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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Scared of gender neutral bathrooms

84 replies

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:09

Hi everyone,

I hope this is the right place to post this.

I have recently seen the news about the change to single sex spaces coming in on the 5th August in relation to toilets etc and I am terrified.

I have been sexually assaulted by a man (in case it was relevant this was not a transgender person) in a gender neutral toilet. It was horrific and I will now avoid at all costs using a gender neutral bathroom unless I am with my boyfriend and he can come and almost stand guard.

I’m really concerned that in light of this new guidance a lot of places may introduce these mixed sex gender neutral toilets as a way of avoiding any headache or potential issue with the new guidance.

I’m just wondering if anyone has any more idea on this than I do and knows if this is likely or not?

I’m so worried that public toilets or even changing rooms are going to become inaccessible to me.

As an aside, I understand that now it will be completely based on biological sex. Due to the above, I’d be absolutely terrified to be in a toilet with someone who was biologically female but presented as very male (eg deep voice, beard etc etc). Does anyone know if this is likely to become common or do you think people who seem to present such a way will continue to use men’s toilets?

I hope this is the right place for support and guidance, many thanks!

OP posts:
Cailleach1 · 18/07/2026 11:48

Well, of course not all trans identified people will pose a threat to women. However, I think something like 98% of sexual assaults are committed by men. So, it is the male part which poses (statistically) the higher risk. Irrespective of whether those males identify as being women. So, maybe strip back on the general ‘transpeople’ bit as that just obfuscates the fact the risks are based on sex. At the end of the day, ‘transpeople’ just boils down to men and women, irrespective of how they identify.

A biological female (even if they identify as a man) in the women’s toilets would not pose the same risk (statistically) as a biological male in the women’s toilets.

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:49

ThisOneLife · 18/07/2026 11:47

I’m very sorry that you had this experience, it’s dreadful.

Gender neutral toilets are stand alone rooms - ie not cubicles with lockable doors and do not open onto corridors. Does this describe where you were assaulted ?

Hello, no it was essentially a normal block of toilets but the sign said gender neutral.

So you walked in and there was a row of sinks of the left, hand dryers on the right and then a line toilet cubicles in front of you.

They weren’t self contained cubicles, as I have done and still do use these!

OP posts:
wldpwr · 18/07/2026 11:51

Ah ok, that's what I was going to ask. The only gender neutral toilets I've seen are self-contained cubicles with sinks inside. I think this is the type of toilet that is more commonly being built now if single sex provision isn't preferred for whatever reason, rather than a single sex style toilet for both sexes.

Catiette · 18/07/2026 12:02

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:49

Hello, no it was essentially a normal block of toilets but the sign said gender neutral.

So you walked in and there was a row of sinks of the left, hand dryers on the right and then a line toilet cubicles in front of you.

They weren’t self contained cubicles, as I have done and still do use these!

Aha. Just found this from Keeptoiletssafe, a campaigning poster who know more about this kind of thing than a depressing number of policy makers.

Don't know how to tag her in, but she writes on another thread:

If they are making all toilets mixed sex, then this is not allowed under building regs and regulations. It is costly and is discriminatory.

I thought this was the case, but didn't want to type it without certainty.

Your worst-case scenario - the above becoming the default in place of single sex spaces - is, I think, illegal.

Single, self-enclosed and closely monitored gender-neutral facilities will of course remain the norm in, for example, tiny cafes.

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 12:05

Catiette · 18/07/2026 12:02

Aha. Just found this from Keeptoiletssafe, a campaigning poster who know more about this kind of thing than a depressing number of policy makers.

Don't know how to tag her in, but she writes on another thread:

If they are making all toilets mixed sex, then this is not allowed under building regs and regulations. It is costly and is discriminatory.

I thought this was the case, but didn't want to type it without certainty.

Your worst-case scenario - the above becoming the default in place of single sex spaces - is, I think, illegal.

Single, self-enclosed and closely monitored gender-neutral facilities will of course remain the norm in, for example, tiny cafes.

