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Original poster

working mums what do you do when they're poorly?

152 replies

rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 13:02

I'm finding it really difficult, I have had to take lots of unscheduled time off work as holiday. I end up sending dd back to nursery when not 100% I have really dropped my colleagues in it on occasions this year but there are so many contagious things they get and you just can't take them in to nursery when they are sick. My role as a parent is far more important than that of employee and I just want to be there for my child. It stinks. How do others cope?

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 15:05

I tried to send some information in over email when i was ill and she got excited to see my laptop and deleted my dial-up information, this meant I had to drive into work and send the information from there, so working from home just isn't viable with her being so young.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 15:08

I have no family at hand so I think it is harder.

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noogles · 28/11/2006 15:48

I admit my mum is our childminder so it makes it a little easier leaving ds. But I still want to be with him when he is ill. My new boss who has since taken over has a d herself so I have found her a lot more understanding. (so far). it must be hard for you rebelmum1 not having anyone at hand to help. And FYI Xenia I too chose to go back to work part time after having ds. Up until then my earnings were on par with dp but obviously have since dropped. My choice by the way.

noogles · 28/11/2006 15:48

I admit my mum is our childminder so it makes it a little easier leaving ds. But I still want to be with him when he is ill. My new boss who has since taken over has a d herself so I have found her a lot more understanding. (so far). it must be hard for you rebelmum1 not having anyone at hand to help. And FYI Xenia I too chose to go back to work part time after having ds. Up until then my earnings were on par with dp but obviously have since dropped. My choice by the way.

Judy1234 · 28/11/2006 16:11

I meant in general why is this a woman's issue? I know a lot of husbands who take time off because a child is sick but I wonder how couples decide who does it and if it's because the wife earns less why did she end up earning less. Do women marry better cleverer or higher paid men? Or do women who earn more than their men also be the ones to take time off?

Getting back to the question it's a hard issue for all parents of both genders. We obviously tried to take it in turns depending on the parents' commitment for that day. We had a nanny so when we did the child just staye dhome which is an advantage over nursery but then you get the other
problem of the nanny being sick you dont' get in nurseries. Now they're older I tend to send them in unless they're at death's door. They are very robust children. I can usually tell if it's serious enough to go in or not.
Sometimes I have to work with them around me or in the house (as I can do work here). If they're that ill they are usually just on a bed or sofa anyway. The last 2 times one was in hospital their father went in with them as I wasn't available but that just depended who was most free on that day. No relatives near by. Now I have 3 adult children they can sometimes help. If I don't work i don't get paid and we starve so that kind of concentrates the mind in terms of child sickness and even my own sickness.

opinionsrus · 28/11/2006 16:11

Did you know that you can take a total of 13 weeks from birth to age 6, although this is unpaid.

You can use this for any reason by law. You can use it if they are sick, or if you just want to go on hol/take time off to be with family.

I have found this really useful in the past couple of years - and YOU are entitled to it.

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 16:19

Xenia you have a very odd and closed view. Why do you equate wealth with intellect? In my opinion it is quite often the reverse.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 16:21

Most women are happy to give up time and careers, put their children first and provide strong emotional foundations. It is quite natural.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 16:31

Just to reiterate I'm not married, so did not marry my partner for his money and he is not cleverer than me either. I'm not sure what your theory is based on.

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Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 16:31

I'm a post grad with an MBA ffs

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opinionsrus · 28/11/2006 16:36

Don't take any notice of Xenia she does it for a reaction.

FioFio · 28/11/2006 16:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 28/11/2006 16:38

Thanks it's just utter nonsense..

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pepperpots · 28/11/2006 16:42

i am very lucky, in that dp can just take off from work pretty much when and if he wants as he can make his hours up. Although saying that my employer are pretty good, i don't get paid if i dont work but i dont have alimit in how much dependant leave i take.

thebecster · 28/11/2006 16:58

Oh I find this so difficult! DP & I negotiate who takes time off, but it's always awkward for whichever one of us does it - we both work full time and neither of us can afford the time off. Sometimes my parents come down to look after DS when poorly so we can go to work. They are retired now, but Mum was paediatric nurse & Dad was GP so I feel quite happy about leaving DS with them! But they live miles & miles away so can't come that often. I do get sympathetic hearing at work, but then I haven't been back long, and I think it will start to grate with colleagues and boss eventually...

