How to deal with request to wear pronoun badge

[IknowIknowIknow]

It's finally happened - a request to declare my pronouns that is going to be hard to ignore. Advice welcome.

Situation is that I volunteer for a charity that deals with members of the public. The charity has a new member of staff who is non-binary. There's an event for the public coming up that a couple of other volunteers and I are volunteering at. The paid member of staff who is a volunteer coordinator mentioned last time we saw her that there are pronoun badges, that no one has to wear them if they don't want to, but also that she feels that it's quite "othering" if only this new non-binary staff members wears a pronoun badge and no one else does.

Clearly I can just say "no thanks" with no further comment when I'm offered a pronoun badge. However, I would probably be the only person out of a small number of staff and volunteers not wearing one, so it's not a neutral act to not wear it. I am also actually a very inclusive person who is perfectly able to get along with a wide range of people even if I don't share their beliefs. I'm worried that by not wearing the badge, the staff (including the non-binary person) will make all kinds of assumptions about me that aren't correct, eg that I hate all trans people, that I'm "transphobic" etc etc. I think it will change the way the staff view me (for the worse and through misunderstanding).

WWYD? I've considered emailing the volunteer coordinator in advance explaining my reasons for not wanting to wear the badge but saying that this isn't relevant to how I am happy to volunteer alongside anyone else, staff or volunteer. DH said I should just "forget" to wear the badge and just ignore the existence of the badges on the day. Or I can just say "no thanks" when offered a badge. Or write "no preferred pronouns" on the badge. But that implies you think it's worth clarifying that you have no preferred pronouns, which is as ridiculous to me as writing on the badge that I'm an atheist, just so people with a religion feel ok about mentioning their religion.

Any advice?

Tell them you support diversity and equality and for that reason you don’t wear a badge demonstrating pronouns as you believe it’s contrary to those very principles.

I had to explain to my Equalities colleague that as someone who was bullied growing up for looking like a boy, having to wear a badge that reminds people I'm a woman is actually a really bad reminder of some pretty rubbish times as a kid. I remember a teacher once in a whole school assembly asked my to close the door as I was sat at the back. “Can the boy in the back row…..” and of course the whole school thought it hysterical. The thought that I need to wear a badge that tells the world I’m female as someone who now looks very much like the middle aged woman I am sits really uncomfortably with me and brings back some pretty uncomfortable memories from that time. So, I’d be telling them, no, I won’t be wearing one because being forced to really discounts the damaging experiences I had growing up and I’d be grateful if you could respect my right not to have to do this.

I’m really annoyed on your behalf, you’re happy to work with everyone and get along with all sorts of volunteers with different opinions, but they’re happy to make you uncomfortable and emotionally blackmail you into something you don’t want to do. The double standards are so irritating.

You could just say no thanks, or say wearing pronoun badges makes you really uncomfortable and you don’t want to wear one.

Alternatively say you are gender fluid and will need seven or eight badges depending on who you wake up as each morning.

Wear it on a t-shirt and then say you're cold and put a cardie or over shirt on so it can't be seen anymore.

I can hear the sigh from here

Or the other way round and say you're hot.

It's likely you're not the only one who doesn't want to do this Op, if you say no thanks you might give them the courage to refuse as well. You give your time for free, it's not like they can dock your wages

‘JUST SAY NO’ was used as a campaign slogan. I might get myself one 🤔

“That’s not for me, thanks.”

Take a badge, say thanks. Throw it in the bin. Just use the same policy one applies for shit birthday gifts: gracious/neutral.

" Sorry, I don't want to wear a badge. I don't believe in the whole pronoun business"

Yes. I’d be queuing if necessary to speak to the person without the pronoun badge.

Or you could baffle them with a nonsensical refusal that's too irrelevant to form an argument against. 'No thanks, I'm vegetarian.', 'it wouldn't be appropriate this close to Lent.', 'I'll pass, I'm trying to reduce my carbon footprint.'

I kind of had a similar issue at my work when the marketing team were in the office one day handing out new progress pride lanyards with our logo intertwined on them. Being public sector I feel we should be completely neutral anyway with lanyards, so I reckon I'd have still have said no thanks (if I wasn't versed up on all this). The marketing person was handing them out (everyone was sitting at their desks) and folk just took them. When it came to me I just said "no thanks" politely but I could tell she was going to ask why, but I just smiled and she then walked on.

Interestingly another person approached me later who'd also refused and we had a quiet conversation about neutrality and feeling that promoting one protected characteristic over all others (plus being that the lanyard was the progress colours so also promoting gender ideology) probably wasn't a great idea. So bonus was I met a fellow disbeliever that day!

Don't over think it, I'm sure it will be fine op. X

I work (on a casual contract - this would not work if "staff") and volunteer in a very captured sector. I ignore all optional requests for pronouns (some forms or surveys insist on them) and don't wear any badges on my lanyards beyond those specific to the site/organisation (logos, anniversaries). I have trans colleagues especially in one workplace and if anyone asked me I think I would just say I am not a fan of badges and prefer to show my friendly, inclusive nature by, err, being friendly and inclusive.

Brilliant! Nonsense meets nonsense 😆

I LOVE this. Tangentially, the pronouns thing puzzles me a bit. Pronouns are (almost) never used to the person't face so I am not sure why they have to be declared on badges. I mean if you are talking to a person face to face its probably going to be rude to mention them in the third person?

I like this suggestion!!

Tell the charity you wrote an essay about it on Mumsnet and show them this thread. Let us know how it goes.

I mean, it's conceivable you could be standing in a group of three and need to say to the third person who is asking you where to get a cup of coffee that "she" (the other person in your group, with the pronoun badge she/her) told you that Starbucks is two doors down.

But I agree, it's not really about that. I'd much prefer to wear a badge that says "I'm friendly and inclusive even to people who are different to me or whose beliefs I disagree with!!". Or just behave in a friendly and inclusive way!

I did wonder about wearing a "he/him" badge and seeing what happens, given I think 100% of people who encounter me probably (correctly) assume that I'm female!

He/she would be fun

😁😁

Or maybe I could indeed turn up in a hijab and say that I thought it might be good because I want Muslim women to feel included! But most people don't get at all that gender ideology is a belief just like religion is a belief and it's too complicated to explain in the moment when someone is pointing you towards the pronoun badge basket. Or being offended that you've donned a hijab to make a point.

That would be excellent 👍 the charity will then see that people will not be forced to believe something that patently isn’t true.

To be fair to the volunteer coordinator, she did say "for people that feel comfortable wearing one" there will be pronoun badges at the event, she definitely didn't say that everyone will be forced to wear one. But then saying she didn't want the NB person to be othered does imply that by not wearing the badge you want to other them...