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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

some parallels

604 replies

Manfreglory · 16/08/2025 18:56

I've been teasing out this idea, that transphobia and xenophobia have much in common.

  • both rest on 'you're not from here; your culture is different; you can't know what it is to have grown up 'over here'/had period pains/gone through labour.
  • both reject difference or change in favour of sameness or stasis. 'You look and talk and think differently/you underwent a journey to get here/I can't fully relate to you'.
  • both rest not just on culture but on biology: 'Your genes are different than mine/your genotype for phenotype A, B or C aren't identical to mine'.
  • both are territorial: 'i sweated blood as a member of this sex/to make it in this society - who are you to come here and demand a seat at the table'?
  • both are suspicious of the reasons for transformation. 'You just want the perks of being female; you just want to look up our skirts in the toilet; you just migrated here from Guatemala for financial stability.'
  • both demonize, aggressively overstating the chance that the person has or will commit a crime. (Migrants: no need to give examples, just read the news. Trans people: 'you just want access to 'our spaces'' (i.e. the spaces where women/cis women enjoy their privacy from all men, cis or trans) so you can assault us'.
  • both minimize or even deny, the need for the transition: 'No child is born trans/those parents were homophobic as the kid was just gay/trans women are men with their dicks lopped off/people should stay in their home country and migration is too dangerous'.
  • both hysterically fear that the trans person/migrant will corrupt innocents: 'they will indoctrinate children in school/they will spread religious fundamentalism'.

Gender critical women: ask yourself if you've been radicalized into the new right.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:13

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 09:55

So you know, then, that the answer is that trans men who are still recognisably female looking (i.e. most of them) are perfectly welcome in women's spaces, but that trans men who have succeeded in altering their appearance to the extent that other women cannot tell they are female should not use them. Which changes nothing for those trans men, who are already not using women's spaces.

Ah the 'how authentically A or B do you look'? criterion. Reminds me of the Boers putting a pencil in your hair under apartheid. If it falls out, you're white. If it sticks, you're black. What a 'safe' world it is when people start talking like you.

OP posts:
Helleofabore · 20/08/2025 10:14

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account.

No. From seeing this thread and your last thread, I consider this a direct lie.

You are not interested in debate - careful or not. You are only interested in showing how little you understand the topic you are posting about and demonising people who have sought the knowledge you lack and come
up with different views because of the depth of knowledge they have.

But crack on showing all those new eyes on this thread how little you understand.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:16

On that point, last year I got into an argument with some American women about single sex spaces, in which I said I found it unacceptable that vulnerable female prisoners had been forced to share prison accommodation with trans identifying males who have been convicted of rape.

One of the women made a comment along the lines of, "People get raped and assaulted in prison every day, often by prison guards. Are we supposed to believe that the UK is so good at dealing with prison violence that excluding trans women from female prisoners is going to have an impact on safety?"

To which my response was, "Given that you live in a country where women can't get safe and legal abortions and don't get paid maternity leave and where children are at risk of being shot at elementary school, why is it so hard to believe that the UK might be better than the US at dealing with prison violence? I actually can't think of a single thing the UK isn't better at."

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:18

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:13

Ah the 'how authentically A or B do you look'? criterion. Reminds me of the Boers putting a pencil in your hair under apartheid. If it falls out, you're white. If it sticks, you're black. What a 'safe' world it is when people start talking like you.

I don't understand why you think the fact that some people have gone to extreme lengths to disguise themselves as a member of the opposite sex is a problem for the rest of society to resolve.

In my opinion the first point that should be made by medical professionals in any kind of "gender affirming care" is that by rejecting your sex you risk finding yourself in a sort of no man's land where you do not belong in either spaces for your own or the opposite sex, and this is something you need to take personal responsibility for. If you can't, work harder to accept the sex you are.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:19

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

I want your daughter to grow up in a world where she has the right to say no to men, even if it will make those men really sad.

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:20

Boiledbeetle · 20/08/2025 10:13

and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket'

No screaming involved

ETA:

Cock and balls not just penis

and it was "shoved In her pocket" not "putting it In my pocket".

"In fact the only way a woman could ever have male sex organs is if they were literally walking around with an actual man's cock and balls cut off the man and shoved in her pocket."

