If you are dismissing off-hand the notion that a person who has undergone a developmental pathway that causes society to exclusively view her as a woman would then be subject to the consequences of society exclusively viewing her as a woman then a lot of other aspects of this discussion fall into place.
The constant skepticism when personal experiences are presented (with a side order of jibes and minimisations) seems to be an essential tool to ensure detachment and dehumanisation. "That predatory infiltrator must be lying. It must be hyperbolic. No trans woman could have actually experienced this."
The essentialist reductions claiming that those miserable, real experiences are metaphysically invalid are likewise a necessary backstop just in case the temptation arises to consider a common ground. "It isn't the same. Those are male experiences. You are genetically exempt from complex social dynamics that involve predators who have no visibility of your chromosomes. You cannot experience negative social attitudes and abusive behaviours from people who do not know your medical history, and if you did then they would magically transmute into transphobia instead."
The complete refusal to view intersecting avenues of oppression in a nuanced fashion, seems to likewise be an essential component. "There can be no common ground. No shared experiences. No acknowledgement of mutual suffering. There is only one true pain, and fellow victims with inconvenient backgrounds are actually rivals or enemies who are stealing or corrupting its authenticity. Even if it did happen - even if people really have been subjecting you to these things - your experiences exist in a zero-sum competition with the authentic ones."
The final piece of the puzzle seems to be motive projection. "Even though you are either lying or exaggerating; even though it is metaphysically invalid; even though you cannot experience more than one axis of oppression simultaneously - if you did actually experience those things then you either deserved to and are an idiot or actively wanted to and are thus spiritually suspect."
This is where we arrive at comparisons with sexual predators - which is such a mind-reelingly awful way to harm someone who has suffered these experiences herself and is begging for you not to engage in behaviours that are actively harming all women that it almost beggars belief.
I beg you, please. Look at what is happening here. Why are you even arguing these points? Do they even make sense? Do they reflect the material reality that it is clearly possible for others to experience no matter how much we wish we could dismiss them? How do you feel when people do the same to you?
Please don't pass the pain on when someone begs you for compassion. There are things that trans women do not and cannot experience, yes, and I find attempts to claim them on the part of trans women to be just as gross and offensive as you do. There are things we do experience, however. Ways in which the world hurts anyone it perceives to be female, and ways in which it hurts anyone it identifies as other. Both of these things can be true. Both can apply to someone at the same time.