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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What do whips, spandex and dog masks have to do with Pride?

331 replies

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 05/07/2025 18:30

They're kinks/fetishes right? Not related to sexual orientation. Also why are they anything to be 'proud' of? Your closest friends would probably find it pretty odd (and stomach turning!) if you told them your OH likes to wear your undies, or what gets you off is him licking your feet... Why is proclaiming what should be personal and private turn-ons to the general public any better? Why should they be glad for you in any way for being so open about it?

OP posts:
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BeeryZ · 06/07/2025 00:11

You wonder what’s wrong with people who think it’s okay to behave that way in front of children. Quite sad really to think it’s probably because they were abused themselves and might not even realise it. They think it’s normal and should be normalised.

Whatever the cause, there’s no world in which sexualised behaviour is appropriate in front of children.

RosaMundi27 · 06/07/2025 00:26

AidaP · 05/07/2025 19:55

There is no "consent for looking", same as no one has to consent to read this opinion you posted here, despite being wrong and filled with some hate seeping through.

You like freedom of expression to hate and pearl clutch, others use it to be themselves.

And yes, there are many straight and mono people at pride purely for the kink part of it. It's part of the Q - queer. LGTBQIA+ is the full alphabet if you are curious, intersex and asexual/armoantic for the last 2. And plus in case something was missed out.

That also was part of pride since the very beginning at stonewall.

LGTBQIA emphatically was not part of pride since the very beginning at Stonewall. If you want to know what really happened at Stonewall and at the first gay pride in New York, ask Fred Sargeant who was at Stonewall. His friend/lover Craig Rodwell, along with Fred, Ellen Briody and Linda Rhodes organised the first Gay Pride march in New York the following year on the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots. Fred is an active poster on twitter, so you can find many of his factual posts there. Pride was first and foremost for homosexual people, men and women, who were sick of being marginalised and harrassed for their sexual orientation.

Firealarm1414 · 06/07/2025 02:36

That some people have co opted pride as a vehicle to conduct their fetishes in public has been obvious for a while. Further to this some people seek to use it to break down boundaries around children and sex. That one of them feels able to freely admit here to grooming and child abuse and admit that in their opinion safeguarding is just a bunch of pearl clutching prudishness shows just how emboldened those with these intentions have become. How much time do you need to spend in your creepy echo chambers to think that teaching kids about bdsm, in detail, and exposing them to adults indulging in their fetishes purposely so you can introduce them to it is in any way acceptable?

Helleofabore · 06/07/2025 02:55

DialSquare · 05/07/2025 22:57

It would be nice to think that Aida’s gone off to have a bit of a word with himself

I suspect he’s gone to Malaga airport.

I suspect the Matterhorn!

Helleofabore · 06/07/2025 02:57

AidaP · 05/07/2025 19:38

And hey, if you like walking around nude, there are nudist parades in the UK too, seriously, go join them!

You are saying they should be ashamed, that's what it means when you push it away from the public and into behind closed doors. But PRIDE was, is and always will be the place to express yourself and be met with love and acceptance. Within bounds of the law of course, no one will have a full on sex on the parade.

Your "safeguarding" is more like attempt at censorship, as I guess there is nothing worse than a kid learning that using whips or chains can be fun, and that enjoying it is not something that they will be shunned for, but instead that there is whole group of people enjoying what they are enjoying.

You know, you do you, but actually do you, not just "the you that I accept and like".

I have couple of kids fyi, since you are trying to climb that high horse, loving kids that no one taught hate, instead they learn to accept and cherish people who are a bit queer and different, not clutch their pearls online.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

There are not enough of these in the world.

SammyScrounge · 06/07/2025 03:07

@AidaP
'You like freedom of expression to hate and pearl clutch, others use it to be themselves.'

The others should have more ambition.

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 03:09

rriffraff · 05/07/2025 21:47

The problem is that as you allow more and more straight people who are into kink into the parade you de-value the legitimacy of gay rights in the eyes of the public. The boundaries keep being pushed to the extremes and it risks a backlash.
Throughout 2023, the Public Religion Research Institute,Last week, the Organization released its findings on views about LGBTQ rights in the US. The survey showed for the first time support fell for key policies regarding LGBTQ rights, backing for same sex marriage dropped two percentage points, support for non-discrimination protections dropped four points and opposition to people refusing services based on religious grounds dropped five points.

In San Francisco Pride there was a guy stood in a child's paddling pool and passers by were asked to piss on him, it has no where to go but more and more extreme, and support for gay rights has started to reflect the backlash to this.

