Great job come up but do I stay a SAHM or work FT?

[Rinkydinkypink]

Dc 6 and 1. I'm currently self employed but work very few hours, some weeks nothing at all. Others a lot but for no pay. I have little to no money. Dh pays for everything!

After dc 1 was born I was made redundant, retrained and did lots of voluntary work. I basically haven't been employed but have worked and fulfilled contracts until dc 2 came along last year.

A great job has come up. It would double our family income but its full time and a lot or responsibility. I didn't apply the first time it was advertised, it wasn't filled and now it's being re advertised.

I simply can't decide whether working this much is a bad move? I love working, the independence it gives me and I am bored at home. However I love my dc and being able to look after them all the time and keep the house nice makes life a lot easier.

So do I oh with bored and easier, time with dc and wait. Or apply for good job, work ft (could maybe get hours reduced to 30 hrs a week), employ a cleaner / gardener / full time child care.

I can't apply and see what happens. If I get it I 'll have to take it because it's with folks I work with now.

If you really want to get back into employment, I suggest you lump it for now, take the ft job, re-invigorate your CV and then wait and see. Once you have proven yourself and scoped out the job a little, they might be prepared to consider reduced hours then. Or if not, move on - you would be in a much better position to command pt roles then, since you now have current relevant experience under your belt.

You got to get back on the career track and it may have to be in stages before you get to the dream pt job. If you don't start now, you will just continue to be stuck at home and marking time.

PS I do a ft job with flex and don't feel I don't see my children. No guilt either. Sure, there is a lot of juggling but not everyone feels guilt. I feel I am doing the best I can for my dcs. If you want the job, make it happen and the rest you can work around.

What blueshoes said.

Would DH be able to do some daycare/school pick ups or drop offs? Seems reasonable for him to, given you'd be doubling the family income. He's already established in his role so may be better able to ask for some flexibility.

And def get a cleaner, and a gardener if you need one.

I don't suppose the job has a great vacation allowance that would allow you to take a good amount of holidays with the dc? It's the 1 yr old I'd worry about, the older one can understand it's time for mummy to go back to work. Tough call, especially when you can't pull in any more family support to assuage the guilt. I did work ft when dd was 1 to just over 2, after she was about 18 mos she started to really hate being at nursery ft long days but that's just my experience.

I think I need to apply. So it's not ideal but the money! I would bring home just under 2k a month AFTER full time childcare! I keep thinking of everything we could do with it. Dh works too far away to help out with school drop offs etc. He leaves at 7am and generally doesn't get home till 7pm. Add on top of this a Uni course. I have no idea how he's going to do it! I would leave about 8.15 and be home by 5.40 at the latest.

Dh pointed out last night it's only another 3 years till dd starts school. He was trying to be helpful but I burst into tears and thought I can't do this for another 3 years. I've got 2 degrees, a profession and a lot of experience.

I say take it. If you want to work in the future this is a good way back in. Then yes modify later when you have current experience.

X post. Yes take it and don't feel guilty, there's no need.

5.40 home time is good.

I agree that's a good home time, and that's a huge amount to clear after childcare. I think you do want to try it, you can always quit or renegotiate down the line if you get it. They may say no flexibility now but 6-9 months down the line it could be another story, and you'll have the threat of reecent experience.

Rinkydink, if you have £2K after ft childcare and an extra room, I suggest you get an aupair to do wraparound childcare so you and dh don't have to do the drop off/pick up everyday and buys you flexibility and peace of mind.

It worked very well when I went back to work when ds was 11 months. The aupair did the school run for schoolage dd and early drop off for ds at nursery and pick ups, if I could not do them. She could also cover if both dh and I happened to be late at work and illness in children or sudden pick ups at school/nursery. She could also let tradespeople in during the day and do little errands like drop parcels off at the post office or buy milk that has run out. You can also leave the house without always having to drag your dcs around with you. You don't have to use her for all of that but that back-up gives you peace of mind and less rushing around.

5:40 is a good home time. That sounds doable.

Bear in mind you are supporting DH is his professional development (via the uni degree and indeed by being responsible for all childcare during the day) and it's not unreasonable to expect some compromises from him to support you in return. Your job is not to put your needs last - did you look at link Yama posted?

I liked the link! It's very true and I see your point. Its very easy to fall into the trap of putting everyone else first and assuming that's the best. In reality it possibly isn't. I am also beginning to think its better for ds that this change is to happen sooner rather than later. He's nearly 7 and this will hit him the hardest.

We don't have a spare room otherwise. I am considering a nanny but the 2 k is based on a childminder, a nanny would be double that but would be brilliant! However nanny + gardener + cleaner + parking spot would leave 600 a month.

Au pair and nanny are two different beasts, although your smaller one is maybe too young for an au pair.

Although the numbers come out the same, it's important to consider all your outgoings compared to your joint income - you aren't paying for the childminder, the family is. (Just as the family is paying your DH's uni fees I assume).

I would absolutely try it - the worst that can happen is that it doesn't work & you resign. Which is not bad at all.

Working is so important for mental health if you're not a natural sahm (I wasn't). And it's nice to have money too! Your needs are important; don't subjugate yourself for everyone else.

Can DH not start a bit later so he could at least do the drop offs? Does he need to do the uni course? I would kick my DH's arse if he was doing a university course that he didn't need to do when we had young kids and if it was preventing me from doing a job I really wanted to do. That said, we both spent 5 years at university plus post grad qualifications so I think we've both done more than enough study for this lifetime.

I think he's going to need to be a bit more flexible/supportive if at all possible - it's not up to you to "prove" you can do this without it affecting him.

(That said, it's all very well of me to lecture, I don't have children, yet, just one on the way. DH and I have agreed that I'll return to work after mat leave when the baby is about 10 months. I will do 4 days and he will do 4.5, with me taking Wednesdays off and him taking Friday afternoons off. We have 3 full days at daycare already booked (will share pick ups and drop off) and grandparents will rotate for the half day on Friday mornings. At the moment it makes sense for me to do a bit more childcare as my work is closer to home and he earns a bit more. Oh and we have a cleaner 2 hours a week!)

Apart from the money, there is the benefit of getting back into work and keeping your qualifications current and yourself employable - this has economic benfits too, though they are less tangible.

Do you need a gardnere? Is your garden massive? Could this be a job delegated to DH? We have a decent sized section with a large back lawn and planting round the sides, and a small lawn at the front with hedges & planting - gardening is strictly DH's domain! In reality it only needs mowing, mainly in summer, and some pruning every so often. On the rare occasions that I have helped out I have realised it's actually quite a pleasant job, and beats doing the supermarket shopping or negotiating the mortgage rate or chasing up tradesmen (strictly my domain).

Dh pointed out last night it's only another 3 years till dd starts school. He was trying to be helpful but I burst into tears and thought I can't do this for another 3 years

It's easy for him to say 'it's only another 3 years'. Three years is a lot when you are putting your life on hold - and have already been doing that for 6 years! This sounds like a great opportunity, which may not come up in 3 years time and you would be kicking yourself for missing the chance. I think you should apply. Good luck!!

Indeed - if it's 'only three years' he can take them off and combine SAHPing with his uni degree.

Exactly, because how on Earth do you recover from such a long career brake?

Why not take the job and sacrifice being a sahm for 2 or 3 years. If you organise yourself you will be fine. Think of how your family will benefit in the future. Ultimately you must have known about the hours before you applied?