Pornography is turning sex into an extreme sport - Hadley Freeman

[IwantToRetire]

All of this discourse is a desperate avoidance of an obvious truth, fussing over the deckchairs long after the iceberg has destroyed the ship. Because the simple but apparently unsayable fact is this: pornography is bad. No, not just for kids. For everyone. And it has eaten the world.

From an article in the Times https://www.thetimes.com/comment/columnists/article/pornography-sex-extreme-sport-bonnie-blue-gnb60xlsf

Can be read in full here https://archive.is/byS6O

You have absolutely no basis for thinking this. I imagine there are strong evolutionary reasons for women to enjoy dominant men. I have female friends who tell me they love anal. Personally I don't get it - the faeces alone. But I don't do a cats bum mouth about it.

I doubt most sex is emotional and connecting, statistically speaking. But like you I don't have the data to back that up.

You write as though you have completely missed the point.

I came across a post today from old tv adaptation of north and south and question whether final scene at station was most romantic scene on tv adaptation…the hero and heroine have a very unseemly Victorian snog….i suddenly thought, blimey I haven’t seen a long snog like that on tv in years, not with clothes on! Or hands not groping!

like you never hear the expression “ making love” any more

even the term “romantic” seems to be fading as unimportant

the point of all these isn’t a whimsical notion or nostalgia….the porn industry has helped men to forget that sexual arousal starts in the brain, and it’s bloody important for women to be sexually arose to avoid pain or injury, as well as for pleasure …and a basic level of trust is required to get the brain into gear, that takes a degree of time and mutual understanding to develop.

fgs, even animals get this, birds spend hours and huge resources in courtship…you’d think we’d set the bar at least as high for humans !

It's very very boring watching people kiss. (I'm not saying sex scenes aren't also boring I generally prefer the story to progress)

In animals, e.g. birds, 'romance' can be recognised as specific-mate recognition system (SMRS). It is about arousal, desire for intimacy and leads to reproduction. It's good as it's evolved that way and porn is eye candy at best and mind warping at worst.

Who knows but isn't it marvellous to have the opportunity to try, either way. I probably wouldn't ever have worked out how sex works if I hadn't read the usborne body book back in the day. Often wonder how the first humans twigged this. It's such a weird thing when you look at it shorn of context 🤣

So I wonder is this linked to the decreasing child-birth rate, as seen in Korea and Japan, but other countries too. Is it more than just the cost of child-care and the standard of maternity provision, or even the wisdom of bringing children into the current world? Is it women thinking, sod this for a game of soldiers?

it would be if that was entirely the whole series and not roughly 5 seconds at end of final episode 🤦🏼‍♀️ …did I need to point out this was a 6 part drama, given is based on a famous British classic novel that was about victorian attitudes to the industrial revolution…but hey ho, you’ve obviously got a pretty low boredom threshold…which may explain all your other posts tonight.

Did you read the thread about the bored baby and someone suggested getting it to drive its toy car over strewn cereal? That's why the birth rate is low now women have choices. No amount of romantic bird action can make that seem appealing.

I hadn't pathologized you, but now seeing the rest of your posts, you did it to yourself . . .

And fucking w/out love is something I've done and certainly enjoyed, but no, I don't want my hair pulled or anything else that's degrading or painful. I'll keep my health, safety and self-respect, thank you.

And if you find having sex in the dark depressing, it's just evidence of a lack of sensuousness. Not to mention, inability to be physically in tune w/ another person. Pretty sure blind people can enjoy sex as much as the next person, ffs.

Well said @Delphinium20 It's interesting that often people who take a 'sex positive' line still can't stop themselves criticising others' choices or preferences when they see them as boring, safe or vanilla. The reality is, of course some women may like having their hair pulled, or whatever else, but hair pulling, slapping, spitting, strangulation, and so on cease to be much of a choice if we get to the point where the majority of men see them as standard, don't bother to ask, or even recognise the need to ask, and women are made to think these are required and are shamed for not wanting them. It's a real puzzle because it's almost as if removing shame and stigma around sex was never really about women's satisfaction at all.

