Page 4 | Advice on speaking to MP about sex and gender policy

Tempanonymouse · 2026-04-01T17:06:55+00:00

Hello all Longtime lurker Am going to speak to my MP about this whole issue. Not public IRL about this at all (job and personal cowardice reasons). I'm so angry that something so absurd has become the required public belief. My MP is female labour not said anything public that I can find. I don't want to sound mad and I want to have my facts at my fingertips. Any advice on best approaches? Part of me wants to make a list of the most unreasonable things eg Isla Bryson , Lia Thomas and work back logically but I think this might be too confrontational? Has anyone had good effects? At this point I am so furious I think I will come across badly. Also any advice on specific asks? I actually want a wideranging apology from the government and an enquiry into the institutional failure that allowed it as well as all the obvious stuff. But recognise I may have radicalised myself .. Thanks in advance

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

Tempanonymouse · 02/04/2026 19:17

Thank you everyone who has posted helpful advice. It is appreciated.@idaglossop especially that's a useful blueprint.
The blue sky response linked to has really discombobulated me. I know this is a small particular group but it is disconcerting seeing your words being interpreted in their worst light. I am not brave and I don't have transferable skills which is why I am slightly worried that if my MP has a staff member who is similarly passionate they could certainly impact my job.
I do understand that for trans people it must be distressing to be the focus of political discourse as an individual, and it must feel like an attack when someone says they don't accept your identity. But whether they believe me or not I really really don't hate them, or want them to come to harm. I genuinely would like everyone even including the person who commented earlier to have a happy fulfilling and comfortable life.
It's just that you can't change sex, sometimes this is important, and it is tyrannical to prevent people from saying this openly.
One of the posters pointed out that I talked about my anger but also how little it is impacting my life which I think is in a way a fair point. I have wondered myself why this angers me so much. I think it's similar to the moment I think a lot of us have as young teens where a trusted man says something like a joke or a sexualised comment and you suddenly realise that in some ways as a girl or woman you are in the category of object even just temporarily. It is uncomfortable and shakes your understanding of the world if you are lucky enough to, like me, have had a secure childhood. I think it is disconcerting to realise that basically every institution will put mens comfort above women's without even noticing.
I think the person from blue sky maybe interprets my anger as directed at them personally and that's why their response is so defensive. I do feel sorry for them as it must be incredibly stressful to live feeling that there are lots of people who hate you just for who you are. My anger is not towards individuals at all, I think a lot are very vulnerable and victims. Even the activists I think are probably often quite vulnerable people ( I realise this is easy for me to say as someone who has not taken any risks or been harmed by them). My anger is directed at the class of people whose job is to be sensible, care about truth, and to make rational decisions and even more the culture as a whole that lets this happen.
Anyway sorry for the long post. I'm still going to talk to my MP and thanks for the advice it has helped me.

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Wearenotborg · 02/04/2026 21:31

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Show quote history

Would the respect go both ways though? And er…. Asking internet randos to meet up? I take it you didn’t sign up for the cyber safety class I recommended?

Waitwhat23 · 02/04/2026 21:51

I can't be the only one with the Psycho theme tune running through their head at the 'meet some creepy rando off the internet who has been very vocal about how much he hates women' suggestion?

Eeeeee, eeeee, eeeee, eeeeee!

Mmmnotsure · 02/04/2026 21:54

Waitwhat23 · 02/04/2026 21:51

I can't be the only one with the Psycho theme tune running through their head at the 'meet some creepy rando off the internet who has been very vocal about how much he hates women' suggestion?

Eeeeee, eeeee, eeeee, eeeeee!

And as if the women on here didn't have trans-identifying people - family, friends, colleagues - in their everyday lives that they talk to.

I got to 'The only condition is basic respect', thought of this person's writings, and ...nah.

Wearenotborg · 02/04/2026 21:56

Mmmnotsure · 02/04/2026 21:54

And as if the women on here didn't have trans-identifying people - family, friends, colleagues - in their everyday lives that they talk to.

I got to 'The only condition is basic respect', thought of this person's writings, and ...nah.

Show quote history

What’s the betting it would be a very one sided conversation?

pigeonist · 02/04/2026 23:00

What a creepy offer.

FlirtsWithRhinos · 02/04/2026 23:19

Been there, done that. Not with Aida but a very similar young chap a few years ago.

I went into it genuinely expecting I'd have at least some level of cognitive dissonance as to him being male but appearing/acting female in some way.

