How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

Says a man who relies on gendered norms to try and portray himself as a woman.

We're gendering phrases now?

You are not medically qualified to make this assessment...

"Gender Norms" Nope. In a woman because of my primary and secondary sex characteristics. Not gender norms, fuck them. My womanhood isn't tied to colour or clothes.

It's the medical advice I've got so I'm gonna follow that rather than unqualified strangers on the internet.

It was under the NHS, what profit do you think they made exactly? And why would that impact their advise on cancer? Surely they'd want me to get pointless tests if it's all about the money?

Given the lack of biological and medical knowledge on this thread I find the fact you think you are qualified to make that assessment quite worrying.

You are trying to tell us you produce ova now?

I can look at my physical reality and go yeah that's a woman.

That is such a male answer. It's the sort of "joke" that men have used to belittle and dismiss women who are trying to get them to understand how their actions and entitlement affects us.

But as is well known, it is almost impossible to get a man to understand something about women if understanding that thing means he can't justify what he wants from us.

You think doctors aren’t paid? They don’t have reputations and private practices? They can’t be sued for malpractice?

More pointless gendering oml.

A reminder that anti-trans views are more popular amongst MEN.

What does my NHS treatment have to do with private practices? Should I tell the next person I meet who needs a leg surgery that they should skip it as their surgeon is just in it for the money? What an absolutely disgusting thing to say about healthcare workers you should be ashamed!

So if I get some surgery and take drugs to give me cat characteristics (pointy ears, pointy teeth, whiskers, fur etc etc), and I shit in a litter tray and eat Felix, does that make me a cat?

Yes. Of course you do, we already know this because you told us so.

When misogynists tell women what a woman is, we take note, don't we.

Thanks for doubling down to show that.

Says a man with male socialisation who has declared how he ignores the law and will continue to do so regardless of the impact on women.

You should have been told that the PSA test results are often lower in trans-identified males so, by the time they realise they have prostate cancer, it is at an advanced and must less treatable phase. I hope your healthcare providers have made you aware of that.

I’m getting ‘toddler who’s pear is cutted up wrong’ vibes

Pointlessly gendering stuff is usually something men do by the way

Please explain in what way you were ever a girl.

I'm gonna trust my health are professionals on this one, sorry!! I don't take medical advice from people who would like my community not to exist.

I was under 18 at one point.

It's of interest that the surgeons refashioning the male sex organs don't remove the prostate. Apparently it is just too wrapped up with the urinary system. It can also continue to supply sexual pleasure, so there is that too I guess. Sexual pleasure for trans-identified males and for women will be very different.

Telling a woman standing up for herself that she's actually just a toddler having a tantrum is pretty misogynistic actually. Thanks again for proving how anti-trans and anti-woman are often one in the same!

Oh the drama.