Your tips please to a happy household when working ft...

[YouSmegHead]

So recently went back to work ft and haven't found my stride yet. What top tips do you have for keeping me sane

I am a sahm and work from home. Dh works all day and at night and is away a lot. I have a dd who is at home with me and a ds at school. Great tips on here:)

Meal planning
No online shopping where I live so one massive big shop then fresh stuff once a week.
Cleaning- dh has time with dcs and I do big clean weekends. Otherwise as I go. No ironing unless vital ie don't buy stuff that needs ironing.

Tidy time once a day, dcs pitch in. They love it:)

Work- iPhone / iPad at toddler groups and at night when in bed. Otherwise totally ignore housework as am looking after dd.

Once a week- beauty night, admin night, housework night, catch up with friends night, home fitness DVD night etc.

Once a week meeting with dh to update him on family stuff:)

Every night- glass of wine with dh to discuss family issues and dc.

Enjoyed a book called how to walk in high heels- v useful:)

Nother useful tip is always ensure you get as many business trips away as your other half to ensure equality in the marriage and so that both of you are equally competent at not just helping but being in charge. Also if they have time to play with children at weekends you have the same time they do and when you are playing with them he is cleaning. In other words achieving that equity and fairness in the relationship can be the key to managing at all. Never take on more burden than he has and always be more than happy to assume he will be tons better than yuou are at cleaning, holding a screamnig baby for 3 hours at 2am and washing baby clothes. That ability to have faith that your other half is great at those things ( was more than happy myself to assume he would well exceed me) makes for a lovely relaxed life leaving the other half to do at least half that kind of thing.

ive been thinking about this thread whilst doing some bloody chores

and what actually keeps me sane (so in answer to the OP) is;

remembering that I am really really lucky to have my lovely happy healthy kids; remembering Im lucky to have had a good education and have a professional job which I enjoy; appreciating that dd1 loves school and dd2 loves nursery; enjoying my bike ride to work; chatting abstract nonsense with my favourite colleague (you have to find a good friend at work IMO); sometimes thinking fuck-it and having cheese sandwiches and popcorn on the sofa for tea with the kids whilst watching a film and going to bed too late; sometimes letting everyone have chocolate cake for breakfast; sometimes being late for work/leaving work early/take a day off mid-week to chill. And remember to catch yourself whilst hurrying the kids home/through tea/to bed/out of bed/out of the door/to school/home again....and breath....and smile...

ithinkimightbegoingmad lovely post

These are a few things that have helped me at various points:

Morning organisation

Sunday night organisation

Household Captain's Log

Handbags at Dawn

Box of Last Resort

Christmas Countdown

Stock up your Present Cupboard

see see SEEEE!....that makes me hyperventilate boffin!!

but...on the subject of breakfast...i send my kids to breakfast clubs (they love it!) so that saves a headache

i get up at 6am and eat my breakfast in peace before the mayhem starts (although means i am ready for 2nd breakfast by 10am!)

I still can't chuffing well do labels. Three degrees and labels defeat me.

When cooking dinner make up sandwiches and sort out tomorrow's dinner (e.g take whatever out of the freezer)

Adjust expectations of nice dinners. Quick but healthy should be your mantra. Beans and or egg on toast is no problem for a hungry child if you're in a hurry. Ditto frozen veg with whatever you can throw together.

Batch cook and freeze when you're in the mood.

Deal with things as and when you find them. Money for school, letters to be signed etc get dealt with immediately and popped back in school bag.

As DS is now older he sorts himself out in the mornings and gets his uniform sorted the night before. Army style discipline imposed in the mornings (often shouting involved- he'll learn one day)

When DS was a baby, I sorted him first, new nappy, got him dressed, heated up a bottle and popped him in his high chair to enjoy while I whizzed around. He watched a lot of Noddy, but needs must.

When I get home I resist flopping out on the sofa and get straight on with what needs done, time for relaxing is later.

Well, DD is only 3yo and not at school but DH and I work FT (I've been back 3 days/week since DD was 7mo, then 4 days/week and finally FT for the last 18mo).

• I only iron my stuff (and the odd thing of DDs), DH does all his own ironing.

• We have a washer/dryer with a timer, so I set it to run right through (wash & dry) during the day when I'm at work. That way it's ready to put away as soon as I come in, usually still warm! In fact, I do this with bedding so no need to fold and put away, just put straight back on the bed

• We have two wash baskets (lights & colours) so I know DH isn't going to put a red sock in with the whites. If it's not in the basket it isn't washed. I don't pick washing up off the floor!

• I made a printable shopping list with tick boxes that I print out and stick on the fridge. Tick items when they're used up, remove & take to supermarket. Only buy what you need and no time needed to make a list. I shop on the way home from work, while DH gets DD and does her tea.

• Slow cooker and meal planning. Plus having something quick for emergencies in the freezer. Pasta bake is a staple - virtually no prep so you can get on with something else while it's cooking.

• We try to all eat the same meal, so we eat early with DD and then have more time in the evening to do bits & pieces around the house.

• Buy cleaning wipes. I keep a pack in the bathroom and wipe around toilet/sink etc while DD is in the bath.

