How would you deal with T in a friendship group?

[FourSevenTwo]

How would you deal with T people around you? In general and in my situation?

The main question:
A male in a friendship group decided to go full TW, starting hormones and so on, changing name to the women's form and coming out with pronouns.

Unfortunately, our language is heavily gendered*. For example, instead of Hi Alex, you would say Hi Alexi for a man and Hi Alexo for a woman. If you want to say anything in past tense, like Where were you yesterday, you have to use men's or women's form for were.
This means it is not really possible to ignore it in direct interaction.

I'm not willing to pretend through language that I see him as a woman. I don't and won't. But I don't insist on calling him him. There are some not great alternatives (it, plural - with it's own verb forms, switching to English), but they are all very noticeable.

I'd like to find a solution for our coexistence in this friendship group. I'm not asking about a language solution here, more about an approach.

I'm considering

1. reaching him with a message, saying I've heard the news, and I can't affirm, but, I'd like to keep things civil, so is there some alternative we can agree on?

2. ingoring the issue and limiting communication on grammatically neutral constructions (which will be limiting and obvious after a time)

3. some other option?

To answer possible questions.

• I'm GC woman - in the adult human female sense, in the gender identity terminology I'd claim agender. I absolutely understand people are unhappy with gendered roles, I just don't believe that trying to become/pretend to be/claiming to be the other one is the solution. And I'm sure one can't change sex.

• It seems that majority of our shared friends are willing to be kind, some believe it, some just don't care, men with no skin in the game.

• *I'm elsewhere in EU, not a self-ID country. I don't ask about legal aspects, just personal approach. Discussing in my country's forums would be hard, as we are a small population.

• The group is about games, meeting at someone's home, so no issue with single sex spaces, and generally gender doesn't play a role in the group's activities.

• Yes, I'd like to try to keep the group if possible. I see it as a political topic and I don't need to discuss politics all the time.

• Edit to add : I've name changed for this one. Sorry it is long. And yay, I've managed to force the formatting to behave!

I think I've written a huge volume on MN on various subject matters not just trans issues about why women don't complain even when they are deeply upset and even traumatised and have every justification for complaining.

The fact you don't understand this and choose to use the argument 'well I've had no complaints' as evidence that women are perfectly happy, speaks volumes.

Same

And you have no power to rewrite what a woman is.

Translation / admission "I have every right to rewrite your life. How dare you try to stop me"

I am what a woman is. I don't need power.

You are what a man is.
Fin.

No, you're not in them. Every woman's space you enter becomes mixed sex. You can never be in a women's space

This is your belief.

Wow, this thread has blown up and I don't have time to read all the posts.

At the end of the day, if a man can simply declare himself to be a woman, then a white person can simply declare themselves to be black.

Nobody but the most ridiculous die-hard tries to argue the latter, but nobody has ever adequately explained why it's any different to the former.

Why don't you take a stab at it @ATranssexualWoman ? Bonus points if you try the usual trick of simply dismissing the question as racist.

It is the truth. Woman has not been re-defined as you would have liked. You tried and failed. #sadtimes

"A woman can simply declare herself as attracted to other women"

"A man can simply declare himself as attracted to other men"

We declare things all the time. I declare what my sexuality is, you can't test or prove that. It's not a physical thing. My gender is the same. Sex Dysphoria is a real, established condition. Race Dysphoria isn't.

Sex Dysphoria wasn't recognised a few years ago. Why can't Race Dysphoria be recognised tomorrow? Or Age Dysphoria.

Genuine question.

Thanks for confirming that you cannot respect the needs of female people.

It is useful for readers to see this.

The logic is bollocks. And legitimacy still doesn't mean that Sex Dysphoria isn't rooted in internalised homophobia or sexism.

This is a good summation.

"The thing I want to be true is real. The thing I don't want to be true isn't real."

Try again.

@FourSevenTwo

One of my main objections that I've had over the years of reflection I've had on this subject is the following.

Like in life in general, whatever women do, it's never good enough. If you give a man an inch on an issue, it's taken as a sign of weakness and therefore a reason for the man to attempt to take a mile.

The net result of women being kind and giving the benefit of the doubt has been transwomen who then declare they have female biology and because twaw can tell women they know better than women how to be women. And if women don't like it they are just terrible uncaring bigoted women who are just like racists.

Even if you are sat in a rape crisis support group or had a hysterectomy last week or just found out you have PMDD and just want to talk to a woman who is going through the same as you.

This is your belief.

Translation / Admission: "You are right and I cant think of a single come back to argue with you, mainly because there isn't one. It's easier to merely repeat 'your belief' to try and pretend reality isnt real because I havent got anything else and have nothing else left to engage with apart from distorting language".

This is your belief.

Then you can locate my rapists, the medical personnel, the police, the therapists, the other women and court personnel after 28 years and gather us all in a room to explain that they need to reevaluate the violence and verdict read out during the hearings because two different sperm samples were acquired from "a rot pocket" and included with other samples collected from other women without any disclosure. The crime and verdict must change due to some gender critical reason.

Sex Dysphoria is a real, established condition.

It's a real established condition. So is anorexia. We don't treat anorexia by agreeing that the sufferer is indeed fat and needs to diet more.

I actually suffer from poor-phoria. I identify as rich, which unfortunately I'm not. The treatment for my poor-phoria is to have society take money from you and give it to me. It's a very effective treatment. Suddenly I'm indistinguishable from a rich person! I feel so much better instantly, and there are no side effects.

May be diverse but the one thing all women have in common is that they’re female. So no male can be a woman. You can be a non cis man though using your language. Wear what you want, call yourself what you want but use mens soaces doing it and everyone is happy.

Mate. I’m so sorry there are no rape crisis groups for men. Maybe that’s something Stonewall et al should have been doing instead of trying to force women to give up their sex based rights. Rather than scolding women on here with your hysterical hyperbole, have you thought about campaigning for them?

Well if you say you’re homosexual but you’re kissing someone of the opposite sex…. You’re not homosexual….theres a test for you. We know gender is not physical. It’s a load of outdated sexist bollocks men are using to gain access to women’s spaces. I’m declaring no men belong in female spaces whatever their gender identity. They can use the mixed gender single sex male spaces.

But youre a non cis man so of course youre able to mansplain. It’s another thing no woman can ever do. Only men can mansplain and only men can claim to be “transwomen”. So by claiming to be a “transwoman” you are in fact declaring you are not a woman. #sadtimes.