The reality was I was actually surprised by how much he wasn't female at all. I never had the sense of talking to anyone other than the nice, earnest, mansplainy lefty young male graduate he was. Very nice, very much there to explain to me very kindly why I was wrong about the reality of womanhood because he'd read all the things🙄

When I saw Aida's photo I thought of him immediately, so kind of weird to see him making the same offer in almost exactly the same words. I wonder if there's a script, like the Mormons.

(He was a bit less of a bitch/smart arse than Aida tbh).

Mmmnotsure · 02/04/2026 23:19

pigeonist · 02/04/2026 23:00

What a creepy offer.

I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city

This man is really very, very keen to have this experience.

CassOle · 02/04/2026 23:24

Maybe read a book instead.

Advice on speaking to MP about sex and gender policy

ATranssexualWoman · 03/04/2026 01:45

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Show quote history

You aren't going to convince anyone on Mumsnet. Even someone like me, a transmedicalist, who has more moderate views on trans issues can't. Online spaces are usually where the most radical come, it's the same with trans people on Reddit. No one's minds really ever change from internet debates.

Your time is better spent trying to make the mainstream trans rights movement look sensible and actually coherent. That's what I did, and it's why I'm a moderate transmedicalist (i.e. I think Dysphoria is necessary but accept there's nuance on medical transition and accept non binary people).

FlirtsWithRhinos · 03/04/2026 02:51

Tempanonymouse · 02/04/2026 19:17

Thank you everyone who has posted helpful advice. It is appreciated.@idaglossop especially that's a useful blueprint.
The blue sky response linked to has really discombobulated me. I know this is a small particular group but it is disconcerting seeing your words being interpreted in their worst light. I am not brave and I don't have transferable skills which is why I am slightly worried that if my MP has a staff member who is similarly passionate they could certainly impact my job.
I do understand that for trans people it must be distressing to be the focus of political discourse as an individual, and it must feel like an attack when someone says they don't accept your identity. But whether they believe me or not I really really don't hate them, or want them to come to harm. I genuinely would like everyone even including the person who commented earlier to have a happy fulfilling and comfortable life.
It's just that you can't change sex, sometimes this is important, and it is tyrannical to prevent people from saying this openly.
One of the posters pointed out that I talked about my anger but also how little it is impacting my life which I think is in a way a fair point. I have wondered myself why this angers me so much. I think it's similar to the moment I think a lot of us have as young teens where a trusted man says something like a joke or a sexualised comment and you suddenly realise that in some ways as a girl or woman you are in the category of object even just temporarily. It is uncomfortable and shakes your understanding of the world if you are lucky enough to, like me, have had a secure childhood. I think it is disconcerting to realise that basically every institution will put mens comfort above women's without even noticing.
I think the person from blue sky maybe interprets my anger as directed at them personally and that's why their response is so defensive. I do feel sorry for them as it must be incredibly stressful to live feeling that there are lots of people who hate you just for who you are. My anger is not towards individuals at all, I think a lot are very vulnerable and victims. Even the activists I think are probably often quite vulnerable people ( I realise this is easy for me to say as someone who has not taken any risks or been harmed by them). My anger is directed at the class of people whose job is to be sensible, care about truth, and to make rational decisions and even more the culture as a whole that lets this happen.
Anyway sorry for the long post. I'm still going to talk to my MP and thanks for the advice it has helped me.

Reading your post, it's so obviously written by a woman rather than a man (sex based meaning here obviously).

Those of us steeped from birth in the social expectations of women and girls are so used to being dismissed or judged that the, for want of a better word, trauma of it seeps deeply into how we interact, how we frame difficult conversations.

We are so so careful to acknowledge that what we need and genuinely feel and think is fair may nevertheless hurt others. So aware of how we may come across, so fearful of censure and being silenced that we anticipate and try to pre-empt every argument with concilatory language and careful and precise justifications.

The irony is that there is no way those self-declared "women", or any of the oh-so-reasonable transwomen who come here to "explain" things to us would ever write a post like yours.

Wearenotborg · 03/04/2026 06:13

ATranssexualWoman · 03/04/2026 01:45

You aren't going to convince anyone on Mumsnet. Even someone like me, a transmedicalist, who has more moderate views on trans issues can't. Online spaces are usually where the most radical come, it's the same with trans people on Reddit. No one's minds really ever change from internet debates.