Yep, women are being told that they are ''prudes'' and ''judgemental'' for objecting to porn that objectifies them and constantly shows degrading and painful acts and pass them as normal sex.

It completes messes up with men's view of what sex should look like and how they view women.

It is amazing how much gaslighting there is going on when we are being told that this is all about ''sex positivity'' and women like Bonnie Blue being ''empowered''.

The reality is that porn is wrecking relationships and is now just a space where misogyny and exploitation are rampant.

It always annoys me to see so many threads on here where a woman complains about her partner watching porn and how she feels uneasy about it. Answers always tend to be that ''all men do it'' or that there is no harm in it...it is complete brainwashing.

Porn is an industry that simply exists to make money and is pushing ever more extreme content to keep people hooked and subscribing. Not to mention that he does not care if performers are exploited/trafficked or if women have video posted online on porn sites without their consent. It is not here to make people's sex life more pleasant...

I think it is about time that people speak up without worrying about the porn-apologists.

But you literally are judgemental.

Women who are disgusted by it personally are entitled to be so (as above I'm kind of disgusted by little girl swoony oo Mr DARCY ideas of sexuality, we all have our anti-kinks). But you're wrong to expect everyone to share your disgust.

In other news the online safety act measures are restricting access to addiction recovery materials on Reddit. Good and consistent work, nuPuritans.

Is there a word for posts that illustrate the point of a thread so perfectly that no further commentary is needed?

It's a bit Iranian morality police to be trying to embarrass a woman for admitting to liking sex for its own sake and not just because of sweet fun romantic connection (🤢).

At the end of the day I feel bad for people who will never know what that particular pleasure feels like. Imagine having a human body and not using it to its full potential. But the "whatever happened to sex in the dark like the good old days" line is wild.

Seems to me sex / porn has been totally taken over by men. For men by men.

Maybe They can develop the robots those men can act out their sick fantasies on to their hearts content. They will get lost in that grim world do won’t procreate so will die out. Then the decent men and majority women can reshape society without them.

Dear God. There are no words.

Operation Let Them Speak has many facets: this is one of them.

(Forgot the quote, but easy to choose your own.)

''@Fragmentedbrain · Today 08:39

But you literally are judgemental.
Women who are disgusted by it personally are entitled to be so (as above I'm kind of disgusted by little girl swoony oo Mr DARCY ideas of sexuality, we all have our anti-kinks). But you're wrong to expect everyone to share your disgust.
In other news the online safety act measures are restricting access to addiction recovery materials on Reddit. Good and consistent work, nuPuritans.''

Your post is a good illustration of the gaslighting.

You are perfectly free to enjoy your kinks in private with like-minded people.

You are completely unreasonable to dismiss the well documented negative effects of porn on relationships, society and the way men treat women in real life or to gloss over the dodgy stuff that goes on in the porn industry.

Calling people 'nupuritans' just make you sound immature and unable to come up with well-argued arguments beyond name calling...

I remember reading Martin Amis's essay on the LA porn industry -- it was sometime in the early nineties, I think, in the Guardian Saturday magazine. It really stayed with me. Two snippets I remember: porn people he interviewed saying 'pussy is over' and a woman porn performer who had 'Str82Anl' as the vanity plate on her car. It was a brilliant piece of reportage and years ahead of its time in its clarity about where porn was going, and what its effects would be.

Yes I read that to. A quote I remember is

'Prostitution is the oldest profession. And porno is the newest profession. You are more like a gladiator: a contemporary gladiator. Of course, the gladiators were slaves - but some of them won their freedom.'

That's a chilling quotation. 'but some of them won their freedom' -- the 'but', of course, reminds us that the vast majority of gladiators were slaughtered.

That's quite prophetic, given OF 'star' Lily Phillips patting herself on the back for being not like those weak vanilla women for taking ejaculate(s) in the eye (without consent) and being bitten on the lip (without consent) Hey ho, what a warrior woman!

Great article: thank you for sharing! I 100% agree with Freeman.