.

My understanding of Pride and the (original) LGB was for gay/lesbian/bi men and women to show/parade for equal rights/fight against legalities etc - the minute it became LBGTQ+T and whatever else with the kinks then it changed the whole ethos - I know a lot of gay guys and women in their 40's/50's and they wouldn't consider ever attending a pride event as it hasn't been about this for many years. We are in the UK BTW. My SIL is 50 and is a lesbian and always has been - never had an interest in boys or guys since 10yo and her and her female partner HATE pride with a vengeance because of what its become and a lot of their friends think the same.

A LOT of people have 'kinks' - and actually what goes on between consenting adults who really cares and what is a kink technically (straight and gay and anything in-between!) - whether its leather/bondage/pissing/nappies etc - but that isn't an LGB event issue and IMHO while a genuine LGB pride event shouldn't be hidden from kids the kinks should be - they'll sort out their own as they get older (or not!)

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 03:14

rumblegrumble · 05/07/2025 20:54

Presumably the idea is that being gay is just a kink, same as dressing up in a gimp mask and being whipped. Or maybe that all gay people are sexual deviants who want to have 'weird' sex as some people can't conceive that a homosexual couple might just enjoy one-on-one 'vanilla' sex with the lights on low and lots of cuddling. Like normal people.

(Just to be clear in case it's not blindingly obvious, this is definitely not my opinion. I find lumping gay and bi people in with 'all the other weirdos' extremely offensive. Some of course will be into all sorts of fetishes and kinks, others will not. Kind of like how it is with 'normal' people really... Suggesting that fetishism is an inherent part of homosexuality is ridiculous, revolting and wrong.)

Exactly, but when these marches involve all sorts of 'kinks' and T+ whatever else it degrades what Pride was actually about which is why 'normal professional gay/bi men and women' are avoiding these events as the years go by (and keep whatever kinks they may have at home behind their doors!) as its purpose has changed.

DesperateforSunshine · 06/07/2025 03:24

AidaP · 05/07/2025 19:38

And hey, if you like walking around nude, there are nudist parades in the UK too, seriously, go join them!

You are saying they should be ashamed, that's what it means when you push it away from the public and into behind closed doors. But PRIDE was, is and always will be the place to express yourself and be met with love and acceptance. Within bounds of the law of course, no one will have a full on sex on the parade.

Your "safeguarding" is more like attempt at censorship, as I guess there is nothing worse than a kid learning that using whips or chains can be fun, and that enjoying it is not something that they will be shunned for, but instead that there is whole group of people enjoying what they are enjoying.

You know, you do you, but actually do you, not just "the you that I accept and like".

I have couple of kids fyi, since you are trying to climb that high horse, loving kids that no one taught hate, instead they learn to accept and cherish people who are a bit queer and different, not clutch their pearls online.

Its interesting that 85 'pride' organisations have reported falling sponsorship for UK events
More than 85 Pride organisations say they've seen a reduction in corporate sponsorships or partnerships, according to a questionnaire by the UK Pride Organisers Network (UKPON), which said it represents the majority of UK Pride events.
Some celebrations have already been cancelled or postponed, while others are scaling back plans or charging for tickets to what have previously been free-to-attend events.
The UK's Pride movement began in 1972 when a group called the Gay Liberation Front (GLF) decided that, as well as protesting, it was also important to celebrate the community.

Oh - and for gay/bi people - not just random kinks......

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0q877y7g9eo#:~:text=Despite%20the%20difficulties%20it%20faces,event%20was%20£1.7m.

BTW - Im no prude and enjoy some 'interesting' stuff but my children will never know and neither will you ;-)

Shân Veillard-Thomas looks wistfully away from the camera remembering pride

Pride at 50: The LGBT revolution sparked in a basement

The ripple effects of the Gay Liberation Front's 1972 march are still being felt.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-61994277

Roystonv · 06/07/2025 05:08

If you support this kind of behaviour in public, what next? Some things are not for the public domain but in privacy with like minded partners. Boundaries are vital and to support the demolition of these is very dangerous, thoughtless and self indulgent. There are rules for a reason and the breaking down of these rules is not good for society as a whole. How many horrors of the past have occurred because no one said stop because they had lost their sense of reason. The thin end of the wedge in practice.