Your time is better spent trying to make the mainstream trans rights movement look sensible and actually coherent. That's what I did, and it's why I'm a moderate transmedicalist (i.e. I think Dysphoria is necessary but accept there's nuance on medical transition and accept non binary people).

Show quote history

What are you trying to convince people? That men can become women if they want? That women should give up their sex based rights because men demand it? I’m new here so I haven’t heard these, I’m very sure, eloquent arguments but do they sound like:
because we want to
because we’ll be sad if you don't
because men are women because of sexist,stereotypes
not letting men in female spaces hurts women

Am I close?

teawamutu · 03/04/2026 06:50

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Show quote history

Bit rich after you've used her to jeer and sneer all over your preferred corner of the internet, but I suppose it's progress.

Genuine questions below:
How are you defining 'flat out transphobia', though? Is she permitted to still know you're male? Is it ok to use your chosen name and pronouns, believe strongly in your right to the same housing, street safety and job security as everyone else, but still think you shouldn't be in female single sex facilities?

soupycustard · 03/04/2026 08:15

FlirtsWithRhinos · 03/04/2026 02:51

Reading your post, it's so obviously written by a woman rather than a man (sex based meaning here obviously).

Those of us steeped from birth in the social expectations of women and girls are so used to being dismissed or judged that the, for want of a better word, trauma of it seeps deeply into how we interact, how we frame difficult conversations.

We are so so careful to acknowledge that what we need and genuinely feel and think is fair may nevertheless hurt others. So aware of how we may come across, so fearful of censure and being silenced that we anticipate and try to pre-empt every argument with concilatory language and careful and precise justifications.

The irony is that there is no way those self-declared "women", or any of the oh-so-reasonable transwomen who come here to "explain" things to us would ever write a post like yours.

Show quote history

So true. It's fundamentally Darwinism. To survive, or enable offspring to survive, many females, at least sometimes, need to appease males.

Chagula · 03/04/2026 09:05

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Show quote history

Lovely words, there. Although I assume your version of "respect" means that @Tempanonymouse has to concede that men can be women?

Meanwhile, here are some more words of yours, just from your post about this thread (obviously there are loads more anti-women quotes on your Bluesky account, but I'm sticking to that one thread that you started):

- The hardcore transphobes built hate as core of their identity, hence why it doesn't dislodge even when faced with reality. When your life is empty, very easy for hate to fill in the void.

- Yeah, compassion for transphobes runneth dry, but hey, less of them with every winter!

- Hah my mp, the ever useless Karin "fuckface transphobe" Smyth only writes to me when transphobes get a win, otherwise ignores me, including for a meeting. It's hilarious how pathetic she is :D

- It's what it takes to be a shithead transphobe with zero regard for people.

You're such a nice, reasonable guy.

teawamutu · 03/04/2026 09:13

Chagula · 03/04/2026 09:05

Lovely words, there. Although I assume your version of "respect" means that @Tempanonymouse has to concede that men can be women?

Meanwhile, here are some more words of yours, just from your post about this thread (obviously there are loads more anti-women quotes on your Bluesky account, but I'm sticking to that one thread that you started):

- The hardcore transphobes built hate as core of their identity, hence why it doesn't dislodge even when faced with reality. When your life is empty, very easy for hate to fill in the void.

- Yeah, compassion for transphobes runneth dry, but hey, less of them with every winter!

- Hah my mp, the ever useless Karin "fuckface transphobe" Smyth only writes to me when transphobes get a win, otherwise ignores me, including for a meeting. It's hilarious how pathetic she is :D

- It's what it takes to be a shithead transphobe with zero regard for people.

You're such a nice, reasonable guy.

Edited

Show quote history

Say no to a 'transwoman', find an angry man.

Chagula · 03/04/2026 09:16

And then, @AidaP, after you realised we had seen your post about this thread on Bluesky, and you therefore stopped responding to replies on it, you posted this:

I am a bigot realist

That means I call bigots what they are. nazis as nazis, transphobes as transphobes, racists as racists

I know that lately there has been some pushback against the truth, but as this is my well held belief, I will not give

Happy to take it all the way to high court

I really don't think I'd be meeting you for a coffee, or letting you know my real name, or where I work. No wonder we women generally choose to stay anonymous around men like you.

https://bsky.app/profile/aidap.bsky.social/post/3mijeiyz2o22z

Aida (@aidap.bsky.social)

I am a bigot realist That means I call bigots what they are. nazis as nazis, transphobes as transphobes, racists as racists I know that lately there has been some pushback against the truth, but as this is my well held belief, I will not give Happy...

https://bsky.app/profile/aidap.bsky.social/post/3mijeiyz2o22z

ThatBlackCat · 03/04/2026 09:21

AidaP · 02/04/2026 21:28

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.

