Feel like I am being pushed out of my job..advice and help needed!

[joesy43]

I have been in my job for 27 years. I work in a team which is myself providing admin support to lawyers. In July I had a few words with a junior who had discussed with others that it was inappropriate I had read out an email from another to my boss where I was mentioned. After asking her why she felt it was as it was about me and that I monitored his emails so I would see this, she said in case he got to hear about it.

The following week I received a call from HR asking me to ring them and when I did they said allegations had been made against me..they were as mentioned above and what that was about, alleging I had called another PA my boss' girlfriend and was reading out their emails. I explained about the email being about me and I denied saying 'girlfriend' and that I read emails between myself and the PA and not between my boss and her. A few days after this I was asked to do a vc between myself, boss and HR as they were in different offices. My boss basically interrogated me and raised other allegations one being discussing another PA booking travel? I defended myself as best I could and days later an email was sent stating he was not taking it further, no action was to be taken but if more allegations came to light action may be taken. I did not see him until about 3 weeks later and from then he says morning and goodbye and any requests for work were emailed or handwritten and left on my keyboard. We also had a girl who left and another on temp contract who I was very friendly with and both at their leaving interviews said how bad atmosphere is, no communication and an us and them attitude.

Last week I had my mid year review. When I entered the room, the HR girl was there also?..they started by saying there were issues that needed resolved and a bad atmosphere. I seemed to be very unhappy etc and then the knives were out..I was reactive not proactive..I needed to be looking at travel a month ahead and see what needed booked. I had booked a hotel the week before that was 25 mins away from event. I said I google mapped it and it said 15 mins..that I was leaving her stuff and she was having to do the admin when she had enough to do (this is a lie). The HR girl had the cheek to insult me when she asked if I needed to sit down with another PA to see what I should be doing! So it was left we will come back in a few weeks to see if there are improvements! Prior to this, my actual review was beg of year and in all sections I got valued performer. Needless to say I left the room, went downstairs, a colleague spoke to me, I broke down badly, he went to get the HR girl and she took me to a room and I said I felt I was picked on badly and needed to go home.

I have been signed off for stress/depression. My husband has told me he doesn't want me to go back. I am sick with worry, have lost weight, knots in my stomach, not eating, really bad anxiety. I need some HR advice and other please..thank you

When you talk about juniors and seniors, are you talking about PAs? Slightly confused now as I've always only worked for one or two people and done everything for them (i.e. organising their life from the moment they get up to the moment they go to bed) and done probably a large proportion of their work!!!

If you are only getting a 'morning' and 'night' from your boss then it sounds like the relationship has broken down. How long have you worked for him? Has he always been difficult? IME it's very difficult to turn a boss/PA relationship around when it gets to this stage and I'd been inclined to cut my losses.

Unless you have done a PA job it is very difficult to understand how bloody difficult it is, and yes, I know how infuriating it is to deal with younger PAs who frequently cock things up because they think they know what they are doing. Add into the mix bosses who can't/won't communicate and everyone else in the office who think you only make the tea and it's a really great job!

Sadly, I no longer see anyone in the office as my friend. I treat everyone with the utmost courtesy and I am very careful what I share. I don't 'have a word' with younger members of staff as these things have a habit of coming back and biting you on the bum.

Sorry, don't mean to sound negative but I know exactly where you are coming from!

Sorry junior/senior lawyers.. I have worked for him for around 5 years and known him for much longer. It all started to go wrong a while ago when a senior left due to him. I was very friendly with this person and they treated me as an equal..discussing make up, books, films etc, coffee breaks. I was kinda piggy in the middle when their relationship broke down, it was very bad and boss knew this person was telling me things although I always remained professional, I kind of got the impression he disliked this. Fast forward to new team and they are the complete opposite..one very cold career driven and the junior jumping at her every request. This change I have found very very hard. I am alone with no support and lonely and isolated. I made a mistake, I let my guard down thinking we were all having craic one day and said something I shouldn't have and she stabbed me in the back. Now do I allow this to make me walk away or swallow my pride and return.

I'm a lawyer and I would be really unhappy if someone who had access to my emails read one aloud. It's a huge amount of trust. So that bit I would be really not happy about. When you say you "had words" with a "junior", do you mean a junior lawyer or another PA? Not great either way.

I have to say, the hardest PA relationships I've had (and a lot of colleagues have said the same) are with people who have been at the firm in question a really long time. The experience is great, but it can come with a lack of flexibility and a lot of emphasis on status. Not saying that's the case with you at all but it's a perception that you will struggle against because others in similar positions do act like that.

The relationship has broken down from what you say and I don't think you can get it back, and trying will make you really miserable. I think requesting a move to a new team is a great idea. Good luck.

fastdaytears I understand. The fact I am there so long has not made me in the slightest feel I am better or should be treated any different. In fact I feel the opposite like I stepped into the firm the weeks before. I have no 'status' whatsoever. What do you mean by lack of flexibility? I made a mistake referring to an email about myself. I realise a change in team would benefit all concerned but I don't think that is an option.

