How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

Your beliefs have no affect on me. Talk about penises all you wish. Beards? Never had one. I wish men would shave or grow, stubble is messed up. Language does matter. Language evolves. Language accommodates. Language separates. Everyone uses it, no one controls it (unless you're the dictionary people). The mere presence and participation of people does not automatically become 'authoritarian,' this requires the acknowledgement of power dynamics. The argument helps illustrate why gender criticals invented the concept of trans ideology.

I agree women do notice transwomen, there's the whole 'be kind' thing going on. I know my communities have accepted transwomen and we are very kind and supportive. I have no idea when 'trans inclusion' started, but I think trans visibility has increased exponentially since.

Are these men still trying to convince us they are women?

Still no.

Genuinely! My sexuality wasn't something I figured out until long after I knew I was a transsexual. For a long time I thought I was bi but now I know I'm only into men.

No one is 'erasing' your experience. People are rejecting the language that you are using to describe your personal experience because the language that you are expecting people to use, does erase female people's 'lived experience'.

Your beliefs blind you to the reality that many of us trans people have been fighting gender stereotyping and other forces limiting the movement and participation of women in the world for our whole lives. Gender critical concerns are a fucking huge diversion away from those efforts.

Given how in this thread multiple gender critical people have tried to imply that there is a certain way men and women have to speak, that we should always automatically assume it's the mother's fault that a child is trans and a whole bunch of other misogynistic stuff that others in this thread have made I really don't think any of you can talk about regressive stereotypes.

Transsexualism and feminism breaks stereotypes, Gender Critical people keep reinforcing them. You aren't feminists, you are the exact opposite.

And the answer is still 'no'.

I do own my part in diverting this thread into general gender critical meta, but the only other option is to remain silent and allow falsehoods and mythology to permeate.

Your beliefs are niche. They will remain niche. Our real lives disprove the mythology and medical, social, cultural and theoretical falsehoods.

There is a lot of context has not been included, that you selectively ignore, when you overlay gender critical belief and redirect it into la la land.

Why don't you two go off and share your own lived experience together. That's great. I'm happy for you.

We don't need to be party to that. Your experiences are unique and you need support. They aren't female though and women should not be ignoring their own issues purely to accommodate you and make you happy.

We should not be told that something does us no harm when we can actually demonstrate and evidence how and why it's harming us. Repeatedly.

'niche'

Interesting YouGov survey...

No.

You can certainly try to sue every sex reassignment surgeon on the planet, but:

1. my surgeon is long dead.
2. the procedure was everything I was hoping and more than i expected.
3. it's none of your business, what makes you believe you personally (or women as a class?) have the right to dictate someone's medical treatment?

Just to be clear, ‘gender critical beliefs’ are that the concept of gender is the mechanism through which women are oppressed. Gender is a set of regressive repressive stereotypes associated with sex that suggest men and women must behave in specofic ways, dress in certain ways and undertake certain roles. GC believe that women do not need to be constrained by these social constructs. That women can dress how they like and do whatever jobs or hobbies and this does not mean they are more or less women in any way. Ditto men.

How do you consider it feminist to embrace these regressive sex stereotypes?

And no again.

See women are still magically invisible.

Do you like my magic cloak?

You get one when you have a biological fanny. It's amazing. It's not as fashionable as a traitors cloak but it's still cool.

There is no context that changes a male person to ever being a female person.

It doesn't matter how much of your body you modify with extreme body modifications.

No. No male people are ever female people.

Still no.

Still doesn't make you a woman.

Still a male who had surgery and talks over women.

You are making too much sense!

Not just YouGov or the UK either.

It is an inconvenient truth that the majority of the world don't believe that any male person can be a female person either.

Except that you are not actually radical feminists and your 'theory' is presented from either bad faith or a mishmash of unsupported gender critical mythology.

It's fine I am invisible to males. They literally can't see or hear anything I say.

It's amazing.

If that was what Gender Critical really meant then most of you here aren't gender critical, both of us are and you wouldn't have any issues with transsexuals. I'm not a woman because of regressive stereotypes, I'm a woman due to my sex dysphoria (a medical condition) and my transition.

Really Gender Critical is a group of people with an irrational dislike of transsexuals, transgenders and non-binary people. Gender Criticals often uphold gender stereotypes such as always assuming that women are always the primary caregiver, saying that men and women must talk a certain way, etc.

Just to be clear our male visitor had a male puberty - puberty blockers were not a thing when he was entering puberty in the 70s/early 80s. So the idea he totally deceives others is farcical. But he also wouldn’t have had the suppression of cognition that the children abused with PBs today have.

So you won’t mind using male spaces then? If no one cares, then you’ll be grand in there.