Male Nursery Nurses - What do you all think?

[M2T]

At ds's nursery they have just hired a male Deputy Manager. He is really nice and the kids love him. I thought it was nice to see a man working in a predominantly female stereotyped role. I work in an industry where women aren't really welcomed, so I know how awkward he must've felt at the beginning.

DH, however, wasn't so keen on the idea. He didn't like the idea of a man changing ds's nappy and stuff. I talked him round and he has spoken to the guy now, but I think that his reaction is probably quite common.

I've never heard of a male nursery nurse and wondered if anyone else had. Are there different rules for what a man can do and not do within nursery??

I'm all for it and think we need more men coming forward and doing what must be a very tiring, but rewarding job.

There are 3 male teachers at out primary school and a headmaster. One of them teaches reception and he seems vey popular with both parents and children alike. Apparently his wife teaches reception in another school and he saw no reason not to do the same. He says its the most enoyable yeargroup he has ever taught.

My DH trained as a Nursey Nurse, but felt so alienated at the nursey and then the school reception class that he stopped. He is now a Childminder (with me) and we job share. He started wanting to work with children at quite a young age (early 20's) but finally started training at 40 - then actually worked with children fulltime at 51!

I think he is an extremely good role model - apart from being male - he is black, a SAHD and disabled

Talk about an equal opps resource

I had male nursery nurses and primary teachers at school and I always favoured them. I also remember fancying them eventhough I must have been only 3 or 4...LOL Anyway, I think male nursery teachers should be encouraged as I think children benefit from positive male role models!

Batters while i agree with your comments about male childcarers/teachers I am not surprised that your DP was refused admittance to the female toilets. I am out and about with DS alone every week and always take him to the ladies if either of us needs to go. Surely its only the reverse of the same situation. Wouldn't dream of trying to take him into the gents.

Batters - did they have a disabled toilet? DH takes DD in them to change her if baby change is in the ladies.

when I was about 18 months old my dad took me swimming (as Rolf Harris had ordered, in those public information films ) and was refused admittance because they didn't want a man changing his daughter! and they wouldn't even supply a female member of staff to change me either!

When my DS started at nursery there was a male member of staff there (only a temp tho). I was quite pleased as he'd been looked after by DP for the last 9 months so thought the presence of a man might make the transition easier. For some reason DS has always preferred male company and even as a baby would be held my male friends happily but would complain if female friends held him.

DP however was a bit put out by this bloke being there. He thought it was odd that a bloke would choose to do the job (I suggested that maybe he had loads of small children in the family which is why he chose the job). I wondered if DP was worried DS would transfer his dad-type affection to this bloke.

PPH, do you think that's even more common with prep schools? Not trying to open can of worms, just wondered on basis of other friends' experiences.

my dp always has a problem with toilets too when he's out with dd. He finds baby-change or disabled toilets but if it's somewhere with just male/female he'd be lost! I wouldn't like my dd to go into a toilet with men urinating either! DD has a portable potty so if all else fails he goes back to the car!!
BTW, motherinferior, i will sound thick but what is a prep School?

Prep school is a private school for kids between 7 and 13, although some schools that go from 2-11 or whatever call themselves this now. Traditionally, they were all boys and everyone boarded (toughening them up ready for Eton or wherever; they were in preparation). In the US prep schools are also private but are for high school level students. HTH

Pre-prep - is reception to about Y3 or 4; prep is then up to Y6. AAfter that is secondary education.

Batters I sort of see your point. It does seem that the problem lies with the restaurant. Surely there is no reason why the men's toilets should smell. I know they seem to generally. Presumably they should provide a disabled/baby change facility as suggested. But I'm sure that a lot of people would have complained about a man in the ladies toilets. I think that is the real reason behind the manager's decision not some sort of child molestation issue which I suspect was a smoke screen.

If a man in this sort of job must be a closet molester then what are all female car mechanics?

When I announced to my employer that both myself and my husband would split parental leave (6 months each) I got the reaction that no normal man would want to be alone with a child all day. When asked to explain it became pretty obvious that by "not normal" he meant "deviant". I actually left that job.

wow, bob, I can imagine the boss from 'The Office' spouting that opinion about parental leave. Shocking to hear it was real life.

