Thrown off Hinge

Hinge is a dating app

And the TW wasn’t being goady? Of course they were!

I'm actually permanently banned from Hinge, for something completely different. I appealed and they couldn't have cared less. So I'd say they can probably do what they want!

Yes, they were, but rising to it played right into their hands.

Plus, people aren't on Hinge to debate with random strangers. They're there to get laid!

You weren’t being transphobic and that person is a dick, but you shouldn’t message someone on a dating site unless you’re interested in them. Especially not an unstable aggressive man who makes the fact that they’d unhinged and aggressive obvious IN THE PHOTO.

I think you’re lucky the aggression limited itself to getting you banned. Undesirable men get very few messages on dating sites; they could have fixated on you because you are a source of female attention.

Can't believe you were called transphobic on a feminist forum for calling out a person using the slur "Terf". The inaccurate term is used as a tool for othering people -almost always women - in order to justify silencing and even incitement to violence. That is clearly way beyond a "difference of belief" so of course it needs calling out.

I'd have reported it rather than engaged, but that's because I'm a massive wimp. I admire you for attempting to engage though.

Can't believe you were called transphobic on a feminist forum for calling out a person using the slur "Terf".
I think most of us are saying it was the wrong platform for the debate. How would you like to get accosted in aldi for wearing a band or football t-shirt, or even a slogan like "Long Live the King!" You would fucking hate it, and if they didn't leave you alone because they wanted to debate your choice you would call the police for harassment, or ask the management to kick them out. This is no different. The platform is for dating not debate 🙄

How would you like to get accosted in aldi for wearing a band or football t-shirt, or even a slogan like "Long Live the King!"

While I agree with you that it was not the best thing to do, that's not a fair analogy.

Why? One place is for food shopping, the other was for dating. Neither place is suitable for a debate such as this.

Absolutely. Context is everything here. I've seen plenty of people wearing slogan t-shirts in public with messages on them that at least some people will find offensive. Do I confront them? No, because someone antisocial enough to do that will probably also be antisocial enough to thump me if I do so.

Were they in the wrong? Possibly. Were you? Yes. I'm pretty certain there's conditions in the small print about what is and isn't acceptable on the site. You don't get to make snarky comments to people without consequences on that sort of platform.

It's actually a very good analogy.

You started a fight and you came off worse - it's your own doing I'm afraid. Don't message people on dating apps just to scold them and have a go.

It's obviously not transphobic to object to the word TERF or to say that humans can't change sex.

But deliberately making contact with and antagonising someone who is clearly spoiling for a fight is a silly thing to so in any context.

It's actually a very good analogy.

No it isn't. It would be a good analogy if the hypothetical T shirt said "fuck trans people" or similar. But it isn't a good analogy without the attacking of a specific group of people.

Why? One place is for food shopping, the other was for dating. Neither place is suitable for a debate such as this.

It's not about the debate, it's about the abusive misogynistic message.

The hypothetical message in either the supermarket or the dating app isn't the point.

The point is that you wouldn't randomly confront a stranger in the street over their beliefs, so you shouldn't do it in a similar way online either.

Certain things in certain places aren't up for debate. There's ways of dealing with them, as we've said.

As I see it, the correct analogy would be a t shirt that attacked trans people as a group, or another specific group of people. It's abuse.

I'm not saying that it was a good thing to do, I was pointing out that a band t shirt or a positive slogan that didn't actually personally attack anyone else wasn't a good analogy.

Yep. That was an entirely transphobi act on your part, so of course you were banned.

Also this
If you don't want to date someone on a dating site, don't contact them, and don't then start a deliberate argument with them.

How entitled are you ? Someone is identifying as trans on a dating app and you want to take issue with it because you want a discussion. They clearly don't.

Just move on they are right to remove you

Yes, this.

When someone tells you who they are etc....

Having said this I'm very unimpressed that Hinge allowed a photo like that. If the cup had said 'Jewish tears' or 'black tears' it absolutely wouldn't have stayed up I'm sure. However, it indicates the type of site it is (where allusion to violence against women is ok) so I'd personally just use a different site.

Having said this I'm very unimpressed that Hinge allowed a photo like that. If the cup had said 'Jewish tears' or 'black tears' it absolutely wouldn't have stayed up I'm sure. However, it indicates the type of site it is (where allusion to violence against women is ok) so I'd personally just use a different site.

This.

I'd spread the word too - it's not going to be a very successful dating site once all the women disappear once they realise it's populated and run by misogynists.

Or maybe it'll be successful as a dating site for men only, who knows.

I don't think they check every single photo. The best thing the OP could have done would be to report the picture without contacting them