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Original poster

Would you leave a £250,000pa job to be a SAHM?

1000 replies

misosoup · 27/10/2006 13:43

Ok, I've changed my name for this, not quite sure why....

I really enjoy my job and it is pretty well paid but since I returned to work after having DD2 I have been thinking a lot about this.

I can afford not to work, dh's income is nothing like mine but still above average although it will clearly be a huge drop in our standard of living.

And I miss the kids do much during the day... I spend 2 hours per day with them plus weekends. There is no way I can cut my hours any more and part-time is out of the question.

But I have worked so hard to get here, against all odds. I don't want to throw it all away.

OP posts:
twickersmum · 29/10/2006 08:07

i haven't read the whole thread... but you should really try to reduce your hours, in the short term anyway, see how you get on then when you get to see more of them. i know you said it's not possible in your job, but you'll be amazed what they offer you when/if you resign. I have 2 friends who are traders on similarly big incomes and they both now have fridays off after resigning post baby, they also have 4pm finishes though still start at 7am. Live in au-pair who does nursery drop offs plus general housekeeping / couple of nights babysitting seems to work well for them.

Original poster
misosoup · 29/10/2006 08:42

OK, just to say - staying at home does not agree with dh. He was out of work for 6 months at it was hell. He took 2 weeks paternity leave when dd1 was born and cut that short after 3 days!!! Don't get me wrong, he is a lovely dad but he needs to be working.
Plus him being at home does not really help me that much.

Xenia, I know where you are coming from, I used to speak your language. I am curious what you do for a living.

OP posts:
saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 08:55

i wouldnt be a sahm of small pre school children if you paid me.

small children yuk.

this has turned into a sahm V wohm. (again)

i think Wohms are far more interesting all round the "no money in the world could seperate me from my children" type of mummy mkes me vomit.

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 29/10/2006 09:09

in that case, may I respectfully suggest that you change your posting name, as St Augustine was a Berber from North Africa, which is a very child-loving society.

saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 09:14

i have my own reasons for using this name. get a better argument

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 29/10/2006 09:17

Maybe it looks OK to people who dont know anything about St Augustine, but it grates with anyone who does. Whatever your reasons for chosing the name are. Your opinions as expressed on MN don't really have any relation to the real St Augustine.
But hey its only an internet forum.

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 29/10/2006 09:17

Maybe it looks OK to people who dont know anything about St Augustine, but it grates with anyone who does. Whatever your reasons for chosing the name are. Your opinions as expressed on MN don't really have any relation to the real St Augustine.
But hey its only an internet forum.

saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 09:24

not Hippo anyway. you have the wrong st augustine - but that would have made for rather a long and detailed posting name.

there are posters on here who call themselves lots of things.

if i changed myname to tony blair - it wouldnt make me tony blair.

Hows this. Saint George - the poster on mumsnet - is a white witch ( sorrry St G if this is politically incorrect witch labling)!

Schokofruhstucksflockenhasseri · 29/10/2006 09:31

people are often taking the p*s out of a famous person though. Like LadyHeather.

Now as my yukky small children are in another country, I really must get down to work, so that I will have plenty of ammunition tomorrow to fight back against the office bully, who is trying to get me sacked.

Chandra · 29/10/2006 09:35

I still have my doubts about St George being white, after all, he was born in Turkey and was venerated at a variety of not stricly white countries long before he became venerated at England

Judy1234 · 29/10/2006 09:53

Just because you don';t want to look after under 5s doesn't mean you don't love children. Loads of fathers are loving caring involved parents and theydon't want to look after under 5s either. It's not SAHM - love children, working mother hates them by any means.

It sounds like here the husband wouldn't want to take it one and I don't see why anyone should who doesn't want to. You don't need a blood tie to provide loving child care.

