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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Gerbil World Cup at the Bluestocking!

999 replies

Magpiecomplex · 14/06/2026 15:00

New thread.

No pushing at the back, please, we have plenty of scones and kilts for everyone.

OP posts:
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DeanElderberry · 28/06/2026 10:18

I eventually located the reason for Tiddles' proud strut into the bedroom the other morning. A shrew, or rather an ex-shrew, sending out strong olfactory signals as to its whereabouts. Its corpse is now out in the bushesabouts and the carpet has been scrubbed.

The trouble with all these games with potentially dangerous balls zooming around at face height is that they are scary for the short sighted. Even if all they did was knock my specs off I'd be rendered unable to see. No fun at all.

Magpiecomplex · 28/06/2026 10:28

DeanElderberry · 28/06/2026 10:18

I eventually located the reason for Tiddles' proud strut into the bedroom the other morning. A shrew, or rather an ex-shrew, sending out strong olfactory signals as to its whereabouts. Its corpse is now out in the bushesabouts and the carpet has been scrubbed.

The trouble with all these games with potentially dangerous balls zooming around at face height is that they are scary for the short sighted. Even if all they did was knock my specs off I'd be rendered unable to see. No fun at all.

I flatly refused to play squash at school. With my glasses, I'd be afraid of damaging them, without my glasses I'd be unable to see the ball.

OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 28/06/2026 10:50

The stadium announcer had not finished reading the result before the stands erupted.

England. Two. Panama. Nil.

The noise was extraordinary. Seventeen thousand gerbils on their feet at once produces a sound that is less like cheering and more like a weather event, and the Gerbil World Cup Stadium — capacity seventeen thousand four hundred, though the four hundred were a matter of ongoing administrative dispute — had not heard anything like it since the Tunnel opener, and before that, not since the infamous seed shortage of the third tournament, though that had been a different kind of noise entirely.

The flags went up. There were a lot of flags. Several gerbils had brought flags for teams that were not England, on the grounds that they had not expected to need England flags at this stage, and were waving them anyway with complete commitment. A gerbil in row G was waving what appeared to be a beach towel. It had a dolphin on it. She did not care. She was waving it in great sweeping arcs and shouting.

In the lower tier, a coordinated group who had arrived together and were wearing matching scarves — England scarves, notably, which meant they had planned this, which meant they had believed, even when believing had seemed administratively premature — had linked arms and were bouncing in a way that was causing some concern to the gerbils immediately in front of them, who had also linked arms and were also bouncing, and the concern was therefore mutual and also irrelevant.
The inflatable banana appeared in block twelve. It always appeared. Nobody owned it. Nobody had ever owned it. It simply manifested at moments of sufficient emotional intensity, and this qualified.

An elderly gerbil in the front row who had attended every tournament since the first and who had been observed, during the Morocco result, sitting very still with her programme folded in her lap, was now standing on her seat. She was extremely small. She was making an enormous noise. The gerbils around her had created a small protective perimeter, partly out of concern and partly because she was waving her programme and had already made contact twice.

In the corporate hospitality section, where the elephant shrews sat in their official referee capacity and were required to maintain professional neutrality at all times, three of the four elephant shrews were also on their feet. The fourth was on her feet too but was looking at the ceiling and therefore technically had not seen anything.
The scoreboard flashed. England 2-0 Panama. England 2-0 Panama. England —
The roar went up again, as if the number required repeating several times before it could be fully believed, which it did, and it was, and the Gerbil World Cup Stadium shook with the particular joy of a crowd that had been hoping for something and had been given it, and was not yet done being grateful.

The inflatable banana completed a full circuit of block twelve. Nobody knew how.

It was confirmed that Scotland hadn’t qualified, but the gerbils were too happy to care.

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/england-win

The Gerbil World Cup at the Bluestocking!
DauntlessDamson · 28/06/2026 12:10

I love the enthusiasm of the gerbils - even when they think there's nothing to be enthusiastic about!

I'm also fascinated by the Norwegian fans' mass rowing, channeling their inner Viking .

That's the nearest I get to actually watching a football match 😁

Chickadeeinme · 28/06/2026 12:24

I’m enjoying the reports of the gerbil World Cup more than the regular World Cup.

