Disappointed that Chimamanda Ngozie Adichie is promoting her use of surrogacy as compatible with feminism

[Carla786]

I loved Purple Hibiscus and recently got through the rest of her books from my library. I really like her novels and especially her GC stance, but I was discussing her on a feminist subreddit recently and her use of surrogacy came up. It's disappointing she promotes it here as compatible with feminism,

https://www.premiumtimesng.com/entertainment/naija-fashion/791804-ive-no-regrets-welcoming-my-twins-through-surrogacy-chimamanda-adichie.html

Infertility is of course extremely painful, but I don't think that justifies using another woman's womb.

What nonsense.

Adichie adopted those children, making her legally their mother. She parents them, making her in practical terms their mother.

Loss of a child, adopted or otherwise, doesn't make someone immune to criticism. I thought we figured that out during David Cameron's prime ministership.

Translation: "I don't want a defective toy, I want a perfect one."

Your objectification and commoditisation of children couldn't be clearer.

I think you're creating a false dichotomy here. Adoption can be a really challenging process. Wonderful and rewarding and I wouldn't change it for the world but it's different in a lot of ways to normal parenting and a lot of people who are excellent parents aren't necessarily cut out to be adoptive parents and that is OK.

Adoption is about finding a home for children who do not have one. It is a response, pretty much always, to a horrible and traumatic situation. It's not a quick or easy solution to infertility and I think it does adoptive parents and adoptees alike a disservice to suggest it should be, or that someone who wants to be a parent but isn't up to working with adoptees is 'treating children as a commodity'.

No its about telling me that I shouldnt have a baby for my SIL because you disagree with it. Same as the people campaigning outside abortion clinics.

Yes this is what a lot of pro-lifers believe. "Just get one from the care system! That's a better choice for you as an inexperienced parent who doesn't have the underlying issues that the child is predisposed to hence their status as a looked after child."

David Cameron wasn’t black - he is a white male. We managed to criticise him quite easily.

What has he got to do with this topic?

You seem to think death of a child absolves people from accountability. Of course the commodification or women and children should be criticised regardless of the race or sex of though trafficking them.

As an adopter myself, the issue for me is, if you can't have your own biological children, what is the next step?

For some it is going into a surrogacy arrangement to obtain the desired baby.

For others it's about choosing to live a child free life.

Others choose to adopt.

If you are at that three way crossroads, you have a big decision to make.

I like to think that adopting is one of the better choices. It is not straightforward parenting for sure, but it is the one option where you put someone else's needs before your own and bring some compassion and hope to disadvantaged children.

I suppose it's possible she could have used her own eggs,, thus making them biologically hers in that way, too.

You think a white celebrity wouldn't be criticised? White men and women who use surrogates are criticised a lot on here.

someone who wants to be a parent but isn't up to working with adoptees

Given that non-adopted children can exhibit challenging behaviour, although that is less likely compared to adopted children, I would argue that someone who "isn't up to working with adoptees" isn't up to parenthood in any form.

Nope. It's about saying that the child you would have born is not property to be gifted and your uterus is not a commodity to be lent out.

I argue that you cannot consent to the loan of your uterus in the same way that women cannot consent to be strangled to death during sex. I argue that you cannot consent to gifting a baby in the same way that Dominique Pelicot could not consent to sex on Gisèle's behalf.

Bullshit. You are fabricating accusations of racism to shut down dissent.

You should search this board's history and see how we reacted to Tom Daly. He's white, as is Elton John who is also mentioned on that thread.

We dictate what people do with their bodies a lot though....we don't support self amputation of limbs or deliberate self harm with blades, or overdoses of noxious substances. We have laws and policies in place to prevent people buying prescription only drugs and we ban FGM.

Bodily autonomy doesn't mean 'do what you like without ever considering the ethical dilemmas and impact on others, especially vulnerable and minors".

We also would never allow a child to be sold or gifted to other people. We don't even allow Special Guardianship or Kinship Care without regulation, assessment and documentation. Why is a newborn infant outside of this regulation? Why did you adopt your nephew officially? Why not just do whatever you like without reference to governance and paperwork?

Really weird take.

Well.

That escalated quickly.

Insomuch as you don't know what challenges you might face with your own biological children, yes. But also, if no one has children until they were ready to go through a really rigorous, sometimes intrusive and emotionally draining evaluation and training process, followed up by a lifetime of working with the aftermath of complex trauma and a high likelihood of specific needs, then I think we'd have a lot of spaces empty in the maternity wards and school system.

Everyone deliberating parenthood to that extent would be a very good thing. We'd have fewer children ending up removed from parents who weren't able to care for them.