One of the key issues for parents who choose to stay at home is to realise that it may not benefit your children and they may prefer their father and their father may leave you penniless and you're doing it for yourself. It's not some selfless act. It's an indulgence in a way so if you don't get a huge lot out of it may be don't do it. If you love it and couldn't bear not to be with the children 24.7 when they're under 5 then of course do it and that's lovely. Children don't often thank mothers who give things up for them.

On giving, I think all parents give a lot to their children whether they work or not. If we're talking about altruism if you earn a lot of money you can give more away. I'm sure I help more people than had I no salary. Look at the good Bill Gates can do with his money which had he decided to be a househusband he could never achieve in the wider world.

Judy1234 · 29/10/2006 09:56

ps, misosoup, didn't really want to say I did, not ignoring you. I came on mumsnet when I was interviewed by a journalist about an issue relating to it which cannot be named.

1 and 3 year olds are about the most demanding stage you can get to. In 3 years they will both be in full time school just about. Seems a pity to give up a lucrative career you might do for the next 30 years if you love it, just to have more time with children for a very few years when they won't suffer without you and you have 2 hours a day with them anyway in the week.

HappyMumof2 · 29/10/2006 10:00

Message withdrawn

LittleScarer · 29/10/2006 10:00

Hmmmm.

Well, I think other peoples ideas of road testing being a SAHM or saving for a year first are good.

I was a SAHM for 18 months and then went back to uni, for me it was perfect timing tbh, I get to see my dd 2.5 days and am at uni 2.5 days. I'd love to work freelance in the future, when dd is at school, but I don't know how viable it'll be.

For me, personally, I couldn't be a full-time SAHM but I like being a part-time SAHM.

I think everyone is different and that should be respected.

saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 10:27

sarah that was far too sensible for this kind of thread - don't do it again.

LittleScarer · 29/10/2006 10:32
ScummyMummy · 29/10/2006 10:54

Interested in jura's post. I have an aunt whose dh was temporarily unemployed in this way- made redundant from v highly paid job unexpectedly- and I found her resentment of him being unemployed for a while quite stunning. It was as if she hated him for 'failing' in his breadwinning role because it undermined what she felt was her 'right' to stay home- she eventually returned to work to tide them over. When I probed a bit, trying to sympathise and thinking that perhaps he wasn't pulling his weight with the kids and house and that this was the source of her crossness with him, it didn't appear to be about that at all. It seemed to be about both of them having utterly rigid gender role expectations bound into their identities as people- they both wanted her at home and him at work and when that was reversed they just didn't like each other much and were v unhappy. I accept it was a tough and worrying time for them and a big transition but I found the way they viewed each other really strange.

albatros · 29/10/2006 10:58

No

RanToTheHills · 29/10/2006 10:58

not read the thread, but in all honesty, don't think i cd! Must be money-grabbing so and so but that's such a lot of money to give up. I'd want to carry on/go part-time/turn freelance whatever but not give up that opportunity.

Greensleeves · 29/10/2006 11:16

Just a small point - in response to those who worry that if they stay at home to bring their children up they will have nothing else in their lives and their children will despise them for it.

There are things one can do which aren't paid but are nonetheless passionate skilled interests, some of which may involve the children. Many SAHMs do valuable volunteer work where possible, write, paint, play in bands, belong to various societies/committees and most definitely do have "a life". It's too crude to portray the SAHM as a passive martyr whose life revolves solely around playdates and housework. We all want our children's admiration and respect - I think there are ways to achieve that other than by working long hours and earning a fat salary.

saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 11:26

or indeed working long hours becuase you dont have a choice and not earning a fat salary.

Greensleeves · 29/10/2006 11:28

But that isn't what this thread is about.

ScummyMummy · 29/10/2006 11:29

I'm sure there are, gs. Let us hope so anyway, for the sake of love and life, whether people work or not.

zippitippitoes · 29/10/2006 11:31

this is why I mentioned quangos etc..or the IMB who try to ensure prisons run as they should

saintAugustine · 29/10/2006 11:34

"I think there are ways to achieve that [a life?]other than by working long hours and earning a fat salary.

was my response not in context?

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