Internalised misogyny examples please

[StandingDeskDisco]

I have seen the term 'internalised misogyny' flung about on some threads like it is a catch-all gotcha or an all-purposed slur. To me it made no sense whatsoever as a genuine observation in the context of the discussion.
I have even seen a man accused of having internalised misogyny - is that even possible? Surely that is just misogyny?

I understand what the words mean, but not what it looks like.

Internalised: when you take on other people's beliefs. e.g. if your parents always said you were pretty, you will be confident in your looks, but if your sister was always 'the pretty one' while you were the clever / sporty / whatever one, you won't have such confidence. So women can absorb misogynistic beliefs from living in a patriarchy.
Misogyny: hatred or fear of women, females, or femininity.

So what does it look like?

Is it the woman who says she just gets on better with men, and has no female friends?
Is it the woman who only has female friends, never male, and thinks men and women can never be real friends?
Is it the woman who never leaves the house without full make-up and hair and nails done?
Is it the woman who hates all signs of femininity in her clothing, wears plain clothes, and if there is a tiny bow on a new bra she will snip it off.
Is it the woman who climbs the career ladder but never quite feels like she is worth it (imposter syndrome) due to being a woman?
Is it the woman who avoids promotion, preferring to stay in her comfortable all-female team, and calls any female managers 'bitchy' and 'bossy'?

Do you have any examples please?

Yes it is deep seated within the individual, that is what the 'internalised' bit means - a psychological thing whereby it becomes part of how you see yourself and the world.

Haha, we recognise our own 😆

It's very easy (ime) to get tangle up in 'shoulds' and 'oughts' that are (mostly) correct in theory, but that - when it comes to real world application - require a relaxing of one's internal principles and 'rules', or are more nuanced than they may appear.

The '90s was big on a sort of feminist attitude that could end up sliding into sexism, where anything girly was automatically bad and inferior (whether it was or not) and everything 'for boys' was superior and to be lauded. Girls (especially autistic girls) trying to get away from restrictive sex norms that they chafed under often went to extremes, and threw the baby out with the bathwater.

A lot of femininity deserves critical examination, and is wielded as a patriarchal tool, imo...but that doesn't mean that it's all bad in any blanket sense. And it doesn't mean masculinity is somehow superior, either.

@ISaySteadyOn
We’re aboit the same age, then.
Do you think what you thought feminism came more/mostly from (starting) online boards, from general view from (possibly anti-feminist) media and/or people? Or did you spend time in some of the many feminist spaces, real-life or online?

I know I got a scary image of feminists in two way: just general attitude/the way people spoke of feminism (the usual ugly women who hate men and young/beautiful women because they are single and childless (this should have been a clue, but I wasn’t that bright, LOL) and then from short snippets of online comments from women that said more or less the ’women are strong and smart and don’t need men’.

and those to attitudes build in my head kind of scary but also kick ass view on feminist. And then when I started spend more time on feminist spaces, online mostly, it was pretty underwhelmed tbh. Not to be rude to anyone. But I was expecting something more, turns out it’s just everay women living very everyday lives. I’m not best at explaining, so this isin’t meant to be insulting to anyone, just trying to explain how I also had (a little different from ISAYSTEADYON but also pretty black and white view) a very different understanding of what feminists are like.

Rambling now, sorry.

Super sorry about all the typos, I can’t edit them!

Women who think power is a bad word and want to have nothing to do with it, hence condemning themselves to the background
Same for money

Women who don’t believe in women as a sex class and still believe we can be « people » with men

I totally hear you.

I grew up thinking to be 'girly' was the worst thing to be.

I don't know why - my mum is a strong woman and she and my dad have a pretty egalitarian marriage (tangent: mum was raised to expect this. In the 1960s, her dad was involved in the child rearing and housework. The other men were all down the pub. Top bloke my grandad).

I think its the subtle drip drip of 'women are worse' that we get from society.

Maybe it wasn't helped by all the old kids classics like famous 5 that I used to read, where girls were either wet and a bit useless, or competent but wanted to be a boy.i was an avid reader. Also Brownie and guides activities used to be very 'feminine coded' back in the day and I desperately wanted to be a scout instead because they did cool stuff like night hikes.

I remember telling my mum that I wasn't like most girls because I didn't like sewing and 'girl stuff'. She told me she didn't think many girls actually were like that, it was how they were forced to be 'in the old days'.

I forced myself to take maths and physics A level, despite hating it 🤦‍♂️ because I wanted to prove I could do 'boys subjects'.

It wasn't until my 30s, I think, that I realised there is nothing wrong with feminine coded things.

I think this is definitely a type of internalised misogyny.

Which is why fuck off is the only reasonable response. It is not naive to understand how the world works and reject it. If I unconsciously internalised (as you call it) anything, it was that the rules were written by men and they weren't to the benefit of women. Just pick up e.g. a bible as a child and you understand that.

I can recall discussions I had as a little girl about the illogicality of male superiority. I stand by my view, which has not changed even into my ninth decade, that if, as a woman, you "internalise" female inferiority or accept as "normal" female roles dictated by society you lack self esteem. You must, to put yourself and your whole sex down for no logical reason.