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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Are we extremist and fanatical?

598 replies

RogueFemale · 19/12/2025 20:06

We, as in gender critical/sex realist women.

I saw an old schoolfriend today, to exchange Christmas gifts over tea and biscuits. She's highly educated and intelligent, v. firmly feminist (in the sense of anti-patriarchy, and wanting women to use Ms not Miss or Mrs). Has travelled widely, knows a lot about other cultures etc.

Politics came up and I mentioned Phillipson blocking the ECHR guidance, and how I wasn't happy about it.

Turns out she thinks my gender critical views are extremist and fanatical. Actual words. I knew already she was inclined to the 'be kind' end of the spectrum, and that we disagreed, but this was new - that I'm an extremist.

That I was being unkind and TiM had a right to exist (I said of course they do, but...). That I should keep my views to myself, if I didn't want to be regarded as a nasty person, essentially.

I said, 'you don't understand'. She was having none of it, said she understands very well, and how there's been gender fluidity since time began. (And these poor TiM have nowhere to pee if they can't go in the ladies, as they'll get abused if they go in the mens).

But she really doesn't understand what is happening now.

I tried to tell her about autogynophilia, about how TiM have been attacking women who protest, the pattern these men have of abuse convictions, same as all men, etc. I said I could send her stuff to prove my points, she said, please don't.

Just a bit depressed to be told by an old friend that I'm a fanatical extremist weirdo, really.

OP posts:
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Shedmistress · 24/12/2025 12:13

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 12:09

Never said “You are all evil abusers” - why lie?

Can you just go and find a thread that you feel was abusive towards this poster that you are using for your evidence? I've done a search and their last post was 10th October if that helps you.

5128gap · 24/12/2025 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I have responded to you in seriousness asking about how you think Tandora should have been engaged with differently, to have a discussion. You have chosen to engage with posters joking amongst themselves and decide that this supports your view the board is hostile.

MyAmpleSheep · 24/12/2025 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It’s really not clear what you think a discussion looks like if nobody who disagrees with you is allowed to say what they want to say.

What are you hoping to read from others that you aren’t getting?

Waitwhat23 · 24/12/2025 12:46

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 12:01

Yep. Great standard of debate! The best robustness! 🙄

Oh, nooo! I've upset the finger wagger! Into the chamber with Arabella for me!

More seriously, no one here (including yourself) owes each other anything. Like others, I do a mixture of serious posts, jokes, haiku and whatever takes my fancy. I'm not here to provide you with a service as a discussion support human.

(In fairness, I don't understand why your post was deleted. It was finger waggy rather than abusive and within talk guidelines).

ArabellaSaurus · 24/12/2025 17:19

5128gap · 24/12/2025 12:16

I have responded to you in seriousness asking about how you think Tandora should have been engaged with differently, to have a discussion. You have chosen to engage with posters joking amongst themselves and decide that this supports your view the board is hostile.

To be as pedantic as I feel is now expected of me, I should point out that I was joking amongst myselfs.

ArabellaSaurus · 24/12/2025 17:54

FWIW I robustly defend other posters' right to call me childish, or whatever. They can say what them likes.

Especially if they'be been queuing for ages in the No Jokes Please We're Serious Aisle.

Bedheadbeachbum · 24/12/2025 19:32

Uh no, we're the ones who have woken up from the matrix!

So thankful for this forum of reason and sanity.

If your friend thinks biological males should be able to compete in women's sports then she is extreme.

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 23:35

PrettyDamnCosmic · 24/12/2025 12:08

To me, this is just childish. I just want to be able to have a discussion without wading through nonsense like this. Not possible here then?

Not for those without a sense of humour.

Edited

Quite unbelievable that someone reported the “childish” comment I made and it was deleted. It wasn’t abusive by any means and yet? Perhaps someone here is more touchy than they say.

NotBadConsidering · 25/12/2025 01:26

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 23:35

Quite unbelievable that someone reported the “childish” comment I made and it was deleted. It wasn’t abusive by any means and yet? Perhaps someone here is more touchy than they say.

world of warcraft legion GIF

Mate, you’re the touchy one who’s complaining about mythical pile ons because people have the sheer audacity to point out when people post nonsense on an internet forum.

Shedmistress · 25/12/2025 08:46

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 23:35

Quite unbelievable that someone reported the “childish” comment I made and it was deleted. It wasn’t abusive by any means and yet? Perhaps someone here is more touchy than they say.

Maybe ask MNHQ why it was deleted?

Personally I never report anything apart from spam.

But there was a time when you couldn't even post a smilie on here without being deleted. Or a cake recipe. And a glitter ball would send people into a tailspin.

How times have changed.

Waitwhat23 · 25/12/2025 09:16

Shedmistress · 25/12/2025 08:46

Maybe ask MNHQ why it was deleted?

Personally I never report anything apart from spam.

But there was a time when you couldn't even post a smilie on here without being deleted. Or a cake recipe. And a glitter ball would send people into a tailspin.

How times have changed.

Shame. I think I reported one post, about 3 years ago because it was genuinely abusive. Other than that, far better to let them stand.

And I remember a post of mine being deleted for using the word 'peaked', despite the arm flailing claims that moderation tilts to the GC side.

In this instance, despite the not particularly subtle insinutation that I am 'touchy', I simply don't care enough that a random finger wagger on the internet called me childish. I certainly can be when I find something funny.

Waitwhat23 · 25/12/2025 09:37

And I've just realised that that should have read same rather than shame!

MobyTick · 25/12/2025 10:05

Waitwhat23 · 25/12/2025 09:16

Shame. I think I reported one post, about 3 years ago because it was genuinely abusive. Other than that, far better to let them stand.

And I remember a post of mine being deleted for using the word 'peaked', despite the arm flailing claims that moderation tilts to the GC side.

In this instance, despite the not particularly subtle insinutation that I am 'touchy', I simply don't care enough that a random finger wagger on the internet called me childish. I certainly can be when I find something funny.

The person I’m calling “touchy” is the one that reported my inoffensive post, not you. Unless you did it, of course.

1984Now · 25/12/2025 13:06

You should consider yourselves lucky.
On the Conservative Home website, maybe one quarter of posts are objected to by contributors and the algorithmn disappears the posts.
Also, for some reason members can log on with the usernames already utilized by others.
It's absolutely carnage, but more seriously, a sign that the right are just as hypersensitive and trigger happy as the left.

Shedmistress · 25/12/2025 13:16

MobyTick · 25/12/2025 10:05

The person I’m calling “touchy” is the one that reported my inoffensive post, not you. Unless you did it, of course.

Or it was reported to make someone look 'touchy'.

What did MNHQ say when you asked why it had been reported/deleted?

BundleBoogie · 27/12/2025 09:19

MobyTick · 25/12/2025 10:05

The person I’m calling “touchy” is the one that reported my inoffensive post, not you. Unless you did it, of course.

Maybe we have some secret thread police reporting posts, like my inoffensive jokey post to you earlier intended to help you deal with the rigours of Mumsnet. It wouldn’t be the first time.

OpheliaWitchoftheWoods · 27/12/2025 09:27

MobyTick · 24/12/2025 23:35

Quite unbelievable that someone reported the “childish” comment I made and it was deleted. It wasn’t abusive by any means and yet? Perhaps someone here is more touchy than they say.

Well it obviously broke guidelines. Sometimes it can be hard to see why, yes, but HQ are usually happy to explain if you ask.

Brefugee · 27/12/2025 10:05

No. I had a post deleted and when I asked why (so I know what isn't allowed, I couldn't remember what I had said, they read it properly and "oops, no that is perfectly fine")

MobyTick · 27/12/2025 10:33

OpheliaWitchoftheWoods · 27/12/2025 09:27

Well it obviously broke guidelines. Sometimes it can be hard to see why, yes, but HQ are usually happy to explain if you ask.

What do you think obviously breaks the guidelines in the following sentence?

To me, this is just childish. I just want to be able to have a discussion without wading through nonsense like this. Not possible here then?

I’m quite interested, since I see posts on this board that contain abuse and slurs that are left to stand, but the above is BAD.

BoxesBoxesEverywhere · 27/12/2025 10:40

MobyTick · 27/12/2025 10:33

What do you think obviously breaks the guidelines in the following sentence?

To me, this is just childish. I just want to be able to have a discussion without wading through nonsense like this. Not possible here then?

I’m quite interested, since I see posts on this board that contain abuse and slurs that are left to stand, but the above is BAD.

If that's all it was, I'd question it as it's not a personal attack or anything, so I'm struggling to see why that would be deleted.
I say "if that's all it was" because a lot of time people on here say "I only said x, y,z!" when it wasn't just that at all and you're thinking "did you, aye" 😁

Shedmistress · 27/12/2025 10:55

MobyTick · 27/12/2025 10:33

What do you think obviously breaks the guidelines in the following sentence?

To me, this is just childish. I just want to be able to have a discussion without wading through nonsense like this. Not possible here then?

I’m quite interested, since I see posts on this board that contain abuse and slurs that are left to stand, but the above is BAD.

We don't know, try asking MNHQ.

ScrollingLeaves · 27/12/2025 11:20

Shedmistress · 27/12/2025 10:55

We don't know, try asking MNHQ.

Yes, they always answer.

Helleofabore · 27/12/2025 11:55

RogueFemale · 23/12/2025 22:46

I wasn't expecting this thread to go this way, but it's been good to see everyone arguing the toss. I don't participate much here, I don't feel confident to argue anything, but one thing is for certain, that I was radicalised by MN (thank you ladies!) - it started with feeling super fucked off with the male murderer Scarlet Blake being described as a woman in BBC news (and when I complained they still said he was a woman, fucktards) and when I came on here I had found my tribe.

It must be really hard for you OP to work out what to do in relation to your friend.

I am with others who think that this might be a disagreement that has now gone too far and where you might not be able to re-establish trust in your friend. Good luck though.

RogueFemale · 27/12/2025 17:14

Helleofabore · 27/12/2025 11:55

It must be really hard for you OP to work out what to do in relation to your friend.

I am with others who think that this might be a disagreement that has now gone too far and where you might not be able to re-establish trust in your friend. Good luck though.

Thanks @Helleofabore it's definitely tricky. I don't see her that often and though I knew before that we didn't see eye-to-eye about this I thought we'd sort of quietly agreed to differ and not push it. So the attack was a shock. And it's frustrating that she went 'no debate' on me. Of course, I shut up as requested, but that's not how friendships should be, she should have at least been prepared to listen to what I had to say, after attacking me in such strong terms. I think perhaps she feels 'superior' (she's an expert in what she does, '
in demand', and I'm just someone who earns a living, good at what I do but, you know, ordinary work) - so, extremely confident that she's right, but her sense of being right is based on such limited information/knowledge.

OP posts:
RogueFemale · 28/12/2025 18:15

I'm thinking of sending her a copy of The Women Who Wouldn't Wheesht. Because it explains much better than I ever could. What do you all think?

Even if she only reads a bit, it's so clearly not written by 'extremists'. Also the cover alone should indicate that this is about women's rights - which she claims to care strongly about.

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