LGB Alliance conference disrupted by TRAs

[Imnobody4]

Do these idiots really think they are clever.

https://x.com/JamesEsses/status/1844755779665948762?t=8n-3lIZxX9BIED6MRh9pGg&s=19

🚨Breaking🚨

Trans activists have just disrupted the annual Conference being held by LGB Alliance by releasing insects in the main hall.

These nasty individuals who seek to disrupt a peaceful conference of lesbian and gay people show themselves up to be the real bigots.

Neglected rich kids, a story as old as time - supplemented by neglected poor kids from the uncaring care system.

Thats a really interesting read.

There was a paragraph in it which caught my eye in terms of wording, given its about (in theory) a completely different subject:

What is Adultification?
Adultification is similar to parentification but remains distinct. In Structural Family Systems theory, adultification is a dynamic where a child is expected or pressured to assume adult-like roles and responsibilities within the family. In this situation, the adultified child becomes more of a friend, confidante, and ally rather than a caregiver. This is a family structure disturbance that will also affect its overall functioning as the equilibrium of power and responsibilities shifts.

Adultified children are often the first-born or only children; sometimes, they're 'groomed' to be precocious or outgoing, which often masks some emotional immaturity.

My bold.

I find the lingustics fascinating. The use of the word ally jumped out at me given the whole narrative of being allies to a cause.

It very much suggests the use of the child for adult needs or because of their beliefs. The influence of parents driving transition for some kids, IS something that comes up in the Cass Review as being a real concern. The whole vegan cat scenario really is appropriate here.

We also know that scripts on how to get referred to the Tavi or get drugs were being shared online too (one of the concerns with Mermaids if memory serves) - which fits with grooming.

That whole article is definitely worth reading (if you haven't) - it definitely fits with the profile of kids who are more likely to go down this route.

I also found this part incredibly striking.

What Are The Symptoms Of Adultification In Adults Who Were Adultified?
Some research has tracked the symptoms in adults,
Increased Mental Health Challenges: Adults who experienced adultification as children often face heightened mental health issues, including stress, anxiety, and depression. This is due to the early and excessive responsibilities they had to shoulder, often in emotionally and financially taxing environments.
Difficulty in Transitioning to Adult Roles: Those subject to adultification may struggle with the transition to traditional adult roles and responsibilities. Having taken on adult-like roles prematurely, they often find themselves unprepared for the complexities and demands of adult life, leading to potential difficulties in employment and personal relationships.
Challenges in Identity Formation: Adultification can disrupt the natural process of identity formation. Adults who were adultified as children might have a skewed perception of their roles and capabilities, which can lead to confusion and conflict in their personal and professional lives.
Increased Risk for Engaging in Risky Behaviors: In some cases, adultified individuals may engage in risky behaviors as a coping mechanism or due to a lack of appropriate guidance during critical developmental stages. This includes substance abuse or involvement in illegal activities.
Strained Family and Social Relationships: Adultification can lead to strained relationships in adulthood. These individuals might find it challenging to establish and maintain healthy relationships, as their early life experiences could have affected their ability to trust, communicate, and relate to others effectively.

And yet there has been a massive put to push the agenda of trans into primary schools and early high school years. The above raises some interesting questions about that (and again the whole thing about social media generally and being exposed to adult concepts way too early, especially if emotionally immature for some reason).

Not bothered to find a link, but I can remember, maybe as much as 20 years ago people raising concerns that too many parents wanted to be their children's friend, not their parent.

So not wanting to then start blaming the parent's parents, but when and how did this happen.

Was this, is this, the ultimate anti authoritarian position? Or just wanting to opt out of the responsibility of being the responisble person in a relationship, with a "duty" to consider you child/ren's development?

This is my personal opinion; each generation develops a parenting style that is in part a reaction to the way they were parented (not wanting to repeat the same mistakes). But unless we consciously think about why we do this, and how we should parent, we risk just reacting and creating an entirely new problem for the next generation.
It did feel like a lot of people didn't want the weight of responsibility, and used anti authoritarianism as a cover. The pretence was what they were doing was in their children's best interest but in reality they were being selfish.

I only have anecdotal evidence for that. When I was parenting I sometimes felt like a crusty old Colonel muttering about hedonism and standards slipping - I lost a lot of friends because I didn't want to get involved with a drug scene or go to raves. The same crowd were sending their kids to a Montessori school or home schooling; I couldn't afford any of it and they couldn't grasp that.