Firealarm1414 · 06/07/2025 06:13

Roystonv · 06/07/2025 05:08

If you support this kind of behaviour in public, what next? Some things are not for the public domain but in privacy with like minded partners. Boundaries are vital and to support the demolition of these is very dangerous, thoughtless and self indulgent. There are rules for a reason and the breaking down of these rules is not good for society as a whole. How many horrors of the past have occurred because no one said stop because they had lost their sense of reason. The thin end of the wedge in practice.

The poster on here has already said what's next. Children being exposed and introduced to sex and fetishes and this supposedly being a positive thing. Literally that's the end goal for a certain type of person. The next step will be the peter tatchell type arguments of sexual activity not being harmful for children etc etc and trying to introduce those ideas into the mainstream. Sick. Luckily most rational people see this for what it is.

Rollstar · 06/07/2025 07:29

A friend sent me these screenshots from their local Pride community chat page. Lots of simpering responses and no comment from the organisers/page admins.
I’ve included two of his replies :(

In absolute plain sight. I know many parents took their kids along for a jolly day out. How can people not see it?

What do whips, spandex and dog masks have to do with Pride?
What do whips, spandex and dog masks have to do with Pride?
What do whips, spandex and dog masks have to do with Pride?
ArabellaScott · 06/07/2025 07:35

BeeryZ · 06/07/2025 00:11

You wonder what’s wrong with people who think it’s okay to behave that way in front of children. Quite sad really to think it’s probably because they were abused themselves and might not even realise it. They think it’s normal and should be normalised.

Whatever the cause, there’s no world in which sexualised behaviour is appropriate in front of children.

They don't think it's okay. They know it's wrong. That's the point.

Most paraphilias are centred on the non.consensual participation of others, whether that be exposure to the general public, or children who can't consent, or women on an Internet forum.

DialSquare · 06/07/2025 07:41

Helleofabore · 06/07/2025 02:55

I suspect the Matterhorn!

🤮

Gallivanterer · 06/07/2025 07:42

In my local FB group a handmaiden asked for advice on what to wear to Pride (which kind of points to how far its veered from it's original purpose) and a TIM said "I make sure I have my tits out".

Cruiser123 · 06/07/2025 07:43

It's deeply concerning to hear that Aida (allegedly) has children.

I hope teachers/social services keep a close watch on the minors in his care.

BeeSouriante · 06/07/2025 07:58

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 05/07/2025 18:30

They're kinks/fetishes right? Not related to sexual orientation. Also why are they anything to be 'proud' of? Your closest friends would probably find it pretty odd (and stomach turning!) if you told them your OH likes to wear your undies, or what gets you off is him licking your feet... Why is proclaiming what should be personal and private turn-ons to the general public any better? Why should they be glad for you in any way for being so open about it?

Pride is a protest and a celebration, if you struggle with what consenting adult gay men and women do, then may I suggest you just stay away. It's not like 99.5% LGBTQ people want you any 'gender critical' types there anyway.

They're protesting against people like the people on here ffs.

Rollstar · 06/07/2025 08:10

@BeeSouriante

It’s not that we ‘struggle with what consenting adult gay men and women do’ (some on here are happily gay and into kink too).

Sounds more like you’re struggling to understand what’s actually being said. Again.

I’ll try to keep it simple for you.

The problem is promoting a gathering as ‘family friendly’ when it includes explicit displays of adult sexuality.

A kid friendly event celebrating different types of relationship and families? Could be really lovely.

An adult only event celebrating kink and uncommon types of sexuality? Fabulous if that’s your thing!

Combining the two? Clearly inappropriate and a safeguarding nightmare. Surely even you can see the problem here.

Edited for punctuation

Wishing14 · 06/07/2025 08:42

@BeeSourianteThat sounds like boundary pushing and the need to feel victimised. Society (by and large in the west) accepts gay love so now we need to protest against their lack of acceptance of sexual kinks.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 06/07/2025 08:48

BeeSouriante · 06/07/2025 07:58

Pride is a protest and a celebration, if you struggle with what consenting adult gay men and women do, then may I suggest you just stay away. It's not like 99.5% LGBTQ people want you any 'gender critical' types there anyway.

They're protesting against people like the people on here ffs.

But you've totally missed my point!! Why does being whipped/whipping other people/dressing up have any relation to being gay?! Surely there are just as many straight people into that stuff! It seems like an entirely separate issue! I understand Pride to be a celebration of finally having rights equal to those of heterosexuals. But why do we need to know the details of what ANYONE gets up to in the bedroom?! It doesn't seem to be about celebrating relationships, but about displaying what your intimate sexual desires are. WHY would anyone want to hear about that?!