Edited

Ah that’s really comforting to know, thank you.

completely accept and agree that a self contained cubicle is completely different and I do not have the same fear over this.

The places I’ve been that have had the set up I have described almost seem to have turned both men and women’s into both gender neutral for some reason. So, two rooms of toilets but now both are mixed gender. I assume it’s for some reason but I’m not sure what it would be

OP posts:
Shortshriftandlethal · 18/07/2026 12:32

I think most places will retain their single sex provisions and maybe add in a single occupancy 'gender neutral' faciity alongside them. Very few large establishments are going to go to the expense of installing expensive compliant unisex facilities in place of their existing provisions. Those that already have done this ( installed mixed sex only), are going to have to make the most modifications in order to be compliant.

Small establishments tend only to have a couple of single occupancy self contained rooms...so not much change required for them, with the exception, maybe, of appropriate labelling on the door.

Shortshriftandlethal · 18/07/2026 12:34

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 12:05

Ah that’s really comforting to know, thank you.

completely accept and agree that a self contained cubicle is completely different and I do not have the same fear over this.

The places I’ve been that have had the set up I have described almost seem to have turned both men and women’s into both gender neutral for some reason. So, two rooms of toilets but now both are mixed gender. I assume it’s for some reason but I’m not sure what it would be

Out of interest what/which establishments are you referring to when you say they have turned all their facilities into mixed sex?

PeachyDaisy · 18/07/2026 12:38

GriseldaandMike · 18/07/2026 11:23

I am I the only one that certainly isn't going to reassure the OP that transmen will/should use the mens?

There are other websites that would love to see MumsNet recommend transmen use the mens so they can use this to justify transwomen in the ladies.

The trans rights movement don't want to admit the reality that transmen often pass quite well and transwomen almost never pass.

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 12:38

Shortshriftandlethal · 18/07/2026 12:34

Out of interest what/which establishments are you referring to when you say they have turned all their facilities into mixed sex?

They have all been independent bars/pubs restaurants. None locally to me but I’ve experienced it mostly in Manchester and a few places in London too

OP posts:
Shortshriftandlethal · 18/07/2026 12:48

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 12:38

They have all been independent bars/pubs restaurants. None locally to me but I’ve experienced it mostly in Manchester and a few places in London too

Yes, Aviva studios in Manchester has a large, open, mixed sex facility which is in full view of the 'social' area. Not a comfortable experience at all. I've just googled about their toilet facilities and it is now saying that they are separated into three blocks: Female, Male and 'Anybody' - but you can still walk through one area to get to another, and I reacll they all have shared wash-basin areas.

The Whitworth Gallery, also in Manchester, also has mixed sex toilets - but with integral basins.......I still didn't feeel comfortable using those either. Manchester, being the gay capital, is full on with this stuff, so it doesn't surprise me you've come across lots of smaller places with mixed sex facilities.

Arran2024 · 18/07/2026 12:54

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:09

Hi everyone,

I hope this is the right place to post this.

I have recently seen the news about the change to single sex spaces coming in on the 5th August in relation to toilets etc and I am terrified.

I have been sexually assaulted by a man (in case it was relevant this was not a transgender person) in a gender neutral toilet. It was horrific and I will now avoid at all costs using a gender neutral bathroom unless I am with my boyfriend and he can come and almost stand guard.

I’m really concerned that in light of this new guidance a lot of places may introduce these mixed sex gender neutral toilets as a way of avoiding any headache or potential issue with the new guidance.

I’m just wondering if anyone has any more idea on this than I do and knows if this is likely or not?

I’m so worried that public toilets or even changing rooms are going to become inaccessible to me.

As an aside, I understand that now it will be completely based on biological sex. Due to the above, I’d be absolutely terrified to be in a toilet with someone who was biologically female but presented as very male (eg deep voice, beard etc etc). Does anyone know if this is likely to become common or do you think people who seem to present such a way will continue to use men’s toilets?

I hope this is the right place for support and guidance, many thanks!