Judy1234 · 28/11/2006 17:08

So why are the women the ones taking time off when they work and their partners work? That's all I was asking.

Judy1234 · 28/11/2006 17:11

tehb's position is perhaps more typical - two working parents who try to share the burden of a sick child. It just really irritates me when I see women assuming sick child equals mother but never father off work as if women come second to men or men don't want to be with and care for sick children or women's careers aren't as good.

I was very very lucky my children were hardly ever ill over 22 years but my sisters have been. It's been a huge difference between her life and mine. We recently found my late mother's baby book/diary which I had typed out. She used to tell my sister -you were never ill as children and yet there it is week after week colds, temperatures, sicknesses. It's funny how we can change our past in a way through memory.

DebsCee · 28/11/2006 17:12

Just wanted to add a couple of things on the rights for parental leave, which seem to confuse most people, especially employers!

Parental Leave - can be a policy adopted by your employer and in those cases you would need to refer to your employment contract or T&C about how it works, but you have a right to basic parental leave if your employer does not offer enhanced benefits, see below for your minimum entitlement:

If your employer doesn't offer a Parental Leave policy there is a fall back policy which all employers have to adopt. However, this is not intended to be used as time off at short/no notice to care for dependants, as advance notice has to be given to your employer.
Main points are:

  • Leave must be in blocks of full weeks, so if you want time off in odd days ? for example, to take your child to the dentist ? you should ask your employer if you can work flexibly or use your holiday allowance.
  • You must give at least 21 days? notice when you want to take parental leave. To help your employer, it?s best to give this notice in writing more info here

Or you can make use of Time off for Dependants, which is intended for emergencies such as illness, again it's unpaid but you don't have to give notice of your intent to use it see more info here

In a nutshell though you can't be penalised for having to deal with family emergencies!

opinionsrus · 28/11/2006 17:44

You are always allowed to take time off to care for a sick child then, but it will be unpaid.

dara · 28/11/2006 23:36

Oh, I dont' think you'll starve Xenia.

Judy1234 · 29/11/2006 00:01

op, not exactly. If you say have a child with cancer who will be ill for years the right to the emergency time off to sort out a family emergency allows you to rush home from work to the school where the child has collapsed, sort out the hospital and find a nurrse or someone to mind it for the next 3 months. It doesn't let you take the time off. Simialrly if your parent had dementia and was found wandering the streets you could rush home to sort it out but not take 6 months off to look after the parent every day so it's immediate emergencies only.

I don't get paid if I don't work so yes we could technically starve subject to state benefits.
(Also I think unpaid Parental leave is something for children up to 6 years only.)

twolittleducks · 29/11/2006 00:13

I thought it was the law you have up 2 3 weeks or something of unpaid leave you can take whilst your child is under 5??

Mind you, still should be getting paid to be honest! When i had to take time off for dd1, i was told it was okay just to go, wouldn't be counted as time off, only to discover the cheeky sods took it off my annual leave!!
I think it's disgusting to be honest!

Original poster
rebelmum1 · 29/11/2006 09:58

I'm baffled as to why it irritates you xenia. Women through nature have children and take time off work for maternity, they choose to work part-time to care for their children and choose to take a back seat in their careers to look after their children. What is so confusing about that? When a child is sick you then negotiate who should take the time off. I don't think you should castigate women for putting their children first. Women are not hard done and are in a position to make these choices. Likewise some women who earn more than their partners also choose to take time off or give-up their roles. It's called 'maternal instinct'.

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twickersmum · 29/11/2006 10:49

When my kids are ill, I just work from home. Full stop. You're doing your best. The fact you have young children has probably hindered your career prospects (for now anyway) as you can't be 100% committed... so just do what you have to do! I'm not bitter, don't mean it to sound as if i am, just that is the reality of it. One thing i do do though, is to make sure i have something to show for my work at home. At least that way they know i am doing what i can.

Uwila · 29/11/2006 10:59

Hey, Twickersmum. (sorry, hijack alert) There is a meet-up in Richmond for Christmas with the West London crowd. Do you want to come?