Girls Using Walking Sticks

[Arran2024]

I saw a post about this on X this morning. Apparently it is a trend.

Anyway, I went into town this afternoon and sure enough, I saw a number of young women with walking sticks. None of them looked like they were leaning hard on their stick, just kind of walking along like it was a big umbrella.

Is anyone else seeing this?

I highly recommend this article if anyone hasn't read it:
https://www.thefp.com/p/hurts-so-good

I think some people who have disabilities on this thread are upset at the suggestion that anyone might self-identify as disabled, but it does seem to be a thing that is happening whether we like it or not, and obviously it harms people who are actually disabled. Gender dysphoria was a rare psychological condition but the numbers shot up and people blamed social contagion, and when numbers for EDS/POTS diagnoses (both official and self-diagnoses) similarly appear to be skyrocketing it is bound to make people wonder.

If you look at any Pride march there are a lot of canes. Some people have said it's damage from cross-sex hormones but I think it's something else.

I think it may come in part from the tendency in current woke/progressive culture to treat those who are more oppressed as more virtuous and people who those with privilege should listen to. There is also the fact that so many influencers list their various diagnoses on social media and their content will be popular with other people who think that they may have these conditions. But more generally I think it might be a bit of a cry for help and attention especially from young women.

The Power of Canes

I'm not upset at the suggestion people might self identify as disabled
I am challenging the comments where people think you can tell by looking at someone whether or not they are disabled

Because that is such a harmful narrative.

Of course.
I don't see what relevance that has to my comment.

They are a pair of pathological liars (to quote their nephew). So was Belle Gibson.

So my point stands. If someone on Mumsnet said they had cancer I have never seen the next question be "have you been formally diagnosed?". Because the implication of that question being asked is that I must just "self-identity" as having a condition,.which is a pretty grim suggestion

Definitely! Pharmaceuticals and vaccinations have become 'the thing you must not question'.

My sense is that when you are not to supposed to ask questions about something and when there is ridicule and censure when you do, then you actually need to start looking a lot more closely and asking even more questions.Vaccinations have become one of the forbidden topics. It is cult like the way that people monitor others and try to call out conspiracy at the slightest hint of query.

I've been considering the steep rise in childhood allergies too, especially to dairy.....and it seems as if most vaccinations are produced using egg and milk proteins. The purpose of a vaccination, of course, is to stimulate the body into developing an immunity response to certain types of vaccination 'content'.

Some allergies can be triggered by stress and emotion. i have a friend who developed a peanut allergy quite later on in her adult life. It first occured in conjunction with a very upsetting incident/moment which led to the break-up of her marriage. I recall the same sort of heavily charged emotional situation in myself, but in my case with asparagus, though not life threatening.

It comes a cross that your determination that nobody must ask questions or show interest in your condition is acting as some sort of defence mechanism.

On the contrary. I happily and openly talk about my condition. I shared how I was diagnosed and will happily answer any questions about what it is like. I am keen to raise awareness of it as I went 20 years without diagnosis and never put my different symptoms together because I hadn't heard of it.

I am just really curious by the " have you been formally diagnosed" question. Because I don't see that asked if someone shares they have cancer. Or a broken leg. So what is it about certain conditions that makes that the next question you ask?

Very interesting! For a moment it brought to mind those Harry Potter wands you can buy in 'House of Wizards' and similar such places. Wands are symbols of power and control too, and there are numerous styles you can buy according to your specific identity. Though, of course, the queer/trans community is no longer supposed to enagage with Harry Potter.

I don't know what disabled people think. That's why I wrote "I'd have thought that people who were genuinely disabled would be pissed off at at other people appropriating disability."

It's an important distinction, even if it's lost on you. But I do appreciate that becoming self-righteously angry about something that someone didn't say probably gives a bigger dopamine hit than rationally engaging with what they did say.

Why is it harmful. Can you explain.

Because it means that people are not understanding that they cannot tell by looking at someone whether they, for instance, need the disabled loo, or the priority seat, or a disabled parking badge. Because it means on top of battling our disability we also have to battle judgement and disbelief every day.

Because it means we face confrontation and challenge when we go about our daily life using the accommodations we need to use.

Some people do lie about having cancer. There have been numerous examples of people who have told others they have cancer and as a consequence have been in receipt of fund raisng money on their behalf etc The recent case of the Austrailain mushroom murderer who had her relatives over to dinner on the pretence that she had cancer, is the most recent example.

If someone tells me they have cancer, I automatically show interest, if it seems appropriate, and ask questions.

I think that when a condition is invisible or doesn't have a firm and conclusive diagnosis, but it seems to significantly impact on that person's functioning then people can end up assuming that the condition might well be emotional or psychological in origin. There does seem to be quite a number of 'vague' conditions which are difficult to prove or to get medical or scientific consensus on....that is not to say that the person is not feeling or suffering any physcal effects.

Isn't it obvious?

My friend has a stoma, can't tell looking at her why she has a radar key.

Another friend has MECFS, she looks fine a lot of the time but feels horrendous. She has a blue badge and twats with that "she looks ok" question why she has one.

I could go on but it's really obvious so not sure that you're not just being goady.

Also the fact they’re falsely claiming PIP I expect, so if on camera helps to be seen with a stick.

That's tough, but maybe understandable, maybe?

