Hahahaha!!!!

[DialSquare]

I love JKR!

Why do young teens need to 'understand their sexuality'. That's the sort of shit everyone figures out in time. It's not as if the internet doesn't exist. There's no need to throw a party to let people know who you do or don't want to fuck.

And labels potentially cause more harm than good anyway. I get the idea in theory that maybe it stops them being coerced if they realise early that they are asexual but in practice they may fall down a rabbit hole of trying to prove to themselves they aren't. Which has exactly the same issues.

At least now I know what my young lesbian nonbinary asexual friend was alluding to yesterday.

Who the hell are these people who go about trying to force others into relationships? Just plain rude. No one I know would be so pushy.

Agree labels generally cause more harm than good. I think they generally benefit activists with an agenda (like stonewall) more than the person being labeled.

How the fuck can you have an asexual lesbian. Bit of a contradiction

So you can't imagine any scenario where a young, vulnerable person, who has never experienced any sexual desire, would benefit from simply being able to say 'Sorry, I'm asexual' to someone keen to initiate a sexual relationship with them? Rather than struggling to find the language to turn them down?

And you can't imagine any scenario where the young person hearing that, easily recognises and understands that because they have more awareness of asexuality due to increased visibility, and they take no offence to being turned down accordingly?

In the complex teenage world of social pressures, awkward, imperfect communication, coercion and blurred boundaries of sexual consent that lead young people into sexual situations they later regret, you can't imagine any scenario where this language, and this awareness might be helpful?

I would call that a dramatic failure of the imagination, personally.

It's all a bit 'bring your whole self to work' ,isn't it. Most people really shouldn't.

My husband's best friend is asexual. He's never used that term about himself but he is mid 40s and has never been interested in having a girl/boyfriend or getting married or having kids. He's been on two dates I think in all his life. I don't think he'd want a day, he's happy with how his life is.
What is stranger about "asexuality" now is that it encompasses things like demi-sexual and grey aces where you are sexually attracted to people sometimes or where you are only interested in sex when you have an emotional connection. All of which are totally normal ways to feel and not asexuality. If you look at Reddit or similar you find people tying themselves on knots trying to work out if you can be demi-sexual aromantic and it turns out half of them are 14 when it's totally normal to not want sex and then a significant number of others who have been on medication for depression since they were preteens and feel hopeless and as if the world would better without them. Sure they might be asexual as well but they also sound like the depression has made them feel unworthy of a relationship and anti depressants has knocked out their emotions and sexual feelings. It then gets more and more subdivision as you read you have a romantic orientation alongside your sexual orientation rather than it just being a preference how you meet someone and have a relationship if having relationships is your thing.

Do I believe asexual people exist? Yes. Do I believe that they are asked a lot about when are they going to meet a nice girl/boy? Yes. Do I think some of them might have had sex under pressure or indeed have been raped. Yes because these things happen sadly but rape is traumatic however it happens and whoever perpetrates it. I was raped as a teenager by another student in uni halls. The fact I like consensual sex with men didn't make it any better for me than if I was asexual.
Are asexuals oppressed? Hmmm no. Something might be more difficult such as buying a house but that applies to other single people who might want a relationship but are still single.
Do they get pressured to find a partner? Yes but again this applies to single people who do want relationships so not an asexual only existence.
Do they seem themselves represented in media? Increasingly so but it's never just a regular quiet accountant or a barrister, it's a blue haired protesting type so perhaps this needs working on.
Are asexual people discriminated against in a world which has so much focus on sex or romance? No. The majority of people whether gay or straight do feel sexual arousal (unless impaired by meds/age/hormones but may still want to feel those things), so art/music/books/cinema will tend to show this as a representation or plot point.
Can you have a meaningful relationship that isn't romantic or sexual? Yes that's called best friends and that's also well known and celebrated, I'd say especially by women. The platonic relationship has been written about going right back to...er Plato. It's someone who makes you feel whole and loved with no romantic or sexual attraction, it's not new but it's also not exclusive to asexuals.

In short. India tried to swing at JK and missed. Again. While making an unintended pun. Asexuals are a minority but do not encounter discrimination but may sometimes feel uncomfortable with personal questions just like everyone else

Pretty sure you can't be non binary and a lesbian. One thing contradicts the other. You can be non binary and 'same sex attracted' tbf. But lesbian is a word that really only works if you are a woman.

You can call it what you want, it’s of no consequence.

Teenagers managed just fine in years gone by. We can remember kids at school who didn’t date but were friends with a wide range of people. Some of us were those people. If someone fancied them and made it clear they’d just say ‘sorry, not interested’. We didn’t need days of visibility, or help with language, or labels at an early stage in our lives. We had the benefit of a lack of hand-wringing introspections or definitions foisted on us by others.

Why are you so determined to label them
asexual, rather than a young person who potentially just hasn’t experienced those types of feelings yet, or, more likely, just isn’t into the person wanting to sleep with them? They should be taught they don’t have to be coerced into sleeping with anyone they don’t want to.

