Work is driving me to nervous breakdown

[Haywirefire]

I'd appreciate some advice on what to do as I'm at breaking point with both my job and my home life.
I work 75% hours over four days and I have three small children. My husband works shifts. I am constantly under pressure at work to make early meetings or go away for two or three days at a time. I have no team support around me, my job is done by me and me only in isolation. I'm always late for work as my children are frankly a freakin nightmare to get ready in the morning and my commute takes 90 minutes. It's frequently nearly 10am when I get to work and I'm constantly worrying I'm going to get fired. I'm often overlooked for extra work and ignored in meetings. I feel like they are doing me a favour by employing me. The Brexit decision has made my job likely to disappear as I do a lot of EU work. I've been paralysed with fear about this as it would give them a reason to fire me. I've tried to talk to my bosses about it this week and they've dismissed me as being hysterical. I've left work early today as I've spent more time crying than working and I'm crying my way home tonight again.
What also doesn't help is that me and my husband are on the verge of separation. He doesn't take my work stress seriously (I think he thinks my job is just a hobby) and every time I try to tell him I can't cope anymore he just says 'yeah I had a shit day today too'.
What can I do? I fear I'm either going to get fired or end up walking out because I can't cope with the stress anymore.

Sounds awful. A few suggestions.

Sub lingual vitamins multi vit and b12. Get yourself fully dressed and put a dressing gown over the top to avoid stains.
When you get the kids up you should have a cup of tea in your hand and do not take your eyes off them/let them in another room unaccompanied until after they are washed/dressed including shoes. Then make them eat in the kitchen while you do whatever you need to do with school bags. They can't get that filthy with toast and a drink. Those heavy glass jar cups with kids and straws avoid spills for those too old for sippy cups.
Wipe their faces and march them to the door.

No going back for anything.

It's when they get loose that the chaos happens. I do hope it helps.

Spatone may help with the iron levels. Not sure if you've heard of it but you can get it in the chemist. It's liquid iron that you can put in fruit juice. It's meant to be an easier format of iron for the body to take up. It definitely helped me when iron tablets weren't doing the job.

You could ring the GP now and ask for an emergency appointment or a telephone appointment - the worst they can say is no. Are they refusing to be more helpful because you don't want to take antidepressants and that's all they are willing to offer? At the very least you need to get your iron levels up and there are alternatives to iron tablets. Long term, perhaps move GP surgeries, mine has got its faults but it is infinitely better than what you are describing so there are better alternatives out there.

Ultimately, something is going to give and if your physical and mental health are both struggling at the moment then that something might well be you. Your feelings of anxiety, tiredness and insomnia could just be due to low iron or other deficiencies, so maybe tackle those first. How important is vegetarianism to you? My research showed me that some people can't get the nutrients they need from supplements or purely vegetarian sources which is why I packed it in and started eating meat again. If you have allergies or asthma you are more likely to be one of those people.

Counselling isn't for everybody :) Neither are antidepressants. It sounds like you need something to help stabilise how you feel. Perhaps a visit to Holland and Barrat for some supplements, some lavender oil for the bath and a few early nights might be a good way to start somewhere.

They haven't offered me any antidepressants. Just counselling and now diet advice. The iron supplements I take alternate between 14mg and 100mg of iron (one day of each). I used to take spartone when I first found out o was anaemic but it only has 5mg of iron in it. Being vegetarian is non-negotiable for me. I've been a non meat eater since I was 8 and I realised what I was eating.

I'm sorry you've been fobbed off by your doctor. While you are figuring out more heavy-duty solutions, you might want to get a copy of The Chemistry of Calm. When i was being treated for anxiety it was a godsend. Lots of advice about biological bases for anxiety and natural aids and supplements. It might be somewhere to start.

Sorry i misunderstood about the antidepressants, i thought you'd been offered them. It might be something tp consider asking for if you think it might help.

