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Original poster

working mums what do you do when they're poorly?

152 replies

rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 13:02

I'm finding it really difficult, I have had to take lots of unscheduled time off work as holiday. I end up sending dd back to nursery when not 100% I have really dropped my colleagues in it on occasions this year but there are so many contagious things they get and you just can't take them in to nursery when they are sick. My role as a parent is far more important than that of employee and I just want to be there for my child. It stinks. How do others cope?

OP posts:
Uwila · 29/11/2006 11:00

13 Dec. Pizza Rustica

twickersmum · 29/11/2006 11:00

would love to but it is this friday isn't it?
unfortunately is my dh christmas party... (computer geeks central

twickersmum · 29/11/2006 11:01

oh, sorry cross conversation...
13 dec should be ok. great! will you be nice to me? bit scared !

Uwila · 29/11/2006 11:03

Oh, I'm lovely!!!

Uwila · 29/11/2006 11:06

You might want to visit the West London Stats Thread (and add your details)

Bozza · 29/11/2006 11:07

While Xenia is not being exactly helpful I think she does have a point. I know that I am academically brigher and better educated than DH, until our DS was born I was always paid more than him, DH would agree with all this. However I am now in a part time job with very little in the way of pay rises and difficulty in moving to a better job with the hours I want. Everytime there has been an appointment or one of the children has been ill I have taken holiday or DH has managed to fit it into his working day (he is split between home/office/on the road). Hence he has 4 days left to take before the end of the year and I have none. And our children have not been all that ill this year. It just seems that when they are ill DH manages to have an important meeting in Glasgow or Winchester or some such. However it is not DH's fault that I am being paid less/lacking career opportunities because I work part time.

Bozza · 29/11/2006 11:09

You can have 13 weeks upaid leave - but that has to be planned and agreed up front (much like bog standard annual leave). You can also have emergency leave as detailed by Xenia.

puddle · 29/11/2006 11:10

I think Xenia has a fair point.

It would be easier all round if there was a greater expectation that men and women share childcare. The men in my workplace don't take time off to care for their children when they are sick and this makes it even more noticeable when I do.

puddle · 29/11/2006 11:10

I think Xenia has a fair point.

It would be easier all round if there was a greater expectation that men and women share childcare. The men in my workplace don't take time off to care for their children when they are sick and this makes it even more noticeable when I do.

WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 11:10

Touch wood my children have been fairly healthy and we haven't needed to take much time off. But atm:

  • I'm permanent (and earn more than dh, I chose him for his intellect and sex appeal, not his earning power) so I would usually go because I still get paid for it and I knew about the emergency time off, I don't expect to lose holiday for it.
  • Dh is a contractor so we lose money if he takes time off but if I had an important meeting/day he would go on the basis that his job isn't as important as mine (because it's contract)
  • Ds has probably only had 2 days off total snce starting school at the age of 5, he's 9 now and I could call on his father (ex dh) or ex mil
  • dd has only prob had 2 ish days and has been at nursery f/t since she was 1.5, she's 3 now and equally, I could prob call on ex mil but would more likely look after her myself.
WideWebWitch · 29/11/2006 11:14

I agree, totally, that this shouldn't be just a womens issue. Men have children too and should take equal responsibility. Xenia, as you know, there's no easy and quick answer to 'why do women earn less than men' but I agree, men need to take responsibility for child rearing and childcare and women need to make them do so. But that's very easy for me to say as I have a dh who does at least half of all the work involved in childcare/shopping/cooking/cleaning/household stuff. He wouldn't be my dh if he didn't, frankly.

Judy1234 · 29/11/2006 11:28

www, that;s really how my ex husband and I operated and probably most couples. You look at who has what meeting that day, who gets paid if they don't work and what can be juggled around. You also get marriages where everyone is happy the woman's career takes second place and then there's not problem either because everyone wants that. But you also get families where women are unfairly made to take on these burdens without agreement and without it making financial sense and I suppose those aer the women who irritate me, particularly the ones who moan about it and then condone and allow the behaviour they want to change so that they spend about 20 years moaning about their men but not doing anything effective about remedying their grievance.

What is now written on here is correct about the unfair parental leave in blocks agreed for men and women and the emergency time off rules.