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:35

Chickadeeinme · 27/06/2026 20:31

Ah @EdithStourton you and I are clearly twin souls. Actually I avoided almost any activity involving running, though I quite liked throwing things and the long jump. Hurdles was my biggest nightmare.

I was terrible at throwing things, but could jump both long and high. My father, iirc, had been a county long jump record holder in his youth.

I think I annoyed PE teachers because I was strong and athletic, but had zero interest in organised sports, especially team sports. My school reports routinely featured terrible grades for sport.

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:39

PastaAllaNorma · 27/06/2026 22:52

Dauntless, it seemed a bit weird to me that in England lacrosse was regarded as a posh girls' game. In Ontario is was ferocious and mostly played by boys. It's a ferocious game linked to honour.

Lacrosse was devised by the Iroquois. Having met a few Iroquois men in my time, I can say with confidence that it was designed for six-footers built like the proverbial brick shithouse.

Chickadeeinme · 28/06/2026 12:45

@EdithStourton - #Me Too!

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:47

DeanElderberry · 28/06/2026 10:18

I eventually located the reason for Tiddles' proud strut into the bedroom the other morning. A shrew, or rather an ex-shrew, sending out strong olfactory signals as to its whereabouts. Its corpse is now out in the bushesabouts and the carpet has been scrubbed.

The trouble with all these games with potentially dangerous balls zooming around at face height is that they are scary for the short sighted. Even if all they did was knock my specs off I'd be rendered unable to see. No fun at all.

I went white-water kayaking once. Just the once.

I was thoroughly enjoying it until I lost a contact lens in a great spray of water. Thereafter I was half-blind and in terror of losing the other lens, and my entire focus around a huge bend in the very rocky river was avoiding either a splashing or a dunking - and shutting my eyes at intervals to keep the remaining lens.

I like activities in and on the water, but my rubbish eyesight is a real pita.

DauntlessDamson · 28/06/2026 12:53

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:39

Lacrosse was devised by the Iroquois. Having met a few Iroquois men in my time, I can say with confidence that it was designed for six-footers built like the proverbial brick shithouse.

I think they may have been some of my opponents - hence the broken tooth 😁

PastaAllaNorma · 28/06/2026 13:13

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:39

Lacrosse was devised by the Iroquois. Having met a few Iroquois men in my time, I can say with confidence that it was designed for six-footers built like the proverbial brick shithouse.

I grew up around there, the Six Nations region. It was a nice place to spend a childhood.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 14:07

Apropos of nothing, I have just ordered a Mystery Box of cheese at half price. Who doesn't love a bit of mystery cheese? DH and I are very excited.

AngleofRepose · 28/06/2026 14:11

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 14:07

Apropos of nothing, I have just ordered a Mystery Box of cheese at half price. Who doesn't love a bit of mystery cheese? DH and I are very excited.

Edited

Only if it hasn't been in the back of the fridge for a year! 😬
You'll have to let us know if you get anything unusual. (I live vicariously through other people's cheese these days. That's not meant to sound creepy.)

PastaAllaNorma · 28/06/2026 15:41

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 14:07

Apropos of nothing, I have just ordered a Mystery Box of cheese at half price. Who doesn't love a bit of mystery cheese? DH and I are very excited.

Edited

Oooh, exciting!

I ordered 3kg of cheese curds yesterday, ready for poutine on Canada Day.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 15:49

PastaAllaNorma · 28/06/2026 15:41

Oooh, exciting!

I ordered 3kg of cheese curds yesterday, ready for poutine on Canada Day.

I can't get over cheesy chips with gravy. It sounds disgusting and I cannot be persuaded otherwise.

Chickadeeinme · 28/06/2026 16:18

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 15:49

I can't get over cheesy chips with gravy. It sounds disgusting and I cannot be persuaded otherwise.

Ditto, and I live next door to Canada! Cheese on chips, yes. Gravy on chips, if you must, but cheese and gravy on chips - no thanks.

ErrolTheDragon · 28/06/2026 16:18

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 12:47

I went white-water kayaking once. Just the once.

