Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

[misosoup]

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

'[Xenia] is a feminist, she belives that women and men are truly equal - or should be.'

I don't agree. Xenia is as patriarchal as they come. She has made it clear that there's no point wasting education and opportunity on women who may leave work to become SAHMs.

Her equality means that we all have to want the same thing.

maybe, in xenia's world we all (male and female) have to decide age 18 whether we're going to stay at home (presumably permanently) with kids we may or may not have with a partner we haven;t even met yet, so as not to waste our time going to university. interesting.

Nobody said "working mothers" were selfish. I certainly don't hold that opinion. But some of the views expressed by Xenia, riab etc are most definitely selfish, spoilt and really quite repugnant IMO. I would be ashamed if my children grew up thinking like that, however "successful" they were.

I've absolutely no problem with mrswobble's posts either anchovy. I am coming from a different place to her but that doesn't matter....

She expressed her views clearly, congently and without a lot of accessory baggage belittling SAHMs

Xenia however has been so extraordinarily bigoted, stupid and judgmental that she thoroughly deserves a bit of invective from harpsi

yes it's not a very good role model is it greeny.

Ah, I see hmc

..and as it happens I haven't yet noticed any derogatory comments on this thread from SAHMs aimed at WOHM...

yoooooooo hooooooooo harpsi, check your hotmail please, madam

Back to the original post, the final choice is yours alone. In 20 years will you remember the first time your child smiled/walked/recited the alphabet, or will you remember the balance of your bank account? Understandably it is a diifficult choice, but if you can reasonabley afford it from a financial point of view, do what your heart says.

VVVQV - I wasn't going to let it wind me up...alas....

No HC, not a very good role model at all

There were always going to be people who purposefully misunderstood the basic tenets of feminism and just saw it as an opportunity to cobble together a quasi-political potted justification for the self-centred acquisitive lifestyles they were always going to pursue anyway. Thankfully people like Xenia are in a small minority.

to my understanding a massive part of feminism is about Choice.....A womans choice to do what they want; be it working or being a sahm. I am a sahm because I choose to be one. I am satisfied with my choice, but I am free to change my mind when, and as I please.

Ruddy hell I wish I had not read this thread

I have hardly got the energy to lift my begging bowl it has left me feeling so despondent

hmm, handlemecarefully, did you mean you couldn't understand my post? Well if that is the case, sorry that wasn't good English. English is not my first language and I was a bit lazy to phrase my post. That said, I don't see anyone has a problem to understand it.

I think it's quite a common misunderstanding that feminism is (essentially) about working/not working. I'm as feminist as they come but tbh not really happy about the fact that I'm working FT and dh is a SAHD. In fact I'm completely obsessive about making sure I get as much time with ds as dh does. (Flexible job, lots and lots of working from home - thank goodness). It's also a big reason why I was so grimly determined to make bf work when things were going wobbly. I also take on extra work to make ends meet. 'm exhausted and in my heart of hearts miserable about it - even though ds has gained a whole lot from having dh around him and dh has gained too. Ironically I know that a lot of women I come into contact with on a day-to-day basis actually envy me.

The idea that education and opportunity have to at all times translate into immediately obvious economic 'productivity' runs, IMO, counter to feminism.

However it has been particularly lovely to see HMC, HC and Greeny all posting wonderfully on the same side of the argument

Yup. I would.

"hmm, handlemecarefully, did you mean you couldn't understand my post? Well if that is the case, sorry that wasn't good English. English is not my first language and I was a bit lazy to phrase my post. That said, I don't see anyone has a problem to understand it. "

No I understood it just fine, I was simply being rude and objectionable in a 'touche' kind of way

That's very kind Franny, but I fear I have crossed the boundary of acceptable [rueful grin emoticon]. You know how hot headed I am!

Nobody said "working mothers" were selfish. I certainly don't hold that opinion.
I must have misunderstood then, sorry, my english is not good enough, doesn't do sarcasm as much as I'd like... (or at least I have to reread something 5 times before I get it)

Don't leave your job misosoup, not because you earn 250K, bt because you WILL NOT be a better mother if you do. You sound like you are doing a pretty good job already....I also work long hours away from my 5 young children, but I am home everyday with them,( as you are too ), and consider the quality of time and interaction to be much more important than the amount...and this is borne out in the research too.Is loafing around all day ignoring your kids half the time better than the 20 minutes I spent in the bath with my 6 month old twin daughters having bubble blowing competition ? Plus your daugters are getting an invaluable role model. Stick with it, the hard bits get easier. Every mother is a full time mother AND stays home too, it's just that some of us put in a full day's work too..

Thanks for posting Mozhe / Xenia (you are after all one and the same). You've restored my sense of humour with:

"Is loafing around all day ignoring your kids half the time better than the 20 minutes I spent in the bath with my 6 month old twin daughters having bubble blowing competition ?"

Priceless!

Oh and full marks on 20 minutes quality time with your dd's ...I'm sure they will thank you for it in years to come

"Every mother is a full time mother AND stays home too, it's just that some of us put in a full day's work too.."

Um - unless you've mastered the art of astral projection, that's hogwash.

But if you feel you are the sort of parent who would spend all day "loafing around" ignoring your children if you had the opportunity to spend more time with them, then yes, they probably are better off with the nanny.

actually I was just thinking the same as Franny, it has been nice to see you on here HMC, talking lots of sense (imo, natch). and you have been amusing and restrained.

Aw shucks harpsi