Trans men are rarely taken for men tbh - see Elliott Page on the red carpet for example and you can see how tiny she/he is. They can look masculine in photos but there is a limit to what they can achieve. I know a couple of trans men and they are clearly female sex. And if a trans man does happen to pass so astonishly well, chances are they will just use the gents anyway.

PriOn1 · 18/07/2026 13:17

IrnBruAndDietCoke · 18/07/2026 11:29

🤔

Seems like a “gotcha” post to me too. The first part was fine, but then throwing in the “but transmen” is the classic TRA trope.

That said, I don’t like mixed sex toilets at all and will be unhappy if there is now a trend to move that way. It does seem that transactivism hurts women every which way and we were much better provided for before men started to claim they were women and demand access to our spaces, thus disrupting societal norms that actually worked for women.

PriOn1 · 18/07/2026 13:21

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:39

Hello, I can assure you my experiences are very genuine. I’m not familiar with this forum to have seen other posts, I just assumed this was the right place to come for advice based on the title of the forum to be honest!

As mentioned briefly above, I think I’d be scared briefly, just from the initial ‘oh god there’s a man in here’ but perhaps would then realise and calm down. This perhaps isn’t my main issue, rather the potential for everywhere to wash their hands of it and go “well if it’s all mixed sex we don’t have to do anything!” which would be really difficult for me

For what it’s worth, women on testosterone have very distinctive transmen voices. They don’t usually sound male.

ProfessoressaSazzasez · 18/07/2026 13:31

GriseldaandMike · 18/07/2026 11:29

The SC actually ruled that it's OK to exclude 'passing' transmen from the ladies.

I agree that gender neutral spaces are less safe and would hate to see them replace single sex spaces but would welcome that as additional spaces if in suitable, safer locations.

Yes: for precisely this reason.

And because trans-claiming women use the men’s at their own risk, whereas trans-claiming men are a risk to women and children.

thirdfiddle · 18/07/2026 13:38

I think providers with only mixed sex blocks of loos need to be challenged, nobody likes that and it could probably be challenged as discrimination against women, who are disproportionately disadvantaged by having to share with men.

But in general, the new clarity on the law should lead to more women only loos that don't contain obviously male people, and more extra single user loos which will make it easier for transmen to avoid women's loos without putting themselves at risk in the men's. You should be able to feel safer not less safe OP.

Even single user room mixed sex loos where I've come across them are always in a gross state. I presume men treating the loo as a urinal and being none too careful with their aim.

Lovelyview · 18/07/2026 13:43

I'm really sorry you were attacked. Service providers won't be able to offer mixed sex toilets (where both men and women go into a room with cubicles, urinals and handwashing) A lot of smaller businesses like cafes will offer one toilet which is used by men and women which has no door gaps and handwashing provided within the toilet. (Like a disabled toilet). Most will offer separate male and female toilets alongside gender neutral toilets - my understanding is that the gender neutral toilets should always be the fully enclosed ones with handwashing facilities. I have always complained about toilets if they don't comply with these guidelines. If you're going somewhere new you could message them in advance and ask for details of what toilets they provide. Finally, never feel you can't ask for help, whether from your boyfriend or another friend to help you feel more comfortable.

Keeptoiletssafe · 18/07/2026 13:56

OP I am sorry for your awful experience. I hope the following is phrased in such a way not to cause you upset.

Most places, such as department stores, still have toilet blocks that are in a single sex environment, and accessible toilets. Many single sex toilets have the traditional set up of toilet compartments with a door gap from floor to the bottom of the door (up to a max 15cm is the standard) then space above the door and partitions. The reason the single sex cubicle within a single sex washroom is so replicated is because it works. It’s efficient and cost effective. You can clean it easily and it’s more hygienic having the toilet flush plumes away from the sink. It can be naturally ventilated so the compartment smells don’t linger.

Single sex toilets with door gaps are a good design as you have a sense of who is around you, even when on the toilet. You can see who’s in the room with you when you enter, especially if the doors rest in the open position. You have a good idea if anyone is outside the door before you leave. Most women subconsciously check out their toilet room environment, just as most men have an etiquette of spacing themselves out at urinals.

