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Original poster

Help!

49 replies

lill72 · 06/03/2013 13:14

I am in a rather difficult situation at the moment. My DH is out of work and has been looking for the past 5 months. I do a bit of freelance, but mostly am a stay at home mum. I have been looking a little bit, but have the issue of looking after and entertaining a two year old at home. My DD is highly demanding of my attention and I want her to be stimulated and get out and about, not stuck in front of the TV while I apply for jobs. I am also currently studying by distance as I am retraining as I want to change careers. I could look for work in my current career, but I really really do not want to work in this industry any more. It is very high pressure and it would require a lot of effort to look for a role that I dont want. It is very stressful time for us at the moment as you can imagine.Our life is literally on hold until one of us gets a job.

I was wondering if anyone else had been in a similar situation and what they did or your thoughts on my situation? thanks

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 06/03/2013 13:51

I think sometimes you have the luxury of choice and other times you don't. I can't remember a time when I've had the luxury of being fussy ... always needed to chase the money because I don't have a partner to pick up the slack. That's life. DS has had to fit around that and be flexible his whole life because I think quite honestly it's more important for me to provide the basics and keep a roof over our heads than to worry too much about whether he's super stimulated all the time. Good luck finding a job.

givemeaclue · 06/03/2013 13:58

If dh isn't working why would dc be stuck in front of tv whilst you apply for jobs? Can he not look after dc so you are both job hunting/doing child care with one of you covering for the other.

Kormachameleon · 06/03/2013 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maddening · 06/03/2013 14:06

Yes you both need to be sharing childcare while both applying for jobs.

Catsdontcare · 06/03/2013 14:08

If your husband is out of work why isn't he helping to entertain and care for your dd too?

INeverSaidThat · 06/03/2013 14:10

Would it help your DH get his act together if you did your writing/job hunting etc out of the house. Maybe you could go to the local library?

Original poster
lill72 · 06/03/2013 14:46

To explain - it is more important that my DH finds a job as he has higher earning potential, so he is out of the house all day searching while I stay at home looking after DD. I don't put any pressure on him in terms of childcare, as I want him to maximise his time looking. I am just finding it very hard to look for a job and look after my DD.

I am not being fussy about a job - I have actually just being doing some freelance at way below what I should be paid. However this meant DH had to look after DD and look for jobs which was almost impossible for him.

thanks for your comments

OP posts:
BumpingFuglies · 06/03/2013 15:14

Is he out all day, every day OP?

maddening · 06/03/2013 15:30

Can you look online in the evening - that is how I am doing mu job search and am sahm with ds as dfiance is at work in the day.

Could you take on an evening job once dh is home? ( that is what I will be doing if my current job search doesn't work out - so I will still be able to search for better jobs)

How old is dd?

PatriciaHolm · 06/03/2013 15:31

Out all day? What on earth is he doing? A lot of job searching and applying is online, so what is he doing every day? Of course he can spend some time with your DD!

You could also look online after she's gone to bed, or is napping.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 06/03/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

givemeaclue · 06/03/2013 18:12

Op your basic issue is that your dh is out all day job hunting and is unavailable for childcare. However with most job searching being done on line now, unless he is attending interviews 40 hours per week, he is actually spending a lot of time outside the home hanging out in coffee shops etc. He cannot really need to be out all day, does he prefer being out the house? Why doesn't he want to spend time at home

LadyBeagleEyes · 06/03/2013 18:17

What others have said, what is he doing out all day every day 'looking for a job'?
That's not possible.

CloudsAndTrees · 06/03/2013 18:23

Why does he need to be out to look for jobs?

squeakytoy · 06/03/2013 18:25

job hunting is done via email and internet initially.. why on earth is he out of the house all day.. and if he is dropping his cv into places, he can do it pushing a buggy too..

fair enough if he had lots of interviews but that doesnt seem to be the case.. sounds to me like he is walking around getting some peace..

StuntGirl · 06/03/2013 18:27

Love, nobody job searches literally 24/7. Plus a lot of job hunting can be done online now. You both need to be looking for work, and whoever gets a job offer first goes for it. Money and security is more important than keeping your child 'stimulated'.

