Disappointed that Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie is promoting her use of surrogacy as compatible with feminism

[Carla786]

I loved Purple Hibiscus and recently got through the rest of her books from my library. I really like her novels and especially her GC stance, but I was discussing her on a feminist subreddit recently and her use of surrogacy came up. It's disappointing she promotes it here as compatible with feminism,

https://www.premiumtimesng.com/entertainment/naija-fashion/791804-ive-no-regrets-welcoming-my-twins-through-surrogacy-chimamanda-adichie.html

Infertility is of course extremely painful, but I don't think that justifies using another woman's womb.

Who was being bought and what was being traded?

And don't allow the ideas around kindness, and rights allow others to be careless with your body.

And they were being careless with your body because they wanted a child, and you were convenient.

I could not even conceive of throwing that idea around with someone I actually cared about.

Your womb was being traded, I'd be interested to know whose idea it was??

It wasnt about kindness. It would have been ne using my body, and specifically, my fertility, as I see fit. What you seem to be saying is that anything a woman does that isnt aligned with your personal values and boundaries is that woman not valuing herself. Sounds a little dogmatic and paternalistic to me. Churchy.

I said earlier. I offered. I knew surrogacy was on the table for them. I think they assumed it would be someone having either their first or last baby and knew i wasn't in that bracket. But for me, that is the only reason I felt it was exactly the right time. I didnt want their baby to be the last baby I carried

But what motivated you?

And why were they even considering surrogacy?

Why not the idea that sometimes you can't always get what you want because it is a bad thing for humanity.

Ok, is buying organs OK?

I was coming here to make a similar analogy about prostitution.

Consent isn’t just about agreeing and saying you understand the risks - although of course that’s important.

With surrogacy it’s impossible to give informed consent because what a woman is actually doing is simply yielding to the societal view that she must be kind, helpful, and put herself last. You can’t provide informed consent when you have been groomed but as women, that’s exactly what we’re subjected to from the moment we can understand speech. Surrogates are women who have been unconsciously coerced into carrying a child because it’s a “kind” thing to do.

Women are persuaded that by putting their own life at risk and by prioritising another person’s want for a baby, they will be happy. Because womanhood is all about making sure everyone else gets what they need….right? 😑

I see the arguments from people who say that surrogates just adore being pregnant and love helping others - but it’s such a coincidence that it’s never rich, powerful women who “choose” to become a surrogate…

Renting another woman’s womb is abhorrent. No one should be able to use another person’s body and risk their health in the process. It’s not morally acceptable in any way.

Women who are surrogates are being exploited, even if they can’t recognise it.

And all of that’s without even mentioning what happens if the baby is born with a severe disability or birth defect, or the pregnant women suffers a permanent disability.

Or even the well-being of the baby. Being ripped away from the only presence they know isn’t beneficial for the baby. Babies that are adopted out often have emotional issues. Surrogacy is no different - it’s cruel.

Surrogacy should be illegal - but it benefits the wealthy and powerful so there’s little chance of that.

They wre never intending to pay anyone bug bucks. It isnt how it works here.

I said what motivated me in an earlier post. You commented on it.

They were considering surrogacy because they knew it was a way to have a child genetically related to them given IVF had failed several times.

"With surrogacy it’s impossible to give informed consent because what a woman is actually doing is simply yielding to the societal view that she must be kind, helpful, and put herself last. You can’t provide informed consent when you have been groomed but as women, that’s exactly what we’re subjected to from the moment we can understand speech."

So what else should women be unable to consent to on this basis?

I asked you a question, is buying organs ok?

I don't see any comparison to buying organs. It's like me asking if beating kittens is ok? No, but what has that got to do with a woman with bodily autonomy and capacity consenting to a surrogate pregnancy?

I come at this from the stance that children are not a human right.

I agree that if the woman is prepared to take the risk of the pregnancy and the birth, there is not a lot anyone -including the law- can do about it.

I also see a hell of a lot of room for exploitation of vulnerable women to happen here. Also some room for desperate exploitation of the would-be-parents.

There is also this underlying uncomfortable idea that women’s bodily functions are fine to be sold. The same prostitution… that the reason there is a market is because of the entitlement for others. It doesn’t sit well
with me, and I would be very concerned about anyone entering into an agreement.

Ah well, in order to answer that question you need to fully understand the ideas around consent. And in order to do that you need to understand, really understand the world in which you and I live.

And the world in which you and I live doesn't care about you, or indeed anyone, it behoves one well to understand this, the world doesn't care about you, particularly as a woman, only you can care about you.

Look, I used to participate in medical ethics boards but I had to leave because there was always a push for 'progress' at all costs and any dissent was steamrolled. I chose to sit on them because of my views around selfhood, but I'm also a pragmatist, so I believe in least harm.

But really, every ethics board I sat on seemed to have a justification of why 'the thing' should be done. There was no real consideration of our humanity.

So I stopped doing that, it became painful.

Anything that results from exploitation, unconscious grooming, abuse of power, or any other situation where truly informed consent can’t be given.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

That covers just about every situation where a woman puts herself at any increased risk of injury or harm. Including planned pregnancy in a committed heterosexual relationship.

You didn't write that quote.

Eh?

Are you saying I didn't write that post? I assure you I did...

My quote is from a post by @SpidersAreShitheads

But you quoted me...

No i quoted what they said here.
.https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5519218-disappointed-that-chimamanda-ngozie-adichie-is-promoting-her-use-of-surrogacy-as-compatible-with-feminism?reply=151808605&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

Let me now return and see if they were quoting you.

They were not. That specific paragraph I pulled out and quoted has quite an extreme pov about women's autonomy. I wanted the person saying it to expand on their thoughts.

Stop using AI if you're not proficient.

You quoted me. And then pulled an AI help. Which still didn't give you what you wanted.

To get back to the question in the OP, yes, I was extremely disappointed when I found Adichie had used a surrogate. Commercial surrogacy is about rich couples exploiting the bodies of poor women. Surrogate pregnancies are three times at risk of complications as other pregnancies. And they require a newborn baby to be removed from its mother, something that is cruel to both mother and baby.