A quick look at nhs website says your gp can refer you if anemia doesn't respond to iron tablets so if i were you i would ask gp for referral. See if they will do a telephone appointment on monday so you don't have to fit in trying to get there with everything else you have going on.

• I can definitely recommend Ferraglobin. You can buy it in a liquid form, it tastes OK, doesn't make you constipated and boosts up iron levels quickly. I'm veggie too (broccoli is high in iron, but not what you needed your GP to tell you after a 2 week wait!)

• practical suggestion, if you had a wish list of 3 things that your DH can help with - like TODAY!! - what would they be. Why not write them down and give him the piece of paper. He has got to start helping you! You can't cope on your own, it's not fair.

• 2nd practical suggestion, why not find out about that woman's network at work. Even if it takes a bit of digging around. I bet once you're in there you can get connected with women you may not realise are also struggling with kids, home work etc.

• you mentioned your kids keep playing up in the morning. Could you spend one on one time with your eldest DC, 30 mins over the next 1-2 weekends when you aren't struggling against the clock, and get him/her to start being more self sufficient with some basics in the mornings, then it's one less child to deal with? They often rise to the occasion (eventually!!)

Just wondered how you were OP. How are you doing?

IIRC, the Spatone appears to have a small amount of iron in it, but because it is so easily absorbed by the body, it has the same impact as a much higher dosage tablet.

I'm anaemic at the moment, and feel utterly dreadful. No wonder you're struggling with everything else on top of this! I can barely get upstairs without gasping for breath and going dizzy - you really are doing far too much which won't help. I've been prescribed 3x 100mg ferrous sulphate per day - it would be worth double checking that you don't need to up your dose considerably as yours sounds low.

I've been where you are several years ago - hated my job, stress everywhere I turned, young kids and a terrible relationship. I can only echo what others have said, as I didn't slow down or stand up for myself enough. In the end I just ended up walking out of work one day after losing it and yelling at one of my team. I was signed off sick for six months on antidepressants. I returned feeling a bit better, but within a few weeks it was worse than ever, plus no one took me seriously any more because I'd been off sick with stress. I had colleagues deliberately stitching me up and setting me up to fail (was once accidentally copied in on an email where several of them bitched about me and plotted to get me out, I was devastated).

So in the end I resigned with nothing to go to, as I had just run out of energy to deal with any of it. It was very stressful but I got another (much lower paid) job which I was much happier with. It's worth considering any and all options even if they don't look doable at first glance.

I know so many women with families who struggle to maintain their careers, relationships, deal with elderly parents - it is so hard to do this and keep sane even without health issues on top of it. I hope you find a way through this, OP. Your GP sounds shit, I would start by getting in to see someone else if at all possible.

Thanks for asking how I am Rip. No better tbh. I've realised that I can't be a wife, mum and employee so I have given up on being a wife (since the other two are vital). I don't mean I'm getting divorced, but I no longer consider myself in a relationship. My husband doesn't seem to care about this so maybe it's the right thing to do.

And Roomba I worry that exactly what happened to you will happen to me if I take time off for stress. It will make it a thousand times worse. Your scenario sounds shite.

I've not got any plans to go back to my GP. They've already outlined what my options are on the anemia. Eat more iron or we can't help you. So there's not much point in going back. Plus I'd have to wait another fortnight or so for an appointment which is then deep into school holidays juggling. There won't be 10 mins for me to have a cup of tea or go to the loo let alone go bleating to my GP about how shit I feel.

Op it's sad to read that things are no better and I completely get why you need to detach from your H in order to prioritise the other things, it hurts so much to realise that your supposed partner cares so little for you when push comes to shove

I read about this a while ago and wonder if could help with your iron uptake although I agree the thing about spatone and floradix is that they contain what our body needs to absorb iron which is why they work so well.

www.luckyironfish.com/

Oh no this is definitely not good. I was hoping perhaps things were looking up.

Unfortunately I think sometimes thing have to go properly wrong before action is taken. I'm worried about you OP. You sound worn down and without support from your DH.

I hope you can work out what can change to help you.