I am quiet with low confidence and self esteem. This nature would not allow me to act in the way you suggest ever.

I mean people sitting in team meetings with a cat's bum face and saying "but we'be always done it this way" and "I've been doing this since you were in primary school" and similar nonsense. There are a lot of long standing PAs who are genuinely terrified of change and that ends up with arseyness.

I'm 100% not talking about you btw! But people will be used to this and you'll be tarred by the same brush.

I'd still ask HR however hopeless you think it is. There might be something they know that you don't, like someone retiring early or something.

Our previous lawyer used to have words with me about my lack of confidence and needing to think more of myself!

Is that the one you were friendly with? TBH I think she could have done you more good by not talking to you about your mutual boss! I'm sure that was really helpful for her to be able to offload but it was really unprofessional of her and has contributed towards the horrible situation you're in now

Absolutely not..we have undertaken lots of changes in last 10 years and I have had to be adaptable..never ever had that attitude or known anyone to have had..well maybe ones near retirement who were afraid of new systems because they think they are too old to learn these new things. I have never known anyone to have this attitude..am surprised. As mentioned I would be afraid to speak my mind which has always been the case

Offloading yes and tbh it was very awkward.

Ah okay.

Well, the team has changed and so has the dynamic. You have a boss who isn't talking to you, a ball busting senior(?) and a junior who is falling over herself to impress. Are these the people you want to spend your days with?

I would put this situation down to experience. You made a mistake. We all do but the key is to learn from it and move on not beat yourself up about it forever more. I really do think you would be best to look for a new role at a new company. Reframe the situation so that it becomes a fantastic opportunity/future rather than an almighty cock up. 27 years in one job is a bloody long time. I would have thought a change was due a long time ago to be honest.

What's the job situation like where you are? Have you been looking?

I have to agree with the comments re long standing staff members.

I worked for a large company a few years back who had lots of staff who had been there a long time. They all had final salary pensions so were not going anywhere! They also had a lot of contractors.

The old guard were great in terms of knowledge but were so bloody slow and fixed in their thinking. It used to drive me nuts. In contrast, the contractors just got on with it and didn't spend their whole time reminiscing about the 'good old days'.

Not saying this is you, op, but you would be surprised how set people become in their ways.

Offloading yes and tbh it was very awkward

I bet. She should have known better.

It is exactly as you have described yes..and no I don't particularly like people like this but that is life. A friend said you had little bits being chipped away at for a while now which you ignored and now a big massive bucket of shit has been tipped over you. That is correct. A change was due a long long time ago but I settled for just ok for all that time and did nothing. I can't get out of my head the thought of having to use my life savings due to a boss who wasn't able to speak to me before going to HR and who holds grudges..I made a mistake..

Mind you, I have to add that anyone who works as a PA long term generally becomes arsey. It's the only way you can survive. If you are happy and helpful you generally become a dumping ground for all the jobs no one wants to do. I think it's called self preservation.

You won't necessarily need to use any savings. You shouldn't have any problem finding another position. Are there any other firms which you can get to?

That is life?

Huh? This is one job. There are thousands of other jobs out there. Why put up with one that is sub-standard?

It would help if you would value yourself a bit more and be clearer on what you will and won't put up with.

The PAs who have left have cited a bad atmosphere and pointed the finger at you. It is more likely to do with the bunch of twits you work for except they probably wouldn't say that at the exit interview as they want a decent reference. Have you considered that?

I have never been arsey in my life..I'm the one who sits there and doesn't say boo! I work in the City..have been told the market is slow. Any positions are not in depts I specialise in although anyone could do my job as it is mostly admin now and not a lot of actual typing. This is how the pa role is now unless you work in say litigation or coneyancing

I think what you need to do is find a fab new job and make a new start.

Then, when you hand your notice in you can say that you have a wonderful career with the company but it is time for you to move on. You know, all that guff they want to hear. Keep it sweet to the end, even if you have to say it through gritted teeth.

The ones who left pointed the finger at the seniors and said they felt sorry for anyone new coming into the team and blamed the us and them attitude

Well, I've been a PA a long time and IME the job has got harder not easier. So no, I disagree that anyone can do it.

The market is as fast or as slow as you want to be. Do not believe everything that recruitment agencies tell you. Also, you only need one job.

Everyone bitches in their exit interview! Don't give that too much thought.

This is how the pa role is now unless you work in say litigation or coneyancing

I don't agree at all. Most people couldn't do what my PA does.

So you think go back until I hopefully get a new job..that is going to take a lot of courage!

Yep you need to go back. The first day will be the worst. As soon as you know that you're going to something better you'll find it easier.

I would say any one from another team would be able to do my job with no problems at all. I would imagine if I moved to say litigation it would be much more difficult due to court forms and procedures. Do you not agree?