Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Great job come up but do I stay a SAHM or work FT?

44 replies

Rinkydinkypink · 29/06/2014 02:19

Dc 6 and 1. I'm currently self employed but work very few hours, some weeks nothing at all. Others a lot but for no pay. I have little to no money. Dh pays for everything!

After dc 1 was born I was made redundant, retrained and did lots of voluntary work. I basically haven't been employed but have worked and fulfilled contracts until dc 2 came along last year.

A great job has come up. It would double our family income but its full time and a lot or responsibility. I didn't apply the first time it was advertised, it wasn't filled and now it's being re advertised.

I simply can't decide whether working this much is a bad move? I love working, the independence it gives me and I am bored at home. However I love my dc and being able to look after them all the time and keep the house nice makes life a lot easier.

So do I oh with bored and easier, time with dc and wait. Or apply for good job, work ft (could maybe get hours reduced to 30 hrs a week), employ a cleaner / gardener / full time child care.

I can't apply and see what happens. If I get it I 'll have to take it because it's with folks I work with now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 29/06/2014 02:31

Dh works 12+ hour days mon-fri. Will be starting Uni on top of this in Sept. I do all school runs/meals and most if not all housework and gardening.

This job is a 20 min commute. Some of it could be done from home and on an evening. Children would need to be in ft childcare.

Am I going to wish I hadn't taken it? I have a very good chance of getting it.

OP posts:
Timetoask · 29/06/2014 08:57

Is there a way in which you could increase your hours of self employment so that you can earn more but at the same time have flexibility at home?
It sounds like you already have contacts and experience, would be a shame not to leverage on that. How about contract work?

Chocotrekkie · 29/06/2014 09:05

Can you speak to them about making the job part time ? Or split the job a bit - so you doing it say 3 days with an assistant to help with some bits ?

If they are struggling to fill the job they might be open to this.
They probably haven't thought about this - most companies it's "oh mrs x is leaving - she works full time 9 to 5. Put the advert out for the exact replacement"

3 days with good childcare + a cleaner/online shopping. You'll be fine.

And in the worst case scenario you just resign after a few months, leave it off your cv and wait till kids are a bit older.

Go for it !!

eltsihT · 29/06/2014 09:48

I am sort of in this position. I am a teacher and want to work 2/3 days a week, my dc are 1 and 3. But a full time position has come up at a school I really enjoyed working at before.

Tbh I am feeling like I need to start and do something just for me, and without the second income I can't afford to sign up to classes or a course. My dh works away from home 3/8 weeks and also does long shifts so I am often on my own with the boys

Also in Scotland secondary teaching is changing quite drastically atm and I feel like I need to stay in touch with what's going on.

Really not sure what's best, but I think I will apply for the job and see how it goes for a few months, if it doesn't suit I will try to reduce my hours or leave, but I won't know until I try.

Yama · 29/06/2014 09:54

I would go for it. Sounds like a great job. You may regret not going for it.

tribpot · 29/06/2014 09:54

I notice your DH hasn't had quibbles about whether or not to pile a uni course on top of a 12 hour-a-day job, why is that?! And what does he think about you applying for this role, given the likely benefit to your family?

I would express interest but be honest about the hours you are likely to be able to offer, query if the role could be split as Choco suggests. It sounds like it's a job you would find rewarding beyond just the additional income.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 29/06/2014 09:58

I think you should take that job. It will benefit the whole family, especially in the long run.

noblegiraffe · 29/06/2014 10:06

Think very carefully. Both your kids will need childcare. What will this be? Will one be at nursery and one in before/after school club? Don't underestimate what a pain in the arse for drop-offs and pick-ups it is having two children in different places. Will they need dropping off at the same time? How will dropping them off/picking them up restrict your working hours? Is it actually physically possible? If you are thinking you will have them both at the same childminder who will do the school run so you can drop off and pick-up from the same place, does a childminder actually exist who has spaces for this?

Who would look after your 6 year old during the school holidays?

Gen35 · 29/06/2014 10:14

I think your dc are at a good age to make the transition. I'd also talk to them about flexibility and making it a 5 in 4 or 4 days pw position. If you love the job, I think 4 days working in a supportive flexible organisation is hard but ok. If really ft and that's that, it will definitely be very hard unless ou can call on other family support.

slightlyglitterstained · 29/06/2014 10:22

If your DH is planning on starting a uni course in Sept, then it sounds like it might make sense for you to take it so that he can drop hours. A 60 hr week plus uni does not work, even part-time uni with no kids. Is the course related to his current job?

20 minute commute sounds excellent.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 29/06/2014 10:24

It might be a pain to organise child care but it is still worth it. Staying at home is a time bomb, it only takes a couple of years off the workplace to reduce career prospects in a very significant way.