Edited

...hahaha! This is far too easy. I'm talking to a group of the convinced, who think that trans people are fetishists and deny that humans experience gender as well as sex. And who think either that I am a man, or that I'm 'two teenagers'. What a waste of time: no more from me, enjoy saving womankind! x

OP posts:
Catiette · 20/08/2025 10:21

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

I find that a little hard to follow, but I understand from it that you're keen for rational debate, yet only seem to be responding to posts that take a more satirical or surreal approach, and seem to be limiting most of your own comments emotive language, hyperbole and the occasional insult. As I say above, your style is very inconsistent, and posters are responding in kind.

The below, I think, is what you say you want - "where debate is careful and takes complexity into account". I think it's the longest and most thorough response to your original post at this point - and ot sits alongside many other similarly careful and complex that address aspects of the original in fare greater detail, with greater nuance.

I've posted it 3 times now, yet I'm still not sure you've even read it. YOU'll forgive us for being confused by what you really do want, and becoming a little acerbic or playful in our responses to someone who doesn't seem to be taking this issue remotely seriously or to be able to engage in "careful, complex" debate themselves.

Catiette · 16/08/2025 22:12

I quite enjoyed this one - it's so far above the usual quality of argument we see here, and I think that deserves some acknowledgement. It made me think, at least.

both rest on 'you're not from here; your culture is different; you can't know what it is to have grown up 'over here'/had period pains/gone through labour.

The more precise analogy here would be a (let's say) second-generation immigrant not only asserting a British identity, but also saying their ancestry itself was British, and that that ancestry is what defines quintessential Britishness.

both reject difference or change in favour of sameness or stasis. 'You look and talk and think differently/you underwent a journey to get here/I can't fully relate to you'.

Most of your examples above as written represent less a rejection of difference than an honest acknowledgement of it (that's not to say they'd be appropriate to voice in most contexts). But the key question is, therefore, where such thoughts lead. To take the immigrant analogy: do these thoughts present a moral imperative to embrace and learn from multiculturalism, or a xenophobic "rejection" of it? This question is one of re/de-constructing a national identity. In contrast, women are being asked to 1) deny their own reality on an individual level (to accept that "woman" is internal and subjective, not physical and objective with the occasional outlier) and 2) surrender their legal protections and political voice (both of which exist only in contradistinction to men). Neither 1) not 2) is analogous to xenophobia. Lastly, whereas our country has always been a delicious melting pot of different invaders and visitors imperceptibly shaping whatever indeterminate mishmash British culture now is... women have always been female. Until now.

both rest not just on culture but on biology: 'Your genes are different than mine/your genotype for phenotype A, B or C aren't identical to mine'.

I'd actually challenge this and say that "racism" is a better description of this than "xenophobia". Racism - by definition - is universally condemned as empty prejudice, because of the absence of meaningful difference - indeed, race itself is, arguably, constructed to a significant degree. In contrast, in our case, there is difference. We'd prefer not to highlight it and obsess about genes, of course, but posts like yours regrettably force us to.

both are territorial: 'i sweated blood as a member of this sex/to make it in this society - who are you to come here and demand a seat at the table'?

And this is where that genetic difference becomes pertinent. Because women's genetic difference has led to exactly the kind of prejudiced assumptions that racism upholds: "They're inferior, they're best suited to physical 'labour' (wherever on the plantation or through reproduction), they shouldn't vote or own property" etc. Feminists spent the last century arguing that our genes make us different but equal. In the early 1900s, their challenge was to persuade society of their equality. We got there in some respects (the vote - only held for a precious, pathetic 100 years - and an unqualified right to mortgages etc. - enjoyed for about 50!) But the fight for "equality" is far from won (just read "Invisible Women"). What better counter-attack on women's equality than to deny their difference in the first place, so they can no longer distinguish themselves to fight for it? Incredibly, it seems that we're back to the "different but equal" battle of last century - but fighting it on both fronts now, reduced to defending our own "difference" even as we seek equality despite it. A patriarchal masterstroke, some may say.

both are suspicious of the reasons for transformation. 'You just want the perks of being female; you just want to look up our skirts in the toilet; you just migrated here from Guatemala for financial stability.'