Do they have to be asexual in order to turn someone down, or say no? Education on consent yes, labels no.

I’d say that was more of a dramatic failure of the imagination, personally.

Haha I said the same about non binary and a lesbian. They contradict.

But you can however be romantically attracted to someone, but not sexually. Like, you like the idea of romance but don't want anything sexual with them. Eg: would happily have a picnic on a beach with someone of the opposite sex and stare at eachother mushily. But don't want to smack bits together. That's what it's like for some asexuals.

Why do people equate this day with making it someone’s identity?

And what does making asexuality or being gay your identity look like?

There are so many days that have no relevance to me but I’m not upset about them.

Why is asexual day an issue? Why is pride month an issue?

If you’re not gay or asexual just get on with your day.

Not everything has to be for you.

Well said

I don’t really understand the why you can’t become asexual at later points in your life for various reasons

i suspect its because its something that can sometimes happen as you age

Why are you so desperate to deny a person's right to describe themselves as asexual?

God this patriarchal, authoritarian bullshit on a supposedly women's rights forum does my head in.

Flipping heck. LBTQ people have managed for decades without labels, flags, badges, days of rememberance, a whole lot of self pity and self aggrandisement, and I have to say I think we were and have been a lot bloody happier than those pushing this seem to be.

"And you can't imagine any scenario where the young person hearing that, easily recognises and understands that because they have more awareness of asexuality due to increased visibility, and they take no offence to being turned down accordingly?"

Fucking hell. Do you know any lesbians because I can assure you that almost every lesbian on the planet has heard "how do you know you're a lesbian if you've never had cock" or other such charming retorts. . Pride hasn't changed that has it. I'm sure gay men have experienced similar with grabby women who won't take "no I'm gay I'm not interested" too. Not just lesbians, how many women have been in a situation where a man just won't take no for an answer, right through to sexual assault and rape. Or made up a fake male partner to get a man to leave them alone

Any decent human will accept a "no thanks I'm not interested ok having sex/a relationship/date", it might sting a bit but they'll recover. Those who push the point won't accept it anymore if the person is asexual, just as they won't accept it if the person is gay/lesbian or just not interested. Asexuality awareness won't change the behaviour of arseholes who think they are entitled to sex.

suggestionsplease1 Before there was visibility for gay people many young gay teens did not understand their sexuality and social pressures led many to enter into heterosexual relationships.

It was worse than a lack of visibility, it could meant discrimination, persecution, criminalisation, and even imprisonment.

Things have got better for gay people in our part of the world. Except for lesbians. It would be OK if it wasn't for the likes of Stonewall and the trans rights movement denying lesbians the right to our own sexuality, and insisting we should have sex with men.

For some gay people it still means death in some parts of the world today.

Can you name somewhere in the world where it is illegal to be asexual and you can be imprisoned for not being sexually attracted to other people?

Has the trans rights movement ever insisted that asexual people must have sex with someone, just as they insist that lesbians must have sex with men?

If the head of Stonewall could call lesbians who don't want to have sex with men 'sexual racists', what would she call asexuals who don't want to have sex with anyone?

God what world did you live in that teenagers managed just fine in years gone by? Happy for you if you did, maybe you were marooned alone on a desert island during those years?

Anyway, there are plenty of people that struggled in decades gone by, and plenty of people that continue to struggle now.

Why you would want to deny them access to a tool that might help them at a time when Andrew Tates populate the world is beyond me.

That’s not what I said though is it. Anyone can describe themselves as asexual, most, including myself, don’t care if people have sexual feelings or not. It’s YOU who are determined to label young people who just maybe don’t want to sleep with certain people or who at that age haven’t navigated or experienced such feelings, and maybe never will, that’s ok, but to base whole identities and days of visibility around it like it’s a new phenomenon seems cult and activist like.

You don’t have to come and post here, it’s not compulsory. What does women’s rights have to do with people not having sexual feelings anyway?

Why are you so determined to label them

i told my children not to let anyone box them in…one of mine said they were bi and now refers to themselves as gay, two are straight (one is probably on the asexual side 🤔 )

now youngsters are squeezing themselves into smaller boxes

I'm not determined to label anyone anything.

But if someone has found language to help them navigate complex social pressures and decline sexual relationships they do not want to have, I absolutely want them to have the right to use that.

Why, on a women's rights forum, are you and others so desperate to delegitimise this?

Did you really ask this on a feminist board?

You can’t think of anywhere in the world where being asexual would get you attacked or killed? Really?

No country or community that pushes women and men to get married to the opposite sex and have children?

Or the fact that asexual people are accused of being gay? How do you think they survive in countries that kill gay people?

The language exists and has done for a long time.

‘I don’t want to/I’m not interested’, or ‘no’. No is a complete sentence as they say round these parts. Doesn’t equate to delegitimising such people, as you put it.

So asexual people can’t use the term asexual because they should just say no?

Because a day of visibility is going to stop that 🙄

What you’re describing is violence, murder and rape - primarily of women, of course. That should be the focus for wider societal change.