Show quote history

Except you will not give respect back to the views of the female sex or female rape survivors. You want her to agree with you and total capitulation.

None of you show respect for the vulnerabilities, needs and rights of the female sex.

DialSquare · 03/04/2026 10:16

No need to meet up with deluded men for coffee. Just stay out of female single sex spaces.

FlirtsWithRhinos · 03/04/2026 10:23

ThatBlackCat · 03/04/2026 09:21

Except you will not give respect back to the views of the female sex or female rape survivors. You want her to agree with you and total capitulation.

None of you show respect for the vulnerabilities, needs and rights of the female sex.

Show quote history

💯

Aida has no interest in taking women's perspectives on board. His only interest in this meeting is to persuade her to let him do what he wants.

The old "logic her knickers off" pattern yet again. A man's belief that he can argue a woman out of her own self knowledge and experiences, that he can persuade her her boundaries are not valid .

Dress it up how he will, none of this is for her own benefit or understanding, only as a way to get what he wants from her.

ATranssexualWoman · 03/04/2026 10:38

Wearenotborg · 03/04/2026 06:13

What are you trying to convince people? That men can become women if they want? That women should give up their sex based rights because men demand it? I’m new here so I haven’t heard these, I’m very sure, eloquent arguments but do they sound like:
because we want to
because we’ll be sad if you don't
because men are women because of sexist,stereotypes
not letting men in female spaces hurts women

Am I close?

Show quote history

Yeah like I said, neither of us are changing our opinion here is it really worth us delving into some deep argument?

I believe trans people should have equal rights, you don't. You believe there is a conflict between trans rights and women's rights, I don't. I believe that trans men are men and trans women are women, you don't. I believe trans people exist because of gender dysphoria about our physical primary and secondary sex characteristics, you believe trans people only exist for perversion, misogyny and sexist stereotypes.

We both know where the other stands. We both think the other is completely wrong. Neither of our opinions are going to change. Is it really worth wasting our Fridays to end up at the same point we are now?

Waitwhat23 · 03/04/2026 10:48

ATranssexualWoman · 03/04/2026 10:38

Yeah like I said, neither of us are changing our opinion here is it really worth us delving into some deep argument?

I believe trans people should have equal rights, you don't. You believe there is a conflict between trans rights and women's rights, I don't. I believe that trans men are men and trans women are women, you don't. I believe trans people exist because of gender dysphoria about our physical primary and secondary sex characteristics, you believe trans people only exist for perversion, misogyny and sexist stereotypes.

We both know where the other stands. We both think the other is completely wrong. Neither of our opinions are going to change. Is it really worth wasting our Fridays to end up at the same point we are now?

Show quote history

In a way, I agree with you. Arguing with gender ideologists is as pointless as arguing with flat earth believers. Any evidence, legislation, photos, research is just outright ignored and 'countered' with 'well, that's what I believe'.

Better for us to just laugh at reality deniers and for us to continue to post, for the benefit of lurkers and newbies, the mountain of evidence that women's rights have been the subject of a determined attempt to erode them for the benefit of men.

Chagula · 03/04/2026 10:53

ATranssexualWoman · 03/04/2026 10:38

Yeah like I said, neither of us are changing our opinion here is it really worth us delving into some deep argument?

I believe trans people should have equal rights, you don't. You believe there is a conflict between trans rights and women's rights, I don't. I believe that trans men are men and trans women are women, you don't. I believe trans people exist because of gender dysphoria about our physical primary and secondary sex characteristics, you believe trans people only exist for perversion, misogyny and sexist stereotypes.

We both know where the other stands. We both think the other is completely wrong. Neither of our opinions are going to change. Is it really worth wasting our Fridays to end up at the same point we are now?

Show quote history

What "equal rights" do trans people not have?

soupycustard · 03/04/2026 10:58

Trans people DO have 'equal rights', quite rightly.
They have 1. Exactly the same human rights as every other human, male and female; and 2. Rights against discrimination on the basis of gender reassignment under the EA.
Obviously men can't have women's rights though. Because they're men.

BlueLegume · 03/04/2026 10:59

@Chagula great question and as yet no one has come up with an answer. So I second you - what rights do trans people not have? And one more ‘what rights do you want that you feel you do not have?’