• I use the hoover for everything... it has attachments for dusting surfaces as well as reaching up to the ceiling, doing lampshades etc. In fact I hoover our kitchen floor and laminate in the lounge regularly but mop infrequently. A bit yucky maybe but TBH we're busy! If it looks clean then it's probably fine!

• Pay people to do jobs you're honestly not going to have time to do. I would have painted our house, but paid a lovely man not much money really, to do it in a day. Sorted out a long overdue job in much less time than it would have taken us. Know your limits.

Loads of brilliant stuff on here. FT with 2dds, I find the hair/dentist/clothes stuff hard to fit in. Trying new approach on wardrobe... Instead of buying and returning/failing to rtn stuff online (am crap shopper) I add up what i'd spend monthly and go shopping with a list and a friend twice a year. It takes some £ flex, a willing friend and the best part of a day but bloody love not thinking about it in between. Less guilt as is budgeted for not impulse rubbish - and can decide what matters in advance - ie avoiding ironing & dry cleaning. I might even look a bit less haphazard if you ignore the baby sick. And leaky norks.

Boffin The ones from Cash are long enough that you can fold it in half and only sew in one edge. Takes so much less time.

hair - get your hairdresser to come to you. When I was working she wld stop by on her way into work on a saturday. I was ready with wet hair for 7.30am. I was done by 8.15 - cleanup et al. She got $100 for her troubles which saved me as the salan charged me $125 plus tip of $25.

I am marking my place as am going to show DH this thread later. I work 5days a week and am out of the house 11hrs on average, plus another 4-6 hrs of work in the evenings and weekends - With a 2.5 yr old I struggle to keep my head above water - although I do most of the things on here, have done flylady etc, if it were just me and DD the house would be fine and we would be pretty organised I think.

I need to show him as I want him to see what other DH's do - tonight I have had to pick up things in the kitchen from his dinner, put his dirty washing in the basket in our bedroom (there since Sunday), do all washing up (including his few bits he dumped in the sink to leave in dirty water till tomorrow or whenever I do the washing up) put washing on, tidy, put away stuff generally, do work emails, sort DD's stuff for tomorrow...he went to bed at 10, I am now having my chill out time. I got in at nearly 7 - this is the first time I have 'stopped'.

Granted he has had a lot on at work and only got in at 8:30 after leaving the house at 6, so I am cutting him some slack - but it is a change of mindset I need from him - just picking up his bloody mess after himself. I have tried leaving his stuff - it just sits there. He will eventually do it if I nag enough, but then it takes an age on the weekend - which is time he should be spending with me and DD. Currently there is a mountain of stuff on the stairs. I haven't looked, but I bet he has just stepped over it on his way up. He would literally have to scale three steps to do this, but the thought of actually taking it upstairs and putting it away would not occur to him.

I hate feeling like a bloody nag - he knows this but just will not stop leaving shit everywhere.

We have a cleaner coming tomorrow to give us a quote - 2 hrs a week I think we can afford. I have told him he needs to help tidy up the night before, put stuff away, so she can clean. I will spend one or two days of my holiday then doing the bigger jobs (teacher).

Wonder how many men would have this conversation - I spend my life organising the men around me - at work, home, everywhere.....

Sorry OP, hijack...feel a bit better though..

or use a sharpie boffin and supermum

labels???

missmakesstuff that's outrageous. I hope your DH gets a right kick up the jacksie some useful tips from this thread. It's not just unfair to expect your partner to either pick up after you or agree to live in squalor, it's disrespectful and it's a bloody killer to one's sex life. I had a bf who didn't do his share ... the romance fizzled out verrry fast. One of the sexist things about DH (and it's a long list!) is that I know he hates housework as much as I do, but he doesn't expect me to do his half of it, he takes responsibility for keeping this house in a reasonable state for our family, just as I do. Which is what grownups do. Sexxxy grownups. :)

oops, that should read "one of the sexiest things about DH" - ... is that he isn't sexist! Now, where's the terrible typos thread?

missmakes Don't worry I have been there. I wrote a list of everything I did and everything that he did. I then asked him to take some of my chores and do to them as I couldn't do everything. It doesn't matter what time you both finish and return home. Stuff has to get done and your relationship won't survive if you are doing the lions share of work in the house. It gets dull fast and it ages you due to the stress.

The chore list still sits on the fridge door and sometimes I print out a clean copy if DH isn't pulling his weight. He might be working 45 hours a week, studying for 20 but it doesn't mean he can't pull his weight around the house, especially when I am working more hours than him.

Do show him this thread. Since you made the decision to go back to work he needs to support that decision that you made (you as in a collective 'you'). If not, then he needs to be able to make up for the lost income and the sense of satisfaction that you get from having a career. Also, how would he feel if his DD was being treated this way by her future DH?

Hope no-one minds but I've asked MNHQ to put this thread somewhere it won't disappear - its so useful and I think people need to be able to refer back to it forever! (at least I know I do)

Thanks everyone for spending the time to share tips.

Christmas card address labels!

I can do name tapes. Recently even bought a label making machine have labelled half the contents of my house in sheet joy