If you work your family will be more protected if things ever go wrong (they do sometimes), it will also allow your very hardworking husband to work less hours in order to pay attention to his studies.

If you have doubts, still apply, and then take the decision based on the information you will be provided with during the interview or when you are offered the job.

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 29/06/2014 16:03

Sadly the work on a self employed basis isn't coming frequently because the competition has snowballed in the last year. Dh is very supportive but just wants me to be happy. He knows I want to work but honestly I think he likes me at home. Who wouldn't it makes life easier for everyone.

So my plan is to phone tomorrow and express an interest in the role but as a 30 hour post not 37.5 and see if they are open to this. I think they will be honest with me.

Apply and do my best. Childcare is sorted as we have a chdminder in the street who has spaces for both children and does school collection and drop off.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 29/06/2014 16:42

If you cannot do reduced hours, try to work one day from home if that is possible - that way, you can do little things like schedule tradesmen/deliveries to come on that day or dentist visits.

Another way to show commitment whilst still asking for flex is to suggest you start 6 - 12 months FT with a view to getting to grips with the role as quickly as possible and then scoping out how it can be done flexibly on reduced hours.

I did suggested the FT to PT/flex route in both my last jobs which were advertised FT. They were happy to give it a go and it led to a successful flex (compressed hours/work from home) arrangement for me.

MeMyselfAnd1 · 29/06/2014 18:49

Considering your background working at home, you may like to wait until you are offered the job before discussing working less hours (imo you will ruin your chances if you say you want to work less hours before the interview). Because if you wait and they like you, they may agree dor you to work less hours ir even to work from home on a day.

Gen35 · 29/06/2014 18:55

I think discussing, especially the ft to pt route if that's all they'll consider is a good idea - good luck op! I know being at home is easier for everyone and nicer, but there are two sides - you can hire a cleaner, boost savings and go on some great holidays if this can work out, working is a balance between short run and long run needs.

blueshoes · 29/06/2014 19:00

MeMyself, I agree with waiting for the job offer before bringing up the pt option. I would not blackmail a prospective employer at that stage. I make it clear I can and would accept the FT role as is but just wanted to explore what my options were further down the road (which they are free to dismiss).

tumbletumble · 29/06/2014 19:53

I would give it a whirl. If it doesn't work out you can resign, whereas if you don't go for it you may regret it in future.

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 01/07/2014 15:38

No reduction in hours sadly. Its full time or nothing. I feel so trapped and disappointed. So fed up with being at home with kids but full time work means saying goodbye to my kids Hmm

OP posts:
Gen35 · 01/07/2014 17:57

Ah that really sucks, sorry to see this update....so hard isn't it? I'm not sure there's ever a good point to transition back to both parents working full time.

tumbletumble · 01/07/2014 21:00

It's interesting that this is your reaction - rather than a slight sense of relief. Maybe that implies you should go for it anyway?

tribpot · 01/07/2014 21:32

You realise that those of us who do work full time don't feel we said goodbye to our kids?!

Original poster
Rinkydinkypink · 01/07/2014 21:58

I did wonder about the disappointment. It is telling that I would like to work and the money would be so good! I've lived on less than £150 a month for everything business and personal from, phones, transport, clothes, nights out, presents, hair cuts, kids trips out, for the last 7 years! Some months I've been down in negative profit and had to use saving to pay for my advertising etc.

The thing about saying goodbye to your kids was a comment one of my best friends made. It was said at a time she was struggling with the juggling act. All my good friends who work are going through major guilt about working, are totally exhausted and keep saying how lucky I am. They all work shifts of 12+ hours for 3 days a week to cut childcare costs. I can't do this because of my husbands job.

I feel very selfish wanting to work but I'm so fed up and so sick of doing the mum thing. I don't feel like in being a very good mum because its such an effort to fake interest. I've had a bad day today of tears, no energy or motivation and if I see another pile of washing to put away or more tidying up I think I may scream.

It's such a jump for all of us. Mum at home 90% of the time to 30% if that!

OP posts:
Yama · 01/07/2014 22:06

Someone posted this on Facebook today:

themindunleashed.org/2014/07/30-things-start-4-absolutely-vital.html

Pay heed to number 4 and number 11.

tribpot · 01/07/2014 22:07

Why don't you try it? If it doesn't work out, at least you've learnt something. It's not a crime not to want to be a SAHM - not everyone is suited to it. I wouldn't have been (fortunately the question didn't arise with a DH too ill to work).

Plus once you're in post you'll be able to see how the land lies about flexible hours and working from home.

Rivercam · 01/07/2014 22:13

Are there other part time jobs you can do? Personally, I would hate to leave young children in childcare and feel I would be missing out. Also, have you done the sums? How much of your money will be left over after paying childcare?