Here, you rely on over-generalisation. There's a big difference between your reductive examples of damning prejudice above, and what feminists are typically (note: there's always outliers) saying, which is more akin to, "I worry that some Guatemalans may be coming over who aren't remotely in financial need," and which also often includes, "I'm really concerned about the impact that may be having on those Guatemalans who really do need our support," (AKA trans-identifying teens, the deeply dysphoric transsexual etc.)

both demonize, aggressively overstating the chance that the person has or will commit a crime. (Migrants: no need to give examples, just read the news. Trans people: 'you just want access to 'our spaces'' (i.e. the spaces where women/cis women enjoy their privacy from all men, cis or trans) so you can assault us'.

Again we see here the conveniently reductive phrasing that I'm sure matches some xenophobes, but doesn't actually reflect what the majority of GC feminists are saying. But more importantly, the stats don't lie: males 1) commit 98% of sexual crime, using 2) their up to 150% greater physical power. I bloody hope you're not saying the same about Guatemalan immigrants. 1) would be downright racist, and 2) the plot of a very curious superhero movie indeed.

both minimize or even deny, the need for the transition: 'No child is born trans/those parents were homophobic as the kid was just gay/trans women are men with their dicks lopped off/people should stay in their home country and migration is too dangerous'.

This one's so arbitrary as an analogy that I think my favourite response is PP's kid asking about why there's no tackling in tennis: there's rather too much to unpick. Certainly it's another false equivalency. But to take just one element... I think there's an interesting "tell" here in your "migration is too dangerous" - AKA, the feminist argument that remaining in your original gender may be more beneficial than transitioning. The key point here is that, whereas the xenophobic dismissal of migration rarely comes with concerted efforts by the xenophobe to improve the lot of Guatemalans, many feminists are fighting tooth and claw to ensure vulnerable children have the necessary provision to prevent them feeling compelled to undergo brutal and often life-limiting surgeries, and to have access to a better life through other means.

both hysterically fear that the trans person/migrant will corrupt innocents: 'they will indoctrinate children in school/they will spread religious fundamentalism'.

Has there been a 4000% percentage increase (ref. the Tavistock data) in American (I assume you're in the US) children taking dangerous journeys, with a significant proportion suffering lasting physical harm as a result? Are adults promulgating the belief through school, charitable campaigns and televised interviews that, if they don't do this, they may well commit suicide?

I mean, that would be horrifying, right?

Right?!

Edited for typos.

Boiledbeetle · 20/08/2025 10:22

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:20

...hahaha! This is far too easy. I'm talking to a group of the convinced, who think that trans people are fetishists and deny that humans experience gender as well as sex. And who think either that I am a man, or that I'm 'two teenagers'. What a waste of time: no more from me, enjoy saving womankind! x

Bye bye.

Helleofabore · 20/08/2025 10:22

MurkyWeather · 20/08/2025 10:12

I think @Manfreglory is actually trying to work through his views and is, in his own rude and dismissive way, actually asking the women (and men) of MN to help him do this, 'cos he knows he would get f-all help in any other online forum.

Anyone who posts, as he has done, You put all trans people together; I suspect there might be different rights of access and usage but I know I'm setting myself up for a virtual bloodbath here knows that the virtual bloodbath is waiting for him on reddit et al.

I am still waiting for the signs of a bloodbath to start.

The hyperbolic catastrophising was a hint that this poster is not genuine.

The discordant points that they have made have been remarkable. I have read this thread and feel like the poster is viewing things from a warped lens because there is so much misinformation and so much direct contradiction in what they type out.

Their contributions are disjointed and contradictory and seem to have little bearing on fact and logic. But they seem to see themselves as someone who thinks logically and seeks facts.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:24

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:20

...hahaha! This is far too easy. I'm talking to a group of the convinced, who think that trans people are fetishists and deny that humans experience gender as well as sex. And who think either that I am a man, or that I'm 'two teenagers'. What a waste of time: no more from me, enjoy saving womankind! x

Some people are fetishists though. Photo evidence of that fact has been posted in this thread. You want your daughter to be forced to share changing rooms with those fetishists because the alternative is saying no to men who really believe they are women. Which is mad.

People are welcome to "experience gender" if they find that adds to their life in some way. Personally I find it regressive and sexist, and thought that was what feminists were supposed to be fighting against. Experience gender if you want, bathe in it or butter your toast with it for all I care, but don't impose it on me, thanks.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:25

Helleofabore · 20/08/2025 10:22

I am still waiting for the signs of a bloodbath to start.

The hyperbolic catastrophising was a hint that this poster is not genuine.