There has been a trend to enclose the toilet compartment floor to ceiling in height, because of the ambiguousness of the environment in front of the cubicle. Sometimes, as is the case with some newer secondary school designs, this was done on purpose because the handwashing areas was designed to be mixed sex. This has lead to massive problems, especially for girls and puts anyone medically vulnerable as risk as you can’t see if someone needs help. It’s gone as far as schools trying to mitigate the extra privacy by having extra alarms in each compartment, or closing them unless there is a member of staff there. However, I hope this design will stop now. Schools are an outlier as they are excluded from building regs and other health and safety legislation. They have been guinea pigs for mixed sex designs.

The government did realise that toilet design was going rogue and produced Approved document T (2024). It states: 1.22 The layout when entering, exiting and using a toilet room or cubicle should cater for the safety, privacy and dignity of users. Cubicle doors should only open into single-sex toilet accommodation.
Because of the cost to businesses they decided it would apply to refurbishments and new toilets. So venues who had got toilets that didn’t conform to British Standards regarding single sex and mixed sex toilets, weren’t obliged to change them. When the Supreme Court clarified the meaning of ‘man’ and ‘woman’ this was massive as those standards definitely mean women and men in the biological sense. And then legislation and Building Control (which will affect insurance etc) kicks in too.

The two rooms you have described with toilets in, both being ‘gender neutral’, was because someone stuck a different pictogram on the outer doors of two single sex toilet rooms. They are a bodged design that doesn’t conform to regulations or legislation. This will stop. The toilet rooms where you were assaulted going to have to be converted back to male and female by sticking a male and female sign back on the doors.

Because of the extra risk of unisex toilets (mixed sex and private) they should be placed in visible areas, so the door leads directly out on to a thoroughfare. For example, in schools the traditional place to put the unisex toilet is opposite reception, that is hopefully manned. Similar to accessible toilets. Where toilets are located needs to be carefully considered and seems to be something you have done already as you are understandably hyper aware. The official name for unisex toilets is ‘universal’ and they should have a hand basin and drying facility in the compartment that includes the toilet.

To be kind to women with your experience, I would have thought that the very small minority of women who were presenting as males with beards and thought they passed well, would realise using the accessible toilet could prevent the distress of others. They too will be checking out toilets they can access around town. There are apps to show where unisex toilets are too. This could help both you and them, if that’s the design you prefer. But please realise why single sex designs matter.

As you will be aware, toilets are vulnerable places, so they have their own section in the Sexual Offences Act (2003). If another person is engaging in a behaviour that a reasonable person would think is sexual, it is illegal. In section 71, this includes any toilets where the public, or section of the public(ie just males or just females), have access to. The following sections are on voyeurism.

It sounds like you already have a set of toilets dotted around town that meet your needs. I hope one good thing out of this bizarre short time period of toilet design mess-ups is that venues realise the importance of toilet design. Some community schemes exist where businesses get benefits for providing toilets to the public.

I think the estimate is one council run public toilet to every 15,000 people now. We need more provision that is safe and hygienic to meet everyone’s needs.

Coatsoff42 · 18/07/2026 14:49

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 11:41

Hello, I’ve been in many places that have only “gender neutral” bathrooms which are mixed cubicles and sinks etc. I’m not sure therefore if these were illegal as you suggest, but I have certainly been in many! Especially in places like Manchester or London etc, it seems quite common to just have one big mixed sex loo area

I’ve been in restaurant toilets in the set up you describe. I hated them as I also had a similar experience to you in a pub toilet and I won’t go to a restaurant with open mixed facilities again. I spent 10 minutes thinking about things I’d rather forget so not great when you are supposed to be celebrating.

The fully enclosed toilets are fine.

BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 18/07/2026 15:17

Welcome to summer.

I’m really concerned that in light of this new guidance a lot of places may introduce these mixed sex gender neutral toilets as a way of avoiding any headache or potential issue with the new guidance.

Uh huh, sure. You'll be fine. Really. There will be plenty of ladies toilets. They will have to be operated on a biological basis. If service providers don't follow the law, you can sue them. Easy.