I see a lot of 'I just want my child to be happy' parenting, which seems guaranteed to create children with poor boundaries and low ability to function as adults in the real world. But I'm also seeing a growth in what I think of as firmer 'get a grip' parenting, particularly from parents who have decided not to allow their children access to phones and social media and who are increasingly at odds with the 'be kind' message being taught by state schools.

Many people I know (I move in feminist, moderately alternative circles) are home schooling because they want their children to have structure and discipline and boundaries and want to limit the levels of 'popular' culture and random toxic ideologies they are exposed to. They would all say, I think, that they want to give their children the longest childhoods possible.

Before I had kids, and when they were babies, I was very much 'I just want them to be happy'.

It becomes apparent that that is a woefully inadequate approach.

I think there's a lot of truth in this: It did feel like a lot of people didn't want the weight of responsibility, and used anti authoritarianism as a cover. The pretence was what they were doing was in their children's best interest but in reality they were being selfish.

We found the approach that worked for us was to have as few rules as possible but to really enforce those few, because they were important. A lot of parents I observed when my children were little (they're in their 30s now!) seemed to really struggle with saying no and meaning it. There'd be a few half-hearted 'Oh darling, no, that's really not a good idea ...' type utterances and then they'd laugh and say 'Oh well, what can you do?' and the kid would continue wreaking havoc. I was brought up in a Calvinist tradition and I could feel decades of atheism being pushed to one side by my inner Presbyterian as I looked on.

When I think of the families of my acquaintance, the children that appear to be balanced best in terms of achievement and contentment are to parents who were big animal lovers. Two in particular, one was a vet who had several very well trained dogs, and one was a horse owner who spent a lot of her youth doing horsey competitions. In both cases (separate friend circles) we used to joke that the animals were so well trained they would have no problem with children. Turns out that was true. Neither had any problem saying “no”.

English Quaker friends of mine endured a reign of terror 30-40 years ago from a small child whose parents would boast proudly that he had never heard the word 'no', when they brought him to Meeting. I met him once, and may say that if his parents continued to make that same statement afterwards, they were lying.

Very unkind to a child who was left unable to benefit from warnings if he was doing something dangerous, and who was being set up to be loathed by everyone once he started school.

I also think that some of the permissive parenting comes out of our postmodern culture. No hierarchies, no 'rules', 'stick it to the man', a vague belief that we are all born perfect and life corrupts us, and therefore adults must avoid tainting children with our sinful knowledge of norms and boundaries.

I cringe now thinking of some of the stuff I said to my small children. 'There is no such thing as bad people, only people who do bad things', I said piously, like a fucking twit. I've since had to row back hard on that.

Children are not capable of grasping deep philosophical questions or nuanced arguments. They need to be told clear, basic, simple and straightforward facts and rules. They need honesty, respect, and protection.

Like this:

'A man who has kidnapped, tortured, and attempted to murder other people is a bad man who has done terrible things, and no child should be spending time with him, let alone a vulnerable child. He is unstable, and disturbed. It makes no difference whether he wears lipstick or not.'

Agreed. Even when my kids were little there were people who seemed to feel tiny tots must be involved in all decision-making, leading to endless pointless frustration when said tot did not make a sensible decision, even when offered a choice between two acceptable options, e.g. Parent: Would you like a rice cake or a carrot stick? Tot: Want crisps!

Having animals is a good training for learning a certain sort of loving bossiness, and observing animals, particularly animal parents, is a way to learn that physically chastising, shoving, even sometimes nipping, recalcitrant young is not going to harm them.

NB, I have never (yet) bitten an animal companion, but I have learned the technique of hissing at very wicked cats. I don't do it often because it causes such shock, but since, unlike dogs, they are indifferent to the word 'no' it is good to have a way to get the message across.

the technique of hissing at very wicked cats

You must be very skilled.

My cats just look at me in this disdainful way thinking how inadequate I am to be the person they have to rely on for food!

Having animals is a good training for learning a certain sort of loving bossiness, and observing animals, particularly animal parents, is a way to learn that physically chastising, shoving, even sometimes nipping, recalcitrant young is not going to harm them.

I'm pretty good at training dogs and animals do seem to respect me. But my loving bossiness has shrivelled when it comes to other peoples' children. In my teens I was the go-to village babysitter, because the children all liked my firm but fair and funny style. We had fun but even at 16 I was in charge and they knew it.