Lots of people get tired, or feel overwhelmed with fatigue at times during their day; or they may have a headache, irritable bowel symptoms, plantar fascitis -which makes it painful to be on their feet, a stiff, aching neck, or any number of recurrent physical symptoms - but they assume that most people do, its just part of life, and they just get on with it as best they can.

I retired age 60 from secondary teaching in 2013 (a big school, Y7-13) and never ever met or got a hint of any transgender child in all my years in the job. Gay, yes, and it was generally easy to identify same-sex attracted boys from the lower years. Various disabilities, yes, including three or four children who used a mobility scooter for serious physical conditions. Rare crutches, always temporary and generally for broken limbs etc. I never saw a cane in use by a child.
Various eating disorders and examples of neurodiversity were also well known and generally sensitively managed, not least by the young people’s friends, who were often the ones who encouraged them to seek help. The first example of a girl with Asperger’s (as it was then known) I encountered in the mid 1990s, and it surprised me, as I only knew if it as a male thing. This girl self harmed and one had to be alert if using sharp equipment.
After secondary I did a stint in FE for eight years and trans appeared sometime between 2015 and 2020. Two young people I remember were flagged up as such; both had other issues, difficult home background, diagnosed ASD/anxiety/depression and so on. Because of my job I taught young people who had not succeeded at school and a comparatively high proportion had evident or hidden disabilities, But once again, crutches only for accidents (mostly boys and mostly rugby or motorbikes). Canes, no.
I now work part time in HE and have not seen this new phenomenon at all, however, most of the students I am involved with are practical and ambitious in a field where it would be unhelpful. Some with learning and other issues work extremely hard to overcome them and there are useful modules on personal development that focus on developing strengths.

That's an interesting take.

Take my Myasthenia though. It's not psychological in origin. What happens is that exercise triggers an attack on the neuromuscular junction . The more we move the more the muscle receptors are attacked. This means less nerve signal can get through to our muscles so we get increasingly weak.

The main variable that influences my symptoms is how much I move. So I tend to be strongest first thing in the morning and weakest in the evening. Heat also affects it hugely. So I can barely walk in this heatwave, but when I got into a cool pool I was able to swim for a while. The traditional test used to be an ice pack test- if ice pack is applied to a droopy eyelid the eyelid will spring back up. I keep cold eye masks in the freezer to help with my weak eye muscles in summer.

Stress can affect symptoms too, eg when my relative died I became so weak I couldn't swallow within minutes of hearing the news. Hormones can affect it to - my symptoms are worse just before and during my period. But none of these mean it is a psychological based condition. I can be very weak during periods when life is easy and relaxed, because a cold will make it flare or if I do too much exercise that makes it flare.

It's not actually invisible either. My family can tell because my eyelid droop (ptosis) gets worse when I am flaring. But most people aren't going to notice that.

And my point is, that people battle all sorts of conditions where their presentation may make no sense to a casual observer but make a lot of sense when you understand the science behind them.

My neighbours are used to seeing me now sometimes walking the dog unaided, sometimes with a stick, and sometimes in my wheelchair. To anyone with an understanding of my condition that makes perfect sense. Depending on the time of day, the time of the month, the weather, and what else I have already done that day my condition varies wildly

Maybe I should try commenting on posts on Mumsnet where people mention they have cancer and asking if they have been formally diagnosed....?

I don't think you can tell by looking.

Although I must admit that there is a certain type who when I see them I am quietly very suspicious of whether they are actually disabled. They are women aged under 30 with an unnatural hair colour/dungarees/bright Snag tights/overweight but not to the extent that one would ordinarily need a stick/with rainbows and other LGBTQ+ accessories like pronoun badges, and who appear to be walking completely normally. I keep my suspicions silent but I am increasingly seeing young women like this especially amongst students or when I go to gigs.

There are people on this thread who have said they too have a disabiity which requires a stick, but they are not quite so hypersensitive to questions or suggestions; they simply deal with them in striaghtforward and honest manner.
Being hypersensitive can give the impression that one is perhaps a little attention seeking, or expects people to treat them with kid gloves, or as somehow special.

There is no point in my engaging with you further. It is distracting from the topic of the thread and involves more time and energy than I'm prepared to spend.

Off the top of my head though

• my cousin dresses like that and is under 30 and has had crippling arthritis since her teens. She doesn't use walking aids normally but if it is very bad has a wheelchair
• someone I know through work dresses like that (although slightly older than 30) and has had multiple hip surgeries. She uses crutches when recovering from the surgeries.

So I am not saying there isn't a pattern. But it could also be at least in part that people who spend chunks of life isolated and at home due to pain make different decisions about their dress choices and hair choices.

Anyway,! I better go and login and work

Where have I been hypersensitive?
I just asked a curious question about why you asked a particular question. You seem disinclined to explain that.

I don't think I am remotely special. I am just keen to improve understanding of how invisible conditions can present and what it is like to live with them. I am unsure why that makes you uncomfortable but there we are.

You may not have noticed the forum you are on?

This forum ( FWR) is not usually a place where people do not expect to be asked questions, asked for clarification, or explanation, or even be challenged.

Using expletives and suggesting I was being " goady" is more a reflection of your own aggressiveness than it is of my intent.

Yes, those were the students who used to drop out because they couldn't balance their work with their disability, or in some cases that disability wasn't even diagnosed and they thought they just weren't trying hard enough.