It is a huge lottery because some children are ill much more than others. I am thinking of the difference between my sister and me. Sometimes I put it down to attitude. Everyone here even my cleaner and certainly me struggles on however bad we feel, you don't let your employer down, you go in if you're feeling grotty, you have that big work ethic...my daughters were the same when doing A levels, would drag themselves in even if ill (unless of course it's really really bad).

Others think - oop goodie, slight runny nose I can languish in bed all day. Others again genuinely are really really ill and often. It's very unfair.

Bozza · 29/11/2006 11:32

Just to add a positive note - it does generally get better as they get older. There is nothing like day nursery as a toddler for building up the immune system.

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 13:33

I'm so pleased I'm not your child xenia.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 13:42

You can't send a two year old with a hacking cough and a fever to do a 10 hr day at a nursery.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 13:44

'you also get families where women are unfairly made to take on these burdens without agreement' so far no-one on mumsnet has come forward who is in this position if this is your axe to grind.

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sunnysideup · 29/11/2006 13:44

gaad, people that struggle in even if feeling really bad REALLY annoy me; don't be a martyr, stay home and keep your bleedin' infection to yourself! These people who are convinced they must struggle in because the institution they would for would collapse without them....arrogant or what! Just have some time off ill for god's sake and stop infections becoming rife!

sorry, not what thread is about.

sunnysideup · 29/11/2006 13:45

oops work for I mean

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 13:47

You have a really low view of women.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 13:49

me too sunnyside-up, we have a policy here where we don't reward it, you just make everyone one else suffer with it.

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GooseyLoosey · 29/11/2006 13:57

It takes me 2 1/2 hours to get home from work so if nursery ring with a crisis (which invariably amounts to nothing), it is dh who has to deal with it. It would never occur to either of us that it might be my responsibility rather than his.

Must admit that we have on occasion changed vomit stained tops and dosed with calpol immediately prior to leaving house so at least they arrive at nursery looking healthy and then fled the scene. Am aware that may sound to some like terrible parenting, but sometimes it seems to us that there is nothing else we can practically do (wouldn't of course if thought dcs had more than a cold or bug which they had picked up from nursery in the first place).

Judy1234 · 29/11/2006 13:58

I think it's called the stiff upper lip. Far too many skivers around. They need to be called hourly by HR and frog marched back to work in my view. Or don't give them sick pay. That's a useful method to get them back into work. Just pay SSP and nothing else.

rm, there are countless threads on MN all over the place about men who don't do XYZ at home. Huge major issue for this country, biggest issue feminism has left to tackle.

Judy1234 · 29/11/2006 14:02

GL, done the same. 2 weeks ago son had rash, completely not ill. I hope his collar covers it. School calls. I have 5 miniutes before I have to leave to catch a train to a meeting in Oxford. I say not that easy to get him home, explain etc. They get the school nurse to look at it who decides it's not an infectious rash and he can stay.. phew.

Obviously it depends on the illness. Some things are so bad there's no question of the person being at work or school.

Parents can also help on this. Feeding them a healthy diet, making sure the children get exercise, getting them to sleep enough at night etc all helps to keep germs at bay.

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 14:09

None have come back with this issue on this thread xenia. The only problem I have is the lack of time which is the case for both of us as in your eyes we're too thick to afford nannies, garners and cleaners. I completely resent that you assume that the choice and willing desire to care for your child means you are inferior to men. I think that you are unnatural in your approach and cannot understand for the life of me why you would have children.

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Rookiemum · 29/11/2006 14:11

Xenia I totally believe in the stiff upper lip for myself, I am off the drag myself in and spread some germs around school of thought and prefer to be sent home when too ill to continue rather than miss a day of work.

HR policies are far too lenient as everybody in work knows who is taking the mickey and who is genuinely poorly.

However thats one thing for me but another matter for my child. When children are sick they generally want their mummies ( perhaps some want their daddies I don't know I don't recall feeling that way when I was ill and young and my dad was reasonably hands on for the 70s)

Hopefully our DS will be healthy as he has so far been, but if he turned out to have lots of sickness then like rebelmum1 I'd be totally stuffed and yes DH could work from home but as he earns 50% more than my p/t income and they frown on that sort of thing then it would be a bit silly to jeopardise(sp?) that.

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