Advice on speaking to MP about sex and gender policy

[Tempanonymouse]

Hello all
Longtime lurker
Am going to speak to my MP about this whole issue.
Not public IRL about this at all (job and personal cowardice reasons).
I'm so angry that something so absurd has become the required public belief. My MP is female labour not said anything public that I can find.
I don't want to sound mad and I want to have my facts at my fingertips. Any advice on best approaches? Part of me wants to make a list of the most unreasonable things eg Isla Bryson , Lia Thomas and work back logically but I think this might be too confrontational? Has anyone had good effects? At this point I am so furious I think I will come across badly. Also any advice on specific asks?
I actually want a wideranging apology from the government and an enquiry into the institutional failure that allowed it as well as all the obvious stuff. But recognise I may have radicalised myself ..
Thanks in advance

Sits on hands…bites tongue…. Remembers my mother’s mantra. So as well as being misogynist, the poster here “for fun” is also homophobic? Wow! And yet we are supposed to be the “baddies”?

Oddly, @AidaP has now deleted his Bluesky post about posting on this Mumsnet thread. What are the chances! Brave Aida. Not a hypocrite, at all.

ETA: Rookie error on my part 😄I should have taken a screenshot of his now-deleted Bluesky post. But he was all "Who are you all, hiding behind being anonymous!" on here, and I actually thought he might stand up for his values.

https://bsky.app/profile/aidap.bsky.social/post/3miiknpbi7s2t this post?

That's the one! Do leave it up this time, there's a dear. No need to hide it from us.

Honestly, do you think we were born yesterday 😄

"Do keep it up?" You can see time posted, your internet illiteracy is as amusing as your views :D

So you didn't hide it? From people who are not logged into Bluesky? And then there it was again, when I called you out?

Anyway, OP, as you can see they lurk here, no wonder you would want to keep yourself anonymous. Plenty of women have had their gender realist views weaponised against them. Luckily that time is passing.

Well, he is homophobic enough to believe a male can be a lesbian

We certainly can imagine anyone just... not caring about us. But that person is not you.

Today on Mumsnet, the "silent majority" are apparently too scared to raise their transphobic views with their own MP in case people realise they're transphobes

For something they insist is mainstream, common-sense, and protected in law, it seems to need a lot of hiding

Honestly, that gives me hope

https://bsky.app/profile/aidap.bsky.social/post/3miiknpbi7s2t

Oh, that women (in the original female sex-based sense) had the safety and freedom to move through the world with the arrogance and confidence of a young man! (In, obviously, the original male sex-based sense).

Every argument they make against us simply shows how little they understand what is is to be us.

You can see why they don't get why single sex supports, spaces and language are so important for women - these things solve for experiences that they simply never have even when they really genuinely believe they are living "as women".

Does anyone know how long you can sit on your hands without causing any damage?

😆

I think he thought he was going to be all clever over on Bluesky, "Look what I posted at the stupid TERFs!", without realising that we're on the internet too, mate.

You come for Mumsnet, you best not miss.

I would love to talk to my MP about this but they have previously made clear statements they will not give women a fair hearing without applying their own sexist biases. I no more trust them and their office with my IRL identity than I would trust a known thief with my house keys.

I used to vote for this person. Their position on the existence of women (in the original sex based meaning) are not a group deserving of recognition or rights despite clear and ongoing evidence that female people continue to experience sex-based abuse, marginalisation and bias directly lost them my vote.

I feel your pain. I live in a (fairly safe) LibDem constituency. Our MP says she thinks men can become women. I think she's going to be like a Japanese war vet, as the world changes around her...

https://www.jocoxfoundation.org/2025/11/25/the-democratic-impact-of-digital-abuse-towards-women-in-politics/

Mine is male and I suspect will avoid the subject for a while then do a DARVO flip to "this is such a minor issue, it's not worth fighting over", forgetting his previous loud condemnations of women who care about their legal rights and social legitimacy.

I think that in the end the transes will be left with a few Green MPs (or at least, the ones who aren't Muslim) and Nadia Whittome.

Wow, that post is...illuminating. A bunch of angry men seething about women.

Yes.

