The second match was supposed to demonstrate that the organisers had learned valuable lessons from the first. Unfortunately the organisers were gerbils.
The teams emerged to a tremendous reception from the crowd. National flags waved. The elephant shrew referees looked noticeably more cautious than they had before the opening match. One was carrying a much thicker rule book.
The first surprise came during the national anthems. Nobody had arranged any music. Gubbins volunteered. This seemed reasonable until she produced a triangle and announced that she would perform all the anthems herself.
The crowd applauded politely. The teams looked uncertain. The elephant shrews exchanged concerned glances. Several minutes later nobody was entirely sure whether the fourth anthem had finished or the fifth had started.
Play eventually began. This match immediately demonstrated a new tactical development. Several players had realised that chasing the ball was exhausting. Instead they waited patiently near the opposition goal and hoped something useful would happen. To everyone’s astonishment, this strategy worked.
The ball emerged unexpectedly from a midfield collision, rolled the entire length of the pitch without anyone noticing and was discovered sitting beside the goal line by a delighted striker who immediately claimed it had all been part of an elaborate plan.
Granite began taking notes. Glyph started drawing arrows. Gadget became convinced that football strategy was entering a revolutionary new phase. The elephant shrews remained unconvinced.
The match settled into a rhythm that could loosely be described as football if one were feeling generous. There were passes. Some of which were intentional. There were tackles. Most of them involved gerbils running into one another because they were looking at something else. There was even a spectacular save by a goalkeeper who later admitted she had been attempting to tie her shoelace at the time. The crowd loved every minute.
By the final whistle, the score was three-two. Unlike the previous match, everyone agreed on the score. The disagreement began when somebody asked which team had scored the second goal. By sunset, three official reports, seven witness statements and one detailed diagram by Glyph all reached different conclusions.
The Gerbil World Cup therefore moved into its second round of fixtures carrying a proud new tradition: Nobody knew what was happening.
Everyone was having a wonderful time.
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