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Original poster

Returning to work after maternity leave :(

30 replies

C4ALR · 24/08/2014 20:24

Iv got to go back to work next Monday after 9 months of maternity leave, iv got to work 34 hours a week and I can't bare the thought of it, I just keep crying. I have to return to work so I need to come to terms with it but I don't know how???

Anyone else feel the same ??

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 24/08/2014 20:26

What exactly is worrying you!

Stealthpolarbear · 24/08/2014 20:26

Sorry that should have been a ?

Original poster
C4ALR · 24/08/2014 20:32

My ds still breast feeds, not a lot in the day but sometimes (which I do know he can cope without it if I'm not around) but still worry he will want feeding, and just being away from him really as sad as it sounds, just lately he is so mummified he cries even if I leave the room. I know I'm daft because my mum is looking after him and he sees her most days so will be fine, also I'm scared of missing his firsts of things, first words, steps etc..

OP posts:
Stealthpolarbear · 24/08/2014 21:03

:( he is doing the separation anxiety thing.
Fwiw I think the bf will be fine. Ds and dd both went from milk monster to only when I was home quite easily at a little older than your ds.
the firsts thing...I have to say ive never really got the first word or first walk thing. Its all such a gradual thing. Is their first step wehn they put one foot out whole holding the sofa? When they take their first unsupported step but then collapse? Whenthey walk confidently for the first time? CChances are you'll see one of those! Ditto for talking.

Original poster
C4ALR · 24/08/2014 21:13

I had to do a keep in touch day at work about 3/4 weeks ago 9-4 and it seems to be since then that he has become mummified, my mum said all day he was absolutely fine wen I got there he smile, cried then cuddled me for literally 40 minutes (he isn't a cuddly baby really) well he wasn't until then.

Everyone keeps telling me once I get back to work we will both get into a routine and everything will just be normal but doesn't really help Sad

Iv done 3 kit days at work and each time iv left bottles for him to have but I cannot get him to take one, he drinks juice out of a tommee tippee but won't drink milk out of either, I wanted him weaned off breast by time I went to work but hasn't happened

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 24/08/2014 22:50

He'll look to you,your reactions to guide him.you need to mask unhappiness,get upbeat
It is what it is,returning to familiar role.you can do it,but ease up on the guilt/dread
Your supporting your infant,keeping job,thats good role model.aim to be good,good enough.

Learn ti do the face if you get adverse reactions to return to work
Dont be that sobbing mother at her desk. Learn to compartmentalise
Dont mope at work,just get stuck in. Chances are it'll come straight back

Leonas · 24/08/2014 23:01

I've been back to work full time for a week now and I am still having a wee cry most nights! I know my dd is fine at nursery/ with family during the week and we have just had a lovely weekend together but it hurts me to leave her every morning. I don't think I can offer any advice really but you are not alone! I think it is perfectly normal to feel like this and I can only imagine it does get easier. Good luck back at work x

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 10:50

I think I'm going to cry I'm crying already and he's still with me.

I think a lot of it, is guilt isn't it because I feel mean that I'm not going to be there for him, 2 days a week I'm going to be dropping him to my mums at 7 and not able to pick him up till 6:20 luckily the other 3 days it will be drop off at 7 pick up at 1:20.

I hope it does get easier for me and you, I'm guessing it does because everyone does it x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 12:08

So stop crying.lose the mummy guilt and learn to compartmentalise work and personal
Im sorry its hard at mo,but you shouldn't get maudlin it is necessary to return to work
You need to hold it together around your son,not be crying.

HenriettaTurkey · 25/08/2014 12:13

I was just like this when I returned to work: and DH is sahd so DS was in great hands!

His first birthday was hard as I had a long day: 8am-7pm. That made me cry.

But you know what? It really did get better after time, and I learned to treasure the time I had with him: bath time, story time, bedtime & lovely family weekends.

It's hard; but it's doable. And if it's too hard, then maybe re- think the job?

PumpkinPie2013 · 25/08/2014 14:30

I've just done my first week back (full time). I don't bf so can't comment on that but honestly it's been fine!