Into my 30s I was confident around children and I think was well-liked and regarded as a good companion by my niece, nephew and children of friends. And then playing with and looking after children began to get complicated. Friends whose son I looked after for a weekend were very grateful but afterwards issued me with a list of ways in which I'd failed to live up to expectations. That included saying no to their son on several occasions: they never used the word, and singing silly songs. (I seem to remember I'd sung a couple of songs from the Jungle Book film and he'd picked up some of the words...) I didn't look after him again. My confidence that I was good with children began to wither. Friends had a very demanding primary school age child (later diagnosed as ASD) and took up my offer to play with him for the occasional hour or two to give them a break, but later took me aside and commented that I had been observed kicking off play by saying 'We could do this' and leading the Duplo design project while they wanted him to lead and me to do what he told me to do. There was other similar feedback. I now avoid interaction with children where I can. Parents seem impossible to please.

I now avoid interaction with children where I can. Parents seem impossible to please.

That's so sad.

Never tried biting them.

Nor me. Yet. But hissing is good, Rosy is a heedless rip but terrified of a loud fierce hiss.

Sad about the children - it reminds me of years ago when I had to give museum tours, and soon learned that children from expensive schools were often rude, scornful, uninterested, whereas children from areas that were often viewed not just as poor but as rough, were delighted with the novelty of adults making a special effort for them, and respectful of anyone doing a job of work, not matter what.

Poor over-privileged, neglected, mannerless egotists.

Not really relevant to the thread but I recently gained two new cats from a DV situation (their previous human wouldn’t leave her abusive partner if it meant leaving the cats behind but she couldn’t take them to her place of refuge).

Just needed to blurt that out somewhere as I absolutely adore them both already (but wish they hadn’t had to come to me at all).

As this has become a bit of a wider discussion, was just wondering (in a light hearted way) is this why so many teachers are now saying the first thing they have to do with new pupils is teach them how to use the toilet, and brush their teeth.

Because parents would find it too "authoritarian" to insist that a child not only learns to do this - but does it?!

@IwantToRetire i agree with you, but would add “some” to what you say. My daughter and partner read far and wide on parenting. In a committed and sincere way.

I felt that some of the stuff they read was well grounded on development, other stuff was tosh.

Add into that both working long hours to keep to current expectations of living standards, some issues like potty training were not as easy to be consistent with.

Managing tantrums and getting in and out the house from what i witnessed was exhausting for them.

i kept my mouth almost shut but did the odd breezily, intervention, shove GC in coat, and other such minor infractions of parents rights.

they then complained that he would usually be compliant with my mild requests and the penny dropped with them.

After many chats they came round to the fact that parents are only ever good enough, and that was all i ever was.

Today parents are under so much pressure and some loose sight of the most important function of a parent which is to support a child to become a resilient functioning adult who can cope with and contribute to the society they live in.

I don't think the hapless overthinkers are the ones who fail to teach their children to brush their teeth and learn to use the loo. Those are probably the parents whose lives are in utter chaos and who have no family to step in and help bring the children up.

You are a thoroughly decent woman and a proper star. Thank you.

ofc normally on MN there is cat tax to pay (a photo) but as we are a bit lookie over our shoulderie here on FWR I shall content myself with a few reels of funny cats on FB.

We had a dog that we were a little too soft with, then after a year, I unexpectedly became pregnant.

We found the poor dog needed more exercise than we could give him after we'd had the baby, so after a lot of soul searching knew had to put one up for adoption. We chose to keep the baby (good choice, he's been delightful and hasn't needed much exercise).

Our experience of the effects of laxness with the dog meant we had better boundaries with our son than we would have had, I'm sure.

The dog went to someone with more experience of quite a difficult breed, with a lot of land, so he'd be happier too.

Sorry somehow missed your post from yesterday but snap!

The two cats I have were meant to be fostered by me because of DV in their home. Which unfortunately was never really dealt with until the man found someone younger to dominate.

Anyhow, to cut a long story short I still have them. So to begin with I tried not to get too attached.

Now of course they are in charge, and constantly remind me how lucky I am to have them.

They are by the way, despite the upsetting environment in their original home, really good natured, properly house trained, and when they chose good for cuddles.

I have fostered other cats, who have been very challenging. I suspect from ill treatment.

Pluvia · Yesterday 18:33

later took me aside and commented that I had been observed kicking off play by saying 'We could do this' and leading the Duplo design project while they wanted him to lead and me to do what he told me to do. There was other similar feedback. I now avoid interaction with children where I can. Parents seem impossible to please.

The ungrateful shits! They sound like characters from a Viz sketch.