Advice please - TIM teacher just arrived at DD’s school

[KnottyAuty]

DD reports that the new teacher has asked to be referred to as she/her and Ms Smith. They are obviously male. DD isn’t happy about the power imbalance of potential behaviour points and detentions for non compliance.

I’ve got no idea how to advice DD how to handle this but obviously know from reading here that using this language is a safeguarding problem. Ms Smith should follow the same rules as all the other male teachers. If everyone must use this language, then it looks like the school is unable to tolerate GC beliefs.

Suggesting that DD respectfully avoids pronouns doesn’t seem workable as using the teacher’s name will include “Miss”….

Is there a gender neutral way of referring to a teacher like “Professor”?!

What do I advise DD so she can work within her GC beliefs? And what should I write to the school to say about this?

eta clarification

I can understand it. I would have been distressed at that age, because it would have felt that I was being required to lie. I was very (probably excessively) distressed when a teacher told me, confidently, that something had been proven when I knew (correctly, as it was in an area of particular interest to me) that they were talking utter bollocks.

Maybe use "Comrade Smith" instead?

Again, that's what you're making this into. I have said the teacher should be respectful - deliberately teaching children not to be unless you get your way is all on you.

Yes and girls also need to be taught how to keep themselves safe from lies and coercion from men. Yet the school is enabling it.

OMG, No. He has no commonality with the category of female (unless he transitions 😂). He either needs sex or gender to qualify as female.

Just like you don't know if I am fine with those close to me calling me bitch or slut in my personal life. Best not gamble though.

Neither do the men who claim to be women. They are male through and through.

A respectful male teacher would not demand that all students use female language for him if those children felt that this was the wrong choice for them.

My daughter did one of her teacher training placements at a girls school ( in Liverpool) in which there was a male trans identified teacher. He also expected 'Miss' pronouns and to use the female facilities. It was very compromising.

He set up an LGBTQ lunchtime club at which he suggested to some vulnerable girls that they "might be trans". The girls could obviously see he was male and would ask him questions about himself, which he didn't like. He once referred to one of the girls ( in a private conversation with my daughter) as a " little slag".

I understand there were parental complaints about this teacher. It was a catholic school in an area with a large muslim population, and many of the girls were from muslim families. He eventually left for another school in the city.

i was very surprised that the school employed him in the first instance. It is pure gaslighting for girls in a girls school to have to address a male teacher as 'Miss'.

I am very GC, but…

There was a thread for that

How often is "Ms" spoken aloud except sarcastically?

Sometimes doing something very low level against what you'd ideally want is just how life is. Expecting only to do what feels 'the right choice' for each individual's sensitivities is impractical and unrealistic in a society

Well, sure, but this is the ICD, which the NHS etc use for diagnoses.

I asked you before, maybe you could answer.

Do you think that Naomi Cunningham was wrong to use male language for Dr Upton?

'Female' is a sex category.

And again, you are prioritising a male teacher here.

Who the hell are these people?

You need to understand the principle underpinning all safeguarding.
It is not about probabilities and chances. It is about doing everything you can to minimise risk.
Yes, most men are not violent. But because of safeguarding, we don't allow ANY men into female-only spaces. (Plus reasons of privacy and dignity, as well as the safeguarding).
In this case, it would obviously be a massive safeguarding failure if this male teacher were not treated exactly the same as other male teachers regarding things like changing rooms, toilets, school trips, etc.

However OP has not raised this. She has only asked about the pronouns.

How do you know?

I've shared two examples of clear instances of this happening, from male teachers who insisted children call them 'Miss'.

TERFS: Pronouns are rohypnol, they seem benign but actually numb your senses until you cannot see the dangers.

Well-meaning MN posters: Pronouns are benign, I cannot see any dangers.

The rohypnol is working.

Sorry, I am unclear, are you saying the teacher should be respectful of the fact he is a man and girls must be free to recognise this, or are you suggesting he gaslight and coerce them?

Why do I think the way I think? Because I think my thinking will make for a better, happier world.

I think the issue we are having is that you see the existence of trans as a threat (because it is not based on reality as you and me understand it) whereas I see this teacher as just another individual that I disagree with but who hasn't really done anything harmful so far.

Agree. Why should your DC compromise her (rational) vew of reality, and make a pretence? That is not healthy.

Every time those of us who have used it as our title for decades introduce ourselves formally.