My ds goes to nursery as I have no family childcare but he settled really well and I always peep through the door before I go in for him and he's playing happily!

I miss him of course but I've gone back to work at a really busy time so had to get stuck in straight away which makes things easier as the day goes quickly. Do get stuck in when you go back regardless of how you might feel.

I make sure evenings I play with ds and do his bath and stories so feel I have quality time with him then. Weekend has been lovely as we've been to the park/library and played together lots.

Best advice I can give is make sure everything is organised at night - clothes laid out, bags packed, lunch made etc. Makes mornings far less stressful!

Good luck - it will be ok! Thanks

callamia · 25/08/2014 14:40

I'm going back next Monday after the summer break, but I went back at Easter while DH took paternity leave. Next Monday, things get real when DS starts nursery.

It isn't going to the easiest thing we've done. They will cry, but that's normal and demonstrates that we've actually managed to create a child with good attachment.

I'm thinking about all the opportunities he'll have at nursery - no one trying to make dinner/do washing over his head; other babies to hang out with and learn from - it will be a tough transition, but it will be ok.

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 16:07

For those whose babies go to a nursery I can assure you they will love it and get so much social and personal development out of aswel as so much more, that is my job and I work in the baby room, which is why I can't take my ds there.

Also I had planned to organise things each night as it's going to be early mornings x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 16:41

All my children went nursery from 6mth.FT 8-6.it was fine.

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 16:48

It's defo more me than my ds or any of our children because 99% of the time they are always fine at relatives. Nursery or where ever they are, it's just a strange thought and feeling knowing your going to be without them all day when since they have been born they are with you constantly,

Iv only ever left my ds for... Well less than 20hours in total since he was born x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 17:16

Why have you only had 20hr apart in 9month?was that by choice,are you lone parent?
Your mum is clearly available,that great.why have you had so little time away
Im not talking out woo-hooing.i mean go shop,hairdresser,see a pal,coffee on own

zippey · 25/08/2014 17:32

Do you have to go to work eg for cash reasons? If theres a way to live without the extra cash coming in, I suggest you dont go back. If its not possible, are you able to do just part time?

Will he be going to nursery or with family while you work?

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 20:02

Iv never felt the need to need to be apart from him, he just comes where I need to go, and no I'm not a lone parent.

I need to go back to work for the income as my dh is self employed which means we don't get a guaranteed wage from him x

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 20:35

You work in a baby room Nursery what good advice do you give parents who are anxious
All this time you're not apart from baby,where's your husband?how do you and him get ant quality time
Good luck going back.don't dwell on it.do compartmentalise

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 21:09

Doesn't matter what advice I give it's different when it's your own,
My husband is either at work, or with us, and we don't really have too much time to ourselves couple if broken hours in the evening, but that's a sacrifice you take to have a baby isn't it

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 21:16

No,its not all sacrifice and to never have couple or solo time.that's too martyred
If its all sacrifice the balance is wrong
You had a baby.its not an exercise in sacrifice and denial

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 21:25

I don't know how you find time to have 'couple time' we're happy with the way things are so that's all that matters

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/08/2014 21:29

All I'm saying isn't doesn't have to be angsty or upsetting to use nursery
Nor does it need to be all sacrifice when you have a baby
You are allowed time off

Original poster
C4ALR · 25/08/2014 21:54

No I get that, it's just the way some people are I suppose we would rather do things together the 3 of us then have some baby sit and do something on our own cos we would only be worrier he was ok anyway

OP posts:
Vicky5910 · 25/08/2014 22:15

It's really hard going back to work, I sympathise completely! Having the right childcare is key, and ask for a few text updates or pictures of your happy baby over the first few weeks to reassure you that all is OK.
I don't do any 'couple' things with DH really either, we both adore our daughter and our trips/events are now the 3 of us. We chose to have her and we love her company, and of course her being around us doesn't mean we aren't still spending time together, we can talk with her in the room too.
Breastfeeding and work are compatible :) I had to express the first few weeks as my boobs were so sore and full! But dd wasn't bothered with bottles and just made up for it when I got home. I loved the huge snuggle with her :)
You're doing fine xxx