How to deal with request to wear pronoun badge

[IknowIknowIknow]

It's finally happened - a request to declare my pronouns that is going to be hard to ignore. Advice welcome.

Situation is that I volunteer for a charity that deals with members of the public. The charity has a new member of staff who is non-binary. There's an event for the public coming up that a couple of other volunteers and I are volunteering at. The paid member of staff who is a volunteer coordinator mentioned last time we saw her that there are pronoun badges, that no one has to wear them if they don't want to, but also that she feels that it's quite "othering" if only this new non-binary staff members wears a pronoun badge and no one else does.

Clearly I can just say "no thanks" with no further comment when I'm offered a pronoun badge. However, I would probably be the only person out of a small number of staff and volunteers not wearing one, so it's not a neutral act to not wear it. I am also actually a very inclusive person who is perfectly able to get along with a wide range of people even if I don't share their beliefs. I'm worried that by not wearing the badge, the staff (including the non-binary person) will make all kinds of assumptions about me that aren't correct, eg that I hate all trans people, that I'm "transphobic" etc etc. I think it will change the way the staff view me (for the worse and through misunderstanding).

WWYD? I've considered emailing the volunteer coordinator in advance explaining my reasons for not wanting to wear the badge but saying that this isn't relevant to how I am happy to volunteer alongside anyone else, staff or volunteer. DH said I should just "forget" to wear the badge and just ignore the existence of the badges on the day. Or I can just say "no thanks" when offered a badge. Or write "no preferred pronouns" on the badge. But that implies you think it's worth clarifying that you have no preferred pronouns, which is as ridiculous to me as writing on the badge that I'm an atheist, just so people with a religion feel ok about mentioning their religion.

Any advice?

Has the new person asked for pronoun badges? They might be mortified if they are trying to fit into a new team and realise this fuss has been made about them before they start.

Also, if you are front facing volunteers do you know how your ‘customers’ feel about this issue? Your job is not to antagonise the people you are volunteering to deal with. I would say this to the coordinator, this is a very, very divisive issue, unless your public are made up of TQ+ people who you 100% know are onboard with gender ideology, you could be harming your organisation to bring it into mix.

You are volunteering so giving up your time and energy for something you wish to support. The VC and NB staff member are paid to be there. I'd say they need to be more grateful to their volunteers and less worried about their own comfort

First of all this person isn’t non binary there’s no such thing.
Secondly just say no.

I think it's very important to remember what it means when somebody chooses to describe themselves as non-binary. They're saying that everybody who knows and accepts the basic fact of what sex they are is one-dimensional and compartmentalised based on that sex, with no personal desire, agency or confidence to decide how to live their lives in any way outside of any social prejudicial norms that they (the so-called NB person and others like them) believe are prescribed for the masses who aren't fascinating like they are.

They, on the other hand, are enlightened and smart in realising that they are able to make intelligent choices for themselves that may conflict with dim stereotypes. Essentially, they are stating that they are a much more intelligent, much wiser, much more interesting person than you are.

Always think about this when somebody tries to paint themselves as a poor, misunderstood victim; whilst you - with nothing more than your sex-based animal instinct - supposedly have all the power over them and are by default unkind in not accepting and acknowledging that they are clearly better and far more special than you are.

Part of the problem will be that staff have contracts.
So employers will rank their legal obligations to paid employees above obligations to the free workforce and even above the people they are providing a service to.

Well quite. I was thinking that maybe that's not a good analogy, because you are likely to have to use pronouns, which might be "wrong", but I'm not sure you'd change anything at all about your behaviour if you knew someone was, eg, Hindu, or Jewish. Maybe you'd remember not to offer them a ham sandwich if they had a badge? But in that case they'd just tell you their dietary requirements if you were buying them lunch. And someone with different pronouns can just tell you those.

I think I'll definitely go with "no thanks". Just to reassure everyone that overall all the staff I've dealt with, including the vol coordinator, do seem lovely people and are perfectly grateful to volunteers. And she was clear to say that these blimming badges are only if you want to.

I don't actually know if the new NB staff member wants badges or has asked for them. I think it's the vol coordinator trying to be thoughtful and I think she is a good person overall.

But I think @AnSolas has it spot on in saying that the whole badge thing (in general as well as in this instance!) might as well be badges saying BeKind or BeMean!

This. Perfectly put.

I just wouldn’t.

I find it very interesting that there is so much concern about ‘othering’ someone by not wearing the badge versus othering someone by wearing one….

I am not GC.....I don't have a "side" in this. But I would not wear a badge and I would refuse.

Fair enough. Since you've troubled to tell me this then, what is your reason for refusing to wear a badge?

I think the concept is quite silly. As I said upthread, pronouns are only ever really used when the person is not present. How will wearing a badge do anything to facilitate what you call somone when they are not there? I mean how are you going to remember for one thing? If I was in a situation where I felt it was not appropriate to use "he" or "she" then I would use "they" Oh and it was no trouble and you are welcome....just thought I'd point out that its not only people who are GC who do not wish to wear pronoun badges.

I am just gob smacked by the very idea of having to wear a badge with my pronouns on. How many sane people are left in this world?

well there's me obviously......

You might find that other volunteers feel relieved by your polite refusal to wear the badge and then do the same. Safety in numbers etc.

We had this at work once. About half the people wore one. They all got lost pretty quickly. I think you are over thinking it.

Say you have experienced discrimination because you are female, therefore you do not want to draw unnecessary attention to that fact. If you like say that you perfectly fine with other people wearing them.

Just write you/your. Those are the pronouns people use when they're speaking to you.

If someone can be non-binary because they don't have a gender, then there must also be people that don't have any pronouns.

Say you identify as someone that doesn't have any pronouns.

Yeah, this - they wouldn't expect people to walk round with badge declaring 'Biological Female / Muslim / Pregnant', would they??