Man pushed ahead of woman to use female toilet

[BlossomIsSoPretty]

This didn't directly affect me as I have use disabled toilets, but I was out earlier and there was one male, one female, and one disabled toilet. There were 3 men and 1 woman waiting. One of the men was about to go into the disabled toilet when he saw me. I have no choice but to use disabled (wheelchair user). The female toilet became vacant and the man walked towards the door. The woman waiting was quite young and looked surprised but didn't say anything. I'm far from young and used to speaking up for myself, so I pointed out that it was a toilet for females and unless I was mistaken he wasn't female. He said no but I'm desperate and went in anyway.

So not only do women have to put up with men pretending to be women, we now have a man who decided he was going to use the women's toilet anyway!

What I'm trying to say is that I expect any half-tolerable man to be aware of the demands of female biology (periods, pregnancy, menopause etc) and it's the decent thing that women should be well informed about (and not mock) the shenanigans that afflict the male body (the things that mortify teenage boys, the prostate problems, etc.). Adult male bodies have no place in women's spaces. That's fundamental. But we should all know the grisly, intimate details of how the body works for the opposite sex. We're not prudes or Victorians. I'm not oppressed by the patriarchy if I don't want an older man to wet himself.

This man did not avail himself of any information on the women also needing a wee.
I've lost all my fucks for the poor man with imaginary problems we are giving him to make this acceptable.

This

he abso-fucking-lutely should have asked the men if he could go first as he was ‘desperate’

what happened to society that makes people excuse bad behaviour like this…I don’t get it

and no, if i was in a queue for a single toilet and a man came forward and said he was desperate i would let him past me (unless i was desperate obviously….that lass he pushed in front of may have been desperate as well!)

If either of my young men or my husband did this i would be mortified

and they would regret it ….😀

The mens toilet wasn't vacant though.

I'd imagine that this bloke was about to shit himself in a very public setting, through disability or the sudden onset of a stomach bug or food poisoning.

As such his choice was either to shit himself, or avail himself of an empty single occupancy room.

I'm male, I'd never walk into the female or the disabled toilets. But if the choice was that or shit myself / vomit on the floor, I don't know if I could say the same.

I'm male, I'd never walk into the female or the disabled toilets. But if the choice was that or shit myself / vomit on the floor, I don't know if I could say the same

the lass he pushed in front off may have been desperate…

i would imagine (based on nothing at all) that she was about to shit herself due to her meal at the dodgy restaurant she went to with her boyfriend and his family the night before

Obviously I don’t imagine that at all….

I'd have preferred he said "I'm desperate, would you mind if I went in front of you?"
I'd have no problem with that in a cubicle situation.

He might have been a disabled transman. 🤷‍♀️

I work with a cultural group who are extremely religiously observant. One of the things they do, especially the men, is pee as soon as they are aware they have urine in their bladder. I've had a few explanations of this, and from what I can gather, it's because the sensation is distracting and could interrupt your religious reflection and duties.

One of our urologists have told me that it leads to having a very small and irritable bladder and gives men simialr symptoms to having an enlarged prostate. For instance, most adults have to wake up to pee in the night whereas that's something you typically grow out of.

Exactly what i was saying

i would rather he asked the men first but he deffo should have asked the woman before he went in front of her

He might have been a disabled transman

one imagines he would still be able to ask to go first

Christ, no wonder women’s rights are going backwards with all the male apologists on MN of all places.

Picking up the people you are responding too, not just you.

We don't know he was desperate, we know he behaved as though he was desperate or entitled.

The options are not "piss oneself" or "push in at the wrong sex toilets". Other options exist including "planning ahead" or "drinking little because you know your bladder is small".

Has someone answered yet, why this entitled man couldn't ask or push in to the front of the men's queue?

Every conference or big event I’ve ever been to I’ve watched women walk straight into the men’s toilets, sometimes past their queue. This guy might be a cf, and it’s unfair to that lady, but it’s just a cf/ asshole thing- nothing to do with being a man

Do these women push in front of men who are waiting?

theyve walked by a queue of men, I think that kind of the same thing really. Worse still some will have elderly men in it

When it happens, make a thread.

I'm out a lot. I have never seen anyone behave like this. Male or female.

He said he was desperate. Of course we don't know.
I am just saying that in a place with cubicles, if a man or a woman asked me if they could go ahead because they were desperate, then I would let them.

I would judge a man a lot though for not asking the men in the other lines first.

Entirely fair enough.

I also think that you have no right to consent to someone pushing ahead of you unless you are last in the queue, and that it is also entirely fair enough for women to just say "no, sick of the entitlement, sympathy all run out, piss and shit yourself for all I care, I'm interested in myself and my fellow women".

I am just saying that in a place with cubicles, if a man or a woman asked me if they could go ahead because they were desperate, then I would let them

i agree…but he didn’t ask in this case

I agree with all of this. And as a result I think that he should have ASKED before assuming that he was entitled to queue jump the person who was next in line to use the female toilet. She might also have been desperate - he just assumed that his need was greater than hers.

Personally, unless I too was absolutely desperate for whatever I needed to use the toilet for, I would normally agree in such circumstances (proper enclosed toilets, being asked) and I know that desperation and urgency are really difficult to deal with. I agree with PP that prostate problems come as a shock to many men who are not used to having to plan their toilet visits in the way that women have learnt throughout their adult life. The problem (for me) is not so much the use of the female enclosed toilet it was the lack of asking whether it was ok and the assumption that the woman should wait for him.

I agree with this. If you let someone go in front, they should get your place and you should go to the back. In this case it was one woman.

And yes, also ok to say no.

Exactly! They don’t care about women - never have