Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Do you avoid the bathroom if there is a transwoman?

1000 replies

PeachyDaisy · 06/05/2026 02:05

I’m going to an industry event next week and I know there will be a transwoman attending. Should I use the disabled bathroom to avoid an awkward encounter or just continue to use the women’s and hope not to run into them?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
27
Helleofabore · 06/05/2026 14:24

Plasticdreams · 06/05/2026 14:07

What you seem really upset about is men using 'trans' as an excuse to get into women’s spaces, not genuine trans people just quietly living their lives.
It sounds like your issue is with people you think are acting in bad faith or for the wrong reasons, not with trans people as a whole. And if that’s the case, then yes, those situations would be a problem for both women and trans people.

Would you like to go through the list of male people who have been convicted in the UK for murder and arbitrate which male people with a transgender identity is a genuine trans person or not? This paper has a handy list for you.

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=6182901

turquoiseshell very patiently went through to get some background on each of these murderers.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5525061-transgender-homicides-in-britain-2000-2025-victims-and-perpetrators?page=7

Would you like to go through and assess which ones you believe are or are not trans gender according to your personal criteria?

Perhaps you should also consider whether before they were convicted whether you would have said that they were genuine trans people just quietly living their lives?

here is the US list for you to arbitrate who is and is not genuinely transgender too

notourcrimes.info/prison-data.html

Not Our Crimes | Trans-Identified Male Prison Population Data

Documenting the realities of men who commit crimes and claim womanhood.

https://notourcrimes.info/prison-data.html

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:26

Depends on the transwoman. I only know one transwoman IRL and I’d be happy to share a ladies bathroom with her. She actually has no penis so I don’t see any issue with her being in the ladies.

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:27

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:26

Depends on the transwoman. I only know one transwoman IRL and I’d be happy to share a ladies bathroom with her. She actually has no penis so I don’t see any issue with her being in the ladies.

Men don’t need a penis to assault you.

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:27

Men don’t need a penis to assault you.

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

MarieDeGournay · 06/05/2026 14:28

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 06/05/2026 14:16

Every single person claiming to be a transwoman is a man. By using female spaces they are violating the boundaries and consent of females. They are ALL acting in bad faith. Every single one of them

I agree. What good reason would any man have to insist on using the women's toilet, when it has been made abundantly clear that he isn't allowed to, and that most women don't want him there?

Any reason other than 'I want to do exactly what I want and I don't care about women's rights or feelings', that is.

Which, as is often pointed out, is a very anti-woman attitude from somebody who claims to be a woman.

It's not complicated: where there are women's and men's toilets, they are segregated on the basis of biological sex, not gender.
The UK Supreme Court has clarified that people born male remain male for all their lives - even a GRC doesn't change that fact.

So forget about confusing the issue with 'but he's been using the ladies for years/he's lovely/he looks just like a woman/he thinks he actually is a woman':
born male? use the men's not the women's.

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:29

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

What I mean is that the transwoman in question is not a rando, she’s someone known to the op

GreyskySexRealistsky · 06/05/2026 14:29

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

FGS it's not just about your lovely friend

#bangsheadonwall

Northermcharn · 06/05/2026 14:29

ChipsyKing · 06/05/2026 02:09

Do you have something against this person in particular or a reason to be wary of them?

I’m GC but most people are just trying to live their lives.

? I'm trying to live my life. Part of that means I don't want men in women's spaces. The man in question here should use the men's toilets. Not the disabled toilet, that's for disabled people.

But as it's Australia and they are full on gender woo, no one will support you - I'd just wait until he left the toilets and go in then.

Northermcharn · 06/05/2026 14:30

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

By she you mean he, of course.

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:30

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

He’s just one person though you can’t base llaws on one lovely person you know can you?

DabOfPistachio · 06/05/2026 14:31

Plasticdreams · 06/05/2026 14:22

I feel so sad for the trans women I have known. Unfortunately one died and the other is thriving, loving life and is the face of a big advertising campaign. They are/were such gentle souls and it genuinely hurts that there is such venom and hatred towards them for no real reason.
We are all agreement that we don't want pervy men masquerading as women in our spaces - they would agree with this too and have been subject to male sexual abuse themselves and are as vulnerable as us. They were my friends at one point in my life before I moved away and it's just so sad that there is so much lack of understanding and care for our fellow humans.

