How to deal with request to wear pronoun badge

[IknowIknowIknow]

It's finally happened - a request to declare my pronouns that is going to be hard to ignore. Advice welcome.

Situation is that I volunteer for a charity that deals with members of the public. The charity has a new member of staff who is non-binary. There's an event for the public coming up that a couple of other volunteers and I are volunteering at. The paid member of staff who is a volunteer coordinator mentioned last time we saw her that there are pronoun badges, that no one has to wear them if they don't want to, but also that she feels that it's quite "othering" if only this new non-binary staff members wears a pronoun badge and no one else does.

Clearly I can just say "no thanks" with no further comment when I'm offered a pronoun badge. However, I would probably be the only person out of a small number of staff and volunteers not wearing one, so it's not a neutral act to not wear it. I am also actually a very inclusive person who is perfectly able to get along with a wide range of people even if I don't share their beliefs. I'm worried that by not wearing the badge, the staff (including the non-binary person) will make all kinds of assumptions about me that aren't correct, eg that I hate all trans people, that I'm "transphobic" etc etc. I think it will change the way the staff view me (for the worse and through misunderstanding).

WWYD? I've considered emailing the volunteer coordinator in advance explaining my reasons for not wanting to wear the badge but saying that this isn't relevant to how I am happy to volunteer alongside anyone else, staff or volunteer. DH said I should just "forget" to wear the badge and just ignore the existence of the badges on the day. Or I can just say "no thanks" when offered a badge. Or write "no preferred pronouns" on the badge. But that implies you think it's worth clarifying that you have no preferred pronouns, which is as ridiculous to me as writing on the badge that I'm an atheist, just so people with a religion feel ok about mentioning their religion.

Any advice?

"No thank you"
and if any other volunteers comment let them know that they are free to do what suits them
but you are happy with your choice.

I suspect that many others will follow your lead

Just say no thank you. I’m not anti trans people and I’m not even gender critical but I’m one of a handful of people who don’t have my pronouns in my email signature where I work. I just don’t think it is necessary to put them there, I am a woman, I present myself as a woman and nobody is in doubt of my pronouns. I don’t make any other solidarity statements in my email signature and I show my solidarity with the trans community elsewhere.

Nobody seems to have made any assumptions from my little non statement.

The volunteer coordinator is worried about making the non binary person feel comfortable and that is completely ok. You are also completely ok to politely say no to wearing a badge.

Just say No Thanks. If you don't want to say that for whatever reason, take one and never wear it 🤷

Just say no and ask that people refer to you by your name.

thanks but I’m not really a badge kind of person.

I think it would be more memorable, and therefore more effective, if the badges were only worn by people with mismatched pronouns. It would be easier to remember the one person whose pronouns don't match their sex than be distracted by all the badges worn by people whose pronouns match their sex.

absolutely not

Oh God. I absolutely dread this happening to me. I won’t wear one, but I hate making a fuss 🤦‍♀️

Disappointing that this sort of thing is still being pushed on people. I had thought it was fizzling out.

To avoid confrontation I would probably take the badge but then never wear it and if questioned about it just say I decided that I don't need the badge thanks. Don't engage in any debate about it, just keep reiterating that you don't "need" the badge. Saying you don't need it rather than don't want it has different connotations and less likely to be twisted as anti trans.

Like it or not if the only person in the room is wearing a badge that says ‘they/them’ on it which I assume is the case no amount of everyone else wearing ‘she/her’ or ‘he/him’ badges will make this inclusive just because they will be the only one wearing that badge. They will stand out whether everybody or nobody wears a badge.

Agree with the options of just declining to add pronouns, not taking the badge or ‘losing’ it pretty promptly.

If pressed at any point, you can quietly say it’s for “personal reasons that I’m not comfortable sharing in a work setting”.

It’s truthful, non confrontational and doesn’t out you as GC. With the added bonus that it would make anyone asking for more info look like a complete dick.

Edited for clarity

Try "I really don't feel comfortable telling other people how to refer to me.." (earnest facial expression) "I feel its important to respect their right to engage with me authentically on their own terms"
Talk of 'feeling uncomfortable' and 'respecting people's authenticity' will be catnip to your supervisor. And while she's trying to think of how to deal with it, you can rush off badge free and start setting up the stall.

Has anyone actually asked the new person in the team what he/she/whoever would like people to do? They may not like the rest of the team with these badges. They may actually, as you say, just like to be treated like any other staff member.

Surely it’s the job of paid staff to make volunteers feel comfortable and included, not the other way around.

I'd just not do it and offer no explanation. People can conclude what they'd like.

your reply “I’m too old for this shit”

I'd avoid them on the grounds of visual clutter. They do remind me fondly of my lovely shortsighted mother, faced with a "She/her" pronoun badge, and saying in the world's loudest whisper, "Well, that's a funny way to spell Sheila."

In general, people who declare themselves as NB want to mark themselves out as different/special. It's not like pronouns are a particularly exciting thing that most people give a second thought to.

I think, if they're honest, most people who choose to identify as NB would probably much prefer to be the only person wearing a badge. It could be argued that, if everybody wears a badge stating the obvious, it's only stealing the thunder from the person who deliberately wants to be seen as special.

Someone telling you that she or he is non-binary is at best as significant as them telling you that they're a keen tap dancer or a Level 4 Elvish Bard in Dungeons & Dragons. It has no legal status, it's a nothingburger. Ignore the whole silly badge business & most importantly don't worry about what people think of you. I'd politely decline but you could always take the badge & keep "forgetting" to wear it.

If it's really messing with your head, write to the volunteer co-ordinator & point out that "pronoun badges" & "pronoun statements" inflict undue pressure & stress on people who are questioning their gender, & will "out" any transgender people who prefer to live "stealth". After all, if they're "stealth" how could the VC possibly know they're not there?

Just don't wear the badge. It's ok to be the only person who doesn't. If anyone asks you pick one of the following:

a) my relationship with my gender is very complex and personal to me and I don't feel comfortable making any such declaration.
b) I think it's really important to hold a space of safety for anyone who doesn't feel ready to make a pronoun declaration public, and for them, being the only person without a pronoun badge might feel just as difficult as it would be for someone to be the only person with a pronoun badge. Having a mixture of with and without makes it genuinely inclusive.

"it's not a practice to which I adhere"

I had a very ardent and bonkers colleague correct my speech with regard to the pronouns of a former colleague who was apparently non-binary and who had left our workplace. She didn't explain this so I thought the departed colleague was doing everything as part of a couple 😂.

It's a secular belief system which I don't believe in.

Wouldn’t wear it and wouldn’t give a toss about what anyone thought about it.

I don't want to wear one, I find it othering for me as I don't want to engage in this.

WTF is "othered" ????

My mind is boggled these days with this crap