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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.

1000 replies

MarieDeGournay · 17/01/2026 14:46

Welcome to The Bluestocking, the welcome is warm, the conversation is wide-ranging, the food and drink are delicious but magically free from anything they need to be free from, and the bar staff are highly-trained, professional, efficient and very friendly gerbils.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
142
Hedgehogforshort · 20/01/2026 21:49

I do love being on our boat, we all own it have AGM and get togethers as well.

great for keep fit.

Have done the Llangollen many times. There is a problem there now with a serious breach.

Our next trip out is may for two weeks cannot wait.

FuzzyPuffling · 20/01/2026 21:49

My son lives full time on a narrow boat. It's not so much fun in the winter! But he has a ship's cat for company, warmth and rodent control!

AsWithGlad · 20/01/2026 21:56

Well, cake. You wrote I'm thinking tomorrow I might try doing a second row or one of those rings to start the Toft elephant 🐘

I’m not sure how long I’ve been crocheting, but I remember making a pink suit in crochet to take to college so a long time, if intermittently. I’ve even been on a Jane Crowfoot crocheting weekend - highly recommended, by the way.

But I wouldn’t have to skills or confidence to attempt a Toft elephant, or any of their animals, I’ve not got the aptitude. So, congratulations to you! I look forward to seeing progress pictures, and the finished creation.

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2026 22:03

Magpiecomplex · 20/01/2026 21:36

Like the t-shirt, Boily! Do they make it in magpie size?

They do

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
Magpiecomplex · 20/01/2026 22:13

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2026 22:03

They do

Oh yes. Trés chic!

inkymoose · 20/01/2026 23:15

MarieDeGournay · 20/01/2026 16:06

On the subject of bare trees - I don't have any images, but I do have words, written by Anne Morrow Lindbergh [yes, wife of that Lindbergh]

BARE TREE

Already I have shed the leaves of youth,
Stripped by the wind of time down to the truth
Of winter branches. Linear and alone
I stand, a lens for lives beyond my own,
A frame through which another’s fire may glow,
A harp on which another’s passion blow.

The pattern of my boughs, an open chart
Spread on the sky, to others may impart
Its leafless mysteries that once I prized.
Before bare roots and branches equalized;
Tendrils that tap the rain or twigs the sun
Are all the same; shadow and substance one.
Now that my vulnerable leaves are cast aside,
There’s nothing left to shield, nothing to hide.

Blow through me, Life, pared down at last to bone,
So fragile and so fearless have I grown!

What a beautiful poem, Marie. Thank you ❤️

EdithStourton · 20/01/2026 23:18

I want to extend much sympathy and hugs to many of you individually, but it is well past bedtime so please take a generic hug for now and I'll be back in the morning.

Bloody cold wind here tonight, and it's just begun pissing down enthusiastically. More mud season to look forward to tomorrow.

inkymoose · 20/01/2026 23:18

AsWithGlad · 20/01/2026 17:30

How poetic, inky.

Blush
inkymoose · 20/01/2026 23:23

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2026 18:16

I feel the need to celebrate. I persuaded Amazon to give me 40% off the ladder that had a dent in the stabiliser bar. They had originally wanted me to take it to a Hermes drop off point. Erm.... NO! Ladder is perfectly usable, dent causes no issues, but I prefer new items not to arrive pre-dented! I'm now admiring my absolute bargain of a ladder!

Whoop! 🥂🍾

MarieDeGournay · 20/01/2026 23:35

It's been an intense sort of evening, hasn't it? Some serious news and deep thoughts in the Bluey tonight.

So the Sleep Gerbils and the Dream gerbils will be very busy tonight, making sure that everybody who needs it gets a peaceful night and a healing sleep.
G'night dear Bluestockingers💙x

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
OP posts:
Hedgehogforshort · 20/01/2026 23:42

Off to bed too. Day three of living with a retired man who is like a chicken on acid awaits me.

hopefully he will learn to gear down eventually.

night.

RandomHypatia · 21/01/2026 00:02

Hedgehogforshort · 20/01/2026 19:45

No plans as such am thinking about a holiday abroad if anyone can recommend something, looking at Gran Canaria in march.

we have a share in a canal boat so may by another

we also have grand hoglettes so we can help out more

We've stayed in the Agaete area before -it's fairly quiet. The Bodega los Berrazales is worth a visit (and I say that as someone who doesn't really drink wine). They did tours where you tasted things like homemade cheese and their own mangoes and oranges and avocados alongside wine. And they grow coffee! Probably the closest place to the UK to grow decent coffee beans.

inkymoose · 21/01/2026 00:24

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2026 19:47

I'm one of those people who is terrible for saying the wrong thing or an inappropriate thing in times of illness and loss.

I remember when my mum got brain cancer. Just after they'd drilled a hole in her head to try to remove the tumour just about every sentence out of my mouth contained "blah blah blah I needed that like a hole in the head". It was like some form of tourettes!

Oh good grief yes! I do that. I hear the words coming out of my mouth, not just once, twice, every-other-flippin-SENTENCE!

It's nervousness I think. Obviously I don't want to rub it in.

My mum had brain cancer as well but it was late on, secondaries, or thirdaries, or something. But she remained funny (increasingly strange and tactless, but with sense of humour bubbling up) til the last.

inkymoose · 21/01/2026 00:28

AsWithGlad · 20/01/2026 21:56

Well, cake. You wrote I'm thinking tomorrow I might try doing a second row or one of those rings to start the Toft elephant 🐘

I’m not sure how long I’ve been crocheting, but I remember making a pink suit in crochet to take to college so a long time, if intermittently. I’ve even been on a Jane Crowfoot crocheting weekend - highly recommended, by the way.