Noticing someone's sex isn't venom. Nor is asking them to respect women's spaces.
Trans women aren't some special category of human, only every sweet and vulnerable.
They are people, specifically male people. That means like every other human, many are lovely, some are unpleasant and a few are nasty and dangerous.
Being trans isn't a get of out of jail free card to allow them to opt out of respecting women's spaces. Saying so isn't venom. They are people, not fragile little angels who don't need to follow the same societal polite behaviour and respect to others that everyone else does.
Treating them like ordinary people and expecting them to behave like ordinary people isn't venom nor hate.

Northermcharn · 06/05/2026 14:32

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:30

He’s just one person though you can’t base llaws on one lovely person you know can you?

Regardless - have you ever noticed all the (formerly) lovely people who commit crimes? Friends never think their friend isn't lovely.

loislovesstewie · 06/05/2026 14:32

Tabla · 06/05/2026 14:28

She isn’t someone who assaults people, I know her.

Yes, prisons are full of men who are described as being lovely and incapable of committing a crime. So many are described as being upstanding members of society. Until they aren't.
Professionally, I've met so many people who look innocent, inoffensive, often quite quiet or shy. Then I read the reports of their crimes. If you saw them in the street, in the pub, out shopping you wouldn't think they had it in them. But they did.

Bananasareberries · 06/05/2026 14:34

Plasticdreams · 06/05/2026 14:22

I feel so sad for the trans women I have known. Unfortunately one died and the other is thriving, loving life and is the face of a big advertising campaign. They are/were such gentle souls and it genuinely hurts that there is such venom and hatred towards them for no real reason.
We are all agreement that we don't want pervy men masquerading as women in our spaces - they would agree with this too and have been subject to male sexual abuse themselves and are as vulnerable as us. They were my friends at one point in my life before I moved away and it's just so sad that there is so much lack of understanding and care for our fellow humans.

They are not ‘gentle souls’ if they are invading women’s spaces and stealing our language. Stay in men’s spaces and call yourself men and campaign against male on male violence from there.

GreyskySexRealistsky · 06/05/2026 14:34

Northermcharn · 06/05/2026 14:32

Regardless - have you ever noticed all the (formerly) lovely people who commit crimes? Friends never think their friend isn't lovely.

This! Every male criminal was once someone's friend, someone's neighbour, someone's work colleague

"He seemed like such a nice guy"

It's called safeguarding!

Slightyamusedandsilly · 06/05/2026 14:35

No. I'd use the bathroom and wash my hands. As I'm sure she will too.

Helleofabore · 06/05/2026 14:36

Plasticdreams · 06/05/2026 07:48

No I am saying trans because they are trans.

There’s no credible evidence that trans people are more likely to commit violent crime.

Most large-scale research doesn’t show higher rates of violent offending among trans people. What it does show consistently is that transgender people are significantly more likely to be victims of violence than cisgender people.

This much more credible study in the American Journal of Public Health (2021) found transgender people experienced about 86 violent victimisations per 1,000 people, compared to about 22 per 1,000 among cisgender people.

Analyses of mass shootings in the U.S. show transgender perpetrators make up a tiny fraction (around 0.1%), far below their share of the population.

Reviews of crime data generally find no evidence that being transgender is linked to higher rates of violent crime.

A lot of the idea that trans people are more dangerous comes from misinterpreted statistics - see your study- and selective media coverage of rare cases, or political narratives. Theres no solid evidence.

Herman, J. L. et al. (2021), American Journal of Public Health
Williams Institute (UCLA School of Law) research summaries
FBI crime statistics & analyses of mass violence datasets

Just to repost this about the study this post mentions.

However, just to also repost this point, it is irrelevant to the discussion around male people accessing female single sex provisions.

Whether or not a male person has been subjected to horrific violence is not a reason for that male person to access female single sex provisions. Many male people are violently attacked by others, but they don't get to access female single sex provisions.

Anyway, the press release for the study says:

”Transgender people are over FOUR TIMES more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault”

It was from this press release.

williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/

I have a few issues with this press release. I think it has been used widely and extensively since it was released. I believe this document discusses those crime statistics

escholarship.org/content/qt7c3704zg/qt7c3704zg.pdf?t=qqfomk&v=lg

It refers to 369 trans people who identified their sex vs 435 061 people who were not trans identified in a study. There were 420 in total.

The numbers of members of each cohort
not transgender - 435,061
transgender man (TIF) - 181
transgender woman (TIM) - 188
prefer not to say - 51

The sample size was not mentioned at all in the press release!!

