Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

"Why bother having children at all?"

Hmm.. i suspect I am not alone in not wanting to be with my children 24/7. I am in the very lucky position of not having to work for the money. I work because it's the best fun I know,and it's the only bloody thing in the world i am good at. After working half a day ( when children are at school or with their childminder) I return ready to deal with all the tantrums and whining. I think i would be a very bad mum if I spent all day with the kids.

"Why bother having children at all?"

Hmm.. i suspect I am not alone in not wanting to be with my children 24/7. I am in the very lucky position of not having to work for the money. I work because it's the best fun I know,and it's the only bloody thing in the world i am good at. After working half a day ( when children are at school or with their childminder) I return ready to deal with all the tantrums and whining. I think i would be a very bad mum if I spent all day with the kids.

thankyoupoppet - you said you worked for the first 5 years of your children's lives so why didn't you stop the minute you gave birth if you are so censorious about staying at home being the Right Thing?

fox -I was so missguided -the very reason I am passionate about the subject. I wish I had someone telling me all this 7 years ago.

aaah you are inflicting your guilt on us

mrs wobble - i agree.

poppadom, don't be so hard on yourself, it takes a lot of practice like any job.
My kids winged and whined a whole lot more when I worked.

not at all fox, more like I recognise your guilt as I suffered it whilst working but not anymore!!

That's the point, I am not being hard on myself. It would be hard on myself if I stayed at home all day with the kids when I sure as hell didn't want to. yes, I suppose i do enjoy my job more than raising my kids. Can't see what's so wrong with that, as long as they aren't being neglected.

Poppet - I take great exception to your comments.

I don't know where you live, but in our humble ex council house in london, we have a hefty mortgage - and mortgage is cheaper than rent round this way. On DP's salary it barely covers the mortgage and utility bills. Council tax on our 2 bed house is £1340 a year. If I didnt work I wouldnt have money for food shopping - my food/necessities shopping bill for 4 of us is £50 per week minimum (nappies for 2 children included). I get CB £117ish a month, but not tax credits because of a muck up on their part 2 years ago. We are not entitled to any further help because DP's salary is deemed 'high enough'as a National average, but in London and the surrounds it just isnt. Most of my salary is eaten up with childcare anyway - I only actually start earning money once my DP picks up the children at 6pm and has them till 10pm till i get home. If i dont work, I dont get adequate pension contributions, or pension benefits for when I retire. If I am a financial burden to my chidren in 30 years time, I doubt they'd appreciate it. They are 'nurtured' by me between 7am to 2.30pm Monday to Thursday. I then go and work till 10pm at night.

I dont do that because I lack maternal instincts. I dont do it because I have expectations of a certain lifestyle. I do it because we need to eat, and we need to clothe our children.

When my children start school, I can work more sociable hours, and they will be at school either way.

Please dont presume to know everything about working mothers. You couldnt possibly know everything there is to know about life for some people. Some times, it really does suck, no matter what choices we make.

thankyoupoppet - i think you are assuming you can step on and off the career ladder as easy as pie. you can't. you slip mid-way, if not all the way down, if you give up work and try to get back in when your kids are at school, and then have to work twice as hard to get up it again. is the pain worth it, esp if you enjoy yr job? The smartest working women I know work the system from within - ie take their full quota of sick days etc and holidays and try having the best of both worlds

how do you know they are not? popadom

poppet, it's such a joy being able to see through only your own eyes but for some of us, work is a lifeline and being stuck at home all day, every day, with the children is the quick route to the asylum.

VVV, I never said I do know everything about working mothers. You are still making the choice to not work untill 2.30 pm though aren't you, then your dh has the kids, so that is not the same. I can't comment on your tax credit thing but I am guessing that if they had not messed up then you might not have to work? or at least so much.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Well, one is in school, so I think i can assume she is not being neglected. The other seems to be pretty happy with his childminder, judging by the way he runs into her arms every morning giggling his head off.

I am going to parp myself on this. At the moment, i am feeling considerable sympathy for Xenia.

ladies, I don't know who the hell "poppet" is, but I suspect hell will freeze over before she says "you know, you are right, I can see that different people have different circumstances and different personalities and therefore make different, and equally valid, choices".

she's clearly not bright enough to make that leap. my advice - we should stop trying

fox, having kids is a big commitment. Staying at home with them takes practice. It's a scarey thing at first but you learn along with the kids and then after not very long comes the enormous pride and reward that you are doing the best thing by your kids.

Then before you know it they are at school.

Bored of this thread now!! Can we discuss something else please?! Come over to 'Style' and give your views on 'boyfriend trousers' or something.....

Seriously though, the OP asked whether she should give up her job in her particular circumstances NOT what is best, SAHM or WOHM. We may be making a bit too much of this - each to his own, and that's that (as Cod said). The overwhelming view on the OP is that she should stick with her job for the time being, or look at other working options, not give up entirely - it doesn't have to be a stark choice of one or the other.

oh for heaven's sake
as someone who was pretty vocal earlier in this thread can I just utterly distance myself from this WOHM bashing nonsense.
why are women so very quick to judge other women's choices like this?

anyone fancy ditching this and going for a beer?

you coming harpsi?

I'll come with you - make mine a G&T though

peahead don't be so agressive, 'poppet' (for your future reference) is a mumsnet poster who has been asked to give an opinion, and given one.

I did not read in the mumsnet rules anywhere that says 'if the thread is not going your way then you must back down and agree with all others' (perhaps you could point that out as I am "not bright enough" to spot it)

Why should I have to go over the whole 'yes I know we all have choices and different opinions blah blah' that much is obvious otherwise there would be laws dictating to us what we shoud do.
-just to save getting abuse from the likes of you.

It's my opinion and I am entitled to it. so ner ner.

(oh I know you are right pph! Incidentally, breezed past the Troubadour in the car this morning. Still one of my fave places!)

poppet my dear - this is where you have it wrong. You see, I've been at home with my kids for a few years and I'm gagging to return to work. It's not always the nirvana that you make it out to be. What works for one person, doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

splendid idea.
actually I quite fancy a Hoegaarden.
and some bombay mix