Original poster
lill72 · 06/03/2013 19:26

Hi all,
Yes, DH is out all day every day, literally looking for work. DH is out in cafes etc on his tablet using wifi so searching and applying for jobs online. He gets multiple calls from recruiters so he has to be able to take the calls - ie without a toddler in the background making noise. He is also attending interviews.

It is also better for him to be out like this, as he is not much help when he is at home - because as I said it is more important to look for work than me. He would help if I asked him more, but I don't want to take up his time. For instance, he came to the park on monday, then an email came through about a job and he didnt have his tablet with him to apply etc.

We were thinking of getting pregnant this year as I am getting to the older end of the spectrum - ie running out of time. This is not ideal if I have to search for jobs.

I must say I feel slightly attacked by certain comments. It is really, really tough in our industries and tricky for both of us. Try looking for a job with a toddler in your ear all day. I do some applying/searching when DD is napping and at night, but the nap is only for an hour and at night I get exhausted by a point.

I think a few are taking the 'stimulated' comment a bit too literally. I just meant that DD can't be stuck in the house all day.

OP posts:
Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 06/03/2013 19:30

You may qualify for Free Early Education for Two Year olds (FEET) through your local authority. I am not sure if it is nationwide (are you in England?) or not.

If you are eligible, you would be able to access 10 hours a week of funded early years provision for your child.

In the meantime, I think your DH is taking the piss.

squeakytoy · 06/03/2013 19:30

I have never heard such a lot of nonsense!

He can look on his tablet from home while you earn some money.. he does not need to be in a cafe.

Wishfuldrinking · 06/03/2013 19:36

Hi Lill, my husband has a senior role and DID spend all day, every day job hunting when he went through redundancy a few months ago. He had interviews with any promising recruitment agents, mostly face to face. He spent hours online researching vacancies and for all the ones that went to interview, he had to do a massive amount of research on the company. all jobs required two or three interviews, EACH. It sounds like you are doing everything that you can. Hang in there and have patience that the right role will come up. sorry to hear you are going though this. Don't put extra pressure on yourself worrying about being too proactive with your DD. the fact that you are the kind of mum who would worry about that means that she will not be lacking for anything.

Original poster
lill72 · 06/03/2013 19:38

squeakytoy - have you tried looking for a job and taking calls and looking after toddler? Yes, it is possible, but not the most effective way to look for work.

I was asking for advice, not an attack.

Maybe I am not explaining my situation well, but if this the advice I get, think I would rather get none thank you

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/03/2013 19:41

nobody is attacking you.. you are getting advice, and the advice is that there are plenty of ways around the problem you seem to have..

Original poster
lill72 · 06/03/2013 19:42

thank you wishfuldrinking for your comment and your understanding. Your husband sounds like mine - he has to go to 2-3 interviews for every role. He is getting put forward for multiple jobs from recruiters every week and then never hearing back. It takes a lot of time and energy and searching and pestering of recruiters/companies etc until you just get the right job at the right time.

It sounds like your husband has found a role which is great.

thanks again - I will hang in there!

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 06/03/2013 19:48

You clearly have internet at home - there's nothing stopping him job searching at home, I assume you have doors to close if your child gets a bit noisy? He can job search between the hours of X and X and help with the family outside of those hours. Or are the jobs he's searching for contracted 24/7 too?

I think it sounds like you don't want to go back to work at all, you assume your husband will get a job eventually, and so you want to keep the status quo as it is. And it sounds like he quite enjoys being out of the house and not engaging with looking after your child every day too.

And quite frankly you're both out of your minds if you are going to intentionally get pregnant while neither of you are bringing in an income.

Wishfuldrinking · 06/03/2013 20:23

Yes, very similar! I work from home so I saw how much effort he had to put into it every day and we were working next to each other on laptops so I knew he definitely wasn't exaggerating the time he was taking! Our DC's were at school so that did help a lot. He needed all the support we could give him to keep him focused and keep his spirits up. It sounds as though you have thought through all your options and are doing all you can to make things happen. It sounds very positive by the way, that there are lots of roles he can be put forward to. It takes time for companies to progress these things so you hear nothing for ages and then 6 interviews come along!