I’d be absolutely terrified to be in a toilet with someone who was biologically female but presented as very male (eg deep voice, beard etc etc).

Again, you'll be fine. Really. Women aren't that scary. Transmen are women. We used to all be fine with "women's" and "men's.". We will again.

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 15:20

BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 18/07/2026 15:17

Welcome to summer.

I’m really concerned that in light of this new guidance a lot of places may introduce these mixed sex gender neutral toilets as a way of avoiding any headache or potential issue with the new guidance.

Uh huh, sure. You'll be fine. Really. There will be plenty of ladies toilets. They will have to be operated on a biological basis. If service providers don't follow the law, you can sue them. Easy.

I’d be absolutely terrified to be in a toilet with someone who was biologically female but presented as very male (eg deep voice, beard etc etc).

Again, you'll be fine. Really. Women aren't that scary. Transmen are women. We used to all be fine with "women's" and "men's.". We will again.

I find your response very cold and unsympathetic on a post where I’m clearly asking for help and guidance. I hope that you do not react similarly to people in real life who may ask you for advice

OP posts:
toilettalking · 18/07/2026 15:23

Keeptoiletssafe · 18/07/2026 13:56

OP I am sorry for your awful experience. I hope the following is phrased in such a way not to cause you upset.

Most places, such as department stores, still have toilet blocks that are in a single sex environment, and accessible toilets. Many single sex toilets have the traditional set up of toilet compartments with a door gap from floor to the bottom of the door (up to a max 15cm is the standard) then space above the door and partitions. The reason the single sex cubicle within a single sex washroom is so replicated is because it works. It’s efficient and cost effective. You can clean it easily and it’s more hygienic having the toilet flush plumes away from the sink. It can be naturally ventilated so the compartment smells don’t linger.

Single sex toilets with door gaps are a good design as you have a sense of who is around you, even when on the toilet. You can see who’s in the room with you when you enter, especially if the doors rest in the open position. You have a good idea if anyone is outside the door before you leave. Most women subconsciously check out their toilet room environment, just as most men have an etiquette of spacing themselves out at urinals.

There has been a trend to enclose the toilet compartment floor to ceiling in height, because of the ambiguousness of the environment in front of the cubicle. Sometimes, as is the case with some newer secondary school designs, this was done on purpose because the handwashing areas was designed to be mixed sex. This has lead to massive problems, especially for girls and puts anyone medically vulnerable as risk as you can’t see if someone needs help. It’s gone as far as schools trying to mitigate the extra privacy by having extra alarms in each compartment, or closing them unless there is a member of staff there. However, I hope this design will stop now. Schools are an outlier as they are excluded from building regs and other health and safety legislation. They have been guinea pigs for mixed sex designs.

The government did realise that toilet design was going rogue and produced Approved document T (2024). It states: 1.22 The layout when entering, exiting and using a toilet room or cubicle should cater for the safety, privacy and dignity of users. Cubicle doors should only open into single-sex toilet accommodation.
Because of the cost to businesses they decided it would apply to refurbishments and new toilets. So venues who had got toilets that didn’t conform to British Standards regarding single sex and mixed sex toilets, weren’t obliged to change them. When the Supreme Court clarified the meaning of ‘man’ and ‘woman’ this was massive as those standards definitely mean women and men in the biological sense. And then legislation and Building Control (which will affect insurance etc) kicks in too.

The two rooms you have described with toilets in, both being ‘gender neutral’, was because someone stuck a different pictogram on the outer doors of two single sex toilet rooms. They are a bodged design that doesn’t conform to regulations or legislation. This will stop. The toilet rooms where you were assaulted going to have to be converted back to male and female by sticking a male and female sign back on the doors.

Because of the extra risk of unisex toilets (mixed sex and private) they should be placed in visible areas, so the door leads directly out on to a thoroughfare. For example, in schools the traditional place to put the unisex toilet is opposite reception, that is hopefully manned. Similar to accessible toilets. Where toilets are located needs to be carefully considered and seems to be something you have done already as you are understandably hyper aware. The official name for unisex toilets is ‘universal’ and they should have a hand basin and drying facility in the compartment that includes the toilet.