The discordant points that they have made have been remarkable. I have read this thread and feel like the poster is viewing things from a warped lens because there is so much misinformation and so much direct contradiction in what they type out.

Their contributions are disjointed and contradictory and seem to have little bearing on fact and logic. But they seem to see themselves as someone who thinks logically and seeks facts.

Well, quite.

Either trans people have all been knowingly breaking the law since April, or the risks of them using the correct facilities have been somewhat exaggerated.

CassOle · 20/08/2025 10:26

I feel sorry for the non-driving nudists of the World. I don't think Manfreglory likes them much.

MurkyWeather · 20/08/2025 10:31

Helleofabore · 20/08/2025 10:22

I am still waiting for the signs of a bloodbath to start.

The hyperbolic catastrophising was a hint that this poster is not genuine.

The discordant points that they have made have been remarkable. I have read this thread and feel like the poster is viewing things from a warped lens because there is so much misinformation and so much direct contradiction in what they type out.

Their contributions are disjointed and contradictory and seem to have little bearing on fact and logic. But they seem to see themselves as someone who thinks logically and seeks facts.

I think if he was a genuine 'thinker' he would have had a go at responding to Catiette's post. I suspect his first post was crafted over many hours and exhausted his reserves of intellect. It was all downhill after that. He is not really making any effort to change our minds, or even to make the lurkers see an alternative viewpoint, so I still think he comes here partly because his own views are troubling him but he cannot think logically enough to work out why.

Anyway, he says he is off. Seems like a raw nerve has been touched!

SlackJawedDisbeliefXY · 20/08/2025 10:35

Of the three possible approaches to accommodating self-claimed "outliers" resistant to sex-based categories -

  1. Make female spaces more "inclusive"
  2. Make male spaces safer and welcoming
  3. Make third spaces more universal

Fourth option here

4 - Remind them that the law is based on biological sex not genderwang

Catiette · 20/08/2025 10:35

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

Trying to understand the above more, and concluding it may give us an idea of where you're coming from, as it appears you may have a transgirl as a child? I can understand how this would make it harder to engage fully with our perspectives - it must be very difficult indeed to hear even sound arguments for these when your child's wellbeing is paramount to you.

But by engaging with us more meaningfully, you draw out the best in us. Most people here are very keen to have rational discussions, and feel great empathy for yourself and your child, wanting the best for you - just not at the expense of their own, respective priorities (we all have the right to our own priorities, and ours are females' rights).

If you modulate your tone, cutting out the snide put-downs etc., and read our more "careful" responses carefully yourself - perhaps offering some careful responses in kind - you'll be more likely to see the positive qualities of this site for two reasons: you'll get more "productive" responses, and you'll see that even those that aren't so productive(!) may well be satirical, acerbic and uncomfortably direct - some make me wince, too - but very, very rarely, if ever, does actual bigotry or hate lie behind them.

Taking this different approach to the thread will have the triple benefit of helping us to understand your perspective better, and encouraging posters to share theirs in a way you find less distressing - and reassuring you that your perception of the hateful bigotry of the apocryphal terf is largely misplaced, but itself just projections from the other "side" on to manifestations of strong feelings - fear, anger... and, frankly, infuriated desperation at that other side's utterly persistent failure to engage with arguments.

RedToothBrush · 20/08/2025 10:39

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 09:49

A cockroach in a T-shirt reading 'this is the UK' (or whatever), says it all about the intellectual integrity of this deluge.

Skathariphobe.

RedToothBrush · 20/08/2025 10:42

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

Oh so you are a racist who has failed to notice the ethnicity of a significant number of prominent campaigners and is fully unaware of the working class element of many campaigners.

Good to know you are paying full attention.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/08/2025 10:45

RedToothBrush · 20/08/2025 10:42

Oh so you are a racist who has failed to notice the ethnicity of a significant number of prominent campaigners and is fully unaware of the working class element of many campaigners.

Good to know you are paying full attention.

Yes, gender critical feminists are middle class pearl clutching busybodies who don't understand the real issues affecting society today, until they are Sandy Peggie who is sneered at for being a thick, working class bigot.

DeanElderberry · 20/08/2025 10:47

Basically Normal Fergy just hates women, and rather than sensibly leaving us alone and pretending we don't exist has to keep coming back and poking us. Inadvertently reminding us of all sorts of problematic stuff while doing so.
Massive own goal, every time.