I was thoroughly enjoying it until I lost a contact lens in a great spray of water. Thereafter I was half-blind and in terror of losing the other lens, and my entire focus around a huge bend in the very rocky river was avoiding either a splashing or a dunking - and shutting my eyes at intervals to keep the remaining lens.

I like activities in and on the water, but my rubbish eyesight is a real pita.

My DD kayaks, and sensibly wears glasses not contacts. However she decided white water wasn’t for her after finding out that titanium frames break less easily than noses.

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/06/2026 16:35

I thought I’d help out behind the bar for a bit while the gerbils recover from their celebrations.

The Gerbil World Cup at the Bluestocking!
ErrolTheDragon · 28/06/2026 16:36

I had to look up poutine and was amused by the clarification at the start of the Wikipedia article:

This article is about the dish of french fries, cheese curds and gravy. For the Acadian dish of boiled potato dumplings, see Poutine râpée. For the president of Russia, see Vladimir Putin.

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 16:45

I have, as ever, been watching the birdlife.

Despite the heat, B&B insist on walks. Since they are both very fit (and have also been acclimatising themselves with lots of sunbathing), I'm not too worried about them, though on truly baking afternoons we stick to shade and grassy paths, and try to find the breeze. The other afternoon I was dawdling along with them when I saw a buzzard soaring overhead. There was another bird above it, dark against the bright blue of the cloudless sky, which for a moment I thought was a crow, heading in to cause the buzzard as much hassle as possible.

Then it moved relative to the sun and I simultaneously saw the pale underside, and also its shape. It was a young buzzard, much smaller than the adult, and as I watched all I could think was that it was having a flying lesson. The adult would wheel and gyre up an air current, and then glide down, and the youngster, above it, would seem to be trying to imitate the manoeuvre. Sometimes things didn't go quite to plan, and it would slide elegantly sideways, and then have to flap a bit to get back to whichever parent had sacrificed a restful afternoon in the shade for the sake of its education.

I followed the dogs through the copse and thought I'd lost sight of the birds, but as we walked along the grassy drift towards the farm, I spotted them again: the adult swinging expertly upwards, sometimes tipping one way or the other to capture the best of current and send itself exactly where it wanted to be with the bare minimum of energy expended, and the youngster still above it, watching and imitating. The adult would glide down and the youngster would more-or-less follow. Over the course of perhaps ten minutes, they worked slowly higher and higher into the sky.

Possibly the youngster was also being educated about where to hunt, because they gradually slid away across a field of SFI planting - legumes and phacelia - which will be a lot more productive for them than fields of standing grain. I only stopped watching them when they were very high and so far away that the pallor of the younger bird made it invisible against the bight pale blue behind it, and if I lost the adult, it was hard to find it again.

Watching them for so long was also educational about swallows, who hunt far higher in the sky than I had realised and who, it turns out, have zero fear of buzzards.

Besides that, DH and I went on an outing, and I had the chance to watch some coots. I don't seen many of them - we seem to be moorhen country. I discovered that not only are young coots extremely fluffy and endearing, they also produce long and quite loud squeaks. Lots of them, like those talkative toddlers who can't shut up: 'Mummy, I here, I here! Look, Mummy! Mummy, where you gone?' Squeeeak squeak squeeeeeak! (Not my photo.)

The Gerbil World Cup at the Bluestocking!
EmpressaurusKitty · 28/06/2026 16:50

That’s wonderful @EdithStourton, and you write it all so vividly that I can see it all happening.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 16:54

Thanks Kitty. May I have a lemonade please?

ErrolTheDragon · 28/06/2026 16:54

It’s a beautiful day here too. Began with a fairly brief but heavy rain shower at about 9 and then high teens working up to low 20s with a lovely fresh breeze. We went up to Silverdale for a walk through woods and meadows, stopping for our sandwich by the sea with the cool wind in our faces.

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/06/2026 16:59

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 16:54

Thanks Kitty. May I have a lemonade please?

Ice, lemon, anything else?

FuzzyPuffling · 28/06/2026 17:56

EmpressaurusKitty · 28/06/2026 16:59

Ice, lemon, anything else?

Perfect like that, thank you!