Just being generous and using the full transgender population of this survey, that equals 420/435061 =0.000965 x 100 = 0.09% is not a population that you could draw many confident conclusions from. And it would be ridiculous to make the comparison on such a small sample size.

Think about this from the point of view that women around the world admit they don’t bother to report their sexual assaults and rapes. Because they have no confidence that they will get justice AND not be vilified in the process.

What % of females actively reporting their attacks vs current trend of not bothering to report would decimate that 420 figure?

And that number cannot be accurately depicted in this point either;

”About half of all violent victimizations were not reported to police. Transgender people were as likely as cisgender people to report violence to police.”

Sure this 'maybe'. However, I believe the huge number of women telling us they don’t report.

This article is misrepresenting the reality.

Then there is this claim:

”Transgender people are over four times more likely than cisgender people to experience violent victimization, including rape, sexual assault, and aggravated or simple assault”

Including! Notice it says ‘violent victimisation including’!

Not ”Trans people are 4 times more likely to experience violent attacks including rape and sexual assault.”

What was NOT included was a handy breakdown of what constituted the crimes against trans people were. What was the bar for a hate crime being committed for instance? Misogyny? Does that fit the definition that holds for transphobic hate crimes?

One in four transgender women who were victimized thought the incident was a hate crime compared to less than one in ten cisgender women.”

If females were taught how to accurately assess the motivation against them as to whether it constituted a hate crime, or indeed using the very same frames of reference as trans people do but based on sexism, and then they came back and reanswered that same survey, it suspect strongly that it will make that point meaningless? Is misogyny a ‘hate crime’ for instance?

Either way:

Whether or not a male person has been subjected to horrific violence is not a reason for that male person to access female single sex provisions. Many male people are violently attacked by others, but they don't get to access female single sex provisions.

Whether or not a group of male people are victimised more than other groups of people is irreverent for their inclusion into female single sex provisions! Those male people can be both victims and abusers! Risk assessment for safeguarding female single sex provisions is based on their potential to harm female people NOT on those male people's chances of being victimised!!!!

Transgender people over four times more likely than cisgender people to be victims of violent crime

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/press/ncvs-trans-press-release/

KilkennyCats · 06/05/2026 14:37

Waitingforthesunnydays · 06/05/2026 06:36

Can’t believe you care so much about this that you are posting a thread about a potential trip for a wee a week in advance 🤣
I don’t believe TW belong in women’s spaces either but seriously, what do you think is going to happen?! He’s just trying to live his life, fine if you don’t agree with it, but you’re massively overreacting about this

He can live his life perfectly well whilst using the gents toilet

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:38

GreyskySexRealistsky · 06/05/2026 14:34

This! Every male criminal was once someone's friend, someone's neighbour, someone's work colleague

"He seemed like such a nice guy"

It's called safeguarding!

Yes, I’m reminded of how at uni several girls were date raped by good friends and loving boyfriends who were anything but in the end.

Blogswife · 06/05/2026 14:38

Does this person have form for hiding in toilets and pouncing on unsuspecting colleagues ? No? Then stop being ridiculous !

Bananasareberries · 06/05/2026 14:39

It should also be remembered that men who groom others in order to abuse them, do not just groom their victims - they also groom those around them in order to access victims and to make themselves seem above reproach/so no one will suspect them. For such men being ‘lovely’ is part of their strategy.

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:39

Blogswife · 06/05/2026 14:38

Does this person have form for hiding in toilets and pouncing on unsuspecting colleagues ? No? Then stop being ridiculous !

How would you know until they’re caught? Why do we have single-sex spaces at all?

Bananasareberries · 06/05/2026 14:42

Blogswife · 06/05/2026 14:38

Does this person have form for hiding in toilets and pouncing on unsuspecting colleagues ? No? Then stop being ridiculous !

Why can’t they stop being ridiculous and use the men’s toilets?

FlatErica · 06/05/2026 14:42

Yes.

Hostile17Lover · 06/05/2026 14:43

Bananasareberries · 06/05/2026 14:39

It should also be remembered that men who groom others in order to abuse them, do not just groom their victims - they also groom those around them in order to access victims and to make themselves seem above reproach/so no one will suspect them. For such men being ‘lovely’ is part of their strategy.

Didn’t Giselle Pelicot and her family regard her husband as being a good, loving husband and father until everything came out? In fact, many of the men in that case were well loved and respected by their families and the community, weren’t they?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread