The Bluestocking: Next stop, Christmas!

[ifIwerenotanandroid]

Join us as we open our slightly wonky advent calendar. 🌲

(copies available behind the bar £12.50 each, no refunds)

<blushes> what can I say, it's just good lighting

I think I've told this story before of a work acquaintance (now, sadly, no longer with us). She met an Irishwoman and was bemused when the woman seemed to introduce herself as an agricultural vehicle.

What the other woman actually said was "Hello I'm Attracta". I have no doubt she used those words for effect, rather than saying "Hello, my names's Attracta".

Do you live in Royston Vasey?

So any time I write your name, Tractor, you should hear it as 'Tract -ooooorrrrrrr!'😄

I went to school with an Attracta or two.
Of course, to us Attracta and 'a tractor' sound different, because we clearly pronounce the final 'r'.

A bit like pirates -
hi, Swash

I have working internet!

Hurrah.

<Cuddles new wifi router>

And ended up on the phone with the engineer from Tuesday night who reminded me that I did tell him I was the kiss of death to the internet. Poor guy, he now has to put up with tonight's engineer taking the piss, whilst they eat their tea, because he fixed the issue properly. (They are in the same hotel).

Right I've got to reset the Wi-Fi network and password on everything!

Free giant poster? Oooh!

<Opens magazine.>

<Opens poster.>

Phwooooooar!

That's a great giant picture of Gosie!

Wait...

Did some people get a giant poster of you?
I feel cheated. I got a gerbil!

Or preppers

So about 10.30 then?

Or both.
I'm rural, but not incredibly so. Rural but within an hour of London on the train.

Hehe it's like having my very own Gladiators announcer when I come in a room!

Hopefully they'll be playing Eye of the Tractor Tiger too

Hmm I think there's been some shenanigans at the printers there and a few surprise gerbil posters have been slipped into some copies...

😱

Nothing to see here. Just me in my new Croc SpongeBob Squidward Classic Clogs.

I think they've sent me two different sizes.

Do I actually own these? At £69.99 not bloody likely!

They look great, but £70 for crocs?! I have random unbranded ones for nipping into the garden if I'm not doing any actual gardening. I've never tried wearing them in the house. Are they comfy to sit around in, I usually go with classic slippers?

Nah, we rely too much on oil deliveries.

I feel like I aged a few decades writing that

Come on boily. Come over here in your new fancy crocs and we can both get away from whatever it is that's been tempting us and just have a nice feast. Forget about men with beards or £70. Why don't you just steal the crocs being as what you've actually got them on your feet.

I have thrown the photo in the fire! He was much too old for me anyway.

I have a suspicion that the capybaras played a part in the poster shenanigans.

They do slippers as well with nice soft soles as well as their lined version of crocs. And socks.

I live in crocs inside and outside so yes very comfy.

I should get my Christmas ones out that light up as you walk.

This TERF (tired explaining reality fuckwits) is off to bed as real life is quite bad at the moment.

but hey ho another day will be better i hope.

Definitely! I've always been a bit jealous of my son's light-up shoes. A beetle with flashing feet would be very glamorous

When the zombie apocalypse comes I'll use the never used barbeque bin that my mum bought in case we got nuked (so 1960s? Definitely predates me so before 1972) and burn all my books. The various different copies of full sets of Encyclopedia Britannica should keep me going a good while.

Steal Crocs? Steal? They send them to me for free!

Good job on the photo throwing away. Just think how many gerbils could live in his beard!

Now talk me down from buying a 3D printer so I can make JKR Christmas baubles.