How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

Unfortunately strangers like you on the internet don't get to decide who I am. No matter what you think I'll still be a woman. #SadTimes

I've only ever had one chromosome test when I was a child as a part of a study. From what I understand, it was a very expensive test at the time. I can say with 99% certainty that I've never had any other chromosome test since then. Why would anyone be constantly testing blood for chromosomes? Why would it matter at every blood draw? Your concern for 'reality' here is vastly misdirected.

Unfortunately not. You’re the one on a feminist board mansplaining womanhood to women. It’s a bit sad really.

TransIdeology relies on sex stereotypes - gender - in order to define men as women. Even the medical definition depends on it. Books in school tells girls if they like blue and playing football they must be boys, or boys who like pink and dresses they must be girls. Ffs even that awful flag is based on gendered stereotypes!

Women reject trans because it seeks to define us not by our biology but by these awful stereotypes!

"But I'm definitely a female. I have the certificate to prove it and EVERYTHING"

Said no woman.

Gender Criticals often uphold gender stereotypes such as always assuming that women are always the primary caregiver, saying that men and women must talk a certain way, etc.

Er... no we don't.

I'm a woman due to my sex dysphoria (a medical condition) and my transition.

Being a woman is a medical condition, now?

Sad?

Shockingly offensive, degrading to women and utterly utterly sexist.

Not sad.

To get back to the OP, to a certain extent, I noticed today that one of the Slavic broadcasting services has been putting footage of Eurovision hopefuls up on FB.

One of the songs featured a female lead singer backed by a team of drag queens. (IMO, the song wasn't very good - nothing to do with the performers.) The comments were interesting from a linguistic point of view.

One commenter attempted to use 'she' pronouns, etc whilst congratulating all the singers. The rest of the comments pointed out that this simply wasn't credible. I think that this was the type of scenario that @FourSevenTwo was talking about - using female gendered forms sounded both wrong and mocking.

It would have been very simple and looked only at karyotype. That was all that was available then.

This isn't a feminist board. It's a gender critical board, the two are opposing beliefs.

It's funny watching when this twisting of language ends up with those doing it tying themselves up into knots and then lashing out at you because you point out that no little girls has ever peed through her willy.

So now a man is trying to mend pain feminism to feminists 😂😂😂😂😂. Maasteeee stop

Er people literally have been. I'd scroll back and have a read!

Safeguarding does not and should not require knowledge of gametes. Tying everything to status at conception is something only antiabortion campaigners do and serves no benefit to children. Children were the first people to notice I had started HRT. Children were the reason I started using women's public services. I caused a lot of uncomfortable discussions for parents until then.

Your beliefs on anything to do with trans people are only beliefs and do not impact reality.

Feminists do not define women by gendered stereotypes - they are critical of them.

come on, get the basics right!

Nope it says right here it's a feminism forum.

Looky

"IT'S MA'AM!"
eta: context

https://x.com/yaf/status/1645140823078477828?lang=en

The trans women think you can never tell. It’s funny how you don’t even need to see them to tell, isn’t it?

The word is no.

And yet you keep upholding them!!

I picked up this too.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2022.2121238#abstract

"The paper begins by describing how puberty suppression was invented, primarily by the psychologist Peggy Cohen-Kettenis, in the 1990s."

Ooo look we are doing that thing of turning the conversation back to the 'its not predatory' thing again to avoid all the other bits of the conversation all the women have talked about all day.

This is called trying to control the narrative.

Nope.