But I wouldn’t have to skills or confidence to attempt a Toft elephant, or any of their animals, I’ve not got the aptitude. So, congratulations to you! I look forward to seeing progress pictures, and the finished creation.

I have been going on and on at the AI to try to make the image I wanted and it has made something approximately almost grudgingly near enough I suppose.

Celebrating Cake! Hurrah for Cake ❤️

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
Magpiecomplex · 21/01/2026 07:14

inkymoose · 21/01/2026 00:28

I have been going on and on at the AI to try to make the image I wanted and it has made something approximately almost grudgingly near enough I suppose.

Celebrating Cake! Hurrah for Cake ❤️

Hurrah for Cake indeed! And hurrah for the unfeasibly cute little felt @DeanElderberry too!

EdithStourton · 21/01/2026 08:43

<sigh>
I note they bring gender identity into it.
Mind you, my own view is, be who you want to be - just don't infringe on women's rights. So I wonder how the questions were phrased.

Magpiecomplex · 21/01/2026 08:47

Yes, I sighed at that point too Edith.

EdithStourton · 21/01/2026 09:05

Right, the things I would have said last night, had I not been knackered after being out most of the evening.

Swashy, grief and bereavement are strange things. Until you've been through it, it's so hard to know what to say, and even then, words can sound clichéd and hollow. My only real experience was my DM's death when I was in my mid-20s, and I found that I swung between wanting people NOT to ask me how I was in case I burst into tears and wanting to scream at them as they toddled obliviously about their lives, 'Don't you remember that my mum has just bloody DIED?' That said, I did appreciate the ones who asked if I was okay, but had the tact to move swiftly on if I didn't want to dwell. But the death of a parent is something we expect to happen eventually. The loss of a child must be incomparably worse, especially in the modern world where to have endured it puts you in a tiny minority, with very few people around who can honestly say, 'I know how it feels'. But somehow you have to come back from it and carry on. It must be so very hard. We're all here for you, and desperately trying not to be tactless (though my own capacity for foot-in-mouth is pretty high).

Myrtle, it's become increasingly clear that you have masses to deal with around your health, and also that you care deeply for your DSD. I genuinely respect your ability to just keep going, tackling each hurdle as it comes, clambering over it, picking yourself up and aiming at the next one.

Everyone dealing with pain, ill-health an infirmity: it's a bit crap, really. It's part of being alive that we have to expect and work out how to deal with. I have some joint/muscular issues, but so long as I do daily physio, I can do pretty much what I want, which leaves me very grateful. I know I'll struggle to accept increasing limitations as I age - I'm no gym-bunny but I'm pretty active - so observing other people handle aging with grace leaves me respectful of their capacity to do so.

That got a bit long, and is a bit heavy for this hour of the morning.

Sadly no Batshit tomfoolery yet today to lighten the mood.

MarieDeGournay · 21/01/2026 09:07

EdithStourton · 21/01/2026 08:43

<sigh>
I note they bring gender identity into it.
Mind you, my own view is, be who you want to be - just don't infringe on women's rights. So I wonder how the questions were phrased.

I sighed at that too - the curse of the T in LGBT strikes again😠

But I also picked up on this:
Today, the phrase is often used to describe all manner of behaviours, from sexual violence to a disinclination to help with chores around the home.

Have any of you ever heard any woman referring to 'disinclination to help with
chores' as 'toxic masculinity'? It's minimising and ridiculing what is one of the biggest problems in the world, not domestic arguments about who does the dishes!

OP posts:
MarieDeGournay · 21/01/2026 09:12

Thank you Edith, for your deep thoughts and words of understanding and support for those who need it, and sending the same back to you in dealing with what you're experiencing tooFlowers

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 21/01/2026 10:32

MarieDeGournay · 21/01/2026 09:07

I sighed at that too - the curse of the T in LGBT strikes again😠

But I also picked up on this:
Today, the phrase is often used to describe all manner of behaviours, from sexual violence to a disinclination to help with chores around the home.

Have any of you ever heard any woman referring to 'disinclination to help with
chores' as 'toxic masculinity'? It's minimising and ridiculing what is one of the biggest problems in the world, not domestic arguments about who does the dishes!

Yep, anyone on MN complaining about their DH/DP not helping with the chores usually gets a response along the lines of, 'What are you doing with this manchild?' It's seen as manipulative, rather than toxic, behaviour

PastaAllaNorma · 21/01/2026 11:14

Boiledbeetle · 20/01/2026 19:09

My toilet roll holder twin!

Triplet

The Bluestocking - your local women's pub, warm, friendly, and not at all unusual in any way.
PastaAllaNorma · 21/01/2026 11:22

I have a disinclination to "help" with chores, to get to have a special identity and flag and celebratory day?

Because my parents said I was just bone bloody idle.

(Frenzied clean up whenever they were due to visit and happy low-level chaos the rest of th time)

Cake, I've made the Toft rabbit, a sheep and a tiny dragon (felt wings, though) for my kids over the years. They are easier than they look as long as your tension is fairly consistent. I bet you can do it! Foundation chains are a nightmare.

MyrtleLion · 21/01/2026 12:55

Myrtle, it's become increasingly clear that you have masses to deal with around your health, and also that you care deeply for your DSD. I genuinely respect your ability to just keep going, tackling each hurdle as it comes, clambering over it, picking yourself up and aiming at the next one.

Thank you! This brought tears to my eyes. 💙

I have been very unwell I think, and just plodding on because that's what I do. I don't know how else to be. It's only now I'm off the antibiotics (not even a week yet) that I can see I'm definitely getting better.

Having a pyjama day.

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