their pathetic, immature, unprofessional attitude. I would not be letting them push me out of the business. They are probably hoping that it will cause you to leave, but I would not let them win. In my head I'd be thinking 'what an unprofessional wanker with issues' everytime I spoke to them.
You've got 27 years service, which comes with significant benefits - difficult to dismiss (not in probation and if you have worked longer than 1 year in an organisation legal rights increase), probably accrued better sick pay and annual leave, longer service means would get redundancy pay-out, etc. That is a significant amount to lose and individuals can't be allowed to succeed in attempts to get rid of colleagues who have not done anything to warrant it.

Good advice from Witty.

Must admit, if someone treated me like this I too would be thinking of them more in terms of being a cock womble than some almighty power. I'm not sure who some bosses think they are sometimes. Unfortunately, there are a few about.

Here is where we are..there is a job full time in quite a small firm but in conveyancing..not something I have done in quite a while but something that wouldn't take long to pick up. I know what you mean by being there for so long and having a lot of benefits. I have been very unhappy for a long time. It may improve if I went back but for how long..until the next review when again I will get stressed filling in form wondering what they are going to come up with next. It really is somewhere I would not have wanted to be until retirement and I really don't know if I can continue to work in such a demanding role with no support. I know I am thinking of giving all this up, I know my little daughter is devastated I won't be there for her after school but I don't think I want to be with these people for another second. It was only a matter of time. Maybe this will be all wrong..maybe I will hate a small firm, maybe I will love it. I need a change..I am not a person that likes change..hence being there all this time...my wee daughter has me in tears now...but I think because I am depressed it feels 10 times worse

I said to my husband what if they knew I was thinking of resigning..what if they said listen don't be doing that over this..let's sort this out..maybe get you some support..what would you do..I honestly don't know..they would still be the same people...something else might happen..you still need to go through this review process..maybe this isn't for me now..

Please carefully consider the effect of leaving 27 continuous service years. You will be setting your benefits clock back to zero.

I'd be taking the approach of "Why should one manager affect my career and livelihood". I personally don't agree that you'd have a black cloud over you by moving to a different role in the same practice. Do what everyone else does, don't give a shit what people think, just quietly resolve to tough it out, get on and it will all be forgotten. Remember people at work come and go, just see it as a means to an end!

This is what I have been doing for the past year and it has made me miserable and depressed, going into a place of work where I can't relax knowing the people I work with don't care whether I am there or not..no thanks for anything you do....

Yes, it is good to consider what you may lose in terms of benefits but be careful they are not golden handcuffs keeping you somewhere that is making you miserable.

Have a look at public sector, joesy. You can often work full time but have flexible hours. If you go in early you are home early and they are much better at giving back (i.e. time off in lieu).

Be careful not to go out of the fireplace into the fire. The grass isn't always greener. You'll be waiting a long time if you expect thanks in most workplaces nowadays!

Do you have a fulfilling life outside work? Make sure you have work life balance, because that will build resilience at work. Build up your self esteem and look inward for feelings of satisfaction and fulfilment. I don't say it flippantly or dismissively of your job stress but I do feel you need to keep it in perspective.

Running away to a new job may not be your answer, but only you know how much you can take.

Have been offered a job with big buts...do I stay in a firm where I get good money for part time and am miserable or go to a smaller firm with a drop in salary..in fact paying slightly more than I get now but full time!!..

I'd do the new job actually. They may increase your salary or you could speak to them and ask if they could give you a pay rise if you are suitable in eg 6 months time.

I'[ve read the whole thread OP and it looks like even if you were moved to another department you're tired of the whole company...

whilst I agree with Daisy etc it sounds as if you are fed up, don't want a review and really want a new start regardless of the type of job, so in your case I'd say really go for the new job. Who knows new challenges may be the making of you? sure you'd have to stay to get the benefits but you seem like a good worker apart from the blips you have had in your current firm. Good luck!

Appreciate all the replies

Read through the whole thread and although we are in different fields all together I feel the same way about my current management team... love the job but the management leaves a lot to be desired.
Applied for and been offered 3 jobs since May, but all with a salary drop and more hours than doing currently. Unfortunately for me this is not an option. So stuck there until I win the lottery or the management are locked up for immoral practices!
Keep us updated, and good luck

Don't forget folks, management can change watch, move on to other roles, get reshuffled.

I had a situation once where a new manager took over who was absolutely great and it went from horrendous to a dream job overnight. The atmosphere was transformed.

I'm not saying hold on for grim death if you really hate it and it's making you miserable. Nothing stays the same not least of all, organisations!

It's something only you can decide.

Small organisations are notorious for "queen bees" and family members who've been there forever, not welcoming new people. They're no better or worse than larger companies, there's still politics and pettiness.

As you've been offered the job, you'll have been to visit them and have a general feel for the set up and if your manager is friendly approachable and keen for you to join. Go with your instincts. If the money is less but you can afford the drop, there may be other openings for an improved role later on...

Am basically considering a full time job on 1k more a year for extra 9 hours a week!! a recently new office with 2 fee earners and 1 secretary local to me. How will I cope with full time work after being p/t for 17 years. Lovely firm with nice people but no big salary as not a large corporate firm and if I want part time I am going to get nowhere near what I am currently on. The current situation will not change..team is specialised..boss there 20 odd years..newbies on career ladder and going nowhere.

Just because you've been offered a job doesn't mean it's the right one. Follow your gut. There are plenty of other jobs out there. Just keep plugging away. The right one will come up.

PA salaries are pretty shitty at the moment though. They don't seem to have risen in the last 10 to 12 years.

The salaries are not great but if I hold out for a job on the same salary, it is not there and if one comes up will be another large international firm which I don't want. Part time jobs are also rare and may appear one every other month. Am afraid getting my current salary part time is non existent. I have built this up over 27 years and am near the max salary anyway. Sacrifices have to be made.

This all sounds so familiar. For the sake of your health, if you can afford to leave, go. Do not look back.

You are worth more than being a punch bag for a miserable, grumpy boss.

I know many people in a similar situation regarding stress incurred through work.

After 20 years in a particular job one of my colleagues/close friend was heading for a complete breakdown (son tried to kill himself, help required, HR said to choose between child and job).

It took a year to get over it, but it was the best thing she ever did. Blood pressure dropped to normal, migraines disappeared, no more panic attacks, no more working all night to meet deadlines (we particularly enjoyed the all-nighters finishing at 7 a.m. - an hour's sleep under the desk before starting again - I jest not).

Over the past year she's changed: she's lost weight, hair has grown back, and she smiles. A lot. Now working in a cafe - very busy but she leaves on time and doesn't take work home (unless it's left over mushrooms).

Please put your health first.