A male nursery nurse has just started last week at dd's nursery. Not sure how I feel - on the one hand pleased dd will have men and women caring for her, on the other, I don't really want him to change her nappy.

Unsure whether I should ask if he is going to be changing nappies. However, at our nursery the younger assistant workers do the nappies usually - he isn't an assistant.

He was really careful how he put it - it was all innuendo. Even better was a more senior person who said in a meeting "80% of music teachers are paedophiles you know." Truly staggering.

batters, I too share your surprise that a child friendly restaruant did not have a disabled toilet facility. Surely your dh's plight must happen all the time? The staff and manager must get very fed up with the situation. They must be subjected to constant complaints about it.

I think on the whole it's good that men get involved in midwifery, nursery care and school teaching. Good role models, and good for children to see both sexes in caring roles. I would be happy about a man changing a child's nappy or taking them to the loo.

But still, I have an underlying fear - sadly more men than women are paedophiles, and as I understand it, men with these tendencies do want to work with children. Our scout group was in disarray after one trusted leader of 20 years standing was convicted of paedophilia.

So first I would want thorough police checking ( for women as well as men). But is this enough, considering the Ian Huntly case? I think it depends on the organistion of the school/nursery. Things like nappy changing/loo facilities to have open access so other adults could see what was happening.

If these things were lacking, I would not immediately trust a male carer in the same way that I'd trust a female carer. I would be more watchful and questioning at first. Sorry - I know there are lots of fantastic male carers out there and I would like to think I am liberal and don't discriminate in my views, but my loyality lies with my child first.

Dinny, if you are not happy about it, SAY so! Honestly i would, just do it really discreetly , i'm sure it won't be a complete suprize to him that some mams might object!

I'm a nursery officer and we have a male nursery assistant he is brillant with the children, the children and parents love him. Male nursery workers are allowed to change the children wet clothes or wet accident and nappy because all carers are crb checked so there isn't any reason why a male couldn't change a child if a parent does object then of course thats there wishes but it isn't any different in having a male nursery worker than a male teacher, headteacher or male caretaker etc. I feel that there should be more males in child care and it shouldn't be classed as a womans job!!!!!.

Very interesting how views have changed - there was a very heated debate on this a couple of years ago on Mumsnet and this discussion seems so much more positive than the previous one (in which someone actually said they'd asked a nursery for assurance they'd never employ a man (and were given it!! - totally illegal!)).

On the nappy changes/toilet issue:

Child Protection policies in any facility for children have to be strong enough to protect children from any potential abuser, male or female. The means open door policies, witnessing policies etc etc (these also protect workers from accusations, so should be welcomed).

To worry about child protection issues on the basis that a man is working there is a real red herring - if the cp policies are not good enough, then any man or woman could abuse your child - and you should be worried. If the policies are good enough, you have nothing to worry about, regardless of gender.

i.e. it's the child protection practices you need to look at, not the gender of the workers. If you're worring about their gender, I'd suggest you're worrying about the wrong thing, and missing the point of cp.

Personally, I am very worried about the lack of men in my sons nursery and the primary school he's going to (20 teachers, all female). It's an issue I've raised with the head - why are there no men working here (if it was all male, questions would similarly be asked). It's not fair on young children to be cared for in an environment with no men - they lose out on being cared for by men, and will grow up with the idea that looking after children is 'women's work'.

tom, good point - we should worry about the child protection policies, not the gender. That's it in a nutshell.

I am just worried after the Ian Huntly case where the investigating police officers from two counties did not check up on him properly.

How can parents, and nursery and school managers, be sure that police checks are good enough? Do you think the current police checking system needs improving?

aside from the fact that police checks don't always work, what worries me also is the fact that if someone hasn't been convicted, still doesn't neccasserily mean they are innocent.
I know that makes me sound like a paranoid woman and thats just one point. The reason I personally wouldn't be happy about it is just because it's a strange man dealing with a very intimate care of my little girl!