Lad culture - that quintessentially 90's/00's expression of the wider long-standing rape culture - is sadly still endemic in the UK and we're seeing a deeply distressing resurgence amongst young men and boys right now, fuelled by the awful misogynistic rhetoric of neoreactionary youtubers and bloggers and hateful techbro demagogues like Musk.
As a direct, repeat victim of lad culture throughout my teens and twenties, including constant homophobic and transphobic abuse until I was able to escape it, and becoming subject to the all-consuming misogyny of the era after transition, I faced attempts to ply me into alcoholic oblivion at almost every social gathering for years with the express intention of getting me into bed. There was briefly a sweepstakes on who could manage it. When I discovered this and said how disgusted I was, I was told to laugh it off and not be so sensitive. I was 19.
I can assure you that:
A. Insinuations that trans women who spend years pursuing treatment in order to address lifelong dysphoria, do not disclose their medical history and then 'go stealth' in order to escape a life of constant, direct transphobic abuse are actually secretly doing so in order to gain access to vulnerable women are incredibly offensive.
B. Claims that they are somehow immune to sexual assault when they do successfully evade direct first-hand transphobic abuse and succeed at being perceived in a congruent fashion are completely nonsensical. I've hovered on the threshold of that doorway as an awkward and extremely vulnerable teenager and only narrowly escaped. There have been times when I haven't.
C. Claims that their experiences are inauthentic, hyperbolic, appropriative or otherwise invalid by default are offensive and dehumanising, and absolutely horrifying to encounter from fellow feminists on a feminist board.
I am genuinely shocked and really quite disturbed by the recent development of posters comparing me to a horrific serial rapist for choosing to keep sensitive details about medical treatment I received in my childhood private in a social climate where disclosing them would have ruined my life and exposed me to the torment I spent years trying to escape.
It has really shaken me to my core; I cannot even begin to fathom the viciousness and raw seething contempt that would inspire someone to not only make the initial comparison in full knowledge of the impact, but to then accuse me of narcissism when I respond to defend myself.
Well done, Mumsnet FWR. You have really outdone yourself today.