OP posts:
MrsKeats · 06/07/2025 08:50

Boiledbeetle · 05/07/2025 19:03

And let's not even start on the adults with a nappy fetish at pride, especially the 60 year old men dressed as baby girls.

They have no place in decent society never mind a Pride parade.

And for once I'm not even contemplating posting an image to go with my post.

100% agree.

ArabellaScott · 06/07/2025 08:50

BeeSouriante · 06/07/2025 07:58

Pride is a protest and a celebration, if you struggle with what consenting adult gay men and women do, then may I suggest you just stay away. It's not like 99.5% LGBTQ people want you any 'gender critical' types there anyway.

They're protesting against people like the people on here ffs.

Straight man tells women to stay away.

Stop force teaming LGB people with your kink.

RedToothBrush · 06/07/2025 08:52

AidaP · 05/07/2025 21:13

Why is it one or the other?

My kids are with me and my wife at many prides, kink is involved, it's never a problem. Just like topic of sex is never a problem in our house, neither is the topic of kink sex. If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get an answer, as detailed as they are willing to keep asking.

Whereas many parents think that by creating some sheltered existence their kids won't find about it, completely ignoring that if you turn on prime time tv you will see the same, and more, than you will on pride. Or if you google, really, anything.

Just like topic of sex is never a problem in our house, neither is the topic of kink sex. If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to get an answer, as detailed as they are willing to keep asking.

This is not a thing to be proud of. You really need to read what you have said and reflect on it.

Your response borders on the creepy. It's has more than a tone of 'old enough to understand what they are doing' but in a sexualised context for minors.

That sentence really has raised my eyebrows.

DS age seven would ask questions. He's very observate. You can't give direct answers because they don't have the capacity to process it. He won't for quite a few years yet and he's bright and emotionally mature.

Keep in mind here, I love Eurovision and let my son watch it. Not all parents in his class would. I'm not prudish and don't appreciate the label cos it's just not reflective. In recent years there's been a few things that have been difficult but simply do not need the adult explanation yet. It's such an amazing event though, and he loves the music I don't want to say he can't watch it. I find this need to push boundaries in this way, frustrating and missing the point. It's unnecessary attention seeking and exhibitionism. In the context of Eurovision it's frankly, a failure to read the room and a failure of creative imagination. And it's bombed as a result - not even the niche gay audience has liked these moments at times in recent years and it's ultimately been reflected in voting patterns. Nemo this year was an utter car crash in all the wrong ways. It was a fantastic opportunity to showcase himself and be a positive representation and role model. Instead he looked like he was having a full on public breakdown and I don't think I saw a single good comment about it from anywhere.

I wouldn't take DS to Manchester Pride. It's much more difficult to just explain away as he knows what being gay etc is. The added context makes it more, not less problematic. One of his activity teachers in trans and is fabulous. He also knows other fabulous men. He's not sheltered by any means.

We were in central Manchester a few years back on pride day and there were lots of people mingling on their way and yeah, it just was too much and too unnecessary. DS was with us and it wasn't straightforward explaining it.

As I say, it's the lack of respect for others that shines through. The 'consent to look' comments above weren't great either. They are ignorant because there are relevant points where 'consent to look' has legal framework and reference points. Showing certain images /video to children will earn you an appearance in court, maybe a fine or prison sentence or even your name adding to a register. They do not have to be illegal images for this either.

Pride was about being seen and not ashamed. That included being fabulous. But now it's competitive shocking. Who can push it furthest. That detaches itself from the idea that being gay is normal and gay people are in all parts of every day life. It becomes a parody of itself and becomes 'not normal' because normalcy becomes underrepresented.

I find it fascinating to hear even fabulous gay men voicing certain reservations whilst actively organising their own gay pride event. And definitely having a certain degree of awareness that certain things do have a watershed and perhaps aren't afternoon events in the middle of the high street but should be scheduled deliberately in certain venues or at least late in the programme.

The lack of filter and understanding safeguarding, sensitivities and boundary blurring and erosion IS the problem.

Gallivanterer · 06/07/2025 08:53

BeeSouriante · 06/07/2025 07:58

Pride is a protest and a celebration, if you struggle with what consenting adult gay men and women do, then may I suggest you just stay away. It's not like 99.5% LGBTQ people want you any 'gender critical' types there anyway.

They're protesting against people like the people on here ffs.

Trans people aren't gay. HTH.

ArabellaScott · 06/07/2025 08:54

Bee, sincere apologies. I confused you with AidaP. I imagine you are as horrified as everyone else at Aida's comments.