To be kind to women with your experience, I would have thought that the very small minority of women who were presenting as males with beards and thought they passed well, would realise using the accessible toilet could prevent the distress of others. They too will be checking out toilets they can access around town. There are apps to show where unisex toilets are too. This could help both you and them, if that’s the design you prefer. But please realise why single sex designs matter.

As you will be aware, toilets are vulnerable places, so they have their own section in the Sexual Offences Act (2003). If another person is engaging in a behaviour that a reasonable person would think is sexual, it is illegal. In section 71, this includes any toilets where the public, or section of the public(ie just males or just females), have access to. The following sections are on voyeurism.

It sounds like you already have a set of toilets dotted around town that meet your needs. I hope one good thing out of this bizarre short time period of toilet design mess-ups is that venues realise the importance of toilet design. Some community schemes exist where businesses get benefits for providing toilets to the public.

I think the estimate is one council run public toilet to every 15,000 people now. We need more provision that is safe and hygienic to meet everyone’s needs.

Edited

Hello, thank you very much for this comment. I believe an earlier comment referred to you earlier so I’m glad you appeared!

I think based on your info here, I’ve been in places that haven’t been refurbished which is why they’re able to get away with this! I’m glad to know it won’t continue and hopefully over time will become less common as places do take on refurbs!

I agree that using my ‘critical thinking’ brain rather than my ‘anxiety’ brain that the number of trans men I’m likely to encounter in this scenario is very very minimal and that even so they’re likely to be identifiable as not being a threat.

Thank you again for taking the time to comment

OP posts:
BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 18/07/2026 15:34

toilettalking · 18/07/2026 15:20

I find your response very cold and unsympathetic on a post where I’m clearly asking for help and guidance. I hope that you do not react similarly to people in real life who may ask you for advice

I find your response very cold and unsympathetic

In other words, I'm not "being kind." Correct. I'm done being kind. What I am is jaded.

You wanted advice, and I gave you some factual advice.

RareGoalsVerge · 18/07/2026 15:34

"Gender Neutral" facilities are only legal if each unit is fully enclosed with floor-to-ceiling walls and a properly locking door with no gaps, including handwashing and drying facilities within the unit and opening into a universal space like a corridor that is also used for getting to other places, not just an access vestibule for the loos. It is not legal to put a "gender neutral" label onto a "shared-sinks-with-cubicles" room. Businesses cannot save money by keeping their loos configured the same and putting "gender neutral" labels on the doors. It is unlikely to be viable for most places to convert all their loo spaces into legally compliant gender-neutral loos so most will stick to male, female and a few legally compliant gender neutral ones.

Businesses will be discriminating against trans people if they don't have adequate gender-neutral facilities to meet demand but the law is also clear that failing to offer single-sex facilities for women is likely to cause women such as yourself a detriment that amounts to discrimination. I believe the EHRC guidance specifies that if a transman (female who is trying to present as male) is a sufficiently convincing "pass" then it's not discriminatory or disproportionate to require them to use gender neutral facilities in order to avoid creating a hostile or alarming environment for women who need a single-sex environment. Obviously it would be discriminatory if the business did not then provide sufficient gender neutral facilities.

PrettyDamnCosmic · 18/07/2026 15:40

BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 18/07/2026 15:34

I find your response very cold and unsympathetic

In other words, I'm not "being kind." Correct. I'm done being kind. What I am is jaded.

You wanted advice, and I gave you some factual advice.

Don't worry. I think there is something "off" about the OP. I'm definitely getting the feeling that this is some kind ofattempted "gotcha" just like that other post about "Vulva Only Spaces"

FedUpCelery · 18/07/2026 15:47

Op I don't know if this helps but in the past I have waited until I've spotted another woman heading towards the toilets and followed them, if necessary explaining that I'm scared of being in there on my own with with a man. They have always understood safety in numbers.

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