Ans I think the male MPs will find it easier to drop this, as IME men (male sex) do not experience the same pressure to be "fair" and "put others first" than women do, so are less likely to feel morally required to keep fighting a lost cause once they realise it's potentially risky for them.

Very generalised obviously, but enough of a lean at the population level to give different outcomes.

Forgot to add to my last post, for anyone who hasn't seen it before, this website is really useful for finding out who your elected representatives are and how to contact them -

www.writetothem.com/

Focus on protecting women and girls, and also emphasise that the possibility can be traumatic as well.

A bit late to this. My MP is Labour and a Muslim woman. I have written to her twice, once on this issue, in December last year. She replied, making clear, very courteously, that she is going with the party line ie supporting trans people, and that we must be compassionate. (My letter is respectful of trans people.)

Key points from my letter:

• Labour is losing Red Wall voters to Reform; its stance on trans rights risks also losing progressive older women who fought for the freedoms all women can now enjoy (my vote is already lost, because of this issue)
• Labour claims to respect the rule of law yet Bridget Phillipson, the Minister for Equalities, is questioning the Supreme Court's judgement that sex is biological
• Bridget Phillipson says it's complicated. It's not, because the SC ruling clarifies the position.
• Labour claims to be giving priority to VAWG and yet is jeopardising the safety of women and girls - c. half the population - for a minority - less than 250,000 people
• meanwhile, thousands of organisations are breaking the law because Labour is withholding the ECHR guidance

I asked her to represent my views, and the strength with which they are held, at any forum she deemed appropriate.

Thank you everyone who has posted helpful advice. It is appreciated.@idaglossop especially that's a useful blueprint.
The blue sky response linked to has really discombobulated me. I know this is a small particular group but it is disconcerting seeing your words being interpreted in their worst light. I am not brave and I don't have transferable skills which is why I am slightly worried that if my MP has a staff member who is similarly passionate they could certainly impact my job.
I do understand that for trans people it must be distressing to be the focus of political discourse as an individual, and it must feel like an attack when someone says they don't accept your identity. But whether they believe me or not I really really don't hate them, or want them to come to harm. I genuinely would like everyone even including the person who commented earlier to have a happy fulfilling and comfortable life.
It's just that you can't change sex, sometimes this is important, and it is tyrannical to prevent people from saying this openly.
One of the posters pointed out that I talked about my anger but also how little it is impacting my life which I think is in a way a fair point. I have wondered myself why this angers me so much. I think it's similar to the moment I think a lot of us have as young teens where a trusted man says something like a joke or a sexualised comment and you suddenly realise that in some ways as a girl or woman you are in the category of object even just temporarily. It is uncomfortable and shakes your understanding of the world if you are lucky enough to, like me, have had a secure childhood. I think it is disconcerting to realise that basically every institution will put mens comfort above women's without even noticing.
I think the person from blue sky maybe interprets my anger as directed at them personally and that's why their response is so defensive. I do feel sorry for them as it must be incredibly stressful to live feeling that there are lots of people who hate you just for who you are. My anger is not towards individuals at all, I think a lot are very vulnerable and victims. Even the activists I think are probably often quite vulnerable people ( I realise this is easy for me to say as someone who has not taken any risks or been harmed by them). My anger is directed at the class of people whose job is to be sensible, care about truth, and to make rational decisions and even more the culture as a whole that lets this happen.
Anyway sorry for the long post. I'm still going to talk to my MP and thanks for the advice it has helped me.

You know what, I disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, but this post sounds more reflective than most of this forum put together.

You say you do not hate trans people and do not want us harmed. I’m willing to take that seriously. So I’ll make you a genuine offer: if you actually want to talk to a trans person rather than just about us, I’m happy to meet you for a coffee somewhere public and answer whatever you want to ask, respectfully and honestly. I’ll even cover your travel, or come to your city, I’m flexible.

No tricks, no pile-on, no gotchas. Just a human conversation with an actual trans person about what this life is like, what it costs, what people get wrong, and what is and is not being asked of the world.

The only condition is basic respect. Curiosity is welcome, and I’ll happily answer a lot of questions; flat-out transphobia is not. The point would be human exchange, not turning my existence into another fight with a stranger.

I genuinely think that could do more good than another hundred Mumsnet posts.