Pornography is turning sex into an extreme sport - Hadley Freeman

[IwantToRetire]

All of this discourse is a desperate avoidance of an obvious truth, fussing over the deckchairs long after the iceberg has destroyed the ship. Because the simple but apparently unsayable fact is this: pornography is bad. No, not just for kids. For everyone. And it has eaten the world.

From an article in the Times https://www.thetimes.com/comment/columnists/article/pornography-sex-extreme-sport-bonnie-blue-gnb60xlsf

Can be read in full here https://archive.is/byS6O

I admire Hadley for writing this and agree. It’s not just the ubiquity of modern pornography that’s the issue, it’s that it disregards the idea that women should have pleasure in sex entirely. It treats women as objects to hurt and humiliate rather than a human being to be respected and considered in a pleasurable activity for both parties. Girls are being told to think that being choked is normal. That they must agree to anal sex. That their pleasure is irrelevant. It’s a disturbing and distressing distillation of all the rampant misogyny we are dealing with.

Too many believe criticising pornography is illiberal, and worse, judgmental.

Quite. Pornography is too often seen as sexually progressive, liberal and "allowing people to express and be themselves".

What other issue does that remind me of? 🤔

Surprisingly Martin Amis said something similar years ago.

What Amis identified in his essay on the porn industry applies to the entire sexual revolution. In an era of boundless choice, violence and darkness once restrained by morality have been released. Market forces heed only our own carnal gods. Amis admits this with startling candor. “As I sampled some extreme productions on the VCR in my hotel room, I kept worrying about something,” he wrote. “I kept worrying that I’d like it. Porno services the ‘polymorphous perverse’: the near-infinite chaos of human desire. If you harbour perversity, then sooner or later porno will identify it.” Here again, Amis proved prophetic. Every human heart harbors perversity; pornography draws it out, nurtures it, and causes it to metastasize. Since the publication of that essay, pornography has successfully mainstreamed sadism in the sexual context—even among high school students.

Is it just me, but when I click on the archive link it has me proving about 20 times that I'm not a robot: 'Click on all the squares with a bus', 'click on all the squares with a motorbike', 'click on all the squares with a crosswalk' (btw what is that - a pedestrian crossing?)

I seriously think someone is bored somewhere and playing games with me. I get fed up and click away. Shame, as I'd like to read the article.

As said on other threads just copy the link and paste it in.

Although not heard of your problem.

Great article

I've been thinking this for years. I will never let a man guilt me into doing an act I do not want too. I really wish more women were 4B.

It's not just you. I get that sometimes. It's a minor inconvenience, but no biggie.

Sharetoken for those who have problems with the archive link:
https://www.thetimes.com/article/273e86c0-b945-4e93-9f59-269195c3c46b?shareToken=edaf0396cbb2560e4559bb7e23069fc4

I'm 48. I remember being about 20 and my friends discussing where the obsession with anal sex had come from as all of a sudden every guy was after some. We joked they must have read it in 'FHM'.
I'm bloody glad I'm not 20 again as dealing with a guy after anal seems a lesser issue than all the other stuff they're after! Mind you an acquaintance in her 60s online dating is finding men are after anal, choking etc.
If I wasn't with my partner I swear I'd rather be single.

I find it deeply sad.

Pornography wrecked my relationship with my OH. We stayed together as we had children and we made a go of things, but it destroyed my view of him as a decent man with respect for women. Things were never quite the same.

Bloody well said, Hadley, as usual, getting it right again. It is a menace and the sooner we all say 'No thank you' loud and clear the better.

ETA: Thanks for sharing!

We might say "No thank you" but we have no influence over the behaviour of others/our partners.

What’s that a quote from?

Oh, do I sound like I’m shaming people who watch pornography? Good.

I love Hadley Freeman. This is great.

It's part of a tribute on his death. It surprised me as I'm not a huge fan of his novels.

Martin Amis got the collective cultural impact of pornography right while most were still defending it. “Porno, it seems, is a parody of love,” he wrote.
Jonathon Van Maren
— July 28, 2023

europeanconservative.com/articles/tribute/martin-amis-1949-2023/

I get this problem. It is really, really annoying! Copy and paste doesn't always work, sadly - no idea why!

Online pornography has made the world so much worse, and the more people look at it, the more people make it. Pornography doesn’t slake desire, it creates desire for more pornography.

It’s destroying relationships and damaging both men/boys and women/girls. A friend’s 9 yr old nephew was shown double anal by his 11 yr old cousin. The 11 yr old had 100’s of porn viewings.

Utterly ridiculous that it’s taken this long for the govt to do anything about it. Would’ve been technically v easy to have limited access decades ago if they’d cared.

NB Assume from the article that Hadley is no longer married and sorry if that’s not what she wanted.

There was a trite jaunty argument in the Metro this morning about the new online age check resulting in a boom for Dutch tourism. Why not fly to Amsterdam, where nobody is "judgemental", and you can look up porn easily too!

I would write and complain, but they have a clear editorial line on the letters they publish (have had an argument with the editor about this after the Supreme Court judgement earlier this year).

Hadley’s the best. Love her. Nails it. I don’t think I’ve ever not agreed with a single thing she’s written. Definitely invited to my dream dinner party.

Oh and yes, pornography is vile.

thank you Hadley. I can’t imagine ever wanting to have sex with a man again after all this rubbish and hearing stories from single friends in their forties. Really struggling with understanding how we introduce our kids to a “normal healthy sex life” as this isn’t something they should learn from thir parents but the alternatives are… not good.

(btw Hadley’s real life family story, House of Glass, is one of my favourite books…)

I love Hadley. She's not afraid to say something true just because it might not be "cool" to say it.

I get this for a number of sites. I am pretty bad at them and can be trapped for 20mns or so.

I only persevere for work, family health portals, finances and government stuff.

She's so right.
If I was single again, I wouldn't bother dating. I feel for my DD (who is 11).