Imperativvv · 20/08/2025 11:10

Slagging off GC for being middle class only serves to show you're not paying attention to the working class voices in the movement. Rather a self own there.

Catiette · 20/08/2025 11:17

ETA: response to Manfr's most recent.

This post is the definition of the absolutism you profess to deride.

I debunked both of your first two lines above in my as-yet ignored posts - complete misrepresentations of what most here think. Many others have, too.

As regards thinking you're a father, it was on the basis of this (posted 18/8 1848), on the balance of probability, not prejudice.

Trans women competing with born-women in sport? Another thing I'm still trying to learn about so I can form a meaningful opinion. Not there yet. My daughter was regularly beaten by a trans girl when they were little: I didn't love it and interestingly, nor did the mother particularly. There's that. Unlike most on here, I am not an absolutist and I don't think this is simple.

And yes, that, other inconsistencies, and the tone of many of your posts may lead other posters to question your motives and status. On the teenager theory, on balance I do think it's bad form to speculate about a person's ID - apologies - but the difference between the two sets of posts below really is quite striking.

ah, all those trans women banging down the doors in the ladies? is that what you mean? if your idea of a 'woman's space' is a...toilet....how sad is that?

sad to see a more powerful group (women) lording it over a less powerful one (trans women).

which sounds a little....fascist?

maybe you do go around pointing at people, telling them what they are and aren't. how's that going for you? making friends?

so for you, it's not sex but how frightening the person is?

versus

I find this reductive, naive and discriminatory. It forces people to use spaces designed for their sex at birth when they might have been identifying otherwise for decades. It might terribly humiliating not to mention risky, to walk into that space and be a target for bigots or macho drunk guys. But this, you say, is the price of your kind of absolutism. (The fact that it is someone else's price to pay, and not yours, is just by the by).

Catiette · 20/08/2025 11:24

Anyhoo, if you were authentic, I wish you well. Even if you weren't, I guess I do too, insofar as I hope you come to terms with whatever's driving your strong emotions on this issue.

ETA: Just belatedly realised, reading the above contrasting posts - perhaps reliance on our AI friends is more likely? Hypocritical to mention after apologising for speculating and signing off, but seems likely enough to warrant a mention.

Regardless. What I say in my first para.

ThatBlackCat · 20/08/2025 11:56

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 10:09

I'm a mother. Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration. Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety. Where debate is careful and takes complexity into account. Where women don't just take to the internet as a tribe and scream shit about 'cutting off a man's penis and putting it in my pocket' and other such nasties. How childish of me.

Who wants her daughter to grow up in a world where nobody is forced to be humiliated by having to use facilities for a group of middle class white TERFS who think she's a fraud and an aberration.

This really just goes to show how very little you know about this movement. Most of us are working class people. In fact being pro-trans is very much a white middle class to upper class privileged luxury position. It's the working class women who go to public toilets, public change rooms, public pools and rape and domestic violence facilities.

Who believes sex in sport or in a rape crisis centre hire, should not be lumped into a person's basic right to dignity and safety.

I don't understand what you are saying here. Are you saying that sex shouldn't be the reason these facilities exist? Or that women should not have/don't deserve these facilities based on sex in order to preserve our basic human right to dignity and safety? Or are you saying that facilities shouldn't be based on sex? What are you even saying here?

RapidOnsetGenderCritic · 20/08/2025 12:10

Manfreglory · 20/08/2025 09:34

hold on: you're a man? isn't this a women's' space?

When I first arrived on Mumsnet, I was unsure of etiquette. Fortunately for me, I was largely tolerated or even welcomed.

I still try to be a bit cautious. It would be easy to give my sense of humour free rein, be misunderstood and offend women. So I hold back a bit. However, I also now know that I will have my arse handed to me on a plate if necessary.

There are threads I avoid because I have no business intruding - The Bluestocking is one which seems to me a women's only space.

ThatBlackCat · 20/08/2025 12:12

Hey I see ETA a lot on this forum but not in the sense of what I was taught it meant. I understand ETA to stand for Estimated Time of Arrival, ie it's often written on itineraries, travel documents etc or if you're travelling to someone's house or some function you might say my ETA is 7:30pm. It's apparent ETA means something else on mumsnet, just curious what that is. Always meant to ask.