Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

whatever helps you sleep at night poppet

peace love and tranquility.

It's a bit funny to say at the begininning of the post that you don't like strong language and then conclude that same post with a reference to the "thickos".

profanities uwila
profanities i dont like

love a bit of name calling tho...seems to be the form here on MN

It would be more fun if you would let us know you are calling a thicko.

Sorry "...let us know whom you are calling a thicko.

Is it me? is it? is it?

If it is then you're going to have to do much better than that to get through to me!

sorry somewhere else more interesting

no offence op if your real thet is

actually i think your on the other thread!!

Why do you all rise to cowmad she is just a troublemaker!

OK Rhubarb some jobs you might be interested in

Teaching Assistant (closes tomorrow)

Admin Assistant

Classroom Support Assistant (am putting these cos of school hols obv)

loads of them here incl lots of trainee things if you want to change direction just type in Oldham 0 miles.

May have gone off this subject now, but nothing pi**es me off more than the fact that both me and my dh work long hours and have just bought our 1st house which we absolutely hate (smack heads live on our road, always fighting, crappy 2 bed terrace that we paid the earth for) yet in one of the best areas here new houses have just been built for a local housing association which have been snapped up by income supporters( i know this for a fact).I took my dd trick or treating the other night and felt like crying when i saw these new houses which we would never get!

It is a fact that if you pay your own rent you have a very LONG wait on your hands for a housing association house or council house (what ever the area). My mums BF works for one of the main housing associations in our area.

Infact (will prob be slated for this) but having to skint ourselves to pay shi**y council tax really bugs me, when my friend pays hardly anything because she is on income support.

Please don't get me wrong with this rant though, i have uttermost respect for single mums and they deserve much more than they get, but people who claim benefits (couples) who are very capable of working but choose not too as they can sit at home on their fat arses really pi**es me off! and i know of plenty who do this.

agree that coulples not working through choice is unnecessary.

CD, can you get me a six figure job? Willing to work long hours and travel/commute.

what are your skills Uwila?

Right wing mumsnetter.

Going off track here with the benefits thingy. Some women have no choice but to claim benefits. Husbands/partners leave them and they have NO choice but to claim. That is what benefits are there for and I do not resent paying a penny to anyone who finds themselves in this situation. Also I don't know many single women who could work if they are the sole carer for their children. Even with the help currently on offer, the childcare bill for it to make any real difference is ridiculous, so why put yourself & your kids through this.

What I really really resent however, are women who are on benefits already, have no thoughts about getting a job EVER, and decide that they will have another baby. A baby that they know they cannot support. THAT is the difference. I know people who have done it, are thinking about doing it and it makes my blood boil.

SAHM mums who are supported by their husbands are doing precisely what they want/can do and are fortunate to be able to. As Custardos brilliant post outlining what would happen if WOHMs who pay half the mortgage give up work. Tis not as easy as just downsizing houses, unless you live in a mansion . I have a DH who is 54 and TBH I don't expect him to have to move into a 2 bedroom flat, so I can stay at home with the kids. Also me, I am 38 soon and have lived in flats before and am not going to give up living in a house with a garden just to stay at home with my kids. One day they will be 18 and fuck off with their mates and probably hate us anyway , so I want a bit of comfort for us then. Sounds selfish. Tough.

hmm not much to go on really

Could you be editor of the Spectator?

Uwila, trust me I don't want your bloody money, I want to be able to stay at home with my ds until he is school age or nursery age. I don't want to be forced to work just so we can claim working families tax credit just so we can afford to pay the bills!

People actually PAY childminders and nannies to do work that sahm's do for free! Personally I feel that the government should be supporting those women who choose, yes CHOOSE to stay at home, those who don't have supporting husbands or husbands who are high earners. Why should mothers have to go to work to make ends meet?

My childcare is paid for by the government, we also get a lump sum every month because we are working. That's YOUR money to keep me in work. Why not save that childcare money to allow mums to look after their own kids up till the age of 3? It's better for the kids and better for the mums.

And to answer everyone's questions, I work in fundraising for the Red Cross, my annual income is £11,750 I think, I work 20 hours but this ends up being 9.15am-3.15pm 4 days a week because I have an hour's lunch. And no, I can't legally have a working lunch and finish an hour earlier. For working 20 hours a week I take home less than £7k a year.

My childcare for ds is £3.30 per hour with £1.50 added on every day for his dinner. The government pay for this. On top of tax credit. Why not save the childcare money and let me look after my own ds?

The government wonder why family values are disintergrating, it's because children now see more of their carers than they do of their parents. Parents are forced into work to claim tax credit without which they can't afford the mortgage/rent, by the time they get home from work they are too knackered to eat a proper family meal so takeaways are the staple diet here. There is no family time, everyone is too busy working to make ends meet.

Remember in the 80's when latch-key kids were such a scandal? Now it's normal!

It's just plain wrong.

couldn't agree more with that post rhubarb. well said.

"I don't want to be forced to work just so we can claim working families tax credit just so we can afford to pay the bills! "

Yep, that's just the attitude I have a problem with. So, in spite of your opening line, you do want my money. You are getting a piece of it now.

CD, ummm... no I'd start writing in American. You know, replacing "ise" with "ize" (and that's a zee not a zed). How about something in managing IT development for the upstream oil and gas offshore construction industry? (I've got half of the Prince II accredidation now) You remember this moan, don't you?

so it would be better if Rhubarb and her kids starved, would it, Uwila? would that be a better stance for her to take?

Uwilla - strictly speaking Rhuby is not getting your money - she is in effect getting a rebate on the tax that her and her DH pay on their earnings.

In the wider scheme of things collectively we do all bear the cost of providing for the needs of society. I hate that in this day and age many women still do not have a proper choice as to whether to work or not. Those who cannot work because it is economically unviable to do so, are as much disadvantaged as those who work because it is economically unviable for them to stay at home! So much for feminism and the right to choose - most women in our society today still do not have an effective choice.

That is what is really sad!

And what the flip this discussion is doing on a thread where the OP is talking about earning £250k is beyond me Whatever the merits and demerits of her choices, she does have a choice and that is to be valued.

And for those who think she might not really exist - why would you make it up? I know plenty women who earn these kind of amounts and more! Are they all figments of my imagination?

Sorry, what attitude is that?

Your money is paying for my childcare as well as supporting my work, why should you pay for that? It would be cheaper for the state for me to look after my own kids. They would get better care, I would be happier and you would save money!

Trust me, I don't want to take yours or anyones money. If this world was fair, then dh who works from 7.30am-6pm would get a fair wage, holiday pay and sickness pay, but this is not a fair world and there is poverty. I don't see why my ds should suffer because his mum has to work.

He hugged me this morning and didn't let go, he asked me if nursery was closed, he cried when I had to go and when I picked him up he was already standing at the window crying. I want to take the government's money and shove it up their arses! I love my ds and I want to be the one who raises him, who bakes cakes with him, who paints with him, who takes him on walks and teaches him his colours etc, that's my prerogative as his MUM!

If you can't understand that then screw you!

Uwila I seem to remember that you were advocating tax relief on childcare not long ago is there any difference?

No, I didn't say that her funding should be cut. Just that she should work if she can. I don't think it's fair for some people to have to go to work to fund other to stay home. Then those who work have to work longer and longer and those who don't well, they don't have to.

I think people who are trying to earn a living and are still unable to to keep up with the ferocious cost of living here should be given help... especially those who have young children.

But I am opposed to some of working to support those who simply don't want to.

I'm still all for tax relief for childcare when childcare is there to enable the parent(s) to go to work.

Rhuby - I think you and Uwilla are in exactly the same place really!

I think you'll find that she would also love to be